Catholic church issues prayer for faithful to say before sex

[SacredCow]

By Simon Caldwell

Roman Catholic couples are being encouraged to pray together before they have sex.

A book published by a prominent Church group invites those setting out on married life to recite the specially-composed Prayer Before Making Love.

It is aimed at 'purifying their intentions' so that the act is not about selfishness or hedonism.

The prayer, which appears in the Prayer Book for Spouses, implores God 'to place within us love that truly gives, tenderness that truly unites, self-offering that tells the truth and does not deceive, forgiveness that truly receives, loving physical union that welcomes'.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1210519/Never-mind-pillow-talk-couples-told-Roman-Catholic-church-PRAY-sex.html

______


:eyes: Religious zealots: Taking the "X" out of sex since 1950-something.....

[CBGLuthier]

1. Sad Bastards

If they didn't ruin so many lives you could almost feel sorry for these sexless freaks.

[undeterred]

2. Um, when exactly is "before sex"?

:popcorn:

[WillParkinson]

5. It's been a while, huh?

:P

[hedgehog]

17. Quite seriously, in a good marriage there is no "before sex".

Emptying the dishwasher in the morning or cleaning up the cat puke is as much foreplay as anything printed in Cosmo, and much more effective. It'd be a shock to Right Wing Catholics to realize that there's no real separation between sex and the rest of life.

[undeterred]

37. It would be a shock to priests to know

that celebrating sex is not like celebrating mass. Some things are designed to be spontaneous.

[izquierdista]

3. Before??

In my experience, most prayers are during sex: "Oh God! Yes! Yes! Oh Jesus!"

[Bigmack]

6. Us atheists scream...

"Oh Reason..."..."Oh, Reason..." during sex.

[Berry Cool]

27. Really? I thought, if it was really good, you screamed

"Oh God, now I DO believe there is a you!"

[Canuckistanian]

4. Oh goody

More sex advice from a bunch of grown-up virgin men.

[northernlights]

22. that's the optimistic outlook

I suspect it's worse. Sex advice from a bunch of holier than thou pedophiles. :puke:

[L0oniX]

32. Uhm ...that would be grown up pedophile men

[HamdenRice]

7. "Please dear lord, do not let me enjoy that which I am about to receive" nt

[fasttense]

8. Probably the most common prayer of a catholic mother before sex is

"Please, God, don't let me get pregnant again."

[SacredCow]

9. In all honesty, I would have thought the prayer would have read:

"O' Lord.... By your divine grace.... Keep this altar-boy from ratting me out. Amen."

[GreatCaesarsGhost]

10. is this where the saying "catholics do it on their knees" comes from?

[jmm]

11. Is this a new form of birth control?

It would kill the mood for me.

[Mari333]

12. opposed to the prayers offered up during sex?

OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD

[JBoy]

13. Man, what a boner-killer.

[Bonhomme Richard]

14. Bless us Oh Lord for these thy gifts.......

for which we are about to receive.

[monmouth]

15. And let us not forget that ole standby "rhythm"....sigh.

[ThomWV]

16. I am reminded of a line from an old song: "O Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood"

[Sinistrous]

18. Minor point:

"church GROUP in the British Isles" does not equate to the "Catholic Church".

[CreekDog]

19. Is this like saying Grace?

:shrug:

or does that depend on the type of

no nvm. :hide:

[Berry Cool]

28. Well, in some cases "Good food, good meat, good God, let's eat"

might be appropriate.

[asdjrocky]

20. I'm pretty sure a vast majority of men have been doing this for years.

[guitar man]

21. oh puke

The prayer, which appears in the Prayer Book for Spouses, implores God 'to place within us love that truly gives, tenderness that truly unites, self-offering that tells the truth and does not deceive, forgiveness that truly receives, loving physical union that welcomes

How in the hell is anybody supposed to smack dat azz and holler "who's your daddy" after reciting that dreck? :shrug:

:spank: :evilgrin: :rofl:

[gatorboy]

23. Just before they make that "O" (Lord) face.

[MindPilot]

24. The picture accompanying the article is priceless!! n/t

[Mrs. Overall]

36. Yes, it's freakin' hilarious and here it is:

Oh my, there is so much that can be said about this pic.

[northernlights]

25. straight from the pedophiles' pen, eh?

:eyes:

[Apollo11]

26. Mocking religion goes against my religion (PS I am an atheist)

Folks - this is not something that the Vatican has put out. It is a publication by a bunch of Catholics in London, England, who try to apply their faith in their everyday lives.

Try to imagine it as a blog post on CatholicUnderground.com. Not a Papal announcement.

If it is OK for people like Barack Obama, Teddy Kennedy and Al Gore to cite the Bible as a source of inspiration, I think we should pause before mocking those who sincerely believe.

Sex is an important part of being a couple and I agree that it should be seen as a "spiritual" activity and an expression of love. Not just a means of achieving individual pleasure.

PS - Like I said, I am an atheist, with no affiliation to any religious group.

[Darth_Kitten]

41. Very interesting.........

:)

[Warren DeMontague]

54. So, you'll tell people not to make fun of religion in one breath, then tell people how they "should"

see sex in another?

Wow. Okay, so it's fine for you to tell other people what to think or how to live their lives ("sex... should be seen as a 'spiritual activity'"), but Goddess forbid we should "mock" the prayers someone else is instructed to say before having sex.

[Apollo11]

67. Jeez Louise. I'm not telling anyone what to do or what not to do.

In my previou post I was only sharing my opinions and beliefs with my fellow Forum members.

"I think we should pause before mocking those who sincerely believe" - is me saying what I think. If you think otherwise then I respect your right to hold a different opinion.

"Sex is an important part of being a couple and I agree that it should be seen as a "spiritual" activity and an expression of love. Not just a means of achieving individual pleasure."

Again - very clearly stating my opinion. Not ramming it down your (or anyone else's) throat.

Jeez, dude, what is your problem? (not that I particularly care ...) :eyes:

Or did I log on to AngryUnderground.com by mistake?

[Warren DeMontague]

71. And making fun of this pre-coital prayer is, also, an expression of opinion.

I think it's fucking goofy, and if ANY institution on this planet has laid itself (excuse the pun) open to ridicule on the subject of sex, it's the Catholic Church- the same institution that protects pedophile criminals from law enforcement while claiming the moral authority to lecture consenting adults about their sex lives and birth control choices.

So, give me a break. And "angry underground"? I'm not angry. That's funny, coming from a member of the would-be humor police.

[bridgit]

29. Well, aren't they all variations of the same prayer - Pass The Meat Let's Eat?

[CreekDog]

31. If you go for that sort of thing

:D

[Ohio Joe]

30. I always pray before sex

I am always praying that I'm going to get some :evilgrin:

[mysuzuki2]

33. What prayer to pedophile priests say

before molesting children? "Oh lord, please don't let me be caught."

[Darth_Kitten]

43. This is supposed to be funny?

:shrug:

[mysuzuki2]

76. Only if you think pedophilia is funny

I think it's "funny" that an organization that can't get it's own house in order about sex tries to give advice to others on the subject. The church has truly seen the mote in their members eyes while ignoring the beam in it's own.

[NashVegas]

34. "Thank You Lord For Sending Me The F-Train"!

Courtesy of Mike Doughty:

the dark is droppping like a spot
of black ink squeezed into a glass of water
and now the crowds are thinning out
into the light down in the subway station

here this train speeds underground
this train speeds under the river

and i will drift back to the slope
some face unlit, there, stuck into the incline
where i will sleep off all the noise
the soot accumulated, all my trials

i thank you
lord almighty up above
just for sending out the F train to me

so thankful
for all the unspent love
that i save up in the jar of money

your polaroid is on the wall
stuck in the crack between the door and door-frame
trapped in the middle of some laugh
some drunken joke some friend of yours was telling

[Toasterlad]

35. Tell Me Again How Catholics Are Any Better Than Evangelicals?

[truebrit71]

57. They aren't.

eom

[Stevenmarc]

58. Stylish vestments and incense

[Toasterlad]

64. I'll Grant You That.

[Echo In Light]

38. _

[Tommy_Carcetti]

39. And what is your point about this?

Why the hell do you care whether someone prays before sex or not?

[WI_DEM]

40. I already have one: "Thank you Lord, I got lucky tonight!"

[KatyMan]

78. And the corollary

"Please God let me get laid"

[redqueen]

42. "a prominent Church group" is not the same as "the Catholic church"... why so much tabloid crap?

Fucking stupid bullshit... I will never understand why some people are so fond of tabloids.

[Darth_Kitten]

44. I think it's just another excuse for bashing.............

Anything will do.

[redqueen]

45. I'm all for criticism *if it makes any kind of sense*... this is just tabloid idiocy.

I guess that sort of thing is very popular though... no shortage of tabliods to go around.

[muriel_volestrangler]

47. 'Pope Paul VI granted the title "Publishers to the Holy See" to the CTS'

http://www.cts-online.org.uk/acatalog/about.html

[redqueen]

48. Giving them a title makes them "the Church"? Bullshit.

Never thought I'd see you backing up tabloid crap...

[muriel_volestrangler]

49. I have no idea why you're worried about this

A prominent church publisher has published a booklet with a prayer to say before sex. You seem to be taking it as if that's a bad thing.

If you believe in prayers, then at least this is one about a real activity, as opposed to, say, exorcism.

[redqueen]

50. I'm not "worried" I'm disgusted at the popularity of tabloid bullshit.

I thought I made that pretty clear.

[SacredCow]

62. Nobody said it was ***the*** catholic church.....

It was just a mildly amusing link to an article about something that's a bit absurd.

Someone let me know if the policy here now is that we can't call out absurdity in the world. If I missed that memo, I wholeheartedly apologize.

[redqueen]

63. Read your OP's subject line again.

I thought I was doing a good job of calling out absurdity, myself.

[SacredCow]

65. Directly copied from the title of the article at the link...

I confess that I omitted the "Give us this day our daily..." fluff preceding it. Sue me if you must.

[redqueen]

66. Exactly... it's from a tabloid, so *of course* it's horribly written.

Pardon me for having standards regarding the use of language. Words do convey meaning...

[SacredCow]

68. Leaving out definite articles such as "A," "An," or "The" in newspapearticle titles is ubiquitous...

horrible or not, it's simply a convention of journalism that isn't unique to tabloids.

[redqueen]

69. ...

I give up. Enjoy the absurdity. :hi:

[Demit]

70. The headline says it is the Catholic Church. The "Catholic Truth Society" is not the Church.

But the headline writer wants to imply it is. It's a cheap trick, to try to associate the absurdity you are so delighted by with official Church writings, but apparently it still has snookered a lot of readers.

The objection that redqueen has, and I agree with her, is that the snookering should be pointed out. That seems to be sailing right over your head.

[SacredCow]

73. No, it quite clearly does not say *the* catholic church....

and the title follows normal journalistic conventions as near as I can tell. Whether the author of the article used it to his advantage, or not is not for me to say. Even though you and Redqueen profess to know beyond a shadow of a doubt what lies in the heart of the author, I personally have not claimed to be all-knowing.

As a cradle-catholic myself, yes I do find it absurd and typical of the intrusiveness of the catholic church into people's everyday lives. It's not an insignificant part of why I turned away from that particular denomination of christianity.

[Demit]

74. The convention of dropping articles in headlines is to save space without sacrificing clarity.

It's not a matter of my claiming to know what's in the heart of the headline writer (reporters don't generally write their own headlines, they just file the story), it's a matter of knowing the reason for the journalism device and when it is used.

If the headline writer was indeed utilizing this device to save space, he would have had to be intending that it still be clear that Catholic Church was the entity that 'issued' this prayer. But it wasn't, as the story makes clear. If he wanted to save space and still leave clear that the reference was to 'a' Catholic church (like a parish church)—well, it wasn't a church at all. It was a charity group based in London called the Catholic Truth Society. The Catholic Truth Society published (not 'issued', with the official connotation that word would have in this context) this prayer in a book it is selling.


It would seem, from what you have just said now, that your real purpose in posting the story was to ridicule the Church's intrusiveness into people's lives. That would be why it doesn't bother you that the headline conflates the Catholic Church with an advocacy group within it. And, I guess, why you would want to defend the misdirection represented in the headline.

[SacredCow]

77. Defend it? Not particularly.

The OP was simply pointing out how ridiculously funny and ironic it is for catholics (be it the church, a splinter group, or whatever) to issue a specific prayer to be said before sex, given the church's usual stance of sex being bad, dirty, and evil unless it's for making babies. Not to mention their proclivity to cover up and hide their priests' indescretions.

Seems like 95% of the responses to the thread recognized that.

[Demit]

80. 95% of the responses to your post think the Church issued this prayer, and it didn't.

Why do you suppose that is?

[Vidar]

46. Thank God for what I am about to receive

[Warren DeMontague]

51. To be fari, it sounds a lot better when done to the "bam-chicka-bam-bam" soundtrack. nt

[Stevenmarc]

52. Doesn't the prayer start at the end when you scream OH GOD

[cpompilo]

53. Dear Lord...Let me have an orgasm.

Amen

[Warren DeMontague]

56. *

[truebrit71]

55. "Brought to you the catholic church, out of touch with reality since 1379..."

...:eyes:

[MattBaggins]

59. How about the sheets with holes in them

They gonna bring those back as well?

[BlooInBloo]

60. Oh Lord, thank you for this bounteous bounty of which I am about to partake....

:rofl:

[subcomhd]

61. written by sexless priests?

how lame.

[mnhtnbb]

72. Prurient priests hoping to hear some sex details at confession, no doubt.

while getting some vicarious thrills in the confessional.

[RagAss]

75. Was this prayer a part of their Pedophile Program ?

[Joanne98]

79. They're a one note religion. SEX! They're worthless to the human race.

We need a new religion that's cares about the poor.

It's obvious that Christianity is so corrupted by capitalism that they serve no purpose anymore.