Well, say goodbye to "The Onion" as we know it...

[Bicoastal]

The newspaper has been sold to China. No joke!

Check out their site if you don't believe me.

"U.S. Falls Short Of Success." Hmm, that's worrisome.

[Drunken Irishman]

1. lol

[FreakinDJ]

2. LMAO

Know Any Good State Secrets?
Dave Sampson

[FreakinDJ]

3. LMAO - it just gets better

Nothing At All Happens To 28 Tibetan Protesters, Their Families
07.20.09

YANTAI, CHINA—In a non-news event, which did not occur and therefore warrants no coverage, nothing happened to 28 Tibetan protesters and their screaming families this past Monday.

[sinkingfeeling]

4. It's a hoax according to Huffington Post's Alex Leo.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/07/20/the-onion-sold-to-the-chi_n_241099.html

Of course this is all fake, yet another elaborate prank pulled by the folks responsible for our daily does of satire.

[Bicoastal]

5. *Snort*--did anyone ACTUALLY think this was real?

It's the friggin' Onion, fer crying out loud!

[groovedaddy]

6. How do you know when a hoaxter isn't really pulling a hoax? n.t

[Occam Bandage]

19. Is not a hoax. Global leader in fish technologies truly has purchased shameful "comedy" paper,

and has turned it into glorious and trustworthy news source.

[EOTE]

7. ROFLMAO.

[Canuckistanian]

24. LOL

[truedelphi]

35. Bwh-ha-ha-ha!

That ws good.

[SemiCharmedQuark]

8. "America's Finest News Source and Salvage Fishery"

[Deja Q]

9. K&R number four, all you need is just one more!

:sarcasm:

[blogslut]

10. I welcome our Fish Salvage Overlords

:)

[Ilsa]

"Pristine Shipment Of Fish Product Contaminated By Filthy U.S. Inspectors"

[Touchdown]

11. American children like me are lazy.

:rofl:

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/american_children_like_me_are?utm_source=a-section

[HCE SuiGeneris]

12. The Onion is great newspaper! Many truths always!

[timeforpeace]

13. Had me going there for a minute.

[proteus_lives]

14. ROFL!!!!!

:rofl: :rofl:

Brilliant!

"China Strong"

[tblue37]

15. K&R

Funny!

[bluesmail]

I'd say I didn't believe you, ut then it IS China, the country

that is paramount in it's ownership of us. U.S.

[tblue37]

16. Potato-Faced Youngster Lauded For Memorizing Primitive 26-Character Alphabet

http://www.theonion.com/content/index

PHOENIX—Christopher Pierson, a glassy-eyed, slothful lump of a child who still watches cartoons despite being tall enough to reach a polymer-injection molding station, was endlessly praised Monday for recalling the scant 26 letters in the American alphabet.

Pierson reportedly rattled off the short series of guttural vowels and lumbering, artless consonants after 10 minutes of prompting, a feat that—judging from his overly indulgent teacher's reaction—must rival the great triumph of launching a satellite into orbit. Though witnesses said the unremarkable 4-year-old may also have slurred the letters "L" through "O" into one continuous stream of nonsense, he somehow avoided immediate expulsion and reassignment to a rural millet farm.

"Good job, Christopher!" said teacher Heather Warner, lauding the child for his meager and wholly meritless accomplishment. "You can go play with your blocks now."

Warner then gave the boy a star-shaped sticker, explaining that he had learned the unsophisticated system of characters containing no ideogrammic compounds or transformed cognates more quickly than she'd expected. 鱼

<SNIP>

[stevedeshazer]

26. That's my fave!

:rofl:

[Occam Bandage]

17. Yu Wan Mei fish time is best fish time for every times,

so I am very happy for these auspicious sponsorship agreement clauses.

[Touchdown]

18. Check out the store (of chinese made products)

Che wearing a Che T-Shirt... Owls are assholes shirts... Good Day to go sailing, if you're a dick... Jesus is my health insurance.:rofl:

[DainBramaged]

33. I read the Onion at work and the people around me don't understand

but since the white collars are Rethugs, I understand.

[Occam Bandage]

20. Yu Wan Mei has informative and educational corporate website,

for explain to uncultured Americans exciting and pleasurable Yu Wan Mei delicious fragrant products, as well as respectable history of benevolent and sanitary Yu Wan Mei company.

http://www.yuwanmei.com/

[Canuckistanian]

25. I am enjoying Miscellaneous Flavor Paste

Yu Wan Mei Miscellaneous Flavor Paste
Any meal or food can be a better meal with the magic touch of the Miscellaneous Flavor Paste spread on it! It is strongly recommended that you buy two, because of the compelling power of this product.

[TahitiNut]

30. Their video includes a very special insider joke ... just for me.

They show one of the AMD (Advanced Micro Devices) buildings at the beginning ... implying it's their corporate headquarters. :rofl: As a former employee of AMD, I'm only too aware of what's "fishy."

:rofl:

[pinto]

21. rofl

:rofl:

[Tuvok Obama]

22. "Nothing At All Happens To 28 Tibetan Protesters, Their Families"

YANTAI, CHINA—In a non-news event, which did not occur and therefore warrants no coverage, nothing at all happened to 28 Tibetan protesters and their screaming families this Monday.

According to the great and trustworthy Chinese government, the eternal silencing of demonstrators was in no way carried out at 6:15 p.m., shortly after dusk, by officers of the People's Armed Police. Moreover, at this time, noxious gases were not at all fired into the teeming crowd, especially not at the children, who failed to fall like sacks of flour onto the pavement below.

more...

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/nothing_at_all_happens_to_28?utm_source=a-section

[Gregorian]

23. You bunch of LACISTS!

Evelybody know FISH TIME all the time!

[FlyingSquirrel]

27. Internal Weakness Openly Shared With Coworkers

TUSKEGEE, AL—Though the information would in no way serve to improve his standing with his superiors, and, in all likelihood, would reveal him to be a weak, crumbling brick compromising the integrity of the wall that is society, Edge≠Tech associate supervisor Louis Greely, 34, openly shared a personal shortcoming with his coworkers Tuesday. "I'm tired," Greely said within earshot of six fellow employees, all of whom now surely view him as a substandard contributor to the productivity of his workplace and nation. "I really hope we get out of here by {the bare minimum work-cessation hour of} five today." Greely was reportedly anxious to leave work because he wished to compound his humiliating folly by weeping openly at his dying mother's hospital bedside. 鱼

[rug]

28. "Chinese Taipei Pitcher Chien-Ming Wang: Should He Be Killed?"

:rofl:

[kath]

29. Hilarious!

This one was posted here earlier today:
Weakling President Asks Imaginary Man In Sky To Bless Nation
WASHINGTON—In a display of weakness unbecoming a head of state, President Barack Obama concluded remarks to his nation Tuesday by asking a pretend man who lives in the clouds to watch over and guide the United States.

"Thank you, and may God bless America," said the clearly insecure president, who, by seeking the aid of an imaginary being who is neither his ancestor nor someone with whom he shares a tangible harmonious relationship, freely admitted that he has little faith in himself and his inept team of jester advisers.

Even more incomprehensible, sources said, is that hundreds of millions of Americans openly worship the all-knowing invisible man—who apparently observes the world's events from atop his perch in outer space—without fear of mockery, shame, or violent government reprisal.

According to sources, citizens of the U.S. depend on the fanciful grandfather of magic to take care of everything for them, from aiding their tiny overseas army, to curing their illnesses, to helping their sports teams achieve victory, to providing little Jimmy McDonalds with his silly toys.

Mindless spirituality reportedly inhibits progress and remains a bulwark against government rule. 鱼
http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/weakling_president_asks?utm_source=a-section

[troubledamerican]

31. "The Onion" is the last good thing left in America.

America never gave a fuck about itself.

At least "The Onion" keeps high standards, while Hollywood is burning money doing remakes & the auto industry was plundered, the citizens voted for American Idol more than a real election, the Democrats turned to Harry Reid for leadership & Congress sold nuclear secrets to Ergenekon while gagging Sibel Edmonds.

[DainBramaged]

32. So is it now the Fisheye Onion?

[On the Road]

34. Those Are Real Chinese Characters on Top

It has to be real. They mean something like "fish dollar beautiful."

[Occam Bandage]

37. Yes. Those are the characters for, "Yu Wan Mei," the fake company at the center of the parody.

The first does mean fish and the third beautiful, but the second means "complete," or "finished," with "wan mei" implying something akin to "established as completely beautiful"

[On the Road]

38. Ah, That's It -- Thank You

[joeybee12]

36. It's hee-larious! America's clear skies confirm industrial inferiority! n/t