'Some of my best friends are racists'

[denem]

Something of a follow up to the 'Some of my best friends are Republicans' poll. It's not a poll about family. There is no LOL option this time. Edited.

[Buzz Clik]

1. Racism is a hot button issue for me. If a friend is harboring racism and is discovered...

... their friendship becomes devalued.

[DeschutesRiver]

30. Good point about "harboring racism"

It is easy to cull people if they are out front about their racism. What has surprised me is how many people are not just a bit, but a whole lot racist and no situation had come up previously in our relationship where this had been discoverable, prior to us electing our first black president. Now, some people I know are saying things that I find horrific, and I'd have never guessed they felt that way.

Racism is such a hot button item for me that it goes beyond who I could consider a friend - I have, over the last year, culled many business relationships and avoided encounters with some acquaintances because of their now overt racism. On the one hand, this is pretty discouraging and in some cases it was shocking; on the other hand, I'd rather have it out in the open so that I know what I am dealing with. Then I can choose to cull or educate or debate as appropriate.

There was a lot of this racism hidden from view, and now erupting from its festering under the surface, more than even I would have guessed. But you can't heal a wound until you clean it out throughly.

[Buzz Clik]

31. Excellent post.

But you can't heal a wound until you clean it out throughly.

Indeed, and along those lines, like what you said about getting the racism out in the open -- a little sunshine will getting the healing started.

[Greyhound]

2. Racism precludes friendship here. n/t

[seabeyond]

3. a couple brothers. but they come with the package. best friends or friends? nah,

i dont have to keep them

[MADem]

4. I know some old people who are fearful of anyone new or different, but

they aren't haters. If they're exposed to people from different cultures or ethnicities, they "settle in."

They simply come from a place and a time where there wasn't as much "mixing it up." It's a new thing for them. Their grandkids are helping them get over the bridge, a lot of them.

[JitterbugPerfume]

5. I have been shocked since Obama's election.

and the incident with Gates just how prejudiced some people are.I thought we were getting past that.

[maglatinavi]

27. gates

There is a lot of hypocrisy in white folks that pretend and or believe that they are not racists... but they are ... Gates brings this truth to the surface ... how sad!!!

[boobooday]

6. not friends

racists aren't my kind of people.

[Glorfindel]

7. Not friends - co-workers, customers, acquaintances....

but not friends.

[ProgressiveProfessor]

8. I see more overt racism in non-whites than whites, and that is really scary for the future

[alsame]

9. No racist friends, but unfortunately several racist family members nt.

[iamjoy]

10. Obama's Racism Speech Nailed It

His speech on race relations following the Reverend Wright story was spot on. When he spoke of his grandmother, the woman who sacrificed so much for him and loved him like crazy but crossed the street because she was afraid of a black man - wow.

I think that explains a lot of us. We don't believe blacks are less intelligent, lazier or more likely to turn to crimes. Logically we know that isn't so. Yet emotionally or subconsciously we fall into these traps. Perhaps prejudice is a more accurate description for negative gut reactions that go against one's own common sense.

To me, the racist label should really be saved for some one who truly believes some one's skin color or ethnic background means they are inferior or less worthy of equal rights. Otherwise, most of us have racist thoughts, emotions or make statements.

[pipi_k]

11. At the time I'm posting this reply...

there are more votes for the "We are all racially prejudiced to some extent" yet nobody here as far as I can see is admitting to it.

Wow.

People are silently admitting the truth, but are afraid to publicly admit it, probably because they're afraid they'll be gang bashed or something. That's pretty sad.

Yes...I honestly believe that ALL of us are racially prejudiced to some extent, whether we know it or not, whether we want to admit it or not.


Oh, unless we're saints. Saints get a free pass on this.


The rest of us are human beings subject to human fears, likes and dislikes, and other negative emotions.


Some of the worst bigots I've ever seen are the ones who screech "Bigot!!!" at someone else. Maybe they don't realize that when we point a finger at someone else, three more are pointing back at us.

Maybe we need to take stock of our own inventory before we take someone else's.

So I'll take the fall here...yep...At times I can be a bigot, a hypocrite, and lots of other unsavory things.

I'm not a saint. Deal with it.



PS...now the other, more "politically correct" choice is in the lead. Figures. :eyes:

[maglatinavi]

29. at the time ...

True

[bigwillq]

12. We are all racially (and non-racially) prejudiced to some extent

is what I voted for, because that's what I think is the most true, not only of me, but for many, many people as well, although they probably wouldn't admit it publicly. I try not to hang around with people who have bigoted views, although I do have some family members who fall into that group.

[pipi_k]

13. thank you...

for having guts enough to say it publicly.

I did as well and I expect we'll both attract some pretty nasty language from all the non-bigoted people who can't stand our opinions.

[bigwillq]

15. I had to include non-racial prejudice

because I am probably more guilty of that then of racial prejudice.
I am a gay man, but I have found myself being critical of real "queeny" gay men, at times. It's not because of who they are, but because of the way they act that bothers me. "In-your-face" people of any kind make me a bit crazy, and some gay men go overboard in how they "act". Not sure if that makes sense to you, or not.

[Jennicut]

14. Not really friends, just family. Thankfully.

[denem]

16. I am prejudiced. I got mugged by a couple of black guys in a park

near where I lived. They took everything, including my keys. I knocked at a house. They let me call the police, and a locksmith. It took me weeks to get my life back in order. For months when i walked past that park, if a saw a black guy, perhaps with the same build, I felt an edge of fear. One day it hit me. If I had been mugged by a couple of whites I would not be reacting the that way. I think none of the white guys would have touched off fear unless they were a photo fit of the muggers. A Naked Lunch - the frozen moment when my own prejudices were staring at me on the end of the fork.

[Wetzelbill]

20. wow, that's a courageous admission

I know myself, when I first moved to the city, I was nervous when I would see black people. Like if I walked downtown and was in a crowd of black folks, I would get jumpy. I'm from a small rural town in Montana, I hardly saw anybody who wasn't white or Indian (I am about half and half)my whole life. I wasn't racist by any means, I never had anything against black people or anything at all, but I had what I feel is just an embarrassing reaction around them at first. Same with gay people. I had to work on those feelings ingrained in me, and within short order I worked that out. I think we are taught prejudices, whether we mean to learn them or not, we just are and it takes an open mind and willingness to learn and change to overcome them, even if they are somewhat mild prejudices.

[denem]

23. I am not proud of it. Yes there's a fear of 'the other', the unknown,

but it only took one incident for fall back on stereotypes and assumption. And the word for that is prejudice.

[moondust]

17. Not any more.

One of the most racist people I've ever known, and I knew him well, got a Ph.D. from a midwestern state university and went on to become an elementary school principal. At a school in the most liberal county in his state, in the same town where his state university is located.

Ran into him one day about 6-7 years ago after not seeing him for maybe 10 years. He told me to give him a call sometime. I never called and have never heard from him since.

His father taught him racism mainly with racist stories from World War II.

[Wetzelbill]

18. I have friends I grew up with who are racist

One of them just came out and told me it not that long ago. Others I can just tell by a comment or two here and there. I know lots of homophobes too. I'm from a small rural town in Montana, I lived on an Indian reservation and was bussed to a nonreservation school. Race is an issue with Indians and whites, mostly with the older generations, and race with regard to Black and Hispanic people etc, is an issue to the extent that there is virtually no diversity or understanding of those cultures there. I have heard some of the kindest, nicest people use the "N Word" while referring to Black people. It shocked me to hear it. And it's usually never in a really mean manner, it's often said matter of factly, or with an odd curiousity.

What I mean is that it's not like somebody is saying: "Those damn effing N*****S" or something like that. It's usually different. Like "What's it like living in a city with a bunch of N*****S?" Which somebody famously asked former Montana Senator Conrad Burns before, and I have also been asked that. I usually just say I don't like to hear that word or I'll ignore it if I feel it's just not worth getting in an argument over at the time. It can be uncomfortable, for sure. I had a friend's father say it to me once on the phone, I felt like I got punched it so surprised me. This is a great guy, he allowed me to stay in his home at anytime. ( I am an Indian, sometimes that makes a difference back home) He was always good to me, I never heard him say anything like that before, he is a sports fan and has never said anything like that while watching a game or anything. He just happened to casually use the N Word when I was talking to him over the phone a few years ago.

I think that's worse. We expect racism to be virulent and to have an ugly face. We expect it to look like a Palin rally or guys in white sheets burning crosses. We expect it to at least look like Pat Buchanan spewing hate on tv. It's the less obvious ones that worry me. Not because it's militant or anything, but because it's harder to detect. It's ingrained and less obvious, maybe even milder, but it's still there. The worst of the worse racists will never change, but their time is largely over and they are out in the open. The softer bigotry is going to be tougher to get rid of, probably because it's got societal roots. Almost like how sexism is societal, because we're bombarded with images of scantily clad women from birth and things like religion tell us women are second class citizens, or, at least, gives us that impression. With race we see Black people arrested on tv, we see television shows with black drug dealers etc, we have religion that is almost wholly white and teaches us that whiteness is the standard. We are even taught to believe that white meat is better than dark meat when it comes to chicken, white coffee filters sell better than brown ones, white rice better than brown rice. How do we reverse that? It's maybe impossible to totally do, but I think we can go a long way to making things better.

[ensho]

19. its also hard to find a lover that isn't racist, sexist or alcoholic

nt

[Wetzelbill]

21. I would think for a woman

it is hard to find a man who isn't a little bit sexist. It's hard to not be a little bit sexist, in all honesty. We are virtually taught that it's ok to be that way, it's tough to overcome.

[maglatinavi]

28. lover

You are not looking at the right places...:freak:

[Iggo]

22. If a friend exhibits racism, he's not gonna be my friend for long.

In the business world, I know (and I'm even 'friendly' with) shitloads of racists. That's different.

But I won't accept that kind of thing from an actual friend.

[proteus_lives]

24. Virtually everyone I know or have known has exhibited racist behavior.

Black, white, asian, latino. I have heard some racist things from people that are liberal and progressive. I have had racist thoughts and assumptions before. I think we all have to work at overcoming stereotypes and cultural/tribal assumptions.

[Paladin]

25. If You've Managed To Banish Friends Whose Political Views Don't Match Yours........

....I guess you're just made of sterner stuff than I am.

Do I have old acquaintances who exhibit conservative and racist attitudes? Yes I do---try growing up in the southwest U.S. in the 50's and 60's and see what your tally sheet looks like. Did I allow racist attitudes to be a part of my childrens' upbringing? Absolutely not. Do I still maintain contacts with my old friends? Yes; I think they know where I stand on things, and I hope that I'm a positive influence....

[Buzz Clik]

32. That's a good point.

A lot of people in the deep South have an interesting twist on racism -- some of the old timers had the uncanny ability to hate an entire race of people but embrace individuals of that race as if they were kin. It's confusing to those of us from other places and makes it hard to know how to evaluate them.

[TankLV]

26. Some of the persons I work with refuse to see they're racists...

I don't have ANY friends who are racists - and most of my friends are of OTHER "races"...

it's a natural, being from Hawaii...

[Jakes Progress]

33. None of my friends are racist.

I have acquaintances who are iffy, but I can't be friends with racists. Maybe it depends on what your definition of friend is.