Needed: Pet-Loving Atheists in Texas . . . . .

[Faryn Balyncd]

Needed: Pet-Loving Atheists in Texas

A large percentage of the population in the United States believes in the rapture, which is the evacuation of Christian believers from this world at the return of Jesus. (The exact details on this vary depending on one's interpretation of scripture - we'll set that aside for now.) But, while the rapture may be great for believers, what will happen to their pets? Will they be left behind to suffer and even die in the chaos that will grip the world when millions of people - including their owners - suddenly disappear?

Fortunately for Christians, someone has thought of this and will see to it that their pets are cared for in the post-rapture world, or what's left of it. Rescuers from Eternal Earth-Bound Pets USA, who are all confirmed atheists who most certainly will be left behind after the rapture, will reach pets within 18-24 hours of the event (transportation infrastructure permitting) and bring them to live in their homes with them for the remainder of the pets' lives. Eternal Earth-Bound Pets guarantees that pets will not go to pounds or shelters.

The rescue service costs $110 per pet and expires in 10 years.

. . . .


. . . The only problem is that even though Eternal Earth-Bound Pets USA is expanding state to state across the country, they have no rescuers in Texas yet. Moreover, rescuers live in only two of our border states (Oklahoma and Arkansas).

So, consider this is a shout-out to all pet-loving atheists of Texas, to volunteer to care for the furry, feathered, scaled and finned pets of your neighbors. It won't cost you anything until and unless the rapture occurs and you begin your care-taking duties. At that point, if predictions are correct, you'll probably need all the warmth and unconditional love you can get from another living creature.

http://blogs.chron.com/talkingtolerance/2009/09/needed_petloving_atheists_in_t.html

:hi:

[Vincardog]

1. Where do I sign up?

[Faryn Balyncd]

5. I guess you can go to their website here ; , (or email Jill Carroll)...

http://eternal-earthbound-pets.com/Contact_Us.html

[JonQ]

2. That is a brilliant business plan

they don't have to actually deliver any goods, but get money anyway. And in the unlikely event the rapture does occur there's no way their clients are going to be able to hold them accountable (unless they don't make, in which case they can take care of their own pets).

You make money by promising and doing essentially nothing, but it makes people feel better.

Brilliant.

[givemebackmycountry]

3. When I go to pick up the pets...

If no one is left in the home, can I take the big screen and the steaks in the fridge too?

[Iggo]

6. Actually, you can move right in!

[Ladyhawk]

10. Dibs on whatever car is in the driveway...and the iPods. nt

[Ladyhawk]

4. Please tell me this is parody.

One can never tell these days.

[Ladyhawk]

13. Wait...never mind. I get it. Count me IN. :D nt

[hlthe2b]

7. they better be doubly dyslexic, too, since....

Dog is God! :loveya:

[cloudbase]

8. Atheists only?

What about all those others who aren't Christian and who will, in the opinion of those who really, really know, be left behind also?

[Ezlivin]

9. If they were REALLY saved or born-again their pets would get raptured too

But I guess they don't have enough faith.

I'm an atheist, but I can't help out: I've got two very jealous Russian Blues.

[Ladyhawk]

17. Pets don't have souls, so you can opt in.

Also, I doubt your Russian Blues would be jealous of non-existent rescue pets. :)

[lunatica]

11. Isn't the Rapture like the end of the world or something?

Isn't it that those left behind are basically left in Hell in Everlasting Brimstone And Fire Torment For Eternity? Jeez! You mean life goes on anyway?

[Ladyhawk]

12. No, no, no! There are seven years of tribulation...

unless of course, you're talking to a sect that believes the tribulation occurs BEFORE the rapture...which brings to mind: Haven't we already had more than 7 years of tribulation under Bush?

[lunatica]

14. I'm just so confused!

You'd think they would get their stories straight at least. Damn! I want to know what's in store for me!

[DKRC]

18. Why wouldn't there be 2 versions of the Rapture?

The bible begins with 2 versions of the Creation of people.
Just keeping their options open.
:rofl:

[Control-Z]

25. my favorite looney web page of all time -

"Oops, I guess I wasn't ready" - may be of some help to you. i've never actually read past the first few sentences - but the idea of this page is just so deliciously insane I can't help recommending it whenever even a remote opportunity presents itself. These people are LOOn-a-fuking-TICs.

enjoy - and i hope you find a definitive answer to your question. :)

http://www.raptureready.com/rap49.html

[Nikki Stone1]

15. I wish I had thought of this business!

What a great idea.

[Ladyhawk]

16. Me too...alas! nt

[Nikki Stone1]

22. We coulda been millionaires!

Such an easy sales pitch too!

[Ladyhawk]

19. I volunteered to be a rescuer. Here's what I wrote. :)

-------- Original Message --------
Subject: LOL! I want in as a rescuer. :D
From: "Ladyhawk" <[e-mail]>
Date: Sat, September 05, 2009 2:01 pm
To: <[e-mail]>


In the interest of honesty, I’m only qualified to take care of parrots (I’m a Pastafarian atheist) and I’ll rescue as many as I can after the rapture. :)

If proof of atheism is needed, I can point you to several sites where I have posted as an atheist over the years…or you can talk to my distraught fundy mother. :D :D :D

Please, I need lots of money that requires absolutely no work.

LH

P.S. Does it really matter that I’m not in Texas? :D

[Motown_Johnny]

20. Brilliant fucking scam.... I wish I had thought of this.. $110.00 for doing nothing

Hell, you should have them sign over all their earthly possessions too, since they won't need them in Heaven.

[Taitertots]

21. I need their addresses

All part of my plan to show up at their houses claiming the rapture happened and I'm here for their pets. Oh, you mean the rapture didn't take you.

[Ladyhawk]

23. Bwahahahahaha! nt

[im1013]

24. That is AWESOME!!

I might actually MOVE to Texas for that!! Besides, all the wackos will be gone anyway!!
GREAT!!

:party:

[Ladyhawk]

26. Who's to say I can't start my own business here in the bible belt of California?

While I'm here amongst the fundies, I could at least get some of their cash.