Sumerians Look On In Confusion As God Creates World

[ccharles000]

Members of the earth's earliest known civilization, the Sumerians, looked on in shock and confusion some 6,000 years ago as God, the Lord Almighty, created Heaven and Earth.

According to recently excavated clay tablets inscribed with cuneiform script, thousands of Sumerians—the first humans to establish systems of writing, agriculture, and government—were working on their sophisticated irrigation systems when the Father of All Creation reached down from the ether and blew the divine spirit of life into their thriving civilization.

"I do not understand," reads an ancient line of pictographs depicting the sun, the moon, water, and a Sumerian who appears to be scratching his head. "A booming voice is saying, 'Let there be light,' but there is already light. It is saying, 'Let the earth bring forth grass,' but I am already standing on grass."

"Everything is here already," the pictograph continues. "We do not need more stars."

Historians believe that, immediately following the biblical event, Sumerian witnesses returned to the city of Eridu, a bustling metropolis built 1,500 years before God called for the appearance of dry land, to discuss the new development. According to records, Sumerian farmers, priests, and civic administrators were not only befuddled, but also took issue with the face of God moving across the water, saying that He scared away those who were traveling to Mesopotamia to participate in their vast and intricate trade system.

Moreover, the Sumerians were taken aback by the creation of the same animals and herb-yielding seeds that they had been domesticating and cultivating for hundreds of generations.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/sumerians_look_on_in_confusion_as

[ima_sinnic]

1. ok, now THAT is funny! I needed that!

:silly:

[jobycom]

2. Kind of the way Native Americans reacted to Columbus discovering America.

Or as Chris Rock said, how a burglar might respond when the cops caught him. "I'm not robbing this apartment. I discovered it."

[TexasObserver]

3. As I read, I was thinking "this better say The Onion when I get down there."

[DCKit]

4. OMG, DOG is a Republican.... creating reality as he goes along. n/t

[Jamastiene]

5. ...

:spray: :rofl:

[malaise]

6. ROFL

Too good. :rofl:

[OneGrassRoot]

7. LOL! Love it! K&R n/t

[Raster]

8. According to the cuneiform tablets, Sumerians found God's most puzzling act...

...to be the creation from dust of the first two human beings.

"These two people made in his image do not know how to communicate, lack skills in both mathematics and farming, and have the intellectual capacity of an infant," one Sumerian philosopher wrote. "They must be the creation of a complete idiot."

[HughBeaumont]

9. YEC's are hilarious enough on principle.

[bridgit]

10. If The Onion is able to satirize it it must be true

[invictus]

11. LOL! Yes, the "Bible" is pure bull shit!