Insensitive, justified, or just plain rude?

[lapislzi]

I live in NY's Hudson Valley. A freak ice storm blew through yesterday afternoon, taking most of us by surprise. I had stepped out to do the briefest of errands, and when I emerged from the shop, roads that had been dry half an hour before were completely covered in ice. Driving was, in a word, impossible. Cars littered the roads, most of which are hilly and twisty, on the road, off the road, pointing the wrong way, accidents abounding. I carefully steered my car into the park 'n ride, figuring that I was better off parking safely and walking the 4 miles home because I knew I'd never make it up the hills. Even walking was treacherous.

As I walked, I passed many disabled cars. One car full of women had skidded off the road. They rolled down the window and asked if they could use my cell phone. Judging by their appearance, they were South Asian. (I mention this because it may be germane to what follows.) They didn't know where they were, and they were clearly not dressed for the weather. In heavily accented English, one of the women asked me to call 911. "What's the emergency?" I asked. She explained that the baby she was holding (who was peacefully sleeping) had no formula and they'd been stuck for an hour. I gently tried to tell her that I wasn't sure that her predicament met the criteria for "emergency," considering the conditions all around. She insisted, so I handed her my phone. She had to put it on speaker so I could give the location to the dispatcher. The dispatcher, in his best gruff NY voice (I can say this because I *am* a NYer), proceeded to rip her up one side and down the other. "How dare you bother me with this nonsense when we've got accidents with injuries all over the place? Your baby having no food does NOT constitute an emergency!" By the time he'd finished reaming her, she was in tears.

I felt terrible for her, especially as all I could do at that point was to wish her well and carry on my way. If I could have, I would have trudged to the store and bought her some formula, but it simply wasn't possible due to the conditions and the distances involved. I was lucky to make it home.

Was that necessary? Was it necessary to humiliate someone who was obviously frightened and distraught? How hard would it have been to explain that help would be sent as soon as more urgent cases were attended to? To tell her to sit tight and that everything would be OK? It shakes my faith, it does.

Postscript: they apparently did not perish, because the car was gone this morning. I hope they're OK.

[sharp_stick]

1. Depends on how many

real emergencies the 911 dispatcher had backing up. The volume of non-emergency calls that get funneled into a 911 system are amazing and after awhile I can imagine the dispatcher getting pretty pissed off.

It was probably a little more rude than I would have been, unless I'd been up for 24 hours fielding 75% non-emergency calls but people do have to know that they don't call 911 because they don't have enough baby formula. People also should know or have a pretty good idea that winter travel in places like the Hudson valley can be unpredictable and be prepared for it.

$10 says next time they drive in the winter they'll have enough supplies.

[sui generis]

2. One thing that WOULD help Americans

If we get stuck somewhere without access to food or water for two hours we're ready to go all Lord of the Flies and start eying good candidates for a Donner party menu entry.

The police could do PSA's that are "situational", to give people an understanding of what constitutes a real emergency. Food and water issues, bad farts, smelly diapers, screaming uncomfortable babies; not at all.

I think it was appropriate to read them the riot act. They also have a responsibility to think and to understand the emergency response system and what it is intended for; that phone call could potentially have left someone who was dying of a heart attack on hold. That hungry baby call could have been the difference between life and death for someone else, and sorry if that's tough love, but the world does NOT revolve around raising everyone's babies together.

[lapislzi]

4. Allow me to clarify:

Of course *I* knew that it wasn't an emergency. But it would have been churlish of me to refuse her the use of my phone. I just wish the dispatcher hadn't been so harsh.

[sui generis]

5. I know. - she should have called a friend or family member.

you did the right thing. From the dispatcher's perspective - he probably hears dozens of similar loofa-brained calls every hour though.

If you've ever called 911 in a real life or death emergency and been put on hold, shockingly, this woman deserved the riot act.

[hlthe2b]

7. As others are saying, be grateful you have not been in a situation

where a family member's life depended on a fast dispatch of 911 services. I think you would feel very differently about "wishing the dispatcher hadn't been so harsh"

[lapislzi]

15. I have been.

I have nothing but respect for emergency responders. When my daughter tried to take her own life earlier this year, they wouldn't let me hang up the phone until the EMTs were inside my house.

And yes, I know response times vary depending on the nature of the emergency. When my elderly friend slipped and broke her hip in my house, it took them nearly an hour--but she was safe and reasonably comfortable. With my daughter, they were there within five minutes.

[hlthe2b]

17. I'm glad they were there for you and your daughter...

It is a hard job, but people I think we are all thankful to be able to depend on.

[hlthe2b]

3. Your ability to empathize with this young Asian woman is commendable

but, I should think you could do so with the 911 attendant as well, who is charged with making sure that TRUE EMERGENCIES are properly handled and that the 911 lines do not get bogged down with nuisance calls. Somewhere, there is a family member waiting desperately for help, who would be grateful that that 911 dispatcher "DISPATCHED" that frivolous call in a way to send a message that this is inappropriate--thereby reducing the chance this naive young woman would do so again. Lives are at stake. This young woman deserves compassion, but she also needed an important lesson. You provided the former, the dispatcher, the latter.

[Romulox]

6. Would you have the dispatcher lie?

"How hard would it have been to explain that help would be sent as soon as more urgent cases were attended to? To tell her to sit tight and that everything would be OK?"

There was no help that was going to be dispatched. Not later, not ever. It's not an emergency. Surely it would have been the easy thing for the dispatcher to lie and say that there was, but he actually attempted to take a moment to educate the woman. Sounds like he did his job.

[clear eye]

8. I think you are understandably more concerned w/ what you might have done

than w/ whether the clearly harsh dispatcher was justified. He was frazzled and he showed no empathy as vented on the stranded woman. But you said as much yourself.

It's hard to think fast on your feet to handle an emotional situation when you, yourself, are under stress. So, if you encounter something like this in the future here is the best suggestion I can think of. When offering practical help is impossible (you didn't have a tow truck or ability to get formula), the best thing you can do is to picture yourself upset and in that position, think what you would need to hear to calm down, and say it. Firstly, to take the sting out of the dispatcher's rant, you might say something like, "He is really frazzled right now, but he shouldn't have taken it out on you". Then to deal w/ her fears about what would happen, you could say that if her party waited an hour or two until most of the accidents had been cleared and the road was sanded/salted, they would probably be able to get back on the road and drive home. If not, then at that time she could flag someone down to help her get a tow. The emphasis would be that their ordeal would not last longer than a couple of hours at most. I'd say something like, "I know this is scary if you haven't been through it before, but things will get back to normal in just a couple of hours".

Being a kind person, you would then have felt better about having to leave them. If it makes you feel any better, I probably wouldn't have come up w/ this under the pressure of the moment, either. I'm trying to train myself to handle similar situations by taking a deep breath, thinking about where the other person is likely coming from, and figuring out what they need to hear. I don't always remember to do it.

[lapislzi]

10. Thank you.

Yes, I missed a teachable moment, being rather focused on my own misery (I was wet and cold). I will do better next time.

[MineralMan]

9. In Minnesota, where we have Winter for quite a long time,

911 calls include people who can't get their car started, have frozen door locks on their car, and people who can't pull away from the curb. Seriously. It peaks about 7 A.M., as people leave their houses to go to work.

I saw a guy last Wednesday, during a moderate storm, trying to shovel his car out, using a cookie baking sheet. He had parked overnight in a Snow Emergency area and the plow had gone by and buried him. His car wasn't even supposed to be there.

911 operators deal with some of the most petty things imaginable, all of which are an "emergency" to the caller. I'm not surprised they are abrupt with moron callers. They shouldn't be, but when things are crazy with real emergencies, I'm not surprised.

[Stinky The Clown]

11. I think the 911 person should be reprimanded

His conclusion may have been right (from your story, I'd say it was). But that is no excuse to act as he did.

And I can surely imagine that the woman's accent could trigger a prejudiced response in some people. The dispatcher's response could have been such ..... or he could have simply been stressed from the result of the sudden turn in the weather.

[ProgressiveProfessor]

13. In NYC? Not in our lifetimes under the circumstances

[hlthe2b]

18. Or he could have simply been trying to ensure that true emergencies

were not sidelined nor put on hold by people who call 911 as they would twitter their friends. Sorry, but this is an EMERGENCY LINE. People who can not appreciate that and want to cry about being "reprimanded" for misuse/abuse of the system need to grow the hell up. This young woman may not have understood, but she had her friends and family and the OP to explain to her and to assuage her hurt feelings. That is not the job of a 911 dispatcher.

Geebus, all the recent stories of people calling 911 when Burger King (or McDonalds) ran out of their favorite sandwich and similar BS and you want to excoriate this worker for harshly disabusing her of the notion that 911 was the first line of aid for any and all inconveniences?

I'd certainly rather there were a few "hurt feelings" than dead family members for want of a rapid response. It seems most people here agree.

[petronius]

12. I would guess the dispatcher could have been more courteous - if he had time

to yell at her then he also had time to give her a more professional lecture on what constitutes an emergency. I wonder if she'll hesitate to call 911 time she really needs it. Of course, I completely understand the dispatcher's frustration, but part of the job is to suppress that.

Of course, since it was your phone they think it's you that made the frivolous call - good luck getting any help next time you need it... :)

[Iggo]

14. You could have called for help without calling 911.

It's not "911 or nothing".

EDIT: And I see I'm not the first to suggest that. Carry on...nothing to see here...lol.

[clear eye]

16. Actually you were the first.

Good idea.