Glenn Beck Tops 2009 Carnie Awards

[Joanne98]

Fri Sep 11, 2009 at 09:04:33 AM PDT

In a hard-fought battle, political talk pundit Glenn Beck handily defeated reality show stars Jon & Kate Gosselin to top the 5th annual Carnie Awards honoring the nation’s leading carnival-style hucksters, side show acts and bull artists.

Doc Paranormal's diary :: :: Glenn Beck skyrocketed to the top of the list thanks to his unfortunately popular new Fox News show. More than any other celebrity in recent memory, he’s a 19th-century carnival barker brought back to life
People today are just as gullible as they were back when housewives bought snake-oil from fast-talking carnies while their husbands drooled at strippers in dimly-lit tents. Glenn Beck fans are the same kind of rubes I conned as a teen-age carnie. I wrote about them in a book, Eyeing the Flash: The Education of a Carnival Con Artist. Just because the sales pitch comes via a high-definition TV or high-tech gadget doesn’t mean it’s not full of bull.
The Carnie Awards were created to honor celebrities and politicians who still know there’s a sucker born every minute. Like all good carnies, they know that when it comes to drawing a crowd, the sizzle is more important than the steak.
So, step right up ladies and gentlemen! Here are the top five winners of the 2009 Carnie Awards!

5th Place:

The Jacksons:
Millions of fans were still mourning Michael’s death when teams of lawyers began cutting deals for his estate. Their frantic work is already bearing the family lucrative fruit: A concert film will soon be hitting screens worldwide; discarded tracks are being brushed off for new albums; the 4 Jackson brothers have signed to star in an A&E reality show; there are even reports that Michael’s burial was professionally filmed. And don’t forget about dad Joe Jackson’s new record label.

4th Place:
Sarah Palin:
Sarah was so eager to turn her political popularity into personal gold that she shockingly quit the day job that brought her immense fame. Now she’s at home in Wasilla with a multi-million dollar book deal and a mountain of big bucks offers. Meanwhile, she keeps her rabid fan base happy with wacky postings on Twitter and Facebook. All that holds Sarah back from even greater fame and fortune is former almost-son-in-law Levi Johnston and her own personal foibles.

3rd Place:

Wall Street:
America’s financial big shots went bankrupt. But with able assistance from the politicians they keep in the back pockets of their Armani suits, the moguls tricked taxpayers into covering their massive losses. Now they’re back to paying themselves billions in bonuses while unemployment soars.

2nd Place:

Jon & Kate Gosselin:
Octomom proved that fertility pays. But no one in America has benefited more from giving birth eight times than Jon and Kate. Pumping out twins and sextuplets in rapid succession earned them reality TV fame. Ratings climbed to record levels when they filed for divorce. And now that their faces are plastered on all the celebrity magazines, you can’t avoid the Jon & Kate ‘brand’ even when you’re buying a box of Pop Tarts.

1st Place:
Glenn Beck:
Now that the World Weekly News is dead and buried, America turns to Glenn Beck for crazy news and commentary. Combining the appearance of a fat Bat Boy with the lunatic punditry of Ed Anger, Beck has developed a lucrative fan base of paranoids and conspiracy theorists who think Art Bell is too f*****g tame. In the five year history of these awards no celebrity epitomizes the carnie spirit more than Glenn Beck. He makes millions pitching political snake oil to the same sort of rubes that once crowded side shows to gawk at geeks biting the heads off of chickens.

http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2009/9/11/780509/-Glenn-Beck-Tops-2009-Carnie-Awards

[Sinistrous]

1. I think i'd switch the rankings of

Sarah and the Gosselins.

[Initech]

2. And let's not forget Beck's half-assed attempt at a "comedy" show.

[lpbk2713]

3. Beck --- "I'd like to thank all the little people."

[dixiegrrrrl]

4. Hey ! Those are my NEIGHBORS !!!!!

Why weren't we invited to the that party????

[JuniperLea]

5. I think that's a picture from my last family reunion!

:rofl:

[Qutzupalotl]

6. There's a Glenn Beck viewer born every minute.

[Touchdown]

7. He does look like a "fat Bat Boy".

:rofl:

[dixiegrrrrl]

8. Have you noticed the distinct Ayran type of Beck and his cohorts?

[Touchdown]

9. Well, Beck is a German name.

:shrug:

[zippy890]

10. "the nation’s leading carnival-style huckster, side show act and bull artist"

thats perfect description!!

:rofl:

plus he gets the pillsbury dough boy award - he's so doughy. ick