Odd how easily I see my mental illness in DU’s reaction to HCR

[HereSince1628]

It seems I’ve been an ass and an asshole forever. MOereover, it seems that I’ve never learned anything from any of the many mistakes and bad outcomes that has brought me. In Sept, I had a major emotional storm/nervous breakdown and after a couple of months of psychological help I finally have a name to put on personality besides “major asshole.” That name is borderline personality disorder. It’s fairly common as personality disorders go, and at anytime somewhere between 2% and 5% of the US population suffers from it. Now, I know you don't really care about that, but please bear with me.

Everyone interprets the world through the lens of their personal experience and with no conscious effort you and I cherry-pick and attach ourselves to evidence that validates our idiosyncratic views. Currently, I’m amazed at how easy it is for me to do this with BPD on DU relative to “our response” to the HCR and individual responses to “our response.”

The following are general categories of symptoms associated with BPD. I think I’ve seen most of these in response to Duers reaction to HCR. Maybe you’ve noticed these, too:

Fear of abandonment and sometimes frantic efforts to stem that feeling.
Unstable sense of identity
Impulsivity and a tendency to be reckless
Threats of and behaviors of self-harm
Marked reactivity, rapid changing of moods
Chronic feelings of hopelessness
Difficulty controlling anger, usually of short duration
Transient stress related paranoia

Now, as I said, I readily admit that I, and everyone I know, cherry-picks from their personal perspective to make things fit into their own scheme of making sense of the world. Surely, I am doing this when I read DU and see my own symptoms.

BUT, play along with me here, what if DU is currently collectively suffering an emotional storm over the HCR bill? If we had friends and relatives whom we thought were emotionally/mentally challenged by events, just how would we treat them?

Like a thunderstorm, emotional storms pass and better weather returns. In my introspection it seems HCR has triggered an emotional storm. As each of us comes to deal with the feelings that it has triggered, our behaviors will return to their old routines, and we can get on with getting on with DU being one big sometimes dysfunctional family, until another storm passes and we again get caught in the confusion of "I hate you, please don't leave me!"

[HopeHoops]

1. I was diagnosed with that as well.

I mean the BPD, but the "major asshole" part is also true. I was on Celexa and Lamictal for over a year but gave them up after that and the BPD isn't as big a problem. The "major asshole" part is still there, but that's innate.

[HereSince1628]

17. I'm sort of hoping that I can at least keep the a**hole in check

with regards to interpersonal things. Coping strategies/skills is where I'd like to go.

I didn't mean this so much as a "coming out" thread, although that's ok, but rather as a way to ask fellow DUers to think about how frustration, disappointment, sensed abandonment plays on emotions, and to pause for a moment before hitting posting.

[HopeHoops]

19. I decided it isn't anything to be ashamed of.

As for the asshole part, that's been a problem my entire life and people either deal with me or they don't and that's that.

[robinlynne]

2. I don't know if this is just about HCR. I believe we worked so very hard to

get Obama elected, that HCR is simply one example of our frustration with the lack of real substantive change. We lived through 8 years of hell in this country. I remember being fearful, even to get on a plane. We now see Bush appointees being re-appointed, the same wealthy CEOS being taken care of by teh government, etc. etc. HCR was a promise. "The public option" was a promise. A broken promise. So, I don't think this is temporary, or even about HCR. It is about dashed dreams and hopes, and the realization that the Democratic Party is half filled with republican-like leaders.

[HereSince1628]

5. I know, I really do.

And I'm not saying that promises weren't broken. I'm only saying that the flurry of emotional reaction is something of a group emotional storm, people have emotions and being emotional is human.

What I hope is that those of us who are able to, consider the emotionalality of the moment and of their fellow DUers'.

[EFerrari]

16. And maybe especially if we can predict that we'll be here again

with dread or fear or distrust rearing its head again, no matter how justified those emotions may be.

As you say, the point is not are those reactions right or wrong but how to deal with them when they happen. :thumbsup:

[pitohui]

3. there's nothing odd in "if you got a new hammer, every problem is a nail"

it's just human nature

DU is not suffering an emotional storm, you have the "new hammer, looking for nail" syndrome IMHO

sure, there are DUers who are always unhappy that they didn't get a pony, but that is not a storm, they're pretty much always like that

yr dx is a difficult one and most of us have not seen it treated successfully, as a fallback, it's understandable that a person would say, "well hell everybody's that way really, look all these DUers act just like me"

as you say yourself you're seeing things thru your own lens

[HereSince1628]

7. True, but you sort of missed my point.

I readily admit we see what we want to see, etc.

If you don't want to get beyond to ask yourself the question of how you would treat a friend or a family member in emotional difficulty, that's ok, too.

[krabigirl]

4. Sometimes I think I have that as well.

I have generalized anxiety and panic disorder, but sometimes I read about BPD and think I have it. Then again, maybe there's too much information out there for me to read and worry about (hence more anxiety).

[Warpy]

6. Uh, I kind of figured that out

I at least knew something was up. Unfortunately, there's no pill you can take to turn you into Mr. Nice Guy 24/7. You can learn strategies to help you avoid driving your nearest and dearest crazy, though.

If it makes you feel any better, you're not a consistent asshole. I put those on my ignore list and you're not there.

As for DU going through a collective emotional storm, I think you're onto something. Lots of us are furious that the Senate sold out to a handful of corrupt jerks instead of suspending the filibuster in time of national emergency. There's been a lot of acting out and over reaction.

Good luck. BPD is not easy to live with either first hand or second hand.

[HereSince1628]

9. And that's my point, maybe we should accept that fellow DUers

are having more or less difficulty with the HCR bill and behave in light of that knowledge.

[Warpy]

11. You have no idea how often I've hit back instead of send

I'm cutting fellow progressives a lot of slack these days.

I'm furious, too.

[HereSince1628]

13. That's true, I don't know, but I am glad for your effort.

You can certainly count me among the "I'm feeling very discouraged on the point of hoplessness" about progress these days.

[LoZoccolo]

8. That's a really interesting parallel. Here's how I see it.

You probably know much more about it than I do, but from what I've heard, some people are theorizing that BPD is all about difficulties regulating emotion; it's even been proposed that it be renamed emotional dysregulation disorder. You might see that sort of tendency in crowd behavior because people who try to moderate the behavior of the crowd are seen as disloyal and either retreat or are ostracized, leading to unchecked emotional reactions.

[HereSince1628]

12. Well, my point wasn't BPD so much about how you'd behave if you knew a friend

or relative was having a tough emotional time? While a few of us might, I don't think that most of us would kick that person around.

The HCR maybe/probably didn't put any individual into an acute emotional state. Sociology might have names for the intra-group disorder/emotionality that temporarily passes through subgroups as they adapt to change. That could be interesting to discuss at some point.

All I suggesting is that in the brough-haha folks consider something that I'm particularly poor at...mentalizing the other person's emotional state and anticipating how my/our behavior is going to impact that emotional state.

[elocs]

10. Odd, my family has been HereSince1628.

We got caught up with Obama in the campaign and believed every promise he made was a done deal as soon as he took office. We came to believe him to be the Superman that he sometimes would be portrayed as being. We then had trouble when our hero turned out to have feet of clay. We always seem to be the most disappointed by the ones we love because our expectations are so high.

Now with HCR and the anniversary of 1 year in office for Obama it all comes to a head, all of our disappointments and unfulfilled expectations of the past year. One thing that I hope that will not define the Obama presidency is the quote by John Greenleaf Whittier:

"Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been.'"

Many people are disappointed and I cannot tell them they have no right to feel that way.

[EFerrari]

14. Very nicely put.

:)

[GreenPartyVoter]

15. Well, I do know that as a person with bipolar however my chemistry is set up on

any given day completely colors my reaction to whatever is going on around me.

You can put me in the exact same difficult situation 3 times. One time I will take it in stride and move on, another I will be furious and lash out all over the place, and another I will not only sob uncontrollably but think about killing myself from the shame and humiliation.

[HereSince1628]

18. That must be difficult

both for you and for your relationships.

I hope that DU is a place you feel comfortable.

[GreenPartyVoter]

20. Yeah, DU is a pretty nice place to be because I have a chance to think before I hit the

send button. It keeps me from making the social gaffes that I sometimes have trouble with IRL.

I also am on meds now and even though I still have cycles it's not nearly as bad as before. :)