EVERYONE needs to check out THE ONION today.

[WriteDown]

http://www.theonion.com/content/index

[Deja Q]

1. So some dork injured his knuckle while masturbating a pony.

Cool.

:popcorn:

[WriteDown]

2. No, you seriously need to check it out.

:)

[Deja Q]

9. I did! It mentioned some guy who hurt his knuckle...

And a lot of other things...

:D

[gristy]

13. Why?

I'm looking at it. What caught your attention?

[WriteDown]

20. Looking to make some money?

[DrDan]

3. anything in particular? or just in general?

[WriteDown]

4. The whole site has changed. nt

[baldguy]

5. "America's Finest News Source & Salvage Fishery"

:rofl:

[nadinbrzezinski]

6. WOW, all I can say

[Buzz Clik]

7. Concerning American kids:

"American Children Like Me Are Lazy And Insolent And Must Try Harder"

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/american_children_like_me_are?utm_source=a-section

[bananas]

8. The Onion sold out!

http://www.theonion.com/content/columnists/well_ive_sold_the_paper_to

[billyoc]

10. OMFG, that is AWESOME!

:rofl:

[HughBeaumont]

11. American Children Like Me Are Lazy And Insolent And Must Try Harder

Hard work and obedience, in fact, are commonplace at many major businesses around the world—businesses in which I would be lucky to one day be employed should I ever overcome my laziness and grow into a smart, good man. One such business I know of is Zhu-Lei Corrugated Siding and Plastics, a division of the Yu Wan Mei Group, where a team of skilled engineers work tirelessly to create high-quality, affordable products and services such as:

# Stainless steel roofing materials suitable for a place of business or residence unit

# Outstanding visual appeal on 7.2 Thermalwall panels

# 3/32" x 1/2" x 40' roll of butyl tape included at no extra charge

# Guaranteed full satisfaction

# One free fish voucher with every corrugated siding purchase over $1,110. Good for any 50-pound purchase of fish by-products for use in Yu Wan Mei Fish Time. "Yu Wan Mei Fish Time is the only Fish Time made for everyone, and so delicious!"

So now you see how my behavior is a problem and needs to be corrected. This is what I wanted to inform you of in this column. Hopefully, some day soon, in the next 10 to 15 years, the nation I live in will be subsumed under a larger, more powerful nation, and the problem of sloth among American youths will be solved ruthlessly and forever.

:rofl: :rofl: I can't tell if this is a Chinese goverment official or a rightist Libertarian writing this!

[steelmania75]

12. Did anyone check out the sports page articles?

[arcadian]

14. Potato-Faced Youngster Lauded For Memorizing Primitive 26-Character Alphabet

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/potato_faced_youngster_lauded_for



PHOENIX—Christopher Pierson, a glassy-eyed, slothful lump of a child who still watches cartoons despite being tall enough to reach a polymer-injection molding station, was endlessly praised Monday for recalling the scant 26 letters in the American alphabet.

Pierson reportedly rattled off the short series of guttural vowels and lumbering, artless consonants after 10 minutes of prompting, a feat that—judging from his overly indulgent teacher's reaction—must rival the great triumph of launching a satellite into orbit. Though witnesses said the unremarkable 4-year-old may also have slurred the letters "L" through "O" into one continuous stream of nonsense, he somehow avoided immediate expulsion and reassignment to a rural millet farm.

"Good job, Christopher!" said teacher Heather Warner, lauding the child for his meager and wholly meritless accomplishment. "You can go play with your blocks now."

Warner then gave the boy a star-shaped sticker, explaining that he had learned the unsophisticated system of characters containing no ideogrammic compounds or transformed cognates more quickly than she'd expected.
Although no carbon monoxide leaks were reported in the school building, Pierson was later witnessed to lie down on the floor of his classroom, where he, along with 23 other woefully inadequate children, fell temporarily asleep.鱼

[WriteDown]

17. ...despite being tall enough to reach a polymer-injection molding station

:rofl:

[BlooInBloo]

15. And the Onion takes back the lead from republicans!!! Awaiting repub's next move!

:rofl:

[rug]

16. Great column by HeyHey.

[arcadian]

18. BWAahahaha! There is a website for the Chinese industrial concern that bought them out!

http://www.yuwanmei.com/home_ch

[WriteDown]

19. Broiled Shark Gums for sale

Broiled Shark Gums: Chewy and salty, Yu Wan Mei offers for a limited time the gums of the majestic mako shark. Good for main course, or for appetizers, or for grinding into a powder that makes the genitals like pillars of granite.