Wanting things for "other people" may be part of the problem.

[SoCalDem]

Case in study:

A friend of ours lost his job in August...and then his wife's hours were cut in October. They were able to get medical insurance through her work, but with the hours-cut, they are struggling mightily. The coverage is not as good, but luckily for them, they are healthy.

Their "problem" was that damned house.

He's 50-something, and his wife is 48. They have 4 kids.. a 14 yr old, 11 yr old girl-twins (not identical) and an "oopsie" caboose-kid who is 6.. a cutie pie little boy.

They had the obligatory 4-bedroom large house..(the 6 yr old's bedroom was carved from the lower level "office space" room offered in their floor-plan. Mom & Dad had the large master suite with the big bathroom. The girls shared a room..& the 14 yr old boy had his own room.

Because of the ages of their kids, they ended up buying that behemoth right at the time that prices were at their highest around here. They did not re-fi, or remove equity.. they just bought more house than they could afford, because they bought into the fallacy that values would only increase, and that jobs were stable.

After months of trying to keep that house, they finally threw in the towel, and moved "down".

They had a lucky break, in that , his Mother moved out here to be closer to the grand kids, and she was able to help them find a rather nice rental, and moved in with them. With her contribution from a pension & SS, and the wife's income & his unemployment, they are all managing nicely in a rental house that is not a lot smaller, but is saving them almost $1k a month.

The kids love having their Grandma around, and her contribution to the family income is saving them from financial ruin. They know it might not be forever, but it's working great for now.

The things they thought they were doing "for the kids", were actually for what they THOUGHT the kids wanted, but now that the money is less, and many of those things are gone, the family is closer and the kids are kind of glad they have more TIME..

The 11 yr old twins are excited to be learning to knit and crochet (Grandma)... and Grandma is "letting" them cook ( with supervision & lessons). the 6 yr old is their "taster"..

They have re-discovered Monopoly, Parcheesi, Sorry & puzzles.

The 14 yr old still plays soccer, and the whole family is his "rooting section".

With childcare off the table, as an expense, Mom is going to community college to get some re-training, and hopes to get a better job. Dad looks for work, but so far his unemployment is more than he could make if he took a menial job that may be temporary. He's doing most of the shopping & laundry, and is helping with the soccer team & spending timne getting to know his kids. Before, he left for work at 4 AM and got home about 6 PM.. He had a 90 minute commute each way..

The kids don't even miss the house.. they still go to the same schools.

They like their "free time" and they like the food..real food..:)

[RaleighNCDUer]

1. Excellent story. It turns out it is not so much keeping up with the Joneses,

as keeping up with ourselves and our own unrealistic expectations.

Glad it's working out for them.

[Goldstein1984]

2. Frugality must become our reality.

That is a great story--leaving the rat race and rediscovering family.

Our grandparent called it frugality, and they didn't know any other way to live.

Frugality must become our reality.

[Name removed]

6. Deleted message

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[clear eye]

3. Is this supposed to show a silver lining in all house evictions?

I mean I'm glad that in this case things worked out well, but you do know that other people's situations are often quite different. Not all people are being evicted from unnecessarily luxurious accommodations.

Might be helpful for you to check out some firsthand accounts of evictions that led not to a comfy modest rental, but to living in a car or nightly shelters or a cardboard box.

[girl gone mad]

4. I think the fact that they bought more house than they could afford..

is way down on the list of problems in this story.

Start with the fact that the husband is unemployed and the wife is underemployed. This probably has had the biggest impact on the household finances.

Next I would consider the property bubble caused by out of control greed in the banking sector. Clearly there was a bubble in their locale, as evidenced by the fact that they can rent a similar sized home for $1K/mo less than they were paying to "own".

It seems this couple got bad advice from the real estate agent and mortgage brokers. The situation you described makes me think of the "But, Suzanne researched it!" commercials we used to make fun of on housing bubble blogs before the crash. They probably believed the lies like "housing prices never go down" and "buy now or you'll be priced out forever" that were repeated relentlessly in the media during the ownership society era.

Now add the expenses of the wife having to pay to retrain for a new career, and the husband moving into long term unemployment.

I just don't think wanting to please the kids was a significant cause of their troubles, though I am happy to hear that the crisis is making people re-assess their priorities. If all of the captains of industry and government had this kind of awakening, we might actually get somewhere as a country.

[SoCalDem]

5. I'm sure it was not their main reason, but whole generations

got swept into the thinking that we always had to have separate rooms for everything, and for everybody..and the new housing always came along with new schools & new shopping & new everything.. But all that has a price..a NOW price and a LATER price.;

Most parents feel the need to "do better for their kids"..and somewhere along the line they end up serving the "getting there", and also missing the whole process at the same time..

Many "kids" end up at 18,19,20 & beyond, and what they missed was the parenting..the day-to-day teaching of skills.. They may be "educated", but mabny are incapable of living on their own..in their own community. Young people are priced out the the market in or near where they grew up, and many are too unprepared to actually move out on their own..financially and emotionally:(

[clear eye]

9. I'm sorry, but welcoming a crashing job market

just to teach some people a lesson about priorities while ignoring the catastrophic consequences to many more is heartless and assinine.

[SoCalDem]

10. No one "welcomed" it..

:eyes:

Sorry you thought that adaptation to one's circumstances is "heartless and assinine.".. they are doing the best they can

[clear eye]

11. Well that's certainly a disingenuous and twisted read of my comment. n/t

[SoCalDem]

12. ditto

:P

[clear eye]

8. "the crisis is making people re-assess their priorities"

Making some people reassess their priorities. It's just making others die of exposure or other privations. And even unable to vote to change the system b/c most areas still require a stable address to register.

[blondeatlast]

7. With my soon-2b-ex working overseas (and living with his new gf), B@L2

and I are enjoying our close little apartment community, eating in, the Wii, board games, and extended family.

Had he not left, we might never have known the contentment these bring. I'm angry and bitter over what he did, but discovering an entirely new life--and MUCH more contentment.These are at most 2 bdrooms, so siblings are romming together and finding they like it.

Many in our community are coming from foreclosures and bankruptcies and family breakups--and most of us have become quite good friends. And since my new BFF/next door neighbor nad her hubby are from ChiTown, some extraordinary bbq!