Bullying and another culture

[nadinbrzezinski]

Well somebody asked tonight what has been your worst bullying moment?

I was going to post there, but instead chose tho start this to point how different cultures are different but the same at the same time

For those of you who have been around, you know I grew up in Mexico. Well, when I was growing up I needed knee surgeries. Why? Bad knees, being a premie, your bet is as good as mine and the doctors. To this day I have knees that at times fall apart, and no orthodepist has been able to really give me a rational explanation. this means we have crutches and canes in this house, and yes they do get used.

Now since I needed those surgeries I ended up on crutches with full leg cast three times in my school career. The first time I was in first grade I think. The second time I was in third grade, and the third time I was in 9th grade. I was attending a private Jewish school... there are many good reasons why my parents chose to send me there, and at times I wished they saw the warning signs, earlier, or rather they did, but it took a while for them to transfer me to another school, that is another story.

THe first time around some of my wonderful class mates hid my crutches in the boys bathroom... nice and dandy, did the administration got involved? Nope... and of course that was the worst of the year. The harrasment was almost constant, since I was ahem different.

the second time around they even placed tacks on my seat... and boy, oh boy even one of my teachers, a person who should not ever be allowed to teach, and mind you did not return next year, got involved in the hazing. This time around the school administration decided I needed to go see the school counselor, since obviously I was the problem child... never mind them tacks, I did not place them... and boy did they hurt.

The third time we were in Junior high, here it would be the freshman year of high school. The hazing became a little more complex and by that time I really didn't make friends easily in that school, not that I cared. Hell I had no friends, except my writing, drawing horses and soldiers, and violent scenes, and bad poetry. I was that kid who went and hid in the library to read books during recess, and staid away from other kids. I was not a good team member, and did all I could to do my work on my own.

By then we've had enough and next year my parents transfered me to another school, where experiences improved but I still had a hell of a time making friends.

Now, you may say, it was a private school... well not really. I have compared notes with my husband, who also was harassed and bullied until he defended himself... and his experience at a local LA County school was similar. It was the victim's fault, never the kid harassed. Oh and just like him, the few times I defended myself, at one time hitting a kid in self defence, who kicked in the knees with my book bag, I ended up in front of the principal... he had a similar story to tell about that LA school.

Now how has that affected me? I am glad I no longer live in that city. I love Mexico but I could not live in that community, no way, no shape no form. And the few times I have gone back visiting, my sister may go to the sport center with my nephews, I'd rather stay home and do some work, thank you.


But once I was out of that environment I was able to make more friends, it has never been easy and I have a barrier that seems to be there. Trusting people, outside of the EMS community, is not only hard, but extremely hard, on and the vet community too. That is the other place I can trust a little more easy.

Yet I realized that it was them assholes, people I will cross the street to avoid, and yes some of them do come visit this town from time to time. Hell, one was a neighbor for a while and I could never cross a single word with him. I at times wondered, what would happen if he had a medical emergency in front of me? On a good day I think I'd act by training and treat...on a bad day... well you get the picture.

So no, bullying is not healthy, but the point of this is to show you that our attitude of blaming the victim and not doing a damn thing is not exclusive to this country. There is a saying in Spanish. Malo de muchos, consuelo de tontos, the ill of many is the consolation of the fool, but the point of this is to probably ask the qustion, is this human nature? It would explain a lot.

Oh and once I started going to college, some students made fun of my accent since my English has a nice... Eastern European accent, but that is a matter for another day.... my sweet revenge I work in Publishing.



the other point though is that I never had acccess to some of the implements available here, I am also a female, but at times I wonder, what if I had grown up with the same experience in the US? Would I have cracked? After all, violence is not seen as a cultural value sout of the border (The exception are the cartels who are not only violent but well armed)... and I could go on.... the question has indeed crossed my mind.

Oh and some may say forgiveneess is a step to recovery... save that for another day....

[murielm99]

1. I remember being bullied

in sixth grade. It had never happened before that, and anything that happened after was not out of the ordinary, or difficult to handle.

I am not sure what weakness the other sixth graders found in me. I was not actually bad at sports, given the gym classes of the time. I was a slight girl, and intelligent. Maybe that was it. But one boy led the charge, and my life became miserable.

I know what you are saying. Every time I tried to defend myself, I ended up in trouble with the teacher. Never mind that I had been pushed to the limit before I pushed back. The teacher, my first male teacher, soon started picking on me, too.

Have you ever noticed that bullies are sneaky? They seldom seem to get caught at what they do. And I was not able to explain adequately why I had gotten into a fight, tripped someone who put tacks in my chair, or taunted me beyond endurance.

Fortunately, my family moved just before Thanksgiving. I was glad for a fresh start. I don't know what would have happened to me had we stayed in that town.

[nadinbrzezinski]

2. yeah I noticed they are sneaky

very sneaky indeed

And yes you were lucky to move

[mrcheerful]

3. Where do I start? From 1962 until 1972 school was a nightmare. In 1962 early spring I was struck by

car and broke my neck plus had some minor brain damage. That fall I entered kindergarten with raw scars on my throat and neck, my parents cut my hair military style,1/8 of an inch of hair, so the scars on my neck really stood out. Needless to say that being different made me the target of every school bully, we had some real winners back then, kids that lived with 10 to 12 other siblings in houses that had dirt floors and no running water. The parents were abusive drunks that would have dog fights using their older kids to beat up the younger kids, have to make them tough to take on the world was the ideal. These kids then would be enrolled in school and anyone seen as weaker were a target.

I had my first fight with one in the first month of school and for the next 10 years it was a battle with these 12 families, 10 of which were related, the other 2 families, the fathers drank together with the 10. So as I was growing up trying to rehabilitate from my injuries, in 1965 until 1970 I wore a leg brace, still butch haircuts, still nasty scars on my neck, plus a speech defect from being in a coma in 62, yeah school was hell. Then on top of the bullies I also ended up with the teachers who felt teaching the handi capped was a waste of time because they would never earn a living and be a burden on society for their lives. A 4th grade teacher took me and the blind girl to the side to tell us we couldn't ask him for help as he needed to spend time with the real students that would amount to something.

Needless to say I was sitting in the principles office 3 days out of 5. Kids would trip me, I'd fall then get sent to the office for disrupting the class. Or a kid would knock my books off my desk spilling my home work on the floor, not only the office trip but the teacher then would make me pick up the papers and throw them out. In 1970 I was kicked out of english class because a kid was snapping my ears with rubber bands, I turned around and told him to knock it off, then the teacher, who saw it, tried to punish me for disrupting her class, has anyone else told a 70 year old teacher she was a nazi? That got me banned from class for 3 months.

Then in 1972 I finally had enough after one of the jocks got upset that I wouldn't let him copy my homework and sent another kid after me, it took 3 male teachers and a principle to pull me off the kid, after that I was left alone until I graduated in 75. Funny thing was the 12 families that used to pick on me through out grade school then started watching out for me and would step in when new bullies moved into the school. Dating? yeah right, I was 18 before I had a girl friend who didn't care about the limp or slurred speech. Loner? sure was, I didn't want friends and had few, no more then 2 or 3 a year, most of whom would end up joining in with the popular kids when it became time to tease the cripple kid, or they would disappear.

Guess what? I never grabbed a gun and went on a shooting spree, I always felt that the high ground was better then sinking down to the level of my tormentors and to be honest I felt sorry for them because how small must a person be on the inside if the only pleasure he could get was picking on those weaker then himself. I remember the first time I told a bully that, it took the wind out of his sails.

[nadinbrzezinski]

4. What we are seeting is the patterns that are common

regardless of language or country.

As to people taking up a weapon, I am willing to bet that 99.9% of the bullied kids never do... but the ones who do tend to be clustered in the US.

There is more to their taking up a gun than bullying, but bullying is a very large component