Why Are People So Afraid of Bisexuals?

[Better Believe It]

Why Are People So Afraid of Bisexuals?
As society's shape-shifters, bisexuals mess with everybody's idea of sexual orientation.
By Adele M. Stan, AlterNet
August 5, 2009


There’s not much percentage in being an “out” bisexual. Many gay men and lesbians question the legitimacy of that identity, and many straight people either feel profoundly threatened by it, or take too prurient an interest in it. The truth is, bisexuals, by the fact of our existence, screw with everybody’s perception of how sexuality works.

The LGBT community, some years ago, became dangerously invested in proving that gay men and lesbians are born gay and lesbian. That may or may not be true -- no one’s come up with definitive proof either for or against that proposition -- but the political imperative to prove the gay-at-birth theory is defensive, emanating from a conservative frame that implies if you’re not born that way, then what you’re doing with that other consulting adult in your life is wrong.

While it could be argued (and I’m sure someone has data they think proves this) that bisexuals are born that way, the ease with which we choose partners of one or another gender complicates the whole “born gay” narrative. I don’t know if I was born this way, and I really don’t care. It’s who I am; what more do you need?

.... people tend to wear their sexual orientation like a suit of armor, and that leaves bisexuals largely outside society’s categorical systems.

Perhaps most disconcerting to both heterosexuals and members of the gay and lesbian communities is the way bisexuals float between worlds. We are society’s shape-shifters. Partnered with a member of the opposite sex, we appear straight. Partnering with a member of our own sex renders us gay, at least in the eyes of the world. We can choose the degree of freedom and oppression we choose to accept. Hence, we are not to be trusted.

I’ve known the perils of gay-bashing and taunting, as I kissed my girlfriend on the street or, in the former case, was just dressed a little too butch while walking through a gay neighborhood being cased by thugs. But I’ve also experienced the pleasure, pain and societal legitimacy of legal marriage. Neither choice was born of any falseness to my sexual orientation.

Every now and then, I hear some bisexual person grousing that we are kept to the back of the LGBT bus. I just can’t work up the dudgeon; a lot of gay and lesbian people struggled and even died so that I might have the freedom to be true to myself. That’s why, in the end, I prefer to identify as “queer”; that puts us all in the same boat, our identifying characteristic being not who we sleep with or what mix of genitalia and gender identity we possess, but the simple fact that we are not the majority, and face obstacles because of it.

It took a long time, but I’ve learned to be grateful for my bisexuality. Because of it, I like to think I have a more nuanced understanding of gender and sex than do many others. After all, I have both a satin evening gown and a fedora, and I wear them equally well.

Please read the complete article at:

http://www.alternet.org/sex/141770/why_are_people_so_afraid_of_bisexuals/?page=1

[closeupready]

1. This is a difficult topic to discuss honestly here on DU.

It's been attempted before, without much success.

[Echo In Light]

2. It's a wonderful world of colonized minds

[no_hypocrisy]

3. Fear of facing the potential of a hidden bisexual within.

Lots of us are born one way and reconditioned another way by society.

[FreeState]

4. +1 n/t

[unpossibles]

13. I have to agree

I see sexuality as being like every other human (and non-human) trait: it's not an either/or thing. Most people are not tall or short with nothing in between, and I think a lot of people (most?) are probably somewhere on the sliding scale of sexuality. Sure, many/most may be closer to one end or the other, and there is nothing wrong with that, but I think most people have probably at least thought about or fantasized about the gender to which they are "not attracted to."

And as you said, the idea that anyone is bisexual or not specific is probably disturbing to those who prefer to consider their orientation to be set in stone and inflexible. For me, I am mostly attracted to women, both physically and mentally, but I am also sometimes attracted to men. Somewhat ironically, I am very frequently attracted to people who are somewhat ambiguous or androgynous, who don't fit the stereotype of what is considered attractive by society at large. But even that is not always true.

Going past just sexuality, I think this is true for many things: if you do not comfortably fit in to some classification - even one as unaccepted as being a homosexual - then people will resent you for your freedom and self confidence to go against the pack.

[Bjorn Against]

5. I think a big reason is that a very large percentage of our population is bisexual

This does not mean that they are bisexual in the sense that they would consider a relationship with either sex, most bisexuals do have a preference one way or the other but they also have a certain attraction towards people of both the same and opposite sex. Many people don't want to admit to that attraction but deep down they know it is there and I think this makes a lot of people very uncomfortable.

[KamaAina]

30. I would say that percentage approaches 100 percent

for instance, I am predominantly hetero, but in a sense, I'm "just waiting for Mr. Right". :-)

Now I learn that my new female BFF has gender identity issues. That would, of course, imply that there is, at least in theory, one guy who could trip me -- the one within her. :loveya:

But I, at least, know it is there and will even post about it in public.

[Greyhound]

6. Why are people so afriad?

I think we are speaking mainly about Americans here, but the source does seem to be religious dogma amplified by media.

[foreigncorrespondent]

14. I don't think it is mainly Americans...

...who fear bisexuals, I see it in Australia as well.

I am 100% lesbian, and the lesbian community here is full of bi-phobic women, and I just don't get why.

Many tell me it is because they have been hurt by bisexual women in the past, but I still don't get it. I have dated two bisexual women in recent years, both have hurt me terribly(one has cost me my blood family and the other has cost me any form self esteem I had left) but I can honestly say, I am not bi-phobic.

To be bi-phobic in my eyes means judging someone because of their sexuality, and seem as how I don't like to be judged about who I sleep with, I simply cannot bring myself to judge others.

[Greyhound]

27. I am sorry to hear that. I didn't mean that it is mainly Americans that fear you,

my Oz friends tell me that fear of Gay/Bi/different people is far worse there than it is here, I meant that the discussion focused here since so few of us have ever been anywhere else.

The fear of difference is almost universal, but I think the general fear of absolutely everything, including the barely possible, is particularly pronounced here. Americans are terrified of the most obscure and even ridiculous things, we have a multi-billion dollar market centered on selling "security" from things that just don't happen, in any practical sense.

[Caliman73]

7. The author of the article answered her question in the title.

Bi-sexuality messes with the concept that sexual orientation is static. Whenever people's notions are challenged there will always be a percentage who lash out to defend their ideas.

[theoldman]

8. There are probably more bisexuals than homosexuals.

If you are bisexual you would have a much harder time trying to identify your sexual desires. Fear of the unknown would make your life difficult. I don't think it is easy to swing either way. We want to be one or the other.

[CrownPrinceBandar]

9. I believe bisexuality is the norm..............

Sexually, our bodies respond to stimulus - no matter the gender of the source. It occurs in nature and strict sexual preference is a societal construct, built by generations of morality and absolutist gender roles. I say find comfort where you can.

[insleeforprez]

11. My hypothesis

is that sexuality has a continuous distribution, with a mean somewhere around 80% straight.

[KamaAina]

33. Ha! "80% Straight" is the name of a clothing store here

located inside Waikiki's best-known GLBT-friendly hotel!

http://www.80percentstraight.com

P.S. That's my hypothesis, too. :thumbsup:

[turleen14]

10. Oy vey...where to begin...Sorry, but your life seems pretty complicated from where I'm sitting.

I am sure not all bisexuals have all that going on...

[ecstatic]

12. I don't think people are afraid but I do think people have a problem

with those who lie about it.

[SpookyCat]

15. I've gotten bad reactions from both straight and gay people.

In my experience straight people tend to bristle when I say I'm bi, I think because, well I'm not sure, but the reaction seems to be as if I told them I was into leather, which I was, but would not tell people I don't know well. (aside from a blog apparently...)

Anyway, it seems like instead of simply equating this with me having a really wide playing field, they seem to think I've told them something naughty. Maybe it's the word "sex" in Bi-sex-ual. I don't know.


From the gay community all was well when it was my girlfriend and I, but now it's my husband and I and now I'm a...

traitor
fence sitter
GUG...(which is funny, as I never graduated from college, and had one of my longest relationships with a woman was after that period of time, but I digress)


So I don't know. Honestly I don't care too much, as long as no one is hostile to me. My life, my rules.

**Edit for silly grammar errors.

[MrScorpio]

16. Americans in general are afraid of EVERYTHING

It's our default position


It's one of the misfortunes of being on top.

[mrbarber]

17. I'm bisexual. So is the fiancee.

It's amazing the amount of grief we get from both sides.

Were happy though, so who cares what they have to say.

[MrScorpio]

18. That, my friend, is always the best response

Live your life

[EFerrari]

19. LOL

You're so right.

:rofl:

[Erin Elizabeth]

20. I'm bi.

I hate the myths about it: must mean you're attracted to *everyone* (no), it must mean you're confused (nope), it must mean you're actually gay and just haven't realized it yet (again, no), it must mean you always cheat on your partner (no).

I'm just bi. I could have fallen in love with a man or a woman. I happened to have fallen in love with and married a man. But I develop crushes on women and men, fairly equally, though with a slight bias to women (my theory on that is that I married a man, so there's no mystique there, LOL, so I crush on women more often). I am sexually attracted to both. (But for the record, I have never cheated on my husband.)

Just like gay and straight people, it isn't anything you choose--I can remember being aware of the dual attraction as early as nine years old. Personally, I think it's kind of awesome being bi. But I do get weary of the myths, which is why I don't share that fact with many people (and being married to a man, most people assume I am straight).

Oh, my husband is bi, too.

[whathehell]

25. You say you've never cheated on your husband...

Has he, to your knowledge, ever cheated on you?...Given the dizzing array of possibilities, I can't help but ask!::think:

[Erin Elizabeth]

29. Why would it follow that he had cheated?

No, he hasn't. And being bi doesn't make you any more prone to cheating than any other sexual orientation. It's the level of commitment, happiness, maturity, etc that determines something like that.

[SmileyRose]

21. I can't even figure out why it matters.

I've been attracted to men and women both. I don't consider myself bisexual or any other "sexual". I don't understand the need for the label. Love is love. Lust is lust. Why does it have to be labeled in neat little cubbyholes.

And I could care less if whatever sexual variation is genetic or environmental. If someone's relationships are healthy and they work then who cares. If not, then I hope those folks will find a resource to learn how to have healthy relationships - of whatever kind.

[onecent]

22. I think it's the same reason closet smokers can't talk

about smoking....tooooo close

they can't or don't want to change (which is fine) but can't face the fact they don't have discipline. (which is also alright)

[onecent]

23. I think it's the same reason closet smokers can't talk

about smoking....tooooo close

they can't or don't want to change (which is fine) but can't face the fact they don't have discipline. (which is also alright)

[Toasterlad]

24. I Didn't Used to Believe In Bisexuality

I thought it was just a copout gay people used to not be "all the way gay". Why did I think that? Because I couldn't imagine being attracted to more than one sex. And then one day I realized that since I refuse to let straight people define my orientation, I have absolutely no right to define it for anyone else. In other words, I don't HAVE to understand it to respect it.

Not sure where the OP is finding people "afraid" of bisexuals, though. Of all the people I know, gay AND straight, *I* was the one toughest on bisexuals before I came around, and I was never "afraid".

[tavalon]

26. One of my partners is bisexual

He doesn't currently have any male lovers but it could happen and if it was a good relationship, I would be pleased as punch for him.

[Blue_Tires]

28. afraid? i'm envious!

[RebelOne]

31. I have no problem with bi-sexuals

I used to date a bi-sexual guy. Would stay at his house with he and his partner. Didn't sleep with his partner, though. He prefered the male sex. But Don liked both sexes. I had no problem with it.

[MellowDem]

32. A lesbian co-worker of mine...

identifies as queer as well. She says almost no one she knows does, and a lot of her gay or lesbian friends think of it as a slur, like calling yourself the N word when you are black. But she sees it in exactly the same light as was described in this article, and I think it is a good idea as well. She told me you don't have to even just be GLBT to be "queer". Many straights with relationships considered in some societal light as "taboo" can be considered the same.

And, of course, identifying as queer can give you more freedom, because when you identify as lesbian or gay the set of steryotypes is narrowed. One of the things my co-worker hates the most is having to identify as a lesbian as either butch or femme. The pressure is there from a lot of fellow lesbians.

[DutchLiberal]

34. I don't know. *Are* people afraid of bisexuals?

I don't know any people who are 'afraid' of bisexuals.