What would be Cheney’s toll-free number for his super-secret executive assassination ring?

[KansDem]

Let’s say you’ve been recently installed by the military as dictator of a small country friendly to US corporations. You are eager to take advantage of your position: robbing the country’s treasury, enslaving your people with hunger and substandard work conditions, and taking luxurious vacations to European resorts. But, alas! There’s evidence that a revolution is forming! Got to get the ringleaders! What do you do? You want to maintain a low-profile so an out-and-out military assault on suspected rebel strongholds is out of the question: could be embarrassing and might bring global condemnation. Well, you could call Cheney’s Super-Secret Global Assassination Service and request assistance. But what toll-free number does Cheney have? Some suggestions:

1-800-IDICKEM
1-800-IKILL4U
1-800-RATFUKM
1-800-1EVLSOB
1-800-IGETOIL
1-800-IKILLEM
1-800-ALL4OIL
1-800-GETMNOW
1-800-DEATH4U
1-800-CORPNOW
1-800-GO2HELL
1-800-CRUSHEM
1-800-NODEM4U

Any others?

[eShirl]

1. I can only think of the obvious

1-800-EAT-DICK

[KansDem]

2. But that has eight digits/characters...

It'll have to be shortened to seven to be functional, unless the final "k" is for appearances only...

[louis-t]

3. 800-gfk-yslf

That was tough getting it down to 7 characters.

[HOLOS]

4. 800-invisibility cloak