Tweeting a miscarriage in Wisconsin

[babylonsister]

Ah, technology.

http://www.salon.com/mwt/broadsheet/feature/2009/09/26/miscarriage_tweet/

Tweeting a miscarriage

Despite its puny 140-character-count, the tweet packs an emotional punch: "I'm in a board meeting. Having a miscarriage. Thank goodness, because there's a fucked-up 3-week hoop-jump to have an abortion in Wisconsin." It appeared in my Twitter feed earlier this week and stopped me in my page-skimming tracks. It was startling given the intensely personal subject matter and matter-of-fact tone -- and even more so because it wasn't broadcast by an anonymous someone hiding behind a screen name. It came from Penelope Trunk, a writer who dishes out work advice as well as tales of attempts at balancing her own career and personal life. Having a miscarriage in a board meeting certainly falls within her beat.

"I'm in a board meeting. Having a miscarriage. Thank goodness, because there's a fucked-up 3-week hoop-jump to have an abortion in Wisconsin"

Many people didn't see it that way, though. Commenters on her blog called the tweet callous, while others deemed it an over-share. One said it was "unconscionable" to be "happy to have a miscarriage, even if you were getting an abortion." A blogger expressed outrage that Trunk didn't have her tubes tied "since she is sexually active and doesn't want more kids." After a few days of being excoriated for those three sentences dashed off in the middle of a meeting, Trunk addressed the controversy in a new blog post: "Not only have bloggers written whole posts about the disgustingness of it, but 70 people unfollowed me, and people actually came to my blog and wrote complaints about the twitter on random, unrelated posts."

Trunk wasn't so much surprised that the tweet was a conversation starter as she was by the particular conversation it sparked. "It is absolutely outrageous how difficult it was going to be for me to get an abortion, and it’s outrageous that no one is outraged." Wisconsin has a 24-hour waiting period for abortions and only three clinics that are covered by insurance, which "puts a huge burden on an overworked system," she explains. "In Wisconsin, there is a week and a half wait to get the first meeting and a week and half wait to get the abortion." Talk about "callous" and "unconscionable." Many women experience relief at having a miscarriage when they find they are unwittingly pregnant, and I can only imagine the relief would be twofold when you otherwise would have to wait three weeks to obtain an abortion.

Interestingly enough, Truck had a miscarriage in 2003 that she also wrote about. Only the situation was very different: This was a baby she very much wanted to have. In a post titled "Sometimes Work Is a Welcome Distraction," she tersely explained: "I am four months pregnant. But the baby is dead, inside me, and must be removed. I am devastated. I always knew this could happen, in the back of my mind. But you are never prepared for something like this to happen." The post continued in a brusque style comparable to that of her recent tweet -- both announced a miscarriage in a matter-of-fact way on the public stage, but only one got under people's skin. There is surely a difference in the formats (a tweet versus a lengthy blog post) but also in her reaction to the miscarriage: When she responded with grief, it wasn't deemed inappropriate but when she expressed what seemed to be shell-shocked relief, it was.

So, how much of the outrage has to do with the personal nature of the tweet and how much has to do with the supposed inappropriateness of her response? Judging from the number of pro-life comments in response to her blog post on the matter, I suspect it skews toward the latter.

― Tracy Clark-Flory

[WeDidIt]

1. The Terrorists have won

The anti-women's health terrorists out there have created a climate where there are fewer and fewer clinics offering women's healthcare.

[tanyev]

2. OK, I guess I'm stupid.

Could someone explain to me, without going into too much graphic detail, how she can be attending a board meeting while having a miscarriage? Isn't there cramping, pain, mess? If it started at work, wouldn't you at least want to go home?

[Chemisse]

3. In the early weeks, it would not be much different than having a period

If she had on a pad, she would be all set, although fairly uncomfortable.

[soccermomforobama]

4. From my miscarriages, yes there was cramping, pain and blood.

But both of mine started at work and I continued to work until my boss made me leave. Working kept my mind off of what was going on.

[tanyev]

7. Thanks for your answer and I am sorry you have gone through that.

[marshall]

8. A friend of mine had a miscarriage during a performance of a musical

She knew it was happening on stage, but like a trooper she managed to finish her featured song. She made it to the dressing room, cleaned and composed herself, and made it back onstage for her next scene.

Remember the old adage--"The show must go on!"

And BTW, she went on to have three healthy children after being told (even before the miscarriage) that she could not have any.

[tanyev]

10. Wow. There's a lot of women made of sterner stuff than I am.

[proud2BlibKansan]

11. I had a miscarriage and didn't even know I was pregnant

I went to the doctor about a month later and he said he could tell I had miscarried. I thought I was just having an unusually painful and heavy period.

[Solly Mack]

5. K&R

[Chemisse]

6. It is definitely 'over sharing'

I can see how some women might think it is callous, particularly if they are in a position of wanting or having a baby.

But there is nothing outrageous (or new!) about being relieved to have a miscarriage. Nor is there anything particularly shocking about planning to have an abortion. Women do it all the time, although it is generally a secret, for this very reason.

Maybe women should talk about it more; make it more socially acceptable.

[Schema Thing]

9. agree on over-sharing

and yeah, it amazes me that people can get so worked up over abortion, when "god" aborts 50% (+-?) of all "babies" conceived.

[whathehell]

15. Why would it amaze you?

It's the difference between an accident and a deliberate act.

[Barack_America]

12. The problem is, many wouldn't have considered it over sharing if she expressed...

...the opposite feeling about it.

I participate on on-line boards with so-called feminist women and even there, there is much support to be found for a woman devastated by a miscarriage, but the few that have had the courage to post the opposite emotion were not treated as kindly.

[ensho]

16. the actuality of it is:

if the woman knew she was pregnant and wanted to be, then she would be disappointed.

if the woman knew she was pregnant and didn't want to be, then she would be glad.

pretending otherwise is stressful.

[Chemisse]

23. I'm sure you are right.

Maybe I am antiquated but I think having a miscarriage, regardless of what your feelings are about it, is a private matter shared only with those close to you.

To be transparent is to be vulnerable.

[arikara]

13. They are not

"pro life". They take the meaning away from that phrase.

[Morning Dew]

21. Beat me to it.

+1

[ensho]

14. the world of women have miscarriages all the time

it shouldn't be some hushed up subject.

my mother had two between birthing me and my younger brother. both in the toilet.

I never had one but did birth two babies.

it is not disgusting. it is something normal that happens to women all the time. sometimes it is mistaken for a monthly bleeding.

it shouldn't be some hushed up subject.

[Riley18]

17. She is free to say how she honestly felt about the miscarriage.

Anyone who attacked her for her honesty is no better than a terrorist. The Taliban have tons of rules for women that make no sense, but they will kill anyone who disobeys them. Many of the "pro-life" people also think they can say or do anything to anyone simply because of their own personal religious belief.

[catzies]

22. Yes. You said that very well. Thank you.

:hi:

[Archbishop]

18. It was overshare

But people shouldn't have been so outraged. Republicans need to know that they don't control other people's bodies. When they do the world will become more peaceful.

[GreenPartyVoter]

19. I am sure a lot of people took offense at what she wrote, but she has her reasons

for feeling that way and given that she was going to have an abortion anyway I don't see the big deal. Tell me she's the first woman (or girl) to have been relieved to lose a pregnancy and _then_ I'll puff up in indignation.

[FirstLight]

20. Overshare? how dare they !

Sorry, that sounds a little over-dramatic. But I am onboard with the idea that these issues need to be addressed and openly and often. Much of the psychology behind women's health issues has to do with treating us as chattel, quite frankly.

Women have been attending to their needs and passing along the wisdom of how to cope with our fertility and birthing and menses for millenia. I keep thinking of books that I have read (Clan of the Cave Bear series, Wise Woman's Herbal and others...some fiction, some wisdom and homeopathy/naturopathy) and that the decision or choice factor was seen more as a "fact of life." Women were not scorned for deeming the situation, or their health, in an inappropriate place to carry and birth a child. Why should it be any different now?

Too much politics and not enough awareness and honesty about our bodies and how they work. Most girls have NO idea about protection or self worth by the time they are of childbearing age, (much less how to keep their hormones healthy and feel better about their periods and selves as they grow & change) and many women nearing menopause have no idea of how to deal with it or that they may still be fertile...
I have miscarried a twin, while going on to birth the other healthy twin. I had no preparation or understanding about this. I had illness/fever for three days, mild spotting and the ultrasounds from 4 weeks showed 2 babies and the one from 8 weeks showed one growing and one almost gone. My body reabsorbed the second child, and it happens to enough of us that statisically, 25% of us are twins with no twin to show for it. I see that at the time my body was not able to sustain the additional life, and barely survived the stress of the rest of the pregnancy. I wished I could have made the choice at the time to abort, but it waasn't meant to be - at least my body took 'some of the pressure off' by only giving me one baby and not two.... And my little guy is now 6 years old and has enough energy for 3 kids!

[BlooInBloo]

24. Definitely an overshare. As it would have been if it were blogged, or anything else.