Had to inform my wife's aunt that she is a sexist pig today.

[RB TexLa]

She was encouraging us to raise children. Something we do not do, I have nothing against people who have chosen that lifestyle but we have not chosen it. It really started when my wife suggested I might have a say in such matters. When it got to the point of her saying well, what if he gets a vasectomy? To which her aunt replied "then you just do not allow him to have one, you do have rights."

I asked if she thought I should have the right to either force or prevent my wife from having an abortion. She said that of course I had no right to do that. After asking about the "allowing or not allowing" me to have a medical procedure she said that of course I shouldn't be able to do that without my wife's permission. My response and probably the last words I'll ever speak to the piece of shit, "Well, it's pretty simple then, you are a sexist pig."

[seabeyond]

1. at first i thought you were advocating having kids without raising them. lol

see you dont have kids and dont want them.

all for your right to not want to have kids.

[ShortnFiery]

2. Good for you!

We didn't start a family until 11 years after we were married. Both parents had given up on us and it was a much more enjoyable experience. However, If we did not have children, I don't believe our marriage would have suffered - we were already happy to be "stuck with each other." :blush:

During the first few years of our marriage, people would ask about children and I'd quip, "We're child free." I did that just so acquaintances would then STFU and not bug me any further.

Bottom Line: It's you and your wife's choice. Nobody else should interfere.

[SeattleGirl]

3. You're right -- she IS a sexist pig!

Good lord, she thinks you need your wife's permission to have a vasectomy, but your wife can do whatever the hell she wants, and the hell with you? That's as repugnant to me as if she had said the opposite.

:grr:

[Warpy]

4. People just have weird cutoff points in their heads, I guess

and a lot of people out there think the only reason to marry is to breed.

Add to that the vasectomy doesn't affect your health one way or the other but access to abortion can affect a woman's life very much, and there's another cutoff point.

I'm sure your aunt in law means well, she just hasn't thought it through in terms of personal autonomy and sovereignty in one's own body. She also can't conceive of the fact that not all women are meant to be mothers and not all men are meant to be fathers. To her, producing children is an integral part of life.

Who knows? Maybe you shocked her into thinking a few things through, maybe you didn't.

In any case, you can't choose your inlaws any more than you can choose your own family. I'm sure you can be civil enough not to revisit the subject unless she brings it up.

[lapfog_1]

5. The proper term is misandrinistic

the opposite of misogynistic.

[ProgressiveProfessor]

7. Indeed. See a lot of it out there and people are rarely called on it. N/T

[lapfog_1]

35. To be fair, mysogyny is rapant compared to misandry.

But it's around. It's sad that either exist.

[NOLALady]

6. Some people simply tell the

nosy relatives that they are sterile.

It works until you run into the ones who try to pressure you into adopting.

[katandmoon]

8. Excuse me but YAWN. You felt the need to share this intimate family discussion exactly why?

[Madrone]

9. Probably for the same reason you felt the need to comment on it.

The desire to share your thoughts.

Geez.

[kestrel91316]

11. Perhaps you'd be happier elsewhere. We have these sorts of discussions on DU.

There is a HIDE THREAD function, and even an IGNORE function. I strongly suggest you get off your high-and-mighty ass and learn how to use them rather than chiding a longstanding good DUer.

[katandmoon]

17. Get off your own high horse. If you don't like my comments then YOU don't read them.

[Posteritatis]

23. says the person atop a high horse due to someone else's comments... (nt)

[AuntPatsy]

30. lol so true

[RB TexLa]

12. Do you know any of my family? No you do not, and you never will.

[katandmoon]

18. Well, I know that you trash your wife's aunt online.

[RB TexLa]

20. So you agree with her? You think a person who thinks like that should not be "trashed"?

[anigbrowl]

29. It's meaningless. Might as well be fiction, since we don't and can't really know them except through

So you don't like your wife's aunt, OK. And you told her so, OK.

[AuntPatsy]

31. What is it with people like you? why are you on a discussion board if you don't like

discussing current events regardless if you do or do not know the person directly being talked about? the congratulations you so vividly give us a pic of could indeed be directed to your own post...

[anigbrowl]

34. How does this thread bear on current events?

Actually, I do like discussing them, which is why I come here, and fail to see the relevance of domestic drama threads which are more relevant to a support group context.

[ScreamingMeemie]

40. Ummm... a women's right to choose is quite current, I would think...

or did all that get sorted out while I was watching football today. :shrug:

[ScreamingMeemie]

39. Way to grab attention for yourself on this thread.

Good job. Woot even.

Nice...ahem... Move along now.

[HipChick]

10. just because I have a uterus, it doesn't mean I have to breed..

told to my mother many times, but she still awaits grandkids..

[get the red out]

13. She's determined you should comply with societal norms

She believes you MUST comply with societal norms and have kids no matter whose rights get taken. That attitude stems from an inability to question societal norms and thus going into full hand-wringing mode at someone not living up to these expectations. They don't know what will happen if you don't do what they want, but they are quite convinced it will be bad.

I used to have a friend that would moan for an hour on the phone to me about the hideous treatment she received from her adult daughter then immediately switch gears and solemnly ask me if I wouldn't regret not having children, and tell me there was still time on my biological clock and I might regret it one day. If anything could be more of a deterrent to having kids than hearing about her relationship with her child, I don't know what it would be, but she never saw the slightest contradiction in the two topics she most like to discuss with me.

[Liberal_in_LA]

24. +10

[hfojvt]

14. where are these lines?

Somebody disagrees with you on some issue or other and then you apparently have a very strong hatred of them and describe them, even though they are sort of family, as a POS. Kinda scary, you apparently have a pretty short fuse.

[RB TexLa]

15. A person who thinks someone else has a right to tell another what they can and can't do in their own

body is a piece of shit.

[peace13]

16. Hope all of this sexism didn't dent you.

This is a drip in the bucket to what women face every day. She is correct that spouses have rights. My sister's husband, father of two children from a previous marriage, wanted to wait two years before they started trying to have children. Two years later the creep said that they already had kids and didn't want any more. You see it works both ways. I know you feel all puffed up about it but to me it seems a minor blip. Best wishes. I hope that you and your wife stay on the same page about having children because it is hell when one spouses changes mind.

[Liberal_in_LA]

19. "then you just do not allow him to have one" Said like you were a child or a dog

Yeah, she's sexist

[REP]

21. You were restrained; I would have punched her

Seriously. I am sick of this shit, no matter which way it goes.

[Arkana]

22. That's pretty fucked up.

I don't know if "misandrist" works, but that's pretty fucked up. She has the rights to get her tubes tied, you've got the right to say "Snip it, Doc."

[bertman]

25. She sounds like my fascist brother and my niece's husband. One less Christmas card to send.

Unless you decided to send her a picture of a pig in a Santa suit.

In her case I think you'd want to amend that to a sexist SOW.

[Brooklyns_Finest]

26. For what its worth

I think in a marriage, a wife should "consult" with her husband before she has an abortion and on the flip side of the coin, the husband should consult with his wife before he has a vasectomy. Of course, the final decision should be that of the physically affected party, but lets not pretend like these type of decisions won't affect both people.

[omega minimo]

27. Did she have any rationale behind her logic? Just explaining it might show her how skewed it is.

[Chemisse]

28. I'm wondering if there is a little more to this story

For example, are you fairly young? Not together for too many years?

The aunt may be in a panic thinking her niece will someday change her mind and not have the ability to have children with you. A decision like that, made in the haste and nonchalance of youth, is often sadly regretted.

Also, why would she suggest her niece stop you from getting the vasectomy if you and your wife were in perfect agreement?

[Xenotime]

32. Good for you. Are you a memeber of VHEMT?

http://www.vhemt.org/



Are you doing it to safe the environment? I am sure they would love to hear your story. I don't think an angle like yours has been covered.

[RB TexLa]

33. I chose not to have them because I don't want to give up my time or money to raise them

[Gwendolyn]

36. I'm familiar with the pushy relative syndrome...

and never understand why they don't realize it's the height of rudeness to inject themselves into the personal business of others. But perhaps her logic interprets it like this: an abortion is a one-time thing that wouldn't affect the future brood you might create, whereas a vasectomy is mostly forever, and like a tubal ligation, would be something to discuss with the other before just going out and doing it?

[IdaBriggs]

37. Since you brought it up, are you and your wife in agreement about children?

If so, more power to both of you. If, however, one of you wants children, and the other doesn't, then there is a problem.

If your wife wants children, and you don't, I recommend the local sperm bank. :) If neither of you wants children (and this is something she is 100% in TOTAL agreement with), then go get snipped (if she is still of child bearing age). Etc.

I also think if you are in the "someday" category, that "someday" should be dealt with realistically. A woman's fertility declines after a certain point, and the risk to her health increases with "older" pregnancies. I am aware of more cases than I care to comment on where "later" became "probably never" and this was *not* the wish of the wife. :(

I also would point out that if your wife wants kids/you don't, it is likely the "aunt-in-law" is trying to be supportive to her.

[Brooklyns_Finest]

38. Wife

If the wife wants a child and he doesn't, then I would refer him to a divorce lawyer instead of her to a sperm bank. Within a marriage, bringing a child in to the world has to be a mutual decision. If both parties are not on the same page, then they should not be married.

This is common sense here, ma'am.