Soldier’s Service Leads to a Custody Battle at Home

[Are_grits_groceries]

TEANECK, N.J. — During the 10 months she was deployed in Iraq, Leydi Mendoza, a 22-year-old specialist in the New Jersey National Guard, did everything she could think of to ease her longing for the year-old daughter she had left back home.
snip
And on the flight back in May, Specialist Mendoza fought back the guilt she felt about being half a world away for so many formative moments by telling herself that one day Elizabeth would be proud of her service.

But since her return, Mr. Llares has allowed Ms. Mendoza only a few brief visits with Elizabeth. Despite a written family care plan they had worked out with military officials outlining shared custody upon her return, Mr. Llares now believes it is too disruptive for the baby to spend more than a few hours at a time with “a mother she doesn’t really know or recognize that well,” said his lawyer, Amy Lefkowitz.

After months of arguments, an exchange of legal papers and a restraining order, Specialist Mendoza and Mr. Llares each are demanding full custody of Elizabeth, and are scheduled to appear at a court proceeding Tuesday to determine her fate.
snip
But things quickly fell apart. The first time Elizabeth was reunited with her mother, she burst into tears. Specialist Mendoza cried, too.

Mr. Llares, also 22, declined to be interviewed, but his lawyer acknowledged that he restricted Specialist Mendoza’s visits with Elizabeth because he was concerned that the abrupt change would frighten and confuse her. “He wants her to have a close relationship with her mother,” Ms. Lefkowitz said, “but he wants an appropriate transition.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/01/nyregion/01guard.html?pagewanted=2&hp

Oy! What a mess.

[Chemisse]

1. Ahh the harm battling parents do to their children

[barbtries]

2. and the harm war does

to the human family.

[rebecca_herman]

3. I'm prepared to be flamed for this but...

I don't believe parents of very young children - mothers or fathers - should be sent far away from their kids for months at a time unless it is the parent's request. It's so harmful for a young child to lose that bonding time with their parents and you can never get those months and years when they are little back.

a parent shouldn't be asked to chose between their income and a year away from their infant they can never get back.

[Cid_B]

4. Yeah fantasic idea there...

Lets just send single people to war.. sheesh...

[rebecca_herman]

5. Huh?

How does that translate to send only single people to war?
After all the woman in question was SINGLE. She was no longer with the other parent of her child. If they were married or still together they wouldn't be fighting over the baby would they?

there are plenty of single people with infants, and plenty of people married/in a relationship who don't have infants.
I don't have this view for the benefit of the parent getting out of war but for the benefit of the child who did not choose the situation and will lose a very important bonding period with their parent.

[Chemisse]

8. I agree with that

A parent can't ever get that time back with their infant.

But the only problem with that is soldiers might have more babies to avoid deployment.

[GrantDem]

6. I suspect the DoD will get involved in this.

This could have far reaching consequences should the judge rule in favor of the father. There are a lot of single moms in the military.

[seabeyond]

7. this argument is nothing new. it is used against the father often. generally he is in

the position of the baby not "knowing" him and i have often heard women use this as a reason why he should not get longer visitations

nothing new