breakingest: Palin resigns as FOX contributor

[FourScore]

breakingest: Palin resigns as FOX contributor
by clammyc
Mon Jan 11, 2010 at 11:25:13 AM PST

In what can only be labeled as a stunning yet entirely predictable turn of events, former Vice Presidential candidate and "chief common sense haver" Sarah Palin has stepped down from her new role as Fox News contributor - only minutes after inking the deal.

Not wanting to be labeled as a quitter, Palin was adamant that this was because she was duped by the "elitist liberal Ivy-league educated freedom haters" who didn't tell her that there wouldn't be phonetics on her teleprompter and that she was "being lured into doing fascist work behind a desk that freedom-loving Americans can understand why she wouldn't want to do".

Palin's deal, the details of which are still undisclosed, was rumored to include responsibilities such as "reading all of the newspapers that are put in front of her" and one segment was rumored to be shot on location at the MSNBC studios to capture Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow in the break rooms "palling around with terrorists and others who hate our freedoms and who don't see the value in freedom loving common sensors who just want to make sure that our way of life isn't threatened by those who want to do harm to it".

Word is that a disagreement over shortening the title of the above noted segment to something coherent left Palin storming out of the Fox offices yelling about the "biased high 'flutin' big words of over educated people who don't have real world free market experience and values that are similar to those that real America has".

Palin did want to stress that, just like her quitting the Governorship a few months ago, this does not make her a quitter. Because quitting is "for those who don't ascribe to a higher calling of making sure that the next step in adopting principles that are free market and such thereto for furthering freedom and policies that Americans can truly believe in if we are to move forward".

Update: big hat tip to mayan for the word "breakingest" :-)

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2010/1/11/823967/-breakingest:-Palin-resigns-as-FOX-contributor

[pinto]

1. LOL.

:rofl:

[pscot]

2. I knew this was a send-up

as soon as I got to the part about her having to read newspapers.

[FSogol]

3. It isn't a send up, it is just 5-6 months early.

;-)

[malaise]

4. She's not quitting anything that pays big bucks

She may opt for an aircraft and fool the sheeple about the so called bus tour but this woman loves money big time. I can't wait until she throws her first tantrum on air and they throw her under the bus.

[rcrush]

5. Meh I'll stick with The Onion.

[The Doctor.]

9. Oh c'mon... it was good.

I rofl'd.

[FourScore]

11. Sounds like a monogamous relationship. n/t

[zogtheobvious]

25. DUDE! You should TOTALLY submit that to the Onion! ;)

[blondeatlast]

6. "Breakingest!" LOL'ing, recing, kicking. nt

[Adsos Letter]

7. Anything to stay in the news cycle. n/t

[thereismore]

8. What? In and out in one day? Did this really happen? How? nt

[Vickers]

10. Bwahahahaha!!!

But as FSogol pointed out above, you'll be able to change the date on this in a few months (weeks?), and it will be a legitimate news release.

[mzmolly]

12. No offense to Mayan, but I believe the proper term is "breakin'est"

;)

[puebloknot]

27. Right! "G" avoidance is a sign of a Heroine of the People ...

... the People being the dumbest shits that ever drew breath!

I've had a little wine. I'll be more polite tomorrow!

[mzmolly]

33. I understand the dilemma of

wine infused posting syndrome all to well. :hi:

[Historic NY]

13. Maybe then can put her on faux & friends to take over for the blonde....

they need to dumb down that show some more.

[zeemike]

32. No no even better

Put her and the blond togather....then all those right wingers can fantasize about them striping to bra and panties and having a pillow fight.
But they might find out it is a liberal plot to make them all go blind spanking the monkey.

[Historic NY]

35. I'm thinking My-T-Fine chocolate pudding.

[emilyg]

14. Why does she interest us so much?

[PatSeg]

15. I think its because

it is mind-boggling that someone so ignorant and unqualified could go as far as she has. I find her enormously entertaining.

[BrklynLiberal]

16. If only...... The thought of her cashing in on her ignorance and meanness makes me

want to heave....

[defendandprotect]

17. Let's hope that reality mimics fantasy . . . !!!

[penndragon69]

18. I quit!

All because she might have to actually READ BIG WORDS and mezmurize'em.
The thought of an on air quiz scares her to the bone.
Too dumb to deserve oxygen.

[NecklyTyler]

19. This will be true just as soon as Palin banks her first million

Then she will blow the money on an 'exploratory campaign' for the Republican nomination and quit that too

[NICO9000]

20. I heard she was going to take over "The Tonight Show" from Conan!

:)

[puebloknot]

21. She and the recent Miss South Carolina are soul sistuhs, fer sure!

"Common sensors": Common, for certain. Sensors, not so much. That would sort of indicate some sort of intuitive sensibility that neither has displayed.

"Common sensers?" Nah, not that, either!

But we can understand her "Green Acres" sort of dilemma. She's just too good for Fox News; the White House is the place for her.

(I'm begging all the gods on Mt. Olympus -- do something, before it's too late!)

[HippieCowgirl]

22. Rec'ing just for the funny factor

Made me laugh!

[Roland99]

24. +1

[Orsino]

23. I call bullshit.

Pundit jobs at Fox news don't require reading anything but a teleprompter. :+

[puebloknot]

26. You are funny; I am gullible. I believed this!

But I have every confidence she will fulfill every part of this OP.

Keep us laughing. We need it. Laughter's lthe best medicine.

[L. Coyote]

28. unfair and unbalanced

and under-handed "for those making sure that the next step in adopting principles for furthering freedom and policies that are free market who ascribe to a higher calling to move forward don't truly believe Americans can if we are" :rofl:

[gleaner]

29. There is such a thing ....

as good news. I thought she would wait at least a week. If she signed a contract, I wonder if there will be any legal fallout?

[Bennyboy]

30. Excellent......

Great piece of writing......

[mlevans]

31. Brilliant!

Made my day, thanks.

[winyanstaz]

34. Oh Noz!!!! Big news!!!! Stop the presses and clog the airwaves....

The Quitter Quits Again!