Drive-By Evangelism

[theHandpuppet]

Really, I've just about had it. I don't want to get rude with folks but why can't some people just practice their religion without foisting it upon others? Last night it was the Baptists knocking at our door, as it was the Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses and some Freewill folks the week before. Can't I enjoy a dinner in peace without the Rev. & wife from the Salvation Army stopping by to tell me that my partner and I are going to hell because God condemns all homosexuals? My mailbox and stoop are littered with religious tracts, many warning us that we are are DOOMED and bound for HELLFIRE. But now we have what I call the "drive-by evangelicals" who park their cars at groceries, shopping malls and convenience stores, wait for someone to park and then jump out of the car and approach you with their schtick and a handful of religious pamphlets. I kid you not. These folks know they aren't allowed to stand outside and prosthelytize, so their new tactic is to wait in their cars and ambush folks. In just the last week this has happened to me at the grocery store and the local convenience store. And to top it off, at the convenience store it was the adult in the parked car who had two young girls jump out and block my driver's door, hands outstretched with tracts. Damn it all, they send their kids out to do this now, I guess figuring no one will get rude with kids. I feel guilty because I was a bit rude and told the 11-12 year old girl blocking my car that I thought what they were doing was insulting to me. So she got back into her own car but the adult who was driving them wouldn't even look at me. They just sat there in the car waiting for their next target. I would have reported this woman for what she was doing but I didn't want to get those kids in trouble.
Today I was minding my yard sale when a car pulled up and an older lady got out. She gave a cursory glance at the goods and then walked over and handed us some tracts then got back in her car and drove off, presumable to hit the next yard sale. Thank goodness for her that my partner intercepted the tracts because I'd had enough "preaching" this past week to last me a lifetime.... and that includes the free sermon I got on an answering machine when I was calling for a freaking plumber.
Perhaps where I live I get a lot more of this crap than many of you but I just want to feel as if I can go to the store, visit a doctor, make a phone call, sit on my porch or just eat my freaking dinner without being assaulted by prosthelytizing Christians. Now they're even using their kids -- I mean, how can you get rude with a kid or slam the door in their face? It's one thing to put the daily collection of "You're going to HELL!" booklets in the trash bin but now with the "drive-by" ambushes this is getting to be more than just a nuisance. I would appreciate some advice on how to handle these situations because I've truly run out of patience!

[Ron Green]

1. I LOVE IT when religious people come to my door. I always invite them in and

talk religion and philosophy with them until they find a way to escape. I find my own spiritual views, questions and thoughts so interesting and irrefutable that I'll ply visitors with them until they agree with me or go away.


They've always gone away.

[theHandpuppet]

4. I'm glad you have the time to do that

I don't. And what precious few hours I have to spend with my partner during the evenings and weekends I really don't want to spend on folks who shouldn't be intruding anyway.

But if you find that entertaining and/or enlightening, more power to you my friend. I need some advice on how to make it STOP.

[Warpy]

10. Hire a night nurse to sleep on your couch

while you're at work. Any pests who are around during the day will soon disappear.

Night nurses are RABID when some joker selling Jesus wakes us up.

As for the people who smugly tell you you're going to hell, feel free to use my response, "Gee, I'd heard god was dead, but I didn't know you got the job! Wow, congratulations!"

They're never quite sure how to react to that one and you can usually get the door slammed.

[rd_kent]

29. .

.

[kevinbgoode]

46. I always tell them that I am highly insulted by their approach

and that throws them off-track pretty fast. Then I explain that I have a constitutional right to worship according to my own conscience, and what basis do they (and their church) have to decide that I, as a fully-grown legally-recognized ADULT, am incapable of making that choice on my own?

Then I point out that since most churches aren't located underground, hidden behind doors in some deserted manufacturing district with no signs, or only located through muted whispers between confidantes, that their messages are clearly distinguished for me whenever I travel anywhere in this town - and that I am more than capable of making decisions about visiting any one of them without their prodding or sales.

When I was in graduate school, I was constantly bothered by these people - even though I lived in on-campus apartments and solicitors were supposed to register with the office. Of course, they believed they were exempt from this requirement. They always enjoyed coming to my door pushing their baby in a stroller, and none of that deterred me. One tried to tell me that their proselytization was similar to the girl scouts selling cookies - until I pointed out the girl scouts doing that LIVED in the complex.

I found it quite effective to point out that their church belief in "recruiting" others by claiming that their way was the ONLY way, was an attempt to abridge the constitutional rights of adult American citizens and usurp the constitutional guarantees of freedom of worship. When one countered that they were only attempting to provide "information," I pointed out that the information wasn't necessary since their church was readily available for my inspection according to the dictates of my own free will, and that I viewed attempts to "provide information" without solicitation as disrespecting my ability to make those decisions.

If they are a well-known anti-gay church, I never hesitate to point out the hatefulness of their organization, and NEVER hesitate to call them a fake "Christian." I've had Mormon missionaries pretend that they have no clue about their church's position regarding gays (even though it had been all over the media for months) - and my response was that I had even less respect for them, since they apparently chose a religious belief without completely examining it.

[tulsakatz]

2. don't feel bad if you have to be rude......

they're behavior is rude to so I figure they deserve it!

I know how you feel though, I would not be happy about that either. There is a guy that I email and he said he used to get a lot of that stuff too. Then he started answering the door naked.......all of sudden they stopped bothering him!

I don't think I would ever do that but it's still a good idea.

[theHandpuppet]

5. Yeah, but they're using their kids now.

So not such a good idea unless you want to end up in jail. And that doesn't solve the problem of being ambushed at the store, shopping, etc.

[droidamus2]

14. Not necessarily

In some states answering your door in the nude, on your own property, wouldn't necessarily result in going to jail. That is not to say the some tight ass cop might not take on themself to harrass you and take you to the police station. Nudity in your own home is at lest somewhat protected. The story I remember was a guy in San Diego, CA who's bathroom was off his kitchen, to go from there to his bedroom he had to cross through his living room that had a big picture window. He didn't really pay any attention as to whether the shades were drawn or whether he was covered. Somebody did complain, some cop did try to get him in trouble but the courts threw it out saying that if you didn't like quit looking in his window. It's possible that you would get the same ruling of if you don't like him answering the door nude quit knocking on his door. Of course, you would have to be willing to put up with the hassle between the cop and the court hearing.

[undeterred]

3. Talk the talk like you're already "saved" by the blood of Jesus

and recommend to them that they should be evangelizing in an area where there aren't so many "Christians" already ...like New York City.

[katandmoon]

6. I haven't answered my door for years (unless I'm expecting someone).

I have avoided so much aggravation that way.

[Mamacrat]

36. Me, too.

If I don't know the person I just say "no thank you" no matter what it is. I've never liked anything door-to-door for either the resident or the "seller," even Girl Scouts. I wouldn't want to send my child door-to-door for anything, and I think it sends a bad message to them that it's safe to do that.

[havocmom]

7. Do they put the tracts in your mailbox, or mail them?

If the former, I believe that is a violation of US law. Turn them in.

[Warpy]

11. I still find them jammed into my front door from time to time

but they NEVER ring my bell any more.

[WeDidIt]

8. Proselytizing is rude and obmnoxious behaviour

and I am not afraid to let the rude bastards know it, either.

[LuvNewcastle]

9. I always yell "Who is it?" before

I answer the door. If they say they're from a church, I yell "Don't need it." They go away.

[ChairmanAgnostic]

12. every month or so, 3 Jehovah's witlesses followed by a couple of Mormons

come to visit me. not always the same people, but they all look at my artwork on my lawn and start with the same comment:
"What a great christ image you have!"

Little do they know that the 4 dimensional cross is not Dali, not christ, not christian, but math oriented. Its label is, "First we kill all the mathematicians." It is my Mobius cross. and the steel figure impaled on it is simply a math teacher gone dead.

I, too, invite them in, and enter into discussions, but they leave rather quickly, when they realize the depth of my disdain for organized religions.

Sigh.

[47of74]

13. Take your cell phone out

And tell them that if they don't leave you alone that you'll be using said cell phone to call the cops.

[Pharlo]

15. Dogs are helpful.

Every so often we used to get the Jesus freaks showing up in the yard. My mother would tell them 'you've got 30 seconds to get in the car and I let the dogs out." I'm talking large vicious looking critters here. A couple of times, and they stop 'visiting'.

As for a response to the public assault, I have found that if you look at these individuals and (with a straight face) tell them "Oh, thanks, I don't need it. I'm Catholic. If I need to think something the Pope will tell me. If you have a problem with that, take it up with the Bishop." It's always worked for me. Even if I am one of the first to bitch about the ass backwards propensity of the Catholic Church, in this one instance, it has come through for me.

[TheCentepedeShoes]

16. Are they going door to door

or does it appear they are singling you out?
Mommie Dearest is a Mormon and once back in the 70's I was out on my balcony watering plants when a car parked near my apt
Four people got out, two young women, two young men, all dressed ala 1958
They marched right up the stairs to my apt and knocked, saying they were from the LDS church and would I like to learn more
I said no, I'm not religious, I'm Episcopalian and shut the door
They went right back to the car and drove out of the complex
I told MD to never give my address to anyone without my permission
The Liar said they "must have been just going door to door"

[theHandpuppet]

26. It's gone way beyound the old door-to-door routine

In my town they are now ambushing people. A carload of them will wait in the parking lot at the mall, grocery or convenience stores, etc., then hop out of their car and corner people who are just on their way to eat or shop or whatever. Some are even driving carloads of kids around to do this. I don't want to be rude to kids but I shouldn't have to out up with this shit, either.

[theHandpuppet]

17. So far I've been getting lots of suggestions on the door-to-door stuff

What I really need now are some suggestions on how to handle the "drive-by" missionaries who ambush you in the parking lots and use their kids to do their dirty work for them.

[Igel]

18. I had a roomie who was being converted by the Campus Crusade for Christ.

He was an idiot, and really didn't understand what he was saying.

I was in a non-traditional Christian church, the doctrines of which were sharply at odds with anything the CCC considered "Christian."

He'd tell me why what I was doing was wrong and wouldn't take "none of your business" as an answer. He'd not understand why I did something, would ask the CCC folks about it, and then have a ready reproach. I'd quote the Bible here and there, outline an argument or two, and send him scurrying back to his CCC overlords. He'd reproach me, I'd respond, he'd relay my response, they'd have to figure out their answer, they'd tell it to him, and then he'd relay it to me. Since he only saw them 1-2x/week, it was a fun game for a couple of months, and finally the CCC folks landed in person. They wanted to know why I was confusing him, and I said that I'd always left my roommates alone, but this one couldn't just let me be--if they want him to just listen to them, they should tell him to stop bothering me.

No more fun.

[Berry Cool]

19. I feel your pain. I was ambushed by Jehovah's Witnesses twice within a week

and why? Because I ride buses. I was waiting at a stop by the gas station and a woman drives into the gas station lot, parks, and makes a beeline for me there alone at the stop with her copies of The Watchtower and Awake! Another time that same week, I was at a different stop when another woman parked at a lot near my stop, got out and asked me if I needed something to read. I said "No." She left her tracts on the bench anyway, then got back in the car and drove off.

They are relentless.

edit: typo fix

[theHandpuppet]

22. Yep, the "Drive-Bys" have struck

I hadn't thought of the bus stops (we don't have bus service here) but this would be another obvious target on their hit lists.

[jmm]

32. My record is three times in one day.

I was only going from Salem MA to Cambridge which isn't that far but I was approached by a Mormon, Jehovah's witness, and then a Scientologist on trains. I'm still trying to figure out if I look gullible or like a heathen :shrug:. Either way I'm too approachable.

I've tried nearly every approach with them but find saying a denominational criticism and walking off works best.

[izquierdista]

20. Invite them to kiss Hank's ass

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDp7pkEcJVQ

[Arugula Latte]

21. Print out a big ass version of this and post it prominently:

[theHandpuppet]

24. Thanks. Those would make good handouts as well

That way when I get ambushed again in a parking lot I will stuff their windshield full of those.

[Arugula Latte]

33. Here is one link:

http://evolvefish.com/fish/nothump.html

[theHandpuppet]

35. Thanks very much!

I need one for the house AND for the car!

[Arugula Latte]

38. You're very welcome!

:hi:

[Vickers]

23. Maybe if you and I get on our knees and pray to Jesus they will stop.

C'mon, bend a knee with me!

O8)O8)O8)O8)O8)

[theHandpuppet]

25. I'd like to bend a few of their knees with a baseball bat

But if you really prefer praying, you're on your own.

[WillieW]

27. Put a sign on your front door. I am an atheirst and I am proud of it or

no socliciation of any kind

[theHandpuppet]

28. The door-to-doors I can handle pretty well

It's the ones who are now ambushing folks in parking lots that are driving me mad. How am I supposed to respond in a public place? Especially when some of these folks are using kids to do their "drive-bys".

[WillieW]

42. Can you speak another language? I got away with this once when the police wanted to give me a

ticket for jay-walking. Or actually act like your'e crazy. LOL

[rd_kent]

30. Fuck 'em. Tell them to fuck off.

Works for me, every time.

[theHandpuppet]

34. You can't really do that to kids

Some of these folks are driving a carload of kids around to do their dirty work for them, while the adults never get out of the car. I guess they figure kids are less threatening and you're more likely to let yourself get cornered because there's not much else you CAN do. What are you gonna do? Drive over some 12 year olds who are blocking your car?

[rd_kent]

47. You are right, I don't say that to the kids.

But I DO tell them that they are being brainwashed and should start thinking for themselves. If a kid comes to my door to talk religion, I use that opportunity to get him/her to open their eyes.

[Initech]

31. You know what else is really annoying? LITERAL drive-by evangelism.

I'm talking about people who preach on street corners and people who cover the rear windshields of their cars with religious bumper stickers. God (pun intended) that just makes me want to :puke:.

[Mamacrat]

37. Where do you live?

In what part of the country do you live? I live in the seriously Deep South and always have. I have had someone come to my door only once, someone approach me in the shopping mall once, and a couple of flyers on my car, but in public instead of at home. I'm in my 40s and that's pretty much it over all of these years. (I forgot to add the anti-abortion flyers with "dead babies" in a trash can that a grown man handed me at the fair when I was in Elementary School. Nice.)

It sounds like you and your partner are being targeted because of your homosexuality. That sounds like harassment to me. You shouldn't have to put up with that. If you can't do anything about it legally, and who really wants to have to resort to that ever; just more stress for you. Have you considered putting a small fence around your front yard? I mean even a low one that simply states people who are not invited are not welcome.

[theHandpuppet]

41. Nope, it's not a matter of targeting

The only time being gay has even come up was when when I bothered to try discussing the topic with the Salvation Army pastor and his wife. After that wasted and insulting exercise I don't bother anymore. A fence doesn't help, either. We have a wrought iron fence and heavy iron gate around the front and they just push through it as if I have no rights at all to my own property.

It's just that the area where we live in WV is saturated with wall-to-wall fundamentalists. The "drive-bys" in parking lots seem to be a new tactic of theirs. I'm used to dealing with door bangers but these hit-and-run asphalt missionaries who literally corner you in your car have me stumped -- at least in my own house I have certain rights but what's a person to do when folks ambush you in a parking lot, especially when they use their kids to do so? It's not like I can tell 12 year old kids to go fuck themselves or even threaten to call security. Of course the adults who put these kids up to this crap know that, which is why the cowards don't even bother to get out of their car. This has happened three times in the past two weeks and I'm getting pretty damned pissed off about it. It's so disrespectful and arrogant.

[Nikki Stone1]

43. I guess telling these people to go pray in their closets won't help, huh

How are you, HP?

[Manifestor_of_Light]

45. How about carrying a Super Soaker gun filled with water?

And squirt 'em?

[LeftyMom]

39. What to say to the kids: I'm sorry your parents are doing this to you. It's okay to resent this.

Please remember how this made you feel when you have kids of your own.

If the parent were within earshot I'd tell them that having their kids go up to complete strangers is dangerous. It only takes one nut.

[Ilsa]

40. I have a plan. If they leave their trash on my car,

I'm going to write "fuck off" in big letters with a red permanent marker and take it back to their church and dump it. That way, they have the same litter to deal with that they thrust upon me, but they can't reuse it.

[mitchtv]

44. I lied to one pair of JWs

said I was an idol worshiping Catholic and considered them heretics, said she, " at least you believe in something" upon leaving she pointed put out St Francis Assisi statue in the garden to her partner