An Open Letter to The American Public from a Military Wife

[kpete]

An Open Letter to The American Public from a Military Wife
by IndieArmyWife

Mon Sep 28, 2009 at 06:03:49 AM PDT

Military families are being ripped apart at the seams by nearly a decade of war. Multiple deployments, lack of mental health care and support for soldiers and their families has caused huge increases in the rates of suicide, homicide, domestic abuse, alcohol abuse and drug abuse among military families. Regardless of political affiliation military families are relying on non-military affiliated Americans to help them recover from the aftershocks of war.


Dear America,

Thank you all for your thanks, your well-wishes, your flag waving and your yellow ribbons. It is appreciated. We don't do this for praise, or thanks, or any kind of public attention but believe me a well-timed "thank you for your sacrifices" is a lifeline for a military spouse who is struggling.

But we need more from you than applause and yellow ribbons. After our spouses come home, and I mean the hour that they come home, our whole world changes. Again. When they leave we put on our brave faces and our best outfits and send them off smiling so that the last image they have of us isn't our tears. Then we go home to an empty house, an empty bed, and the enormous weight of carrying all the responsibilities of parenting, managing a household, and living on our own. In addition we have to bear the burden of knowing the spouse we love is always in imminent danger.

There is no way to describe to you what it's like to live with the anxiety of knowing that any moment you could find out that your spouse isn't coming home, or is coming home with debilitating injuries. There are no words to tell you how military spouses survive going weeks, sometimes months, without hearing from their spouses. We don't know ourselves. We just do it, because it needs to be done and it's part of our lives.

When that spouse comes home our worlds get thrown asunder again. After the flags stop waving, after the applause and the well wishes stop there is the reality of getting to know someone that is essentially a stranger and making room in your life for a partner after bearing all the responsibility for a year or more. Living with a soldier who is suffering from Combat Stress or PTSD, or who has physical injuries that require a lot of care is more difficult than you can imagine, and the stress of that is ripping military families apart every day. Soldiers don't understand what's happening to them when they come home. Wives and spouses are confused, hurt, and isolated. Suicide, homicide, domestic abuse, depression, alcohol and drug abuse rates among military families are skyrocketing.

The Army is trying to meet the needs of soldiers and their families but just can't provide the kind of support that soldiers and their families need. The average wait time for counseling for the children of soldiers is a whopping eight months. Soldiers are waiting months for routine care and even care for injuries received in combat. My own husband has been back for six months and has not received any treatment for his TBI, despite the fact that we have a dedicated TBI clinic at the post he is stationed at.

In order to survive the deployment cycle intact military families need you. Regardless of political affiliation, regardless of how you feel about the wars military families need and deserve your support. There are stereotypes about military families on both sides of the political aisle but you need to put those aside. We are America citizens. Our loved ones are fighting and dying to protect this country and our way of life. We need your help. Shouldn't that be all that matters?

One of the things that I love about this country is the willingness of the American people to jump in and help people who are in crisis. After 9/11, after Hurricane Katrina people all over the country regardless of political affiliation put their lives on hold to help others. Before the rains subsided there were buses on the way to New Orleans with food, water, clothing and volunteers to help those in trouble. Well America - military families are drowning and we need your help.

There are two distinct things that you can do to help us. One way is by getting more active in the legislative process. Get involved. Call and write your representatives to ask them to support legislation that will provide help and support for soldiers and their families. There is legislation out there that can help soldiers and military families but without your support it won't get passed and we will continue to suffer.

The other way that you can help is to volunteer. I know you can do it. I saw millions of people pull together and unite under President Obama's banner of Hope. I was one of them. Now I'm asking you to support soldiers and military families who are willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for you. Volunteer for organizations that provide desperately needed material support, counseling, and other support for soldiers and their families. Raise awareness of the issues that are decimating military families.

You don't need to commit a lot of time or resources to help us either. Sometimes something as simple as a cup of coffee and a friendly ear can make the difference for a military spouse that's on the edge. Babysit for an hour so a military spouse can take some time off. Small gestures are huge to a military spouse that is feeling isolated, hopeless, or overwhelmed. Reach out to a military spouse who may not be capable of reaching out for help. Just be there. After the yellow ribbons come down, after the homecoming ceremony is over. Be there. That's when we really need you.

The military is trying to change the stigma associated with asking for help so that soldiers will be more willing to ask for the help that they need. Military families also traditionally serve and suffer in silence but we also have to speak up about the unprecedented struggles military families are dealing with as a result of 8 years of war. When the people of this country pull together they are unstoppable, and we need that strength to win the battle on the home front- the battle to save military families.

Thank you,

Indie Army Wife

MORE:
http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2009/9/28/787197/-An-Open-Letter-to-The-American-Public-from-a-Military-Wife

[Arctic Dave]

1. I help, first don't join. The occupation we are in, is illegal and immoral.

Second, don't go. See reason above.

[MindPilot]

5. Slight comfort to those who joined over eight years ago.

What's your next piece of sage advice, get a divorce if he deploys?

[Arctic Dave]

11. If they joined over eight years ago that means at one time they willingly re-upped.

Don't get me wrong, I fell sorry for these people but the fact of the matter is they need to tell the military to go fuck themselves. That is the only way this occupation will end quickly.

[MindPilot]

17. As much as you would like it to, it just doesn't work that way.

Do you really believe that even if enlistments dropped to zero, even if the Academy enrollments fell to nothing, even if everyone got out as soon as their first tour was up, and even if everyone in the military was suddenly by some miracle raptured into civilian life, that the Joint Chiefs would say "holy peace dividend, Batman! We need to stop this war!"

No. They would say, "Mr. President, we need a draft."

[Arctic Dave]

23. And as soon as those words left their mouths the occupation would end.

[Missy Vixen]

27. Ever heard of stop-loss, brainiac?

One of my girlfriends has a son caught in this hell.

Don't judge unless you've been there. In the meantime, your comments bring shame to every person on this site who can separate the war from those who are forced to fight it.

[T Wolf]

29. No one is FORCED to fight. Ever here of conscientious objection? EVERYONE in the military today

CHOSE to be there.

[nadinbrzezinski]

34. Once again, heard of stop loss?

Civilians are so fucking clueless.

Sorry.

[T Wolf]

37. SO, military personnel have no ability to NOT DO anything they are commanded to do?

A soldier with a conscience cannot say, "No. I will go to jail rather than kill innocent women and children."?

I did not know that the military could force someone to do something against their will - without torture. I am so relieved to know that everyone in the military is a mindless automaton that can only follow orders. I feel so much safer now.

I would agree with you and the others if you stated the truth - military personnel do not have the courage to refuse to perpetuate abuse and atrocity. But "you lie" when you say they do not have a choice.

[nadinbrzezinski]

39. A soldier can disobey an illegal order

an ilegal order would be... line civilians and shoot them. That is an illegal order.

But while on patrol shoot at a school where they are taking fire from, is quite legal

And this is coming from a MEDIC who got shot at plenty of times.

It is not as simple as you think

Oh and here is a free clue.

Operations in Iraq were authorized by the UN... take it with the UN Security Council.

Afghanistan is covered under article five of NATO, again, quite a legal war under INTERNATIONAL LAW.

Like it or not, these two wars, as much as I hate them, are quite legal under international law.

Now go on, tell me how they are not... I know you are wrong. Looked at it form all sides from a LEGAL perspective. Yes, they got the cover. And until Bush and the High Command are indicted under article one of the Nuremberg Protocol, this war is quite LEGAL. Ergo, orders to deploy ARE LEGAL.

[T Wolf]

43. The legality of the order makes no god damned difference to the issue. What some of us are

saying is that the individual soldier has the ability and capability to refuse to do something they object to.

No where do we say anything about there being NO CONSEQUENCES for that action.

You are arguing a bullshit point because you cannot address the central issue - the complicity of the "cannon fodder" in the actions they perform.

Those helping slaves escape via the Underground Railroad were breaking the law of the southern states. Yet, "we" hold them up as heroes because they stood up against the legal but immoral edicts of the legal authority within which they resided. Those who turned over runaway slaves obeyed "lawful commands." Why are they not held up as heroes? They should, according to your thinking.

[nadinbrzezinski]

44. Once again, not as simple as you think

as a civilian you can quit your job any second you choose to.

This same standard DOES NOT apply while in uniform.

And that is the part Civilians miss...

That is why THOSE TROOPS need you and me to be quite vocal.

Look I don't expect you to get this, but you quitting your job means losing your income. A soldier refusing to deploy, and Watada got lucky by the way since they blew it, can rightfully expect a firing squad. Those are the possible consequences under the UCMJ in time of war. So you are asking soldiers to commit mutiny? Is that it?

Because that is what you are asking.

By the way, I DID REFUSE to obey a very illegal order. That was exactly what I risked. I had ducks lined up, and T and I dotted.

Now as long as this war is legal, a soldier has a duty to go with the rest of his troops. That is the truth. So you want this to stop? Fine, that is YOUR JOB and MY job. We have something troops don't have... that is called FIRST AMENDMENT rights.

[T Wolf]

48. Just like the repukes, you are looking for actions without consequences. Obviously, no (or very few

soldiers are willing to take a moral stand on the war.

Their attitude, and yours, is that "I better do anything I am told or else I will be punished." Very brave, indeed.

Where are the true patriots who would stand up and say, "This is wrong and I will not participate." Obviously, not in the military.

By the same token - no one should protest the war (or health care, or anything) because they might get arrested. Can't have any consequences for actions there either, can we?

Just because they might be punished, even severely, even fatally (Yeah - like the military would really execute thousands of soldiers who just say no) does not mean they cannot do the correct thing. Their fear of punishment just shows their cowardice.

By the way - the first amendment has nothing to do with this.

Just waiting to see what will be the next bogus argument you throw into this (stop-loss, then 1st Amendment, next ???????). And I noticed you did not address the Underground Railroad analogy. Wonder why...

[nadinbrzezinski]

52. What part of I disobeyed an ilegal order WHILE IN UNIFORM are you

purposely missing?

Look you don't get it.

So let me try to spell this for you.

1.- There is NO MORALITY in war. There are ethics in how you carry out military operations, and who is a non combatant and who is a combatant. But there is no morality, no matter how many contortions you try to make.

2.- Since you are asking a 19 year old to stand in front of a wall and be shot for a stance that you would heartily approve... are you willing to stand in front of that same wall and take the eight rounds from the firing squad?

Yes, it is that simple.

And that is the worst case scenario. Most likely it will be years in the stockade and you will not be able to get a job even at Mickey Ds after you leave the Stockade.

I admire Lt. Erhin Watada for what he did, since it took guts, the kind people like you don't understand. But I ALSO understand MY ROLE in this. I have first amendment rights, they don't. It is my duty to speak out.

So save your indignation for somebody who has no clue.

Been there, done that, got the T-Shirt... you have not. And quite frankly you hate the military and you do not get it. Nor will you ever get it or are willing to listen to those who have. Oh and you are using right wing spin to justify your opinions... and that is all they are. Oh and to use a military saying...everybody has an opinion, they are like ... I will not complete it.

[Name removed]

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[Name removed]

64. Deleted message

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[Name removed]

78. Deleted sub-thread

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[xocet]

83. Question...

From your post in the thread:

"Operations in Iraq were authorized by the UN... take it (sic) with the UN Security Council."

From the BBC:

"The United Nations Secretary-General Kofi Annan has told the BBC the US-led invasion of Iraq was an illegal act that contravened the UN charter."
(http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/3661134.stm)

How do you resolve the contradiction in the two statements? Can you produce a link that has the UN declaring the Iraq war a legal war? Thanks for your consideration of this question in advance.

[nadinbrzezinski]

84. It was authorized by the Security Council

anybody who followed this knows this.

Until we have some indictments, and I doubt you will see them... it is still an opinion by the secretary general.

Mind you, give me ten minutes and I can prove the violations of Article 51 and the engagement of Aggressive War (indictment One of Nuremberg)... do I expect this to happen in a court of law? no. Way too many international leaders gave their wink and a nod.

[xocet]

87. ...

Rather, do you not mean that one justification of the invasion is that it was purportedly authorized by the Security Council?

Ok, "anybody who followed this knows this", so it must be exceedingly easy to produce a link to that competing point of view that the Bush Administration had obtained Security Council approval to invade Iraq.

At present, it seems to be a battle between your opinion and Kofi Annan's opinion. Which one of you has a better view of the issue? I don't know. If you cannot specifically defend your statements with adduction, why make the supposition that others should simply accept them?

[nadinbrzezinski]

90. UN Resolution 1441

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_Nations_Security_Council_Resolution_1441

EASY... took three seconds of the google.

[xocet]

119. Thank you for providing a link...

Here is a Bundesverwaltungsgericht (Federal Administrative Court of Germany) decision that states that neither the UN Security Council Resolutions nor Article 51 of the UN Charter were adequate justification for the Iraq War; http://www.bverwg.de/files/65a04cb42f2e0fffa5c82baedf43ba31/3059/2wd12-u-04.pdf .

It discusses at great length why the aggressive war against Iraq was neither justified under prior resolutions of the UN Security Council nor under the other claimed circumstances:

See Page 77:
"Nur wenn der UN-Sicherheitsrat ausweislich des Resolutionstextes - innerhalb der von der UNCharta
gezogenen Grenzen - eine Gewaltanwendung positiv gebilligt hätte, wären
militärische Gewaltmaßnahmen gegen den Irak nach der UN-Charta zulässig gewesen."

I don't think that the BVerwG has published the full document in English, but a summary is available at:

http://www.wri-irg.org/news/2006/pfaff-en.htm

As all know, Wikipedia is, by definition, not a high-quality source. Arguments are typically better framed if one uses original sources. For futures, here is the link to the UN Security Council Resolution to which you referred:

http://daccessdds.un.org/doc/UNDOC/GEN/N02/682/26/PDF/N0268226.pdf?OpenElement

What do you make of the ruling? I am sorry that I don't have time to translate the article for you, but you might find it interesting.

Also, as most know, the burden of proof falls on the person making the claim - i.e., the person expressing the opinion.

[nadinbrzezinski]

120. They don't have international jurisdiction

and though they are going under an interesting theory, it will stop being a legal war the moment either the International Court of Justice, or far less likely, the ICRC makes a pronouncement,

Given how many nations are involved, I don't expect the UN to take LEGAL step.

That is the tricky part with International Law.

Oh and as to wiki, if you don't like it, go all the way down to the sources. If nothing else, wiki is a good start to do any bibliographical research.

So until we have an international body making this judgment it is legal. And I highly doubt they will do it in my lifetime. Never mind I could, given all the info that has been leaked and released, prove that this was an aggressive war. Which by the by, is a violation of Article 51 of the UN charter. oh and a war crime.

Of course currently our presence in Iraq is all dependent on the SOFA... Status of Forces Agreement, that has superseded the Security Council.

[Missy Vixen]

68. Ask Pat Tillman what happened to him when he dared to say the war was illegal

Oh, yeah: He's too dead to ask, isn't he?

[MidwestRick]

122. How many times...

have soldiers been directly ordered to go kill innocent women and children? Those deaths for the most part are accidental.

[T Wolf]

123. Firing missles and other weapons into homes and other occupied ;areas where civilians

live in order to target an enemy does happen - all the time. That "collateral damage" is "accidental" but not unexpected. More like callous disregard.

[MidwestRick]

125. Since none of us...

...were present when the orders were given, and none of us are privy to the intel used to select targets, it's hard to even call it callous disregard.

[timtom]

51. What did 1stLt Erich Watada have to say about stop/loss?

[nadinbrzezinski]

53. Didn't apply to him

[timtom]

55. Is there anything at all similar between being ordered

back to Iraq and being ordered to stay beyond your enlistment?

I believe that both can be countermanded by refusal to participate.

And, I was extended four months in 1966 on a four-year enlistment. Had I not enlisted in 1962, however, and had a chance to get the hell out of Dodge in 1967 or 1968, I would have done so. Because, by that time, I knew what kind of cynical adventure we were engaged in in Vietnam.

[nadinbrzezinski]

57. He offered to serve on any unit going to Afghanistan

yep, slight difference

he forgot, you carry out policy, you don't make it.

[Missy Vixen]

66. And the conscientious objector that didn't want to go to war

ended up in court for YEARS over it.

Give me a break. This is nothing more than pitching on military members and families. After all, "they had a choice". Yeah, right.

[Arctic Dave]

50. Stop loss is a shitty tactic used by the mitary but I still stand by my

statement that those in the military need to start saying they refuse to be used and abused by thier military and government.

[Missy Vixen]

67. And you're the big man

We'll see how likely you are to tell them "no" when you end up in prison or unable to find gainful employment due to a dishonorable discharge.

:eyes:

[Arctic Dave]

73. Like I posted before, stop loss is a dirty practice and I'm sorry to hear it was used on someone

you love but if getting a DD is more important of an issue then health and well being then I guess I am not going to say differently. I only offered another opinion.

[supernova]

10. Unhelpful and tacky

Military families don't set policy, they bear the brunt of it. They deserve our compassion.

[Arctic Dave]

12. Like I posted above, I feel sorry for these people but

if you want stop these occupations they have to be willing to tell the military to go get bent.

[supernova]

14. That has nothing to do with this woman

asking for help to keep families together.

I'm not a big fan of the military either, but it is made up of human beings.

You're taking out your frustrations on the wrong target here. It's awful.

[Arctic Dave]

16. No, I'm not. Lime I said I feel sorry for their situation and they do need support

but they also have to help themselves by getting out of a screwed up situation were they are nothing more then pawns for the corporations.

[Echo In Light]

18. I agree, and while I respect other's choices, I fail to see how our military is anything but ....

... a form of mercenary foot soldiers serving corporate rule that doesn't have anything to do w/defending "freedom," etc

[MindPilot]

20. When you are in the military, you don't get to tell the military to "get bent"

And if you do you will be simply be replaced with someone who won't.

[Arctic Dave]

24. Uh, yes you can. And if they find someone dumber then the person who says it, that sucks.

[nadinbrzezinski]

36. So what is your unit?

From your comments I am betting it is the 82nd keyboard brigade, that has put in zero days in an actual uniform...

You have no clue.

[Arctic Dave]

46. USS Merrill. Seaman then OCS (drop out)

[nadinbrzezinski]

54. A drop out... I get it now

[Arctic Dave]

63. You do, please explain.

[Dunedain]

88. I read it as...

...couldn't hack it so now you shit on it.
I read some of your other comments as well, you would have been more supportive of the OP if you just read it and moved on. Clearly you have some axe to grind and it looks like some of it might come from not being able to make the grade so to speak.

[Arctic Dave]

114. No even close but I'll give you points for the effort.

As for not "making the grade" it made me chuckle. If you ever need to cheat for a division so thell pass, I'll tell you how to do it. Although that has nothing to do with it either.

[quiet.american]

15. Not helpful. nt

[TayTay]

21. Oh, so you condone the conservative dialogue on health care

Conservative argument: providing handouts to the poor and under-insured is a "moral hazzard" to be avoided. Therefore, health care should not be provided and people should do without. I disagree with it, so those who ask for help should go to hell or recognize my moral and human superiority and defer to me.

That is what your argument sounds like. Some person who deems their political position so morally superior that they can demean and dismiss the pleas of others on "moral" grounds.

Way to demonstrate humanity, understanding of the plight of others and a willingness to discuss humane issues. No wonder people coined the term "limosine liberals."

Do you secretly think, "suckers" when you pass by a military cemetery? Cuz that's what this sounds like.

[Arctic Dave]

22. Your post is all over the place so I'll try to make sense of it.

Like I said I feel sorry for these people and they should get help. However let's nip the problem in the bud, the mitary is only using them as fodder and they should avoid it at all cost or get out. Is that so hard to understand?

[TayTay]

26. Yes, it is.

You believe yourself morally superior to the original poster.

You can't support them politically, so you tell them off.

This is what conservatives on a range of topics from health care to abortion do.

When called on it, you deny, deny, deny and pretend that you care, all the while keeping up your vile contention that this view is based on some higher moral standard, that should be easily seen.

Is that so hard to understand? You have expressed a vile and contemptible opinion and cannot understand why it has upset others. Maybe it's because it's a vile, cruel, contemptible and inhumane opinion.

Got it?

[Arctic Dave]

30. Once again you go off on a tangent over nothing about the post. Eyeroll

Yeah, these people are screwed. Get out of the situation.

[TayTay]

32. And once again, you are unable to respond to criticism

with insight or anything resembling open discussion.

You close down. You can't defend or muster a defense of the opinion you rendered or the opposition, so you deny it happened and pretend that any opposing view is too muddled to respond to.

So sad. So very, very sad.

[Arctic Dave]

47. Open discussion? What are we doing?

I believe I'm very clear on my position, yours on the other hand is not quite sticking to topic.
At the top of the page there is a high lighted (view all), I would suggest you click on it and read all my post.

[nadinbrzezinski]

33. Easy to say from the comfort of your home

and your computer.

Oh and a healthy you know what.

[Arctic Dave]

45. What makes it difficult to say, no I wont do this anymore?

[nadinbrzezinski]

58. Since you did serve... you do remember the UCMJ

Or did you forget about it?

The word mutiny applies by the way.

[Arctic Dave]

62. I do remember. Lt. Watada proved otherwise though.

[nadinbrzezinski]

65. No, he proved that the US army can blow a case

and engage in misconduct.

That is what that case proved.

[Arctic Dave]

70. Ok let's back up a second here.

I responded to a post were someone writes that they are being screwed by the military with their over demanding schedule they are inflcting on the troops. They ask for support and understanding of their situation, correct? I posted that they do have my sympathies. I also believe that they should get any help they need, whether finacially, medically or emotionally. I also wrote that they should also get the he'll out of the military because it is a no win situation for anyone except the corporation. Also, I don't believe Obama will change anything, this one of the big issues I have against him. So, if nothing is going to change and if they are sick and tired of it, they should in fact tell the military, no, I will not do this anymore.
I am at a loss as to why this is making people angry?

[nadinbrzezinski]

71. Becuase you know better

you just cannot walk out of a post and say screw it.

We have an ECONOMIC draft, we have had one for decades...

And you are blaming the victim, since the victim cannot walk out that easily.

[Arctic Dave]

74. Ok, I apologize. I was a bit coarse in my view but I do believe

in my most sincere thoughts that until the military itself starts speak up, this grinding situation will not cease no matter who is in charge. The money is just too great for it not to stop.

[nadinbrzezinski]

77. It will stop the second the Empire finally collapses

but the military will not speak. And quite frankly I don't want them to speak... too many nightmares of militaries that are lost from civilian control.

That is why I take my job to be an advocate for them SERIOUSLY.

Then again I take my job as a citizen seriously.

[Arctic Dave]

79. You do both of them well, once again my apologies for my coarseness.

[nadinbrzezinski]

80. No problem Dave...

this reminds me, this letter, I will send to my delegation... nudge... so they get the services they need

[gleaner]

117. I read your posts up and down the thread ...

Except for the ones which were deleted. First of all let me say that I am a Quaker and do not believe in any war or any justification for war. But we are seemingly in the minority and we live in a nation which does seem to embrace war as a way of solving problems.

You are judging the soldiers and their families way too quickly. You are not allowing for the fact that they may not share your opinion. Most of the people who enlist are expressing patriotism and idealism. It may not dovetail with your idea of what those qualities are, but it doesn't have to. I'm sure you don't expect everyone to line up in lockstep to agree with you. That would not be reasonable.

They enlist out of love for their country and to protect the people in it. Many of them have no idea what war is like until they get there, but they take the risk. They agree to risk their lives, bodies and families for people like you who express scorn for them and all that they endure. I do not agree with what they are doing, but if you think of what they acquiesce to to uphold their beliefs maybe some compassion could hammer its way to the surface. Soldiers are people. People are not perfect. I am not perfect and you are not perfect. We pursue what we think is right in different ways. You are very keen that they accept the consequences for refusing to obey orders, which are draconian, to satisfy your sense of what is right. Have you ever been in their shoes? If you haven't maybe you should try to imagine how it would feel to be one person in the face of overwhelming authority who have the ability to punish you in ways you can't imagine if you have never read a military code of justice. If you could withstand that, you have my greatest admiration.

In the meantime, the military has neglected. The basic human needs of its soldiers and their families were ignored throughout the Bush years. They were not mistreated out of lack of resources. Halliburton and their ilk were throwing around billions of dollars, but the soldiers and their families never saw any of it. They were deliberately neglected and mistreated for some strange twist of Bush thinking which I have never understood. Now they are between a rock and a hard place. There are far less resources, the military support infrastructure has been downsized until it barely exists and medical services have been cut to the bone. They need help. They need to be treated for their medical problems, and given access to help for their family problems and the network of VA hospitals needs to be restored. If you offer to trade your life and by doing so the lives of your family members, then the very least you should expect is help when you need it. AFSC, a Quaker helping organization has been very active in providing help to veterans and military families. We believe that all human beings share a world in which we should be reaching out in kindness rather than condemnation. The need is there. Why be so adamant about not helping people who are in need of help? It doesn't change your ideas or make them worthless, it simply gives you an outlet to express humanity to those who most need it. We all need help at some time for many different reasons. Would the oceans fall off the earth if we started providing that help to each other?

[gratuitous]

2. I try to be civil to everyone I encounter

So you don't get treated any better or any worse than most folks in my life, Dear Indie Army Wife. You're also the dubious beneficiary of a shitload of government expenditures, more than a billion tax dollars a day, each and every day, Sundays and holidays included. I have other people with whom I'm far more philosophically in tune with, people who forego the creature comforts of day-to-day living, who live in voluntary impoverishment. People who risk their lives by going into war zones without offensive weapons of any kind.

That's where my treasure is, and that's who receives my first consideration when I'm figuring out who gets my meager eleeomosynary efforts. You might try contacting the folks who have profited so personally and so handsomely from your husband's sacrifice. Good luck to you.

Sincerely,
gratuitous

[TwilightGardener]

3. Good God, the first two responses on this thread make me ashamed

to be a DUer.

[annabanana]

4. Thank you. I KNOW we're better than this.. . . n/t

[Berry Cool]

6. I feel the same.

Every time someone in DU says something to the effect of "I'm saving MY compassion for..." and uses it as an excuse for failing to feel any compassion for someone else, I think "This reminds me of freepers. They, too, believe their compassion is a limited resource that they can afford to share only with those who meet their tests for 'deserving' it." Because, nine times out of ten, the person asking for compassion is not really the spoiled, undeserving brat the DU'er is painting him or her as, but merely someone who fails to meet that DU'er's personal ideological purity test.

Ed. typo fix

[MindPilot]

7. Obviously someone who has never been in or around the military

You want to really turn your family's life to shit? Get your ass put in the stockade for refusing deployment.

[Berry Cool]

8. I've never been in or around the military myself in any meaningful way

and I still think this woman deserves to be heard. Whether or not I personally had anything to do with it, her husband chose to join in the defense of the country I live in, and I owe him and everyone like him my thanks and gratitude. People whose attitude is "You don't like what happens to the military? Don't join or marry into the military. Don't ask ME for sympathy" are just being selfish gits.

[supernova]

13. Same here, TG

It's sickening.

I haven't supported a war in my lifetime as being right, but I certainly don't blame the men and women who have to carry out those orders. THey are human beings.

[Missy Vixen]

28. +10000

Then again, that feeling happens increasingly nowadays. I wonder why.

Maybe the site should just be renamed "Libertarian Underground".

[SIMPLYB1980]

38. Yep. nt

[nadinbrzezinski]

40. Well we have a group of people who hate the military

reflexively and have never ever been close to a military post and hate those who do. Never mind that many of these people joined due to an economic draft... which has been ongoing since oh 1973.

[treestar]

106. No one is allowed to say that being in the volunteer military is not the worst

possible fate?

I hate the use of it to make the rest of us feel guilty.

Now if it were a draft, I would get it. And be protesting, as in the 60s.

[nadinbrzezinski]

109. We HAVE an economic draft

buy a clue on the way out.

Oh wait those kids are from the inner city, or highly depressed rural areas, so fuck them, they volunteered.

I get it now.

We are so "progressive," and it is exactly attitudes like yours that make me go, WE NEED A NATIONAL DRAFT, no exceptions.

[TwilightGardener]

118. Who said that? I'm a 17-year military wife, and I'm not complaining--

our family has done OK. Of course, my husband didn't have his legs blown off or his psyche permanently scarred in combat. He hasn't been in a war zone for months and years, and thus far I haven't had to worry as much as other families do (mostly Army). He's an officer and we earn more than young enlisted families do. Those are the folks (and their families) who are undergoing terrible stress and need care and compassion--that's who the writer is referring to. It's a tiny fraction of this nation, really, that bears the brunt of our policies, and feels the aftershocks. I don't think the author is trying to inspire guilt or pity--just asking for real help and public awareness in terms of health care needs, family support needs, etc. for these mostly forgotten people. There's a contract that exists between those who serve and the government--they do what is asked of them (no matter what they personally believe about the conflict or mission, no matter how tired they are of being separated from family), and in exchange they and their families are to be taken care of. Making sure this bargain is upheld is not begging for pity and whining and guilt-tripping, it's what is owed for services rendered. And two wars going on for 7-8 years is unprecedented in this country--it's not surprising that vets and families are suffering and falling through the cracks and starting to be forgotten as the public gets tired of flag waving and rah-rahing the troops.

[gratuitous]

124. Too bad

I'm ashamed to live in a country that spends more than a billion dollars a day on defense, tortures people it captures to madness and death, imprisons more people per capita than any other country on the face of the earth, and still can't see its way clear to taking care of its own citizens to make sure they're properly fed, clothed, and cared for. Because we have to "defend freedom" by blowing a bunch of peasants in Afghanistan and Iraq to Kingdom Come.

[Trillo]

9. K&R

They're people just like everyone else.

[Obamanaut]

19. K and R. They not only are like everyone else, they are everyone

else. They are wives, husbands, mothers, fathers, children, aunts and uncles, and so on.

Most are in the military as a means to feed their families. I joined 4 days out of high school because we were poor, I had not prepared for college because we knew it did not loom large in my future, so I went to basic training.

There is no reason to pile mean-spiritedness on the spouse who wrote the letter, or the spouse who is in the military.

Instead, consider the congresspeople that we reelect time after time, who vote to continue the carnage. The same ones who refuse to bring the troops home. The very same ones who vote to continue operating dozens of bases in other countries to "aid in their defense" while they themselves are lining their pockets with contributions for defense lobbyists.

Bring the troops home. Sell the equipment left behind. Let them have the bases and defend themselves. Elect a new crop of weasels. If we insist on letting people get rich in DC, at least we should spread the wealth around a bit more - let more weasels get their "fair share."

edited for spelling

[TayTay]

25. Kpete: thank you for posting this letter

These are wonderful and thoughtful points.

I am deeply troubled by those who can't put aside their political difference in this thread and respond to the actual points raised in that post.

Military families have suffered through so much the last few years. Stop-loss is one of the worst. I have sat and cried with friends who have had their children sent on 3rd and 4th deployments. The fear of getting that knock on the door and having life utterly come apart is real and constant.

Military spouses and children are suffering the most through this period. They experience loss in pay, inability to keep jobs due to the uncertainty of deployment and so many other things that are massively disruptive to family life. People who call themselves "progressives" should be interested in helping people through such a stressful time, not thinking up ways to excuse themselves from helping due to political differences.

Again, sorry about this. I can't help but think of conversations I have had with Gold Star parents since 9/11 and the unending sorrow that has come into their lives. I have always tried to render the utmost respect to those parents who lost their children and to the people who have loved ones deployed all over the world. They are due compassion, understanding and fairness from the citizens they give up so much to protect and serve.

Maybe it's true what one general said about the strain on the military, "The United States Marine Corp is at war, America is at the Mall."

[peace13]

31. Indie Army Wife, I hear you.

We are in the trenches out here, holding our peace vigils twice a week, carrying signs to remind the folks that the war still rages. We are calling Senators and packing items to send to the troops. There are folks out here that are working with you. You may not see us on the front pages but you know why that is. Peace and love to you for speaking out, it is never easy.

[nadinbrzezinski]

35. Military families and RETIRED personnel do not want the

thank you for service, or yellow ribbons or all that crap that comes with waving flags.

Like I told an idiot who said that. I want the services MY HUSBAND earned. I want the services current service members desperately need.

Stop the flag waving, or thanking for services, or thinking military families are next to satan. They don't decide on policy, they carry the brunt.

Oh and to those who think it is as easy as saying no, I will not serve, you have no fucking clue.

For those who believe we don't have a draft... yes, yes we do...

It is called stop loss, it is called recruiting the poor and desperate.

And it is easy to say, don;'t go from the comfort of your fucking civilian life behind a keyboard.

Sorry, this is personal

[tuckessee]

41. Exactly what % of current active military personell are being held by "stop-loss"?

[nadinbrzezinski]

42. Plenty, hell I know the only reason hubby was not

was I knew a US Senator or two.

[tuckessee]

126. How utterly shameful. Using Senatorial influence to shirk duty.

Plenty, hell I know the only reason hubby was not
was I knew a US Senator or two.

How can you ride your high horse when you publically admit to pulling strings with two US Senators so your husband won't have to fulfill the legal duty for which he volunteered ?

Someone else had to go in his place. I bet most troops wish they were so special & important that US Senators would pull their chestnuts from the fire as well.

Care to name who your benefactors are?

[11 Bravo]

56. I'm afraid you're beating your head against a wall, my friend.

As one who (long ago) put on the Olive Drab suit, I am always amazed at the complete lack of understanding of military life displayed by some civilians. "Well, just refuse to deploy." "Well, just refuse to obey orders." They have no clue what constitutes a legal order, or the consequences for failure to obey such an order. Instead they invoke the Underground Railroad and figure that trumps anything you may have to say. Incredible.

[nadinbrzezinski]

59. Reason umpty squat why we need a draft

I know.

I served in somebody else's military, technically that is. When we got orders to deploy in an internal conflict I kindly pointed to the Colonel why his order did not stand. You try telling a full bird no and having that full bird remain civil.

I knew I risked a wall, and eight rounds. Most of these folks don't get it.

Fortunately Legal came to bat, as well as my command... and we stopped being part of the reserves oh so fast it would make your head spin.

And of course hubby is a retired USN Chief...

By the way, we stand together... against the clueless, don't we?

[11 Bravo]

69. Yeah, I often feel as if defending the military is an exercise in futility here at good old DU ...

but I've got your back.

[nadinbrzezinski]

72. It is not just defending the military

or not.

It is the black and white thinking involved in this, which is a mirror image of the right

What do both have in common? Neither will suit up.

[ScreamingMeemie]

76. There are quite few of us who get it 11 Bravo.

We're just not as loud or as obnoxious as those who don't.

I often wonder how people claim they cry during Moore's F 911 (when recruiters promise poor kids in Flint, MI to world) and then turn around and refuse to support those same kids.

[Obamanaut]

89. The people you mention who cry are possibly the very same ones

who type "Buy American" on a made in China keyboard in front of a monitor bought from the WalMart they "have not set foot in since dinosaurs roamed the earth" and give us links to a snippet on FOX news that they would "rather be dead than watch."

It's all a freaking facade. I retired from the Navy with 28 years. According to some I have been sucking at the teat of the government all my life.

At one point I flew in weather recon aircraft, chasing typhoons all across the Pacific. Now there will be people posting weather photos taken inside hurricanes by people like me, saying how awesome the photos are, and then post how much the military sucks. I say to them "Bite Me."

To the wife in the letter in the OP. I understand what was said. Miz O said the same thing many times.

[nadinbrzezinski]

92. +1, they are also the same ones

first in line when a disaster hits.

[ScreamingMeemie]

95. Please know that I mean it when I thank you for your service.

My uncle retired from the Air Force after 40 years. He worked in hospital administation and was sickened at how we treat (or don't treat) our vets.

[Obamanaut]

98. And I thank you for your kind words. A 40 year career. Awesome. nt

[ScreamingMeemie]

107. And then, he couldn't take it and went back to work on base (Brooks)

as a civilian consultant. You can take the guy out of the military...

On a sad note his son, also a vet (4 years, I think) is bipolar and getting proper treatment for him is next to impossible. It's just wrong.

[ScreamingMeemie]

75. I won't stop thanking for services to every soldier I meet. I can do that as

well as push for the benefits they deserve for serving their country. It's a no brainer.

[Mari333]

49. Many in the USA dont give a shit if it isnt happening to them

thats why I support a draft.

[winyanstaz]

60. If we really want to help there is only one thing to do.

STOP the wars.

[EmeraldCityGrl]

81. Plenty of families are suffering and they don't have a

monthly check coming in to depend on. If you chose to fight for a living live with the consequences. Enough of the constant
milking the public for emotional support and inflicting guilt for your choices.

[treestar]

82. I'm struggling to keep myself going, thank you

And I don't believe my freedom was ever threatened.

It's voluntary. It's a career choice with big risks but big benefits.

I hate it when people like this want me to feel guilty and like I owe them, especially when it's the goddamed wife and not even the guy himself. SHE has it good!

[nadinbrzezinski]

85. Yeah she has it good

really

:sarcasm:

By the way, economic draft... oh never mind... the clueless do not want to get it.

[madokie]

93. You know Nadi I can't believe some of the things I'm reading in this thread

none that's coming from you mind you but directed to you and others. Where do these people come from anyway?

[nadinbrzezinski]

97. The same place the extreme right comes from

the land of myth.

[madokie]

99. No doubt

A :hug: for you

[nadinbrzezinski]

100. And to you too

BIL and I have been discussing the SIMILARITIES between the extreme right and the extreme left vis a vis the military. This thread is evidence of that.

1.- Black and White Thinking

2.- Mirror image

3.- They would never themselves serve.

Oh and one hates the military the other loves it.

[treestar]

101. Maybe I should join

Probably can't due to age.

[nadinbrzezinski]

102. If you are serious go ask a recruiter

[treestar]

104. Over maximum age

For all services.

[nadinbrzezinski]

105. Some police Agencies do not have a max age

[treestar]

110. You mean military police agencies?

What about the JAG?

[nadinbrzezinski]

111. No I mean your city police

go on... and if you are a lawyer they might make an exception.

Envy is what I read... as well as mocking.

Free clue, we have a draft, it is an economic draft...

[treestar]

112. Well I should be in it

Feeling bitter tonight about my circumstances.

I'm envious of the salary and the health coverage and anyone with a paying job this evening.

The local police no way do they take older people - where in the world does that happen?

[nadinbrzezinski]

113. san diego PD, as well as other southern california agencies

[Obamanaut]

116. Have you checked the age requirements, or just assuming you can't?

The maximum ages are different for the different branches. You can google "age requirements for military" or go to the different branch web sites.

Or, you can not check at all and throw your hands up in despair "Oh, I don't qualify."

[AwakeAtLast]

86. You know nothing, NOTHING of which you speak.

Thanks for the slap in the face.

I could have written that letter. I have faced everything exactly as she wrote it, and I'm getting ready to face more. All we military families are asking for is a little support. Soldiers are first priority. Families are left in the dust, literally.

Just how do you think I have it good?

[nadinbrzezinski]

91. You know I know exactly what you speak off

I did it for five years... until Hubby retired.

We were lucky, we married late in his career. I still "did" five Pacs.

If you need to vent, use the PM... some of us been there, done that and still try to get you the help YOU NEED.

[madokie]

94. ...

:hug:

[ScreamingMeemie]

96. You have it.

It is easy to be obnoxious when one is not face to face. You have our support.

As a widow (not military) my heart goes out to those who wake up each morning dreading that which I now live.

[treestar]

103. I'm in the dust

don't you have full health care, and education (I got that myself). Don't you get paid and even have housing? I've worked with people in the military and they have all that stuff and are getting trained to do something which supposedly they can use when they get out. And career military people get pensions they can start collecting relatively young, if I recall, and work on top of that.

I just don't want people saying I owe them when they make more than I do.

When I get a good job with benefits, then I'll listen.

I'd join up but I'm too old now.

[nadinbrzezinski]

108. Let me try to educate you

yes some qualify for housing... but there is not enough housing in any base. So a few, more than a few live off base...

Yes, folks get insurance, but that only remains after you leave the service if you did a full career and I still pay for it. Granted, it should be the model for a national health care plan, but that is another story.

The current GI bill is better but republicans fought it.

Now as to training... tell me, if you are a career infrantry man, unless you go to work for Blackwater, how are you going to use those war fighting skills in the civilian sector?

Did I mention that military families more often than not qualify for food stamps?

Oh and the separation anxiety is not something to joke about. Been there, done that, wasn't fun.

Now if you are in the mood to serve, and want benefits, there are police agencies that do not have an age limit, so go join a police department, assuming you can make it through the background, academy and first year. By the way, it sounds to me that there is a little envy there, but I might be wrong.

Oh and one final thing, since military pay is low, retainer pay is not that high to begin with, which means you still need to work.

[Obamanaut]

115. You might consider a job as a correctional officer in the prison

system.

I started the training class at age 53. The next year a guy 62 went through the class. Two years ago a former coworker retired at age 69 - it's his second retirement, first was from a federal agency.

Benefits. Not necessarily a hazardous job. Reasonable retirement.

If you have a degree there are other positions available that are not correctional officers.

[roody]

121. Here is another good way to support.

http://www.couragetoresist.org/x/