Christmas gifts when you have almost no money

[SOCALS]

I have a unemployed friend who has been looking for a job for several months now. Last week he spent about $100-150 on Christmas presents for some of his friends living in another state despite my recommendation not to do it because he has very little money left in his bank account and does not receive unemployment yet.

Am I right saying that if you are in a bad financial situation, you'd better not spend whatever little you have on Christmas gifts? If I were him, I wouldn't hesitate to simply send a card and let them judge me and call me cheap. Do you agree with me?

[enlightenment]

1. It probably gave him a sense of control over his life.

It's not rational but it is understandable.

[pitohui]

16. really? spending $$$ you don't have gives a sense of control over yr life?

no, i don't think so

i think he feels helpless and out of control -- that he feels obligated to live up to other people's expectations

this "obligation" to exchange gifts and cards is part of what makes xmas so miserable for adults, we all know going in that we're not going to like most gives we give OR receive but we feel "obligated" to give/accept something

it would be a far better gift to relieve the out of state friends of the obligation by saying, 'look let's save a lot of time and standing in line at the post office shipping crap around" -- we don't need to exchange gifts to be real friends

[enlightenment]

27. Gee. I'm ever so thrilled to be corrected by

someone who is incapable of writing a coherent post. Learn to spell, discover the joys of punctuation, figure out what the 'shift' key does - and grow up.

Then we'll talk about how much you obviously don't know about human nature.

[SOCALS]

29. I move to name it Godwin's law II

that the first one to start pointing our spelling and grammar errors loses the argument

[KittyWampus]

41. I'll just point out when people on the internets seem lacking in empathy. Human nature isn't always

rational. It's a gift and a curse.

[Xenotime]

42. Maybe he did have it to spend.

[Donnachaidh]

2. many people are not doing presents, because of the economy

The facts that are NOT being reported is -- local food banks are swamped, local charities to help with the costs of utilities, etc., are swamped, and the social safety net is quickly coming unraveled while TV ads push BUY BUY BUY to the audience.

[kevinbgoode]

28. I absolutely agree. . .we are not doing anything this year either

Everyone in my family - for one reason or another - has had to drastically tighten our belts this year. Even my retired parents are only buying small things for the small grandchildren. The rest of us are not exchanging gifts. Frankly, it's a relief - no concerns about shopping, fighting crowds, or juggling the finances for the holidays.

Almost everyone I know has scaled back this year - some drastically. I honestly don't know who is doing the buying sprees in this country, because I don't know anyone engaging in that at all.

[tridim]

3. I'm baking all my christmas gifts this year.

Flour, eggs, sugar and butter are much cheaper than almost any gift you can buy at Wal Mart.

[seeinfweggos]

4. nice framed photos are what my family is getting

[SOCALS]

6. Good think to know that

I am not the only one acting rationally this Christmas season. I just don't understand the pride some people have when it comes to making Chistmas presents. SOme people are ready to starve but still buy a gift!

[seeinfweggos]

7. yep, i have never understood it

[kevinbgoode]

30. haha..I'm not much of a cook. . .

but I did take my neighbors a nice batch of butter recipe cupcakes. They helped me when I was in the hospital earlier this year. I know it isn't much, but they were thrilled. . .even if I made them from a box mix.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

39. I used to make homemade fudge.

And pack it in those metal tins and mail it to people. It cost a few dollars in materials & postage, but people go into shock over handmade gifts.

And the two years I got pre-fab watercolor paper greeting cards with envelopes, available at your local art supply store, and painted them myself with gouache....boy did people really freak out and LOVE IT!!

(Former art major here) :D

[pitohui]

5. oh i just went thru this w. somebody

my friend is dead broke, but his v. large family still wants a fortune in gifts anyway

he has asked me to help him w. his finances, so i suggested he only buy gifts for the child and to inform the adults that he is no longer exchanging gifts

he never gets anything he likes, and they never get anything they like, at our age, if it's something you can afford to buy as a gift and you want it, you already have it

he cannot bring himself to admit to his family that he's lost everything so he went out and wasted a lot of money spending on credit, which will bring neither him nor the members of his family, the smallest pleasure and it will bring him much expense and future misery by inflating his already out of control credit card bill

it is sad but what can you do?

all i accomplished is that he isn't buying ME a gift this year, ha, i guess that's something (i also found several hundred dollars in tax overpayments he made, which he will be getting back at some point but not in time for xmas so at least that's something else but i still feel terribly helpless)

[Blackhatjack]

8. What's his problem? All The Wall Street CEOs Are Getting HUGE Gifts This Year!

Honestly, how are the Elite in this country to have a Merry Christmas if so many people who have lost everything insist on complaining about not having enough food to eat and $$ to pay utility bills to stay warm?

It just puts a damper on large expensive celebrations!

[stopbush]

9. I see nothing wrong with this guy doing this.

Obviously, giving is important to him. I salute him for putting others ahead of himself.

Maybe he has $ in the bank. Maybe he's got good credit and threw the purchases on a card. You don't say.

Having said that, if he's the type of person who will be crying that he's broke in January and wondering why the world is against him, then, yeah, that's a problem. If he's giving the gifts and is willing to deal with the consequences to his own fortunes, then, so what?

[SOCALS]

11. He has very little in the bank

and he doesn't have credit cards. He has enough money to pay for rent, food for a couple more months and that's it. He doesn't have family or friends able to lend him any substantial money. I know that for sure because I hang out with almost every day.

I think someone has to tell Americans that there is no shame in not giving presents on Christmas if you are unemployed and are on the brink of financial collapse

[stopbush]

12. Your point is taken, but Americans also have to realize that people have the right

to be fuck ups in this country.

You did well trying to offer him guidance, but who knows what's going on in his head considering his situation.

[MarthaM]

14. It's not just about the money...

... it's about a person with almost nothing doing what he wants to try and feel 'normal', doing what is normal for him at this time of year. It's a very hard time of year for those who have lost their jobs, and if spending a hundred bucks or so on some gifts makes him feel good, then I say he should GO FOR IT. And not worry about those who think they know better than him how she should live his life, or spend his money.

I think holiday gift-giving is getting a bad rap these days. That's not what makes a holiday commercialized; EXCESS is.

[pitohui]

15. there's another way to handle it which worked for me

it's hard for people to admit they're broke, because in america you are judged only based on your looks and your money

however, i ended up the gift exchange silliness by taking a different approach, i told people that i knew that they were busy and that i wanted to give them the gift of TIME by not exchanging gifts

by saying, let's save time, let's not shop any more for the adults in our circle, you don't make it about money and you don't make it about "i can't afford it this year"

it's about saving TIME which rich and poor alike can always use more time

it worked for me but alas the friend i'm trying to advise was still too shy to use this argument but it COULD work for you or your friend if they want to try it

[spoony]

10. Agreed. And if they're real friends, they'd never have judged him

for not being able to buy them things. And if they aren't and would judge him, then he shouldn't buy them anything anyway, imo.

[pitohui]

13. many real friends would be delighted to give up the gift giving charade

years ago i informed people that i would be giving them the best gift of all -- free time -- because i would no longer be exchanging gifts/xmas cards with them

really how many gifts do you get as an adult that you want or like? in times gone by i would just take them back to the store and try to get the $$$ back but now the stores are onto it

the last time i returned a useless ugly sweater, the store's computer actually did a search of the lowest sales price the sweater had ever been sold for, which was abt $15 (the giver actually paid $60 but didn't have the receipt available to me) so at the end of all the shouting the gift giver was out $60 and all i got was a miserable $15 gift card which didn't buy anything in that store but a cheesy pair of earrings

what a waste, and it's all the more distressing if you know the person didn't actually have the $60 to waste on a piece of crap

[spoony]

34. A great, wise approach.

I think that would both simplify and enrich people's holidays a LOT. Cheers.

[DrDan]

17. as a first-year teacher with 2 children (ages ago) - money was tight

I bought some 2X4's, made my son a truck-n-trailer, my daughter a balance beam, and a set of wooden blocks. My granddaughter now plays with the blocks, and the truck-n-trailer comes out every Christmas to sit under the tree.

Money is but one solution. There are all kinds of alternatives to celebrate Christmas and share.

[seabeyond]

18. my brother and his kids do this. then they ask to borrow. this has been decades

i dont get it, dont get it.

presents arent the issue for me, so not hard, not buying. plenty of inexpensive and fun

[Brickbat]

19. If he has the money, and wants to do it to make himself feel good for one more week, I don't see

what the problem is, or what business is it of yours.

[EC]

20. Maybe the spirit of giving REALLY makes him feel good...

Even when I was unemployed last X-mas I still did what I could because the feeling of giving is important to me...seeing a smile on a loved ones face is more precious to me than paying a bill that will wait until next month....

[pitohui]

25. no the spirit of giving makes him feel really obligated

i wish we could just cut out the cant and admit to ourselves what we all know, that smile on our face when we open most of our gifts is pretty damn forced

adults mostly have what they want if it's affordable enough to be an appropriate gift, so if you're giving me something i don't have, it's because i don't want it

god bless america, i don't want your home-baked goodies so i can hear the griping from hubby abt his low carb diet, i don't want yr grandma's xmas fudge, but nor do i want you to feel obligated to go out shopping and buy me something i don't want -- and trust me on this people, if it has an odor, just rest assured that NO ONE wants it -- if it's for sale in a box in the drugstore, NO ONE wants it, that smile is a fake smile, you re not making yourself happy, you're not making the receiver happy

in fact, you're giving an obligation, because it's an exchange, you get me a gift and now i'm obligated to get you a gift and, frankly, if you're an adult, and you're not one of a v. small circle of people, it's just a nuisance that makes no one happy

and it's almost worse in that rare case where you find a thoughful appropriate gift because the chances of me being able to find a thoughtful approopriate gift for you that i can fucking afford are pretty close to nil -- i can't stand the fucking stress !!!

make your loved ones happy by freeing them from bullshit obligations to buy, buy, buy

everyone who buys me a gift obligates me to go out and buy them a gift, trust me, that is SO not bringing a smile to my face

give me the gift of time, let's agree not to exchange gifts

[pipi_k]

32. I feel the same way about Christmas cards...the most

senseless waste of paper next to bank statements saying a person has twenty-five cents in the bank and it cost 44 cents to mail the damned things.


I hate being the first to send out Christmas cards because then it (usually) obligates a person to send one back.

If someone sends me one and I hadn't planned on sending any (like this year, last year, the year before, etc) then I feel a stab of resentment against the person who has now obligated me to send one back.

Outlaw Christmas cards!!!

Unless they're photos of the family. I keep and treasure those.

[EC]

40. Such a cynic...

no I really would rather give than receive and do so not only at X-mas...the gift of time? Days are always numbered and time is fleeting...

[Obamanaut]

21. We read here on DU posts with words to the effect that the poster

is practically destitute but sent in their last $18 to candidate so and so, and this poster is applauded.

Here is a person wanting to give to his friends and he is berated here.

Makes no sense to me because it seems inconsistent.

[SOCALS]

22. Those who sent $18 to the campaigns

did so hoping for a change. Hope has to be worth something

[Obamanaut]

23. Seems like a burst bubble then, doesn't it. $18 down the tubes. nt

[SOCALS]

24. It is a lesson for the rest of your life.

$18 is a low price for a life lesson

[pitohui]

26. it isn't inconsistent, it's a completely different situation

when i send $$$ to a candidate, it's because i expect them to DO SOMETHING for me, it isn't because i am giving them a fucking gift

when i send a gift to a friend, i'm obligating them to buy me a gift, and it will probably both waste their time and money because they are unlikely to be able to afford to buy me a gift of something that 1) i like but 2) don't already have that 3) costs less than several thousand dollars 4) which is completely inappropriate to receive from anyone but the closest of friends/family

you can send $$$ freely to a candidate and not worry that because of the money you sent the candidate will later have to lose two afternoons frantically searching for something to buy for you

[Donnachaidh]

31. exactly WHO is berating this guy?

Many people are aware of just how BAD it is out in the real world, and are not following the BUY chorus this year.

[applegrove]

33. I like giving more than receiving. That is what Christmas means to me. They

may be the same way.

[Withywindle]

35. Objectively speaking, you're right and I agree.

But OTOH, the hardest part about losing the good job I had in the 90s with good Christmas bonuses is that I can't give gifts like I used to.

I just deleted a whole bunch of spew I wrote about how good gifts don't have to cost money...and it's true, they don't. But this isn't an issue to preach about. It's really about how in this economy, people are consistently losing the things that give them pleasure. That's why they call it a "depression." Making other people happy - even if it's with material things that "good" lefties look down on--is a very painful pleasure to lose. I'm not surprised that some people give that one up last.

[leftstreet]

36. Is this the same friend who's rushing off to Afghanistan and recently got a DUI?

Such a difficult Christmas for this person

[SOCALS]

37. No it's just a regular guy.

He moved here from Michigan looking for better life

[WorseBeforeBetter]

38. Unreccing b/c it's a manipulative post. (n/t)

[Iggo]

43. Other people's gift buying habits are none of my business.

I don't approve or disapprove how much or how little someone is spending.

My generosity, and by extension other people's generosity, is a personal and private matter.