I encountered overt homophobia today.

[lightningandsnow]

I am bisexual, but from Toronto, and, as such, have always been extremely lucky to grow up in a tolerant, accepting environment.

I recently moved to Ottawa, Ontario for university, but had been told it was also a fairly accepting city.

Today, one of my roommates had a friend from our building over. Somehow, the topic of homosexuality came up, and this guy said "I'm homophobic."

My roommate said "For real?"

He said "yes", and continued to rant about his "logical" reasons for hating gay people, and how he stays as far away as possible.

I wish this had been a story about how I stood up to him, but it isn't. I retreated to my room, too scared to say anything. How do I know if this guy could get violent? Was I cowardly? Probably. But I've only been here for 6 days.

The thing that hurts the most is that my roommates didn't say anything. They know I'm bisexual and are accepting of it, but they didn't act like good allies today. Maybe they were scared, too.

[Ian David]

1. "Phobia" is by definition an irrational fear.

Next time, point out to the dude that his fear is, by definition, irrational.

[LuvNewcastle]

2. I think you need to tell your roommates

that you don't want that guy over there anymore. If they don't understand, it might be time to look for another roomie.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

3. Hell of a start,

and I'm sorry your university career has begun this way.

Try to stay with the good stuff.

You did fine, getting the hell out of there and not getting into that asshole's face. He's nothing to you, and I agree with the poster above who recommended you tell your roommate who brought him over that he is not welcome there any more.

Sometime, you might want to sit down with your roommates and have a wide-open, no-holds-barred talk about sexuality. You're young, they're young, and very often, kids act like they're far more sophisticated than they actually are. I'm thinking that the silence on the part of your roommates indicates that they might not know what bisexuality means.

It just might be your job to educate them.

And, it might be that you're going to have to find a different living situation eventually.

But, it's too early to go that far down the road. For now, I'd opt for a big conversation about what happened today and how it affected you.

I'll bet your roommates don't have a clue.

After all, you're all there for an education, right?

Good luck, honey, and don't feel bad. The world is full of these dickwads, and we have to neutralize them (through education), one by one....................... :hug:

[lightningandsnow]

9. Thank you for your kind words.

:hug:

[peacebird]

4. arghh... I'm sorry. That just sucks. I think your roomies should have shown him the door.

:hug:

But definately he should NOT be allowed back into the apartment...

[omega minimo]

5. Would you be comfortable

pointing out to someone like that, that no one knows who all is or is not homosexual? Homophobic dolts assume they can tell. So they assume everyone is straight unless it's "obvious."

[Warpy]

6. I'm sorry you were faced with an idiot so soon

Just be glad you weren't out yet.

It's a hard lesson, but you do need to know whether or not it's safe to come out to people.

You know it's not safe to come out to that jerk. Just don't be surprised some years down the line to find him coming out to you.

Yeah, that's where homophobia comes from.

[Canuckistanian]

7. I doubt whether he'd be able to spout his homophobia for long

University students WILL challenge him, cajole him or otherwise criticize him for his "beliefs". Not many people will put up with that bullshit in a Canadian university setting. If he persists, he's going to have a hard time socially.

BTW, are you in Carleton or Ottawa U?

[lightningandsnow]

8. I'm at Carleton.

It's actually been awesome so far, despite the homophobic frat boy incident. :)

And yes, it's reassuring to know that most people don't think that way.

[Iggo]

11. You want I should kick his ass for you?

;-) :hug:

[Swamp Rat]

10. .

:hug:

[WVRICK13]

12. Is He Cute

reason I ask is that every single homophobe who ever gave me a hard time later tried to get me in bed. The phrase, "me think he protests too loudly" comes to mind.