Chuck Norris has clearly taken too many kicks to the head....

[marmar]

:freak:



Chuck Norris: Health Reform = Aborted Jesus

Posted by Tana Ganeva, AlterNet at 2:00 PM on December 15, 2009.

Norris brings his fine political mind to the battle over health reform.




Health reform has turned into a giant, confusing clusterfuck (seems the only thing that's clear at this point is that Joe Lieberman is the worst thing that has ever happened to the world.)

Fortunately, a while back someone gave Chuck Norris a column at Town Hall, and today he applies his subtle political mind to the wrangling over abortion coverage in the health care bills. Here's what he thinks about that, in so many words: Democrats are stabbing the tiny wombs of fetuses. Health reform will go back in time and make Mother Mary abort Jesus. The next Jesus will never be born because poor people prefer abortions to stonings, and "Obamacare" will allow them to choose termination over public ridicule and/or death.

I'm not exaggerating. Here are the relevant passages:

In short, while President Obama was accepting the Nobel Peace Prize, the Democrats in Congress drove a sword through the womb of the unborn.

(Yes, the womb of the unborn. They had to use those tiny plastic swords they put in drinks.)

And:

Lastly, as we near the eve of another Christmas, I wonder: What would have happened if Mother Mary had been covered by Obamacare? What if that young, poor and uninsured teenage woman had been provided the federal funds (via Obamacare) and facilities (via Planned Parenthood, etc.) to avoid the ridicule, ostracizing, persecution and possible stoning because of her out-of-wedlock pregnancy?

He brings up this original argument:

Imagine all the great souls who could have been erased from history and the influence of mankind if their parents had been as progressive as Washington's wise men and women!

Here's a relevant Biblical question lawmakers should ask themselves before they proceed with the bill:

Will Obamacare morph into Herodcare for the unborn?

And here's a really good pun:

When our greatest values are thrown under the omnibus, how do they expect us to respond?

Dr. Chuck Norris' prescription for health reform:

America doesn't need to turn the page on culture wars, such as the one on abortion. It needs to reopen the pages of its history to our Founders' elevated views of and rights for all human beings (including those in the womb), as documented in the Declaration of Independence and our Constitution. We need to revive and re-instill their value of humanity back into society, our children and our children's children.

(Don't forget our fetuses' children!!!)

Anyway, those are the funniest parts. In the rest of the piece, he parrots standard right-wing misinformation about abortion coverage and health reform, which probably means that some hapless intern is tasked with explaining what "omnibus" means to Chuck Norris.

So there's that.

If you want to ensure that the next Jesus never gets past the blastocyst stage, check out the "Not Under the Bus Campaign" to help fight restrictions on reproductive rights in the health care bills.



http://www.alternet.org/blogs/peek/144587/chuck_norris%3A_health_reform_%3D_aborted_jesus/

[TheCowsCameHome]

1. He could use a few more for good measure.

[daleo]

2. The founders could have given rights to the unborn, by writing it into the Constitution

But they didn't.

Regardless of one's view on abortion, it makes no sense to credit the Founders with positions that they did not hold.