Prepared Remarks: President Ronald Zombie Reagan: Student alternative to President Obama's speech

omega minimo

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Mon Sep-07-09 06:57 PM
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Prepared Remarks: President Ronald Zombie Reagan: Student alternative to President Obama's speech

Edited on Mon Sep-07-09 07:41 PM by omega minimo

Rappin Ron Reagan - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XECby_mT1w&feature=related

Prepared statement: President Ronald Zombie Reagan: Student alternative to President Obama's speech

Well, you know, this is a real treat for me. Let me offer a special hello to those of you who are watching on the TweeterTubes.

Well, this marks the beginning of the school year, and I'm particularly pleased to be talking to American students in this, my first speech from beyond the grave. Now, I know you are listening because your parents did not want you to hear a speech by President Barack Hussein Obama. He may be a nice fellow but this is a free country. Your parents are free to be told what to think and do by other people who have talk shows. They are free to worship Republican presidents and demand allegiance from all. They are free to teach you that a non-Republican, non-white president is a bad, bad man.

Well, the United States is the world's oldest democratic government. And at my age, when I tell you something is the oldest in the world, you can take my word for it; I'm probably talking from personal experience. Since I've been encased in Teflon and propped up in Statuary Hall on Capitol Hill, I feel even older. Than the Hill. Heh heh.

Yes, I took my place in Statuary Hall with Junipero Serra, the traveling preacher who established the first charter school franchise in the country, tamed the California Indians and gave them jobs. The charter schools were called "Missions" and established the first cities in California, before it was a state. The jobs were called "slavery," before it was illegal.

In school, you learn about my accomplishments that combined, well, an actor's communication skills with simplistic solutions to complex problems. I took care of the homeless by freeing them from mental hospitals, letting them disappear into the streets and renaming them "campers." That is why there are no homeless today. I brought healthy lunches to American schools, by renaming ketchup and salsa, dramatically increasing the amount of "fresh vegetables" eaten by schoolchildren just like you.

It's not just that our government is the oldest of its kind, but that it's based on the world's most revolutionary political idea. You can see that concept in the very first line of our Constitution, and it begins with three simple words: "We the People.'' And in our country, our Constitution is by the people, and it tells the Government what it can do. And only those things listed in the Constitution, and nothing else, can Government do. So, in America, it is the people who are in charge.

Well, since homeless are campers, ketchup is a vegetable and corporations are people, that means that in America, the people who are in charge are "We, the Corporations" and they tell Government what to do. If you have a home and eat vegetables, you can grow up to be one of the educated people looking for jobs that those corporations have sent overseas.

When I said, "You see one redwood tree, you've seen them all," I invented "sustainability." So when Global Climate Change and Peak Oil make the American Way of Life unfeasible, you smart students can invent new ways to sustain life on this globe, the Earth. And that truth is fundamental to both liberty and prosperity. If all else fails, just change the words to fix the problem: "Clear Skies Initiative." No problem! "Leave No Child Behind." No problem!

Well, you know, I've seen remarkable technological change in my lifetime. Maybe I'm just going to date myself as belonging back with the dinosaurs or something when I tell you this, but just think, I can still remember my first ride in an automobile. Before cars, we went by horse and buggy. The horse was very fuel-efficient but kind of slow. And if you wanted to supercharge one, you fed him an extra bag of oats. When I played Superman, I just flew everywhere.

The machines will change -- the horse and buggy to the automobile and so forth -- but the people don't. The basic values of faith and family will be just as true when people are living on distant planets as they are today. Some people won't be able to get to those distant planets when this globe, the Earth, is unlivable due to the continuation of my policies.

Well, this will still be a free country. If you can pay, you can be Teflon coated like me. Or, for free, you can make the ultimate sacrifice and serve your nation and sustain its values. Soylent Green is People!! I always wanted to say that. Heh heh. Damn Charlton Heston... Who has got the cold, dead hands now, eh? Me and my statue buddies, that's who! Here, pull my finger.

Well, God Bless, We, the Corporations and God Bless America.

Ron & the D.C. crew ronnie's rap - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocly0JWD2ug&feature=related
The Simpsons - Rappin Ronnie Reagan - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwPwQdpR_Fs&feature=related