I'm being stalked by Jehovah's witnesses!!

[DaveinJapan]

So, as you can tell from my screenname, I live in Japan. I'd guess after 8 years of living here that I'm probably the only American in the neighborhood, and there are very few English speakers here in any case.

So several weeks back 2 ladies came to my door and tried to prostelize me (in English, no less). I politely told then that I was a Mormon and asked them if they'd like to come inside and read the Book of Mormon with me (no I'm NOT a Mormon, I use the same technique in reverse when Mormons come to my house which has only happened a couple of times). They said "no thanks" and scurried away politely.

About a week later, fairly late at night (9pm or so), the doorbell rings again and there are FOUR of them (one an extremely fluent English speaker, I might add). Figuring my ruse wasn't enough (since I didn't actually have a Book of Mormon to present anyway), I said firmly but politely "I'm not interested at all. Please don't come back here.".

So today, in my mailbox (in English, of course), I get this pamphlet entitled "How can you survive the End of the World?".

Ugh.

Oh well, at least they gave up on knocking. :P

[BlooInBloo]

1. That's ok. I'm being witnessed by Jehovah's stalkers.

[Arkana]

6. Ugh. You'd think Jehovah would have filed a restraining order by now.

[ezgoingrl]

43. Ooooohhhh you'd better be careful blasphemer!

[Xicano]

57. Self delete

On Edit I didn't notice that there was the sad use of the "N" word in that short youtube video of Jehovah's witnesses. Its inaudible, but a caption was added to show that one of the Jehovah's witnesses used it.

I have to remove the video link because no matter the reason, there's never a reason to post any material that contains that kind of language.

[KakistocracyHater]

60. I once answered the door because I was expecting a package I had ordered

& instead some guy was there & he asked me if I go to church? It just happened so fast I barely even......I said "Hell no!" & shut the door......leaving my Mom chuckling in the corner. She asked me did I realize what I had said? & I was so preoccupied I really hadn't....Anyway, after I shut the door in disappointment he did not knock again.

[YOY]

2. Might also want to practice their English.

One thing I could never figure out about the Jehova's Witnesses. How many are supposed to go to heaven? I think they have a specific number.

And how many JHs are there in existance?

[DaveinJapan]

5. I wondered about that heaven thing myself...

Apparently only a handful get to go.

I actually asked one of them long ago "if it's all pre-selected, and either you're automatically "in" or you're not, why bother with all the suffering and sacrifice at all?". Her answer was something like "if you're one of the chosen, you'll behave piously anyway", or some such nonsense.

[imdjh]

13. OK, I asked the Jehovah's Witness about this.

He explained to me, while standing on my porch, that the Bible doesn't promise that we will go to heaven, it promises us heaven on Earth. He went on to say that heaven is for angels, that humans need air to breath and food to eat and that in this promised paradise life on earth (for the saved) was going to be fabulous (my word not his). I thanked him for his time and told him it was time for him to leave.

This fits with my understanding of the reason Jehovah's Witnesses have rules about blood transfusions and burials. They believe in the physical resurrection, and they are not alone in this. I just hadn't met anyone who believes in that in a long time.

[Schema Thing]

16. 144k. About 7 million members worldwide.

[YOY]

23. Well then...I'd say a strong percentage are going to be disappointed if they are right.

Of course...that kind of God must be one of those ultimate asshole deities.

[Schema Thing]

37. I don't follow you; disappointed in what?

but yes, their version of God is as much old testament as it is new testament. Actually, probably more old testament.

[YOY]

38. If only a certain number of them get in and they have well over that number.

Quite a few will be not "let in" to their little version of the nice afterlife.

[Schema Thing]

41. Their "version of the nice afterlife"

...is that everyone found worthy (all Jehovah's Witnesses who survive armageddon) get to live forever on a paradise earth. As a JW, you have no hope of going to heaven (with the exception of those few who "get the spirit", as it were, and think themselves part of the 144k).


Oddly, witnesses also think that "worldly" people who die BEFORE armageddon will also be resurrected to live in paradise. So the trick folks, is to either convert, or time your death well ;)

Yeah I know, the math on that one becomes more untenable every day. Maybe that's why they so strongly discourage higher education.

[Generic Other]

54. Oddly enough the number 144 is the same as the number of warriors allowed in Valhalla

The elect thing is taken by protestants directly from Norse mythology.

[AzNick]

3. Who hasn't got this pamphlets once or twice?

They prey on the easily scared and on the dumb, which are usually the same.

[DaveinJapan]

7. Oh, I know.

Just the fact that I'm being targeted IN ENGLISH is pretty creepy.

Obviously they've got my address written down special somewhere.

[MicaelS]

4. Tell 'em you're a born-again Pagan

That'll confuse them.

[YOY]

9. Actually answering the door in your skivies with a hard-on would work.

Skimy lingerie works for the ladies.

[drm604]

15. LOL, I stopped it with something similar to that.

JWs used to come by pretty regularly on weekends. I'd politely apologize, say that I was busy and close the door. One Saturday I had slept in and after I woke up was feeling lazy so I was still in my underwear and a robe.

After I had been up for a while the bell rang and I went to the door to find one of the usual ladies. The robe was closed and I was perfectly decent, no "skivies" showing, but I looked at her and said simply "you woke me up", and closed the door. I haven't seen them since. I assume they now think that I work nights and they don't want to get me out of bed.

[madamesilverspurs]

51. Used to sleep during the day

and worked nights. I had a sign on the door that said, "Day Sleeper - Please Do Not Disturb". So when the doorbell went off repeatedly I figured the building was on fire or something. Nope. It was JWs, and when I pointed to the sign they said they didn't think it applied to them.

[MrMickeysMom]

12. Worse yet - tell them you're Catholic!

That'll fix em.

Seriously, my uncle many years ago married into JW, thus many years later, I barely keep in touch with my cousins, who never could never be allowed to play with us anyway. It never did any good to send them birthday or Christmas cards, but the sad part is, now that my uncle's gone and these folks are middle aged, we're just distant... They have been waiting for the end times, and I have no interest in Catholicism.

[MADem]

25. And then, a Jew. And then, a shi'a muslim--come to the door beating yourself with a chain!

And then, a Wiccan....

This guy could have fun with those putzes, and put on a "Religions of the World" show in the process!

[a la izquierda]

45. Worked for me with the Mormons.

Also keeps the fundamentalist Baptists, Pentecostals, etc., here in Oklahoma at bay. My husband says he's agnostic...since he can make himself fairly menacing-looking, it usually works.

[csziggy]

18. Or a Neo-Coptic Druid - that is what a friend uses for his all purpose religion

on forms and surveys. (I didn't have a druid smilie)

[Mrs. Overall]

8. Try talking to them--I mean really talking to them. Study up on their religion and ask a ton

of questions and then just talk about shit, like your garden or your house.

A man and woman (Jared and Stephanie) came to my house three times and each time I asked them pointed questions about some of the oddities of their religion and then I just talked about irrelevent stuff. Now, they totally walk by my house without stopping.

[Schema Thing]

19. I like this. I was a Jehovah's Witness, and wish more people had grilled me.

[panader0]

10. Give them a naked zen koan

They'll leave you alone.

[AzNick]

56. I am a buddhist and that totally enrages them

to the point that one pastor tried to save my soul, and we talked bible, only for him to realize I knew it pretty darn well and probably more than most if not all of his congregation.

That's what Catholic bible school does to you (I also enraged the lady back then when I told her it was all a lie -I was about 7 years old and started asking my mother about reincarnation, but that is a totally different story).

[Canuckistanian]

11. I'm pissing myself laughing here...

Telling the JW's you're a Mormon and the Mormons you're a JW?

Fucking brilliant!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Historic NY]

35. I'm going to try that just got to remember to look for the "watchtower" pamphlet..

I get them regularly. They will stay on the porch for 15 minutes wating if they here the shower.

[Blue For You]

14. "How can you survive the End of the World?"

I would tell them I was Jehovah, and when this world ends, I will create another!

[timeforpeace]

17. They want you to point out the logical inconsistency of the title so they can witness you. Yuck.

[izquierdista]

20. They said "Jehovah"?!

Shouldn't they be stoned to death?

[Wraith20878]

22. haha

That was a great scene from a great movie

[Wraith20878]

21. Tell them your a reformed Druid

and that you are allowed to pray to bushes.

[LooseWilly]

24. Tell them "Ohh yeah, do you have a Bible for me?...

... I've already colored in all the pages of my last copy."

When they look at you strangely, just put on a straight face and say "The Bible is a coloring book, right?..."

It worked wonders when I had my 2 year old niece using a Bible as a coloring book when the JWs showed up at the door...

[Warpy]

26. Hire a night nurse to sleep on your couch

while you're at work. Night nurses are RABID when some Jesus seller wakes them up during the day. I guarantee you that you will be religious pest free within a couple of weeks.

They cross the street when they get to my house.

[DaveinJapan]

28. Wouldn't it be cheaper to hire a doorman?

:pals:

[noamnety]

27. Ugh, they found me in a remote village in germany.

This pamphlet entitled "How can you survive the End of the World?" - I would mark in with sharpie "By eating jehovah witnesses" and tack it to your front door.

[DaveinJapan]

29. Possibly. :D

[pnwmom]

30. Maybe the Mormons you previously talked to passed on the word to the JW

that you were a JW.

So they came looking for you.

:shrug:

[flvegan]

31. I have a fence, pit bulls and copies of "Why Vegan?" near the door.

They leave me alone. Nothing against them, but we're back to...leave me alone.

[Iggo]

32. Call the cops.

Sounds like a threat to me.

[donheld]

33. Have you answered the door naked?

[Arkana]

47. I wanted to answer it with a pentacle painted on my forehead and

speaking in tongues, but I chickened out.

[apocalypsehow]

34. Happened to me once. I told them I was Anton LaVey's love child, and that was the last I saw of that

It's a thought.

[Schema Thing]

39. I'd be amazed if they knew who Anton LaVey was.

[bkkyosemite]

36. Tell them to put you on their Call Back card to NOT Call Back! If they still presist call the

Kingdom Hall and ask that an Elder call you back and then tell him to put you on that card for your area and be frank.

[Iggo]

40. Oh my...what a sensible reply!

Use their own chain of command and just go over their little heads.

I'm doing this from now on. You've changed my life. Thank you!!!!!!:thumbsup:

[Kablooie]

42. I was captured by mad Christians in Japan too...

I lived in Tokyo. In Kinokunia, the English bookstore, a girl came up to me and asked if I'd like to meet her friends. They wanted to meet an American. I said sure and we rode the train out to Asagaya.

We entered a building where I had to sit down across a table from an old lady. The girl disappeared. The lady asked me if I believed in Jesus Christ. I tried to leave but she kept insisting I answer. Someone else came running up with a white robe and wanted me to put it on. They opened a rear door where there was a swimming pool and told me I had to put on the robe and jump in the pool before I could leave. I turned to leave and they both grabbed me physically and tried to drag me in. I had to struggle but finally escaped.

Crazier than they are here in the U.S.

Of course, everything about Japan is crazier than here in the U.S.
(I say that with affection. My wife is Japanese.)

[Cali_Democrat]

62. LOL!!!! Sounds like you had a pretty interesting adventure.

:o

[RebelOne]

44. Tell them you are a satanist and sacrifice puppies and kittens.

I'm going to use that one next time the bible-thumpers from the neighborhood Baptist church come a-knocking. Telling them I am an atheist doesn't seem to work.

[Stevenmarc]

46. "How can you survive the End of the World?" Who knew religion can turn you into a cockroach

[Echo In Light]

48. Yes. Per the religious definition of apocalypse, no one survives.

[demoleft]

49. if it's ladies invite them out for a drink and dancing...

...they will gasp and walk away.
i do here in italy when they insist, and it works.

though the italian ones are often smart attractive women and thy might even say yes.
haha :P

[Maiden England]

50. I told 'em I was Jewish and being 'chosen' was too good a deal to pass up on.

:evilgrin:

apparently that resonated because they never came back, and their Kingdom Hall is 2 blocks from my house.


My husband, although before we were married, and living in a different place once opened the door naked. The JW really don't know how lucky they were only I was home.

[leftyladyfrommo]

52. I always tell them I'm Jewish.

I'm not but it works.

I've also Evangelicals that I am Mormon and that works, too. I did live in SLC for several years.

I don't feel a bit bad about lying.

[rd_kent]

53. Yet ANOTHER example of religion not respecting someone else.

There is a thread in the R&T forum about why don't non-believers respect believers. This is why. A "no-thank you" just isn't enough. Why? Why cant they take no for an answer? If I harassed people about their religion at their house like this, I would be jailed. WTF?

No more mister nice guy from me. They all get told to fuck-off or be arrested for trespassing when they come to my house.

[Hepburn]

55. I asked my bestest gal pal who used to be really, really into being a JW...

...what to do to get rid of them. She used to "pioneer" which is the going door-to-door business that you are getting. She is no longer a JW and she told me the following:

1. Do not ever tell a JW that you are of ANY Christian type religion. That means to them that you have some kind of belief in God and that sends a signal to them that there is an open door to discussion at your home.

2. If they call at your home again ~~ ask to be put on their "no call" list. My pal told me that when they went out pioneering, that they recieved a list in regard to the area where they were assigned and indicated on the list were instructions in regard to places where they were not to pioneer.

Hope this helps...:hi:

[southernyankeebelle]

58. Sweetie I can tell you I live in Tn a bible belt and when the summer

comes the numb nuts come out in force. As soon as they come I do what my 89 yr old mother-in-law did to this neighbor that was very religious and wanted to marry her. He came over and she promtly asked him if he wanted a beer. Than she sat down and open one for herself. She very seldom drinks but the finally did the trick. You really have to watch out of the Jehovah witnesses. They do not take no for an answer. They got a hold of my sister and tried that with her. We finally were able to get her out of the group. Now when they come over and try getting you in their net and stop them right off the bat and tell them am a strong catholic and would never ever think up of giving up my religion. If they keep trying I finally get rude and tell them to go away and never come back again. I don't believe in your cult. That usually does it. I hate to be nasty but at times you have to be or they will keep coming back.

[burning rain]

59. What you do is hit on them crudely, especially those of the same sex.

~

[Sebastian Doyle]

61. Wish them a happy birthday and then tell them to go to Hell

Since they don't believe in either, that should confuse them for a while. :rofl:

[missingthebigdog]

63. I'm putting on an asbestos suit here and defending the "pests"

I used to be extremely annoyed and somewhat unnerved when Jehovah's Witnesses, or Mormons, or any other people with religion to sell came to my door. I had an experience in Louisiana that softened my stance.

Two Jehovah's witnesses came to our home several times when we first moved in, and I always politely told them I didn't have time for company. They always left, leaving me a Watchtower. I thought they would eventually give up, but they were persistent. They came by one day while I was playing with my daughter in the yard, and I allowed them to sit at the picnic table while I pushed her on the swing.

I have three children with autism. My youngest daughter is severely autistic. She is non-verbal, and self-injurious. She very often has bruises on her face, and behaves very oddly. I allowed the ladies to watch us long enough to realize things weren't quite right with her, then explained that she had autism, that much of my time was taken caring for her and her siblings, and that church of any kind wasn't really an option because she couldn't go and I had no one to leave her with. They seemed a little shaken, and left hurriedly.

I came home one day the next week to find a back issue of the Watchtower taped to my door, along with a note. The note said that the issue had an article about children with autism, and that the article advised that the best thing for them to do was to offer to help in any way they could. They offered to come and sit with her, to do my grocery shopping, cleaning, whatever would help.

I did not take them up on this offer, but I was deeply touched by it. They had gone back to their church, reseached the issue, read about it, and offered help. In truth, people see how we struggle with this child all the time, and most of them just walk away. We rarely even get a kind word, or a polite wave, let alone an offer of help.

I do not share the beliefs of the Jehovah's Witnesses, but I have found them to be sincere in those beliefs, and I cannot fault them for that. If they bother you, just tell them you do not share their beliefs, and do not wish to discuss your faith with them. Most of them will not waste their time annoying you.