Octomom Agent Defends TV Deal, Fights Deportation

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(Satire from www.TheDesperateBlogger.com)

It’s official. Nadya Suleman and her 14 (so far) kids are coming to a television near you – at least if you’re in England. Eyeworks, the European producer of “The Biggest Loser”, is forking over a whelming $250,000 to the second biggest loser for the rights to film her gaggle for 72 days over the next 3 years. Industry insiders estimate that a U.S. basic cable network could bid as high as $5000 and a new Wii console for domestic rights to the quasi-reality extravaganza.

But perhaps the biggest loser in all of this is none other than the guru who orchestrated the unprecedented blockbuster deal. According to multiple sources within the U.S. Immigration and Naturalization Service, the government is seeking to deport Ms. Suleman’s agent.

An INS agent familiar with the case told The Desperate Blogger that American-born Rufus T. Firefly faces deportation to Freedonia, where it is alleged that he forfeited his citizenship in 1933 when he served in that country’s armed forces during their brief but historic war against neighboring grand duchy Sylvania. Mr. Firefly also briefly served as Freedonia’s Prime Minister. He is best known for his appearance in “Duck Soup”, the landmark war documentary that chronicled the Freedonia-Sylvania conflict and is hailed by historians and film-critics alike as creating a new film genre and serving as the inspiration for Leni Riefenstahl’s 1934 Nuremberg Nazi Rally epic, “Triumph of the Will”. He later parlayed the fame he garnered from the film into failed careers as a Broadway producer, African explorer, department store manager, private detective, racetrack veterinarian, and most recently, Hollywood agent.

The elderly Mr. Firefly, when asked about the deportation proceeding, said only, “Whatever it is, I’m against it,’ before his attorney, Hubie Brokesune, cut him off, advising that his client won’t comment on pending legal proceedings. The former head of the New York City Opera was, however, vociferous in his defense of the Suleman-Eyeworks deal.

“It ensures that my client will have enough time to both spend with her children and continue with her fertility treatments,” he explained, adding, “and by committing to only three seasons, no option for pimping them out as they get older is off the table.”

Kermit Guacomobile, Distinguished Child Exploitation Fellow at Pueblo State University, advises that Ms. Suleman should be very careful not to let fame affect her children. “It could really cripple future profits if the kids heads get so big that when they’re older they insist on being fed before they let creepy old men fondle them,” he warned.

[Mist]

1. Not to mention his Mr. Firefly's illegal entry into the country, after which he hid out

in an opera company. Or so I've heard.

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2. That was just a movie... (n/t)