Looking for advice on something from my friends here on DU-and maybe it will help others as well

[The Straight Story]

My X finally got contacted by a TV show that helps people find their birth parents. My X was adopted and she wants to find her birth mother/father.

She has Parkinson's disease and two brain cysts now (Arachnoid cysts, before she had only one). We have a daughter together and if you have ever followed my posts over the years you know how hard this has all been for me.

One of the big reasons she, and I, would like to find her birth Mother/Father is to find out if there are genetic issues which could affect our daughter.

Yesterday she got a call from a TV show that helps find your birth parent(s), only catch is that it costs about $700. I am willing to pawn my car, sell my laptop, whatever it takes to help her get the money (and it is a legitimate program, had a friend use them once but did not know about the fee until now).

From the call she got she learned that one of the things they do is fly out a team to where she was born to scour the records available (usually from Libraries that have copies of local papers on microfiche) and that they have a 100% rate of finding birth parents (now whether or not they want to talk to you, etc, is up for grabs).

I will give up my unemployment check next week, pawn what I can, etc to help her out - but before I do all that I wanted to turn to my friends here on DU and see what ideas you have, your experiences....Is there a cheaper/better way to pursue all of this?

I cannot get to the library there where she was born, else I could do some of this research myself. I did call my local Library and they can order some of it. Overall it would just be easier to get the money and have someone else do it all - but before I do so, does anyone here on DU have experience in finding their real parents and what did you do to find them?

[goldcanyonaz]

1. I thought these type of shows paid you?

I don't watch them but there are 2 shows currently on television that do just that.

I pray that you and her can find the answers that you need and the sooner the better.

Best of luck to you.

:hug:

[The Straight Story]

2. We thought so as well

But they have to fly around, pay for records, etc.

[goldcanyonaz]

5. I would think the freedom of information act would give you all the information one needed.

I guess not.

[The Straight Story]

9. CA is a pain when it comes to such things as adoptions

I am working all the angles I can, just looking for guidance from folks who have been there.

[roguevalley]

22. call the library where she was born and explain your situation. someone

may be able to help you. Also, most places have geneology clubs that can help people. I wish this was easier for you, you have had a long struggle but paying a show to help you do this, I don't know. I have never heard of such a thing.

[Blasphemer]

25. It's quite sad that they request payment

Wouldn't the revenue from the show make up for $700? It doesn't make sense.

[Motown_Johnny]

3. Where was she born? Someone here might be able/willing to go do some of it for you.

There are also ways of raising the 700 bucks. Pancake breakfast with silent auction on items your friends donate, that kind of thing. We did that for a friend of mine who had trouble with her medical bills (pasta dinner, not pancakes).

The TV show might even want to cover it, as long as they edit out that the money was going to them, and having a chance to be on TV would increase turnout.

[The Straight Story]

6. Bakersfield, CA

I can raise the money myself, I have unemployment, car to pawn, etc - but before I do I want to explore some options.

I would think the TV show would cover it, but I guess they don't cover initial fees for travel, etc.

[iamjoy]

4. I'm Suspicious

I mean, I can understand that some one would want to find his/her birth parents. If there are health issues at stake, it is more than just satisfying an emotional need.

However, I really don't trust this TV show that helps find parents. If it is really a show, they should expect that money from advertisers would pay costs associated with the search. Also, the show may well be looking to exploit your X. If you've watched reality TV, you must realize that most of them are not interested in portraying people in the most positive light. Sure, there are some "nice" ones out there, but the worst ones are disingenuous from the beginning. At best, they may be looking to broadcast moments that should be private to the voyeuristic American public. The worst of these shows are only looking to humiliate people in order to satisfy the public's sense of superiority or schadenfreude. They cleverly edit their shows (deliberately piecing together sentences and words out of context)

I'm not saying don't do it, but tread very cautiously. I don't like that they are asking for money. Sure, they say they have a 100% success rate...

[The Straight Story]

7. They would refund the money if they don't find her real parents

I just want to see if there are other options, because the real goal is to find them and hopefully get a medical history (along with some emotional issues the X has).

I will come up with the money to help, but I am hoping that some folks here have some experience in all of this they can share.

[tazkcmo]

8. what you said.

Good advice. Hell, write Maury or somebody. It is weird they are asking for money.

[Bitwit1234]

10. There are two now

One is called the Locater. The other Find my Family. The Locater is on WE and Find my Family on one of the networks.

I have a small suggestion. Some genealogy researchers, will go to the libraries and courthouses and look up genealogy information for you. A lot do it for about 10 dollars or so an hour. Which cost but not 700.

Maybe you can find the state, county etc and go to the website and see if you can get one of them to do the research for you. It is different from genealogy research but it is research.

What state, county and location was she born maybe I can find the ARK group to help.

[The Straight Story]

11. Bakersfield, CA, 1971 - already working with the local Library to get some data

But I am just a geek, not an experienced person in finding birth parents :)

My daughter is 8, and if I can find out anything about her past and possible genetic issues I don't care what it takes. I signed up with Ancestory.com and am looking for records from that time period, and will spend more to contact each person on the list I have so far for births during that time.

If I can help my daughter and prevent her from going through all my X has gone through I will be a happy man. It has been hell so far, and I don't want my daughter to go through it all sometime later.

And the one she has been contacted by is called 'locater'.

[Autumn Colors]

12. The Mormons

First off, let me say that I'm an atheist, but tracing my own family tree has been a hobby of mine for decades. When I lived in Salt Lake City for a year back in the 80s, I discovered the phenomenal LDS (Mormon) Genealogy Library there. I hate the reason this exists (to baptize dead ancestors by proxy into the LDS church), but ANYONE can research their archives. That library houses birth, death, baptism records from all over the world as well as Census records, property records, newspapers on microfilm, etc.

If there's a Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (LDS) anywhere near you, go there and ask if they can get records from the LDS library in Salt Lake for you. They'll be very, very helpful and probably won't ask you for a dime, but will probably want you to take a Book of Mormon home with you (what you do with it after that is up to you).

Good luck!

[Hepburn]

19. +1

My best gal pal comes from a Mormon background and she has her own family tree done by them. And, yeah, what they can do is amazing. I would also suggest this as a place to contact.

[Blasphemer]

26. Wow... I never knew that. Great information!... nt

[goldcanyonaz]

13. Need a few more recs to get to the greatest...

Maybe others can help.

[timeforpeace]

14. What's the big deal about "finding out about genetic issues"? To what end?

[medeak]

15. important for research

husband has Parkinson's and Michael J. Fox foundation has funded genetic study at www.23andme.com amazing information we got.

[The Straight Story]

21. To know about possible issues that may come up

From heart disease to parkinson's/ms/etc.

I would like for my daughter to know what she could be facing in the future.

[Shallah Kali]

27. I am an adoptee w/hemophilia on the maternal side. My uncle would gush blood if he sneezed

or even got to excited playing. If I ever have a son he could have it too.

[Prism]

16. This seems expensive to me

I searched and found my biological parents when I turned 18. The P.I. charged me about $50 and it took him, literally, an hour to find them.

$700 is a bit much.

[Nay]

17. Does she know the names of her birth mother & father? Sorry, but

you didn't mention if you had any info on them - name, DOB, etc. If you have that, and the names aren't ones like John Smith or Debbie Jones, then ancestry.com and the Mormon's ancestry records can be of great help.

I traced my family tree on both sides to the 1600's, so it can be done. Many records, esp state records, are already online and free for the looking. Can you tell us what sort of information she has on her birth parents, if any?

[Shallah Kali]

18. my older sister went though the country probate court to open her records

my Mom said call the county probate court in the county your ex was born in and ask for a petition to open the records. My Mom can't remember there being any fees but they might want a few to cover postage.

http://family-law.lawyers.com/adoptions/Resources-for-Finding-a-Birth-Parent-or-Child.html

Identifying Information

To ensure personal privacy, different laws govern the release of identifying information, which may include details such as the names and addresses of birth parents and adopted children. This information is available for release only if the person whose information is being sought has explicitly agreed to its release. At the time of adoption, birth parents may have been asked for permission to release identifying information to the adoptee when the adoptee turns 18 or 21. If the birth parents have consented to the release of this information, it eases the process of finding parents. But if the birth parent did not agree to the information's release, or was never asked to give consent, the adopted child will have to petition a court for release of the information.

To obtain identifying information, adoptees should petition the court to have their adoption records unsealed. The chances for success depend on state laws, the judge, the reason for the request, and your (or your attorney's) ability to present a compelling argument in favor of unsealing the documents. The judge may agree to unseal the records, may deny the petition entirely, or may agree to release only certain information. The judge may also agree to a request for a "confidential intermediary."

A confidential intermediary may, for a fee, act as an intermediary between the child, adoptive parents and birth parents. The CI is given access to certain sealed records, and then contacts the other parties to determine whether they will allow the others to have access to confidential information originally part of the adoption agreement. The CI works with the cooperation of the adoption agency and/or courts, and information is only shared with the permission of all parties.

[Hepburn]

20. If her adoption was also a CA adoption, this info might help:

http://laws.adoption.com/statutes/california-laws.html

Best of luck...:hug:

[TuxedoKat]

23. Here's what I would do

First, I wouldn't rush to pay them to do any research. If they don't hear from you they may call back and offer to do it for free -- don't make it too easy for them. Actually, I think they should be paying you if they want to do this and invade your privacy and exploit you on their show. Also, if you do get involved with them, I would
have a lawyer friend look over the contract for you because a few years back I looked at one of those standard reality show contracts and it was horrendous. The gist of it was, that they could do anything they wanted with the footage they shot of you, edit (manipulate) it however they wanted, lie about you, and oh, they had the right to do this forever too. I would not get involved -- I'm sure they are better ways to get this info.

Second, there are hundreds of adoption-related email groups (check yahoo) and bulletin boards. I would start there for some answers and ask some of the people on those boards and groups. Some of them may even have experience with these shows and many of them will have good, solid information and references for you. There are so many different adoption groups, there are probably some for birthparents that are looking for their children as well. Check some of those big nationwide community bulletin boards as many of them will have an adoption category. There is one I'm thinking of but I can't remember the name right now -- "I---" something. The internet is such a powerful tool, I know there are people out there who have answers for you, and it shouldn't be too hard to find them. Good luck!

TK
Member of several adoption email groups and amateur genealogist

[Shallah Kali]

24. International Soundex Reunion Registry - free service

http://www.isrr.net

This and other reunion registries match people who sign up. It only works tho if one of the birth parents also signed up but being free it's worth a try. I almost used this back when I first wanted to try to find my birth mother but then got lucky with a relative being friends with one of her relatives with the same last name which someone had let slip to my adopted Mother.

Adoption.About.com has listed other reunion registries here: http://adoption.about.com/od/registries/Registries.htm

It also lists some other resources to help with the search here: http://adoption.about.com/od/searching/Searching_How_to_Search_Search_Angels.htm

Also I believe someone previously posted this link to the State of California's own reunion registry which also lists how to get at least the non-identifying info even without the birth parents' consent - link: http://www.childsworld.ca.gov/PG1314.htm

I WAS ADOPTED. HOW CAN I GET INFORMATION ABOUT MY ADOPTION AND ABOUT MY BIRTH PARENTS?

The California Department of Social Services (CDSS), or the licensed public or private adoption agency that handled the adoption can provide non identifying background information on birth parents to adoptees. The information provided includes general facts about the birth parents and their medical history. This service is available only for adoptions that were finalized in California. Some licensed private adoption agencies may charge a fee for this service. You must request this information by writing directly to the licensed adoption agency, if known, or to the CDSS at the following address:

California Department of Social Services
Adoptions Support Unit
744 P Street, MS 8-12-31
Sacramento, CA 95814

If you do not know the name of the licensed adoption agency, you can request the name from the CDSS. Your letter must include your name, birth date, and the full names of both of your adoptive parents. Also, your signature must be notarized by a Notary Public. This service is not available through e-mail.
I AM AN ADULT ADOPTEE. HOW CAN I MAKE CONTACT WITH MY BIRTH PARENTS?

California has a Mutual Consent Program that is administered by either the CDSS or the licensed public or private adoption agency that handled the adoption. In addition to the Mutual Consent Program, the Adoptions Information Act applies to adoptions in which birth parents signed the relinquishment for adoption or consent to adoption, or in which the birth parents' rights were involuntarily terminated by court action on or after January 1, 1984.

* Mutual Consent Program: An adoptee may complete a Consent for Contact form (AD 904) and submit it to the CDSS or the licensed adoption agency that handled the adoption, if known. If the CDSS or the licensed adoption agency receives a consent form from the adult adoptee (18 years of age or older) and one from his/her birth parent(s), names and addresses can be disclosed to both parties so they may contact one another. The law prohibits the CDSS and the licensed adoption agencies from soliciting consents and providing search services for adoptees or birth parents.
* Adoptions Information Act: An adoptee may complete an Adoptions Information Act Statement (AD 908A) requesting disclosure of the name and address of his or her birth parent(s). The CDSS or the licensed adoption agency which handled the adoption can disclose the name and address of the birth parent(s), if the birth parent signed a relinquishment or consent for adoption, or the parent's rights were involuntarily terminated by court action on or after January 1, 1984, and the birth parent signed an Adoptions Information Act Statement (AD 908) granting permission for such disclosure. The adoptee must be 21 years of age or older in order to complete the AD 908A.

snip

I AM AN ADOPTEE. HOW CAN I OBTAIN A COPY OF MY ORIGINAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE AND/OR DOCUMENTS FROM MY ADOPTION FILE?

You may be able to obtain a copy of your original birth certificate by filing a petition under Health and Safety Code Section 102705 in the county clerk's office of the Superior Court in the county where you reside or the county where your adoption was finalized. In your petition, you must show good and compelling cause for the granting of the order. It is at the sole discretion of the court as to whether the original birth certificate will be unsealed.

You may also file a petition under Family Code Section 9200 in the Superior Court of the county where your adoption was granted, for access to documents contained in the adoption file that is maintained by the Superior Court. Again, it is at the sole discretion of the court as to whether any documents are released to you.

Please contact the County Clerk's office of the Superior Court for information on petitioning the court for information.

snip

HOW TO OBTAIN FORMS AND ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:

Forms may be obtained by contacting the CDSS at [phone], by writing to the address below, by contacting the licensed public or private adoption agency that handled the adoption, or by clicking here Consent For Contact http://www.dss.cahwnet.gov/Forms/English/AD904.pdf , Waiver of Rights to Confidentiality For Siblings, Waiver of Rights to Confidentiality For Siblings - Under The Age Of 18, and Adoptions Information Act Statement.

California Department of Social Services
Adoptions Support Unit
744 P Street, MS 8-12-31
Sacramento, CA 95814

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

28. In addition to the great resources posted here, there is a

genealogy forum right here on DU with folks who are experts at researching records.