The Teabagger Socialist-Free Purity Pledge

[kpete]

The Teabagger Socialist-Free Purity Pledge
by Laura Clawson
Fri Sep 18, 2009 at 01:00:04 PM PDT

Daily Kos readers (in this case helloworld) are awesome and send awesome emails:

I, ________________________, do solemnly swear to uphold the principles of a socialism-free society and heretofore pledge my word that I shall strictly adhere to the following:

I will complain about the destruction of 1st Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 1st Amendment Rights.

I will complain about the destruction of my 2nd Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 2nd Amendment rights by legally but brazenly brandishing unconcealed firearms in public.

I will foreswear the time-honored principles of fairness, decency, and respect by screaming unintelligible platitudes regarding tyranny, Nazi-ism, and socialism at public town halls. Also.

I pledge to eliminate all government intervention in my life. I will abstain from the use of and participation in any socialist goods and services including but not limited to the following:

* Social Security

* Medicare/Medicaid

* State Children’s Health Insurance Programs (SCHIP)

* Police, Fire, and Emergency Services

* US Postal Service

* Roads and Highways

* Air Travel (regulated by the socialist FAA)

* The US Railway System

* Public Subways and Metro Systems

* Public Bus and Lightrail Systems

* Rest Areas on Highways

* Sidewalks

* All Government-Funded Local/State Projects (e.g., see Iowa 2009 federal senate appropriations)

* Public Water and Sewer Services (goodbye socialist toilet, shower, dishwasher, kitchen sink, outdoor hose!)

* Public and State Universities and Colleges

* Public Primary and Secondary Schools

* Sesame Street

* Publicly Funded Anti-Drug Use Education for Children

* Public Museums

* Libraries

* Public Parks and Beaches

* State and National Parks

* Public Zoos

* Unemployment Insurance

* Municipal Garbage and Recycling Services

* Treatment at Any Hospital or Clinic That Ever Received Funding From Local, State or Federal Government (pretty much all of them)

* Medical Services and Medications That Were Created or Derived From Any Government Grant or Research Funding (again, pretty much all of them)

* Socialist Byproducts of Government Investment Such as Duct Tape and Velcro (Nazi-NASA Inventions)

* Use of the Internets, email, and networked computers, as the DoD's ARPANET was the basis for subsequent computer networking

* Foodstuffs, Meats, Produce and Crops That Were Grown With, Fed With, Raised With or That Contain Inputs From Crops Grown With Government Subsidies

* Clothing Made from Crops (e.g. cotton) That Were Grown With or That Contain Inputs From Government Subsidies

If a veteran of the government-run socialist US military, I will forego my VA benefits and insist on paying for my own medical care

I will not tour socialist government buildings like the Capitol in Washington, D.C.

I pledge to never take myself, my family, or my children on a tour of the following types of socialist locations, including but not limited to:

* Smithsonian Museums such as the Air and Space Museum or Museum of American History

* The socialist Washington, Lincoln, and Jefferson Monuments

* The government-operated Statue of Liberty

* The Grand Canyon

* The socialist World War II and Vietnam Veterans Memorials

* The government-run socialist-propaganda location known as Arlington National Cemetery

* All other public-funded socialist sites, whether it be in my state or in Washington, DC

I will urge my Member of Congress and Senators to forego their government salary and government-provided healthcare.

I will oppose and condemn the government-funded and therefore socialist military of the United States of America.

I will boycott the products of socialist defense contractors such as GE, Lockheed-Martin, Boeing, Northrop Grumman, General Dynamics, Raytheon, Humana, FedEx, General Motors, Honeywell, and hundreds of others that are paid by our socialist government to produce goods for our socialist army.

I will protest socialist security departments such as the Pentagon, FBI, CIA, Department of Homeland Security, TSA, Department of Justice and their socialist employees.

Upon reaching eligible retirement age, I will tear up my socialist Social Security checks.

Upon reaching age 65, I will forego Medicare and pay for my own private health insurance until I die.

SWORN ON A BIBLE AND SIGNED THIS DAY OF __________ IN THE YEAR ___.

_____________ _________________________

Signed Printed Name/Town and State

Perfect for viral email, my friends. You know what to do.

Update: PDF here.
http://images2.dailykos.com/images/user/2563/teabaggerpledge.pdf
http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2009/9/18/783895/-The-Teabagger-Socialist-Free-Purity-Pledge

[joeybee12]

1. Very nice! +1!

[LeftinOH]

2. Sweet!. (rec'd)

[BOSSHOG]

3. And by gawd teabaggers will put testicles in their mouths without gov't intervention

[Turbineguy]

4. Signed

in Purity of Essence.

[mshasta]

5. okay!!

in your face retards

[gratuitous]

6. Totally ineffective!

It's gotta be sworn on a King James Version of the Bible, or it's no good. Nice try, you libruls, but an oath sworn on a New International Version or {shudder} a New English Version of the Bible is of no effect. Also, it should be "Year of Our Lord," not just "Year." Otherwise you could write in one o' them funny Jewish years or Muslin years, and confuse real red-blooded Amurikins.

Now, I just need my quill pen and I'm ready to sign!

[myrna minx]

7. K&R n/t

[PA Democrat]

8. That's a great list.

Tea baggers had better start looking for private property for their next rally and make sure there are plenty of porta-potties.

On a funny note, the local tea baggers had their last rally at a park that is slated to be closed due to the state's budget crisis. They have fought against higher state income taxes but now are also complaining about the planned closure of the park.

[jaxx]

9. That's a winner.

I'll do my part to get it out there. ;-)

[Lagomorph]

10. Highly amusing.

Most of those old farts handed over hundreds of thousands of dollars in taxes during their lifetime.

If we don't like what they built, maybe we should just burn it all down.

[Lorien]

11. The sick part is that they DO want to privatize ALL of it

The Enron debacle is completely lost on them because they only listen to spin and corporate propaganda; they don't pay attention to history and results.

[Roland99]

12. About like my list I posted. But I like the addition for the 1st and 2nd Amendment mentions. >>>>

http://journals.democraticunderground.com/Roland99/54

[BuyingThyme]

13. How are they gonna write their names without using their socialized educations?

[bear425]

14. K/R N/T

[Jack Rabbit]

15. Well, that's one way to get rid of one of my pet peeves . . .

Cowboys on federal/state highways who drive pickup trucks like they were Jaguars.

[MisterP]

16. "I will not ride the DC Metro and then complain it wasn't expanded for me at taxpayer expense

I will rent cars from Enterprise or some other private firm, or the small dealers that get devoured by the holy free market, because some guy in the 1770s insisted that the private is always cheaper than the public, and that money is a measure of moral worth"

[jgraz]

17. What about breathing air kept clean by oppressive socialist regulation?

I really wish they would stop that as well.

[underpants]

18. AVAST!!!

love it

[KamaAina]

19. I will refrain from supporting the athletic teams of the socialist public colleges and universities.

There. That oughta do it! :P

[Bluenorthwest]

20. !!!!!!

!!!!!

[underpants]

21. * The Grand Canyon

:rofl:

[scentopine]

22. Socialist Tobacco Subsidies means no smoking and

socialist oil subsidies mean no driving!

[nightgaunt]

23. Almost complete except to sell off and privatize everything!

That means the regulatory bodies will just disappear, we will only collect tariffs (maybe) but everything else will be up for grabs to pay off the debt. Every highway will be a toll way and you can buy anything you can afford. When it is scarce and in demand like after a devastating weather event then too bad if that water you need now costs $100 dollars a bottle. Nothing wrong with that, just like what <b>Ron Paul</b> would be for. If you want the police and fire and EMS well you can either contract with them (cost less) or pay when they show up or else you are on your own. Can you imagine a place like that where the corporations are free to do whatever they want and you get to pay for it or die? There won't be a Medicare or Medicaid or Social Security. Nada in that area too. No FDA or EPS or any of that stuff, just corporations duking it out in court but mostly without our input at all. It would turn into a country that if you had the money then you can play in that society. Child labor will be back and busy with all the money you can scrape together from what little they will pay you. Much like today only more so, without legal ways of curbing it. Everybody ready to line up to have it happen?