Living in A Bubble Is No Way To Live

[MineralMan]

My Sunday trip to the supermarket brought up something I've noticed for a long time, so I'm going to write about it just a little.

Looking around at the people near me as I shopped convinced me, once again, that most people live their lives in little bubbles. Inside their bubble, they are the most important people on the planet, and they seem unaware of all the other people around them. I can find no other explanation for the behavior I see again and again. For every person I encounter who makes eye contact and smiles, there are 20 who see nothing at all and act accordingly.

Today, the woman who parked her cart in the middle of the aisle and then wandered off to go to another aisle to find something, was an example. Another was the family of five who were shopping together and walking abreast through the entire store. I had to avoid them three times on this trip alone. Then, there's the guy who was entering the store just ahead of me who stopped just inside the automatic door to pull out his shopping list and study it, completely blocking the entrance. My "Excuse me, please..." got a glaring look from this one.

And it's not just the supermarket. The person driving their car down the middle of a residential street who does not move over to the right when encountering another car approaching is also in the bubble. The person who pulls into the gas station's empty lane and doesn't pull forward to the last pump is another. The driver who stares straight ahead and never consults the mirror and ignores the traffic merging from the on ramp is still another. The guy who carelessly parks halfway into the next space in a busy parking lot, or who pull into a space someone is clearly waiting for, is yet another example.

You see it at the movie theater, when people insist on two seats for themselves, piling their worldly goods on the seat next to them in a crowded theater, then being offended if you and your partner want to sit together in that and the adjacent seat. "Excuse me, but would you mind moving your things so we can sit here?" brings a harsh look or a "Fuck you." I understand when people want an aisle seat at the theater, but must they just sit there, unmoving, when others want to enter the row?

We appear, as a culture, to have forsaken our responsibility to be aware of our surroundings and assess the impact of our actions on others who share our space in public. Not everyone, of course, does this, but enough do that things slow down to an unacceptable level as we must go around, take another route, or beg permission to occupy space and move through life.

I could give examples of this bubble life for hours, and I'm sure most of us here could do the same. How do we make contact with the bubble people? How do we let them know that awareness is part of politeness? How do we move toward a more polite society if we cannot even contact those who live in their bubble world? I try very hard to always be aware of everyone and everything around me, and usually resist an angry response to those who do not. But politely asking people to behave as though they were not the only person on the planet often brings an imprecation rather than an "Excuse me." What can we do?

[handmade34]

1. it is merely civility

and we have become far removed from being a civil society

[MineralMan]

11. These days I call it "Uncommon Courtesy."

It's getting rarer and rarer.

[Blue_Tires]

51. agreed

[happygoluckytoyou]

179. society has NEVER been civil....

the good old days were OLD, but not as good as people remember... REALLY...
sure there were rules... but people killed before guns were invented...

i suggest moving away ---- finding a quiet neighborhood...

BUT if you intend to be part of the CITY.... the bowery boys NOT boys town was the reality even back "then"

[RedCloud]

194. Aliens formed a nation= Alien nation.

[L0oniX]

232. The veneer of society is very thin. Take away a few essentials and it won't be pretty.

[brewens]

2. Bubble drivers are the worst.

I've driven the same stretch of two lane highway for years in either a truck or bus. In many places shoulder driving is allowed and it's wide enough for me to almost get the whole rig over there. Anytime I've got a few cars behind me I get over and let them pass. You see a lot of truck drivers do this on that road.
The highway also passes through a couple of small towns where I also pull over to let people by. The area is fairly hilly so anyone driving a truck is bound to hold other drivers up.
What I don't understand is why slow drivers in cars will not pull over to let people by? Especially in places where it is so safe and easy to do so. They are totally oblivious. Either that, or they think it's there job to slow traffic down. If they are going the speed limit, that is fast enough, everyone else should too. What happens is frustrated drivers will make a risky pass to get by them when they shouldn't have to.

[madmom]

8. I was driving home from southern Ohio last week, it was dark and the car behind me had

poorly adjusted headlights, as in they were blinding me in my mirror. I pulled over and slowed down for them to pass but they wouldn't. This was a 55 mile an hour road, I pulled over to the shoulder, slowed down to 35 mile an hour, they still wouldn't pass. Finally I turned into a side road and stopped before they got the hint. They then sped away at about 70 mph. Some people are clueless.

[WolverineDG]

43. I hate being tail-gated when I'm in the slow lane

my car needs coaxing to get on the freeway, so I stay in the slow lane. It never fails; some asshat will start tail-gating me, flashing lights, etc, because they're too fucking lazy to get into the clear-for-20-miles left hand lane to pass me. :eyes:

Then there are the blind-spot riders, who love to hang out in my car's blind spot no matter how fast (or slow) I go to get away from them. I've actually had to slam on my brakes (provided no one is behind me) to get them away from me.

dg

[schmuls]

200. No shit, it's called the slow lane for a reason

[stubtoe]

166. I call them "lampreys".

Parasitic followers, impossible to shake. Especially on a foggy night.

[lib2DaBone]

39. Roger that... the people who park in the hammer lane and wont move...

You can blink your lights, honk your horn.. they are oblivious. I don't know what their deal is?

[justabob]

88. I'm not sure those people are oblivious

No doubt some of them are, but I think it is more of a... "I don't think you should be driving any faster than I".... a weird vigilante traffic cop thing.

[Foo Fighter]

97. Well, you know the rules.

Anyone driving slower than me is an idiot.

Anyone driving faster than me is a crazy driver.

Note: by "me" in the above, I don't mean "me" personally but rather, the universal "me."

My pet peeve driving is that when I leave a safe following distance in front of me, invariably people in huge vehicles decide that space is for them so they suddenly veer into it, forcing me to slam on the brakes. Apparently modern vehicles don't have blinkers as I rarely see them used. Gee, they had them on vehicles when I was growing up but that must be a thing of the past or something. Put on your blinker and I'll gladly let you in. It's pretty simple. And if I let you in, a friendly wave is nice. Not mandatory but nice. Rest assured you'll get a friendly wave back.

Personally, I'd like to see people have to retake, at a minimum, the written part of the driving test in order to renew their licenses. The driving part wouldn't be a bad idea but does anyone ever fail that? Apparently not judging from the people on the road.

[brewens]

113. Then there are those that don't know the 4-way stop rules.

One of many situations where I think cops should be looking to write more tickets. They could require a refresher driving course or waive the fine if they take the course. Something to get people to actually know right of way and other driving rules.

[schmuls]

204. I waited at a bus stop for 45 minutes and for fun (?) counted the

number of cars at a four way stop who came to a complete stop. Only one did. Maybe it doesn't really matter, but it shows that hardly anyone obeys traffic signs.

[WolverineDG]

215. Or those who don't know what happens when the traffic light goes out

the intersection becomes a 4-way stop...very logical, but nooooo, there's always an asshat or two that thinks this means the street they're on has the "green" light & everyone else has to stop for them.

dg

[CrispyQ]

156. There's a great bumper sticker out there that's a take off on "Imagine World Peace."

Imagine Using Your Turn Signal


It takes so little effort to move that signal lever up or down, that it's obvious that these people are just inconsiderate assholes. They simply don't care how their driving impacts other drivers.

And I agree completely with the written test. I can't remember the last time I took a written test! In Colorado, if you don't have any moving violations, you can go years without taking a test. The only test you have to pass is the eye exam.

[bluethruandthru]

185. +10000

I wish the cops would give more tickets for failing to use a turn signal. Idiots just assume that we all know that they intend to turn.

[lunatica]

52. I've pulled over to let logging trucks pass!

In the Sierras in Northern California where there's logging (or was 25 years ago) those big ass trucks with their load of tree logs go so damn fast that I would pull over to let them pass as soon as a pull-out shoulder came up. If I sped up to go as fast as they did I would break the speed limit laws!

:scared:

[RaleighNCDUer]

170. There's only one speed limit law - 186,000mps.

The rest are all just strongly worded suggestions.

[The Doctor.]

192. Best bumper sticker I ever saw;

[RaleighNCDUer]

193. LOL

LOVE IT.

[JerseygirlCT]

61. The parade leaders...

the ones who never bother to consult their rear-view mirrors - in which they would notice there's an entire parade of cars stuck behind them.

We have far too many left side entrances and exits... that makes the whole problem worse.

[GoCubsGo]

77. I nearly got into a head-on with a bubble driver--20 yards from my house.

It was a soccer mommy in an SUV rushing to get her brats to school in time. She had passed by a parked car and decided to stay on the wrong side of the street. Had I not stopped so she could move back over to the right side of the road in time, I would have been creamed. Needless to say, she had a cell phone plastered to her ear.

Then there are the morons who pull out into traffic right in front of you from a side street--even though there is nobody behind you for a fucking mile. They can't wait a lousy extra twenty seconds for you to pass, but prefer to force you to slam on your brakes to keep from rear-ending their brain-dead asses. I know someone who totaled his truck by rolling it in a ditch trying to avoid one of these idiots. His choices were to slam into them, or head for the ditch. He chose the latter, as slamming into them would have probably killed not only him and his daughter, but the jerk that pulled out in front of him and the passenger.

[sam sarrha]

148. in WA if you have 5 cars behind you you get a ticket, they have lots of pull-over areas

[Edweird]

3. You live in Miami, too?

[MineralMan]

12. Nope. I think it has spread everywhere.

[Edweird]

20. Maybe so, but I've got $10 that says it's exponentially worse here than anywhere else in the US.

[ekwhite]

135. Really?

Have you ever been to Los Angeles? LA has some of the worst drivers I have ever seen.

[stubtoe]

168. Then they move to Oregon and WE get them.

[barbtries]

195. funny, i'm from LA

and in the two plus years i've lived in NC i'd say NC has the crappier drivers. there are more people tailgating here especially. in LA it's just nonstop terrible traffic.

[Edweird]

208. No, I haven't. However, I do know a guy that grew up here in Miami and lives out there.

He mentioned how much nicer and more considerate people are out there. He lives in L.A.

[HillbillyBob]

186. I lived in Ft Laud for about 19 yrs.

I Have Seen IT All!! I drove for several years doing pottery sales. 32,000 miles a year from Key West to Ft Pierce from the beach to the middle of the glades.

Check book balancing, reading a news paper, on the phone, taking notes, masturbating M and F, doing hair and makeup in the rear view, doing 30 in I95 in the hov lane in a 30 yr old smokin bomb, wrong way on 95, left turns from the right lane, sometimes right blinker still flashing,
driving while in the 90 to dead catagory, doing 100+ on a side street, backing out on to Sunrise blvd(4 lanes each side, running red lights. Dogs and kids loose in the car, bits falling off.
I nearly got wiped out by the smoke stack of a big dump truck, I nearly got rear ended even though I flash my brakelights.

Rear ended 3x at stop lights one pushing my truck through four lanes of rush hour traffice.
Then there is the gawkers at accidents. Did not hurt my truck but messed up the front of a caddy toyota celica and a taxi..those undermount hitches are unforgiving.

I got ploughed head on in a 76 monaco wagon, the toyota that hit me was loaded with loaded college students on spring break. I got faulted because my bumper was a few inches over the white marker so i could see up the street and make my left turn, the toyota was doin at least 60 in a 35 mpg zone..son of some senator.
We both have driven in big cities else where, too my partner used to drive in Boston(I will not!)

We live in rural nc now..where we are a traffic jam is 4 cars at a stop light/sign.
Most folks are courteous, open doors for strangers. If I have to go to Dr in Durham or Greensboro or Danville I try to be out of town before rush hours.

Yes I recognized the bubble mentals years ago..is a reason we live out here now.
My bp is down!

[emilyg]

54. Yes it has. All the

things you mention I encounter daily.

[GoCubsGo]

79. Me, too.

I had to check where Mineral Man lives, figuring he is in South Carolina. What he described sounds just like this shit hole.

[Enthusiast]

199. It has spread everywhere

and into every aspect of life.

[JBoy]

4. I notice these things too, and I'm continually amazed.

People who have been living on the planet for 50 years have no excuse. They must be either:

a) ignorant; or
b) an asshole.

[MineralMan]

13. Or heavily medicated, perhaps. I've wondered about that.

[raccoon]

118. In this society, there is a strong possibility of that. nt

[Name removed]

161. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[azmouse]

5. I see what you are talking about every day.

So many people off in their own little world, so completely oblivious to what is going on around them.
I wish I had an answer for you.

[DesertFlower]

6. the road to our house is very narrow.

the county actually refers to it as a driveway. the people who live up here paid to pave it. you have to go up and down 2 hills to get to my house. if there are 2 cars going in opposite directions, one has to move over to the side. i drive a mazda miata. when an SUV or truck is coming in the opposite direction, many times they will not pull over. there's one spot of the road where you can actually fall off the mountain. if someone does have the decency to pull over, i wave my hand as a "thank you". most other people don't.

it also bugs the hell out of me when i'm driving the speed limit on the highway and one of these SUVs or trucks get on my ass.

[MineralMan]

14. And, even though they're neighbors, they don't try to get along.

It's strange, isn't it?

[NV Whino]

27. I have the same situation at my place

I'm the only one with a small car among the 6 households along the road, and I'm getting damned tired of backing up for everyone else. My landlady is a chief offender. She never bothers to look up or down the road for other vehicles before she starts out. I have on several occasions seen her car parked at the mailboxes at the bottom just before the nasty curve. I honk to let her know I'm coming down. Nope, she ignores me, starts up and gets to the curve when I do. She would have to back up 20 feet to let me pass where I would have to back up about 1/10 of a mile to let her pass. Around the nasty curve, no less.

And don't get me started on supermarkets.

[dixiegrrrrl]

40. I found a fix for that little problem.

Back when I had my Beetle.
I had an air horn installed.
sounded like a semi.
Worked like a charm.
If I were still driving much anymore, I would have one on my current car.

[HillbillyBob]

187. I have thought of mounting one under the back of the truck

I did get rear ended in Danville a Sebring going way too fast, driver was about 8 1/2 mos woman on phone, ploughed the new Charger behind me and pushed her into my truck. The sebring hit so hard it ran up under the charger. The Charger driver was in no way at fault she stopped well behind me and I could see where her tires touch pavement...and when they left it. We were slowing down coming up to a light and another accident.

I hate being tailgated and Va drivers are some of the worst about it.
Ft laud. is not the worst, but it ranks

[Lars39]

7. I've wondered if it isn't a coping mechanism with some people.

Their world has somehow shrunk down to just themselves.

[MineralMan]

10. I'm sure there's something to that in some cases.

People are very fearful these days, and going into a bubble may make them feel safer. Sadly, it doesn't work, since you're still living in the society.

[HysteryDiagnosis]

9. There are bubble people in Walmart.... one solution I have

considered is going in there and putting up some traffic lights at the aisle intersections and painting double solid yellow lines down the middle of the aisles. I especially like the 3 or 4 shoppers who park side by each and block the aisle while they catch up on the latest.

[MineralMan]

15. I'm pretty sure Walmart is designed for them. I try very hard

not to go there, except very early on weekend mornings. Usually, it's relatively empty then. I wouldn't go at all, but Walmart sometimes has some very, very attractive deals on fishing stuff.

[HysteryDiagnosis]

18. Ahhhh, you fish... then you would like to see how dolphins mud ring feed

if you haven't seen this, please do.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQ50PYMXDCQ

[MineralMan]

21. Fascinating. Dolphins are wonderful creatures.

Sadly, I don't swim that well, so my techniques are more primitive.

[HysteryDiagnosis]

25. After seeing Whaledreamers.... I have infinite respect for both

dolphins and whales. The Youtube video showing the dolphins protecting (unbeknownst to the protectees) a group of swimmers is UNREAL.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXVdQ-v-0fA

[Shell Beau]

55. Wow.Now I have to watch the rest of that.

It is beyond amazing. I have always been a huge whale and dolphin fan, but stories like this just reinforce that.

[Number9Dream]

214. Thank You for those videos - excellent n/t

[bertman]

68. Wow. All this time I thought dolphins were VEGANS. How in the world can they eat those

poor little fish like that? I guess that means they can't be all that intelligent or they'd be eating kelp.

All kidding aside, that's a very cool video.

I tried that mud-ring tactic once with my outboard in shallow water. Didn't get any fish but I did get a busted prop. :eyes:

[Cetacea]

91. Please go to thecoviemovie.com and sign petition

thecoviemovie.com

They don't deserve to be treated like that, especially in light of the way they've helped humans through the ages.

[Harry Monroe]

66. I'm on a mission when I go to Wal-Mart.

I take my list, get in and try to get out as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, that doesn't always work when you're behind people that like to block the aisles and talk!! :mad: :mad: :mad:

[madmom]

184. I have the same problem no matter what store I go to. In fact I have often said that

one of these weekends I'm going to get my daughter, and all the female companions I can and go to Lowe's or some other "man" store and congregate in the middle of the aisle and talk the way men do when they follow their wives to the grocery store and do the same.A lot of stores have places where you can sit have coffee or some such thing, but these older "gentlemen" seem to think it's ok to gather in the aisles while their wives go about their shopping. That is one of my BIGGEST per peeves.

[BadgerKid]

48. Some people don't corral their carts

particularly at Walmart. In other words, if there's a loose cart, it's invariably at a Walmart. Somehow some people seem not to feel responsible for putting back what they borrow. Maybe they need the coin-operated shopping carts there.

[badgerpup]

53. Cart courtesy is a bit weird here...

It gets pretty damn icy, and what with one thing and another I'm not as steady on me feet as I could wish.
I'm GRATEFUL when I find a cart left out by its lonesome; gives me something to hang onto while negotiating the slick parking lot.

Also it's considered a courtesy to offer your cart to an elderly/unsteady person or a parent with toddler or infant seat (those things get rather heavy pretty quickly, I would imagine).

I try to make a POINT of acknowledging (waving) when somebody stops to let me cross into the store as well. Sometimes, having somebody acknowlege and appreciate that you've chosen to be courteous (when you didn't have to be) can make so much difference in a person's day and outlook.

[MineralMan]

57. I do the same thing. I say "Thanks" a lot when someone simply

behaves with simple courtesy. I think people need to have good behavior acknowledged.

[bertman]

74. Good points, badgerpup, especially about waving a "thank you" when someone is courteous.

With all of the obliviousness and dis-courtesy out there, it's worth recognizing when someone does something nice.

[Foo Fighter]

98. Offer a cart?

Hell, if the parking lot is slick (or even if it's not), I'll happily offer my arm to an elderly person to help them walk them to the store, even if I just came out and am on my way to the car. If it's raining and I have an umbrella, same thing. I'll get them to the store nice and dry. To me, it's just common courtesy to do so. It takes all of 30 seconds and puts a smile on a Senior Citizen's face which, IMHO, is time very well spent.

And don't get me started on the assholes that park in the handicapped spots with no sticker/plate/tag. I report them every time I see it. Those spots are RESERVED for people that need them. If you're 23 and healthy and can't be bothered to walk an extra 100 feet because you're apparently more important than everyone else, you need to learn a lesson. Illegally parking in a handicapped spot should have a MASSIVE fine AFAIC. Call it an asshole tax ("Fight Club" anyone?). $10,000 would be a nice fine for the first offense. It goes up after that.

Also, I'd like to see, in addition to handicapped spots, spots reserved for senior citizens as there are a lot of seniors that probably don't fit the requirements to qualify for a handicapped spot but still have a hard time negotiating the parking lot, walking longer distances, or whatever. Give them their due. Good gawd, if you're healthy enough to be able to walk that extra 100 feet or so, be damn glad for that. Let those that might not be in that situation have the "prime" parking spots and be grateful you're healthy enough to not need them. Some day you might.

[shireen]

127. what's that image in your signature?

looks like an interacting galaxy. :hi:

[ekwhite]

137. Funny, I haven't been in a Wal-Mart in 10 years

I already have enough cheap adulterated crap made by slave labor.

[Yavin4]

16. You Forgot Cell Phone Talkers

I like to take walks because it helps me concentrate and think. Often, loud cell phone talkers will walk behind me talking loud enough for everyone on the planet to hear them. A couple of nights ago, a guy behind me was talking so loud that his voice was literally echoing off the buildings on the street.

[MineralMan]

17. I've encountered several people when shopping who were using

the walkie-talkie feature of their cell phone instead of using it as a phone. The only good thing is that I got to hear both sides of the conversation. Sadly, none of the conversations were interesting...

[proud2BlibKansan]

19. I was in Target a couple years ago and the lady in the checkout line in front of me

was talking on her cell phone. The clerk rang up her stuff and told her how much it was. The lady kept on talking. So the clerk told her again and she kept on talking. So then the clerk spoke a little louder and the lady looked up and said "Can't you see I am on the phone?!"

By the time the lady had hung up and paid, the clerk started to ring up my stuff and apologized. I laughed and said it was just too darn funny to be mad about. We both laughed and the people in line behind me joined in.

:rofl:

[MineralMan]

22. Amazing! What a world we inhabit, eh?

[Warpy]

26. Checkout line clods are the WORST

There have been so many times I've had a leaden basket on my arm that I've wanted to ask some lout leaning on the end of the nearly empty conveyor belt if he was guarding the damned thing.

Oh, and push that cart through, don't just drag it behind you. If you push it through, you open up enough space for people to deposit their items behind yours. If you drag it, you block the aisle. If you have a checkout stand leaning lout behind you, everyone will want to kill you and it would be justified.

I don't, however, get angry at the little old people who fumble for their change purses and count out one coin at a time. That will be me some day, if they let me live.

[DesertFlower]

47. a woman did that and i asked

her very nicely if she would move up. she put up her hands as if i were holding a gun. then she said "you're from new york aren't you"? i said "yes". she said "you'll learn". i said "i've been here for almost 20 years". she said "you're just taking longer than most".

[MrsBrady]

129. What a b****

not you, the woman in line with you.

[eugeneliberal]

50. Waiting for an empty stall in

the ladies room. There were two women ahead of me--a youngish woman, probably in her 20s and an elderly woman with a walker. The large handicapped stall opened up and without hesitation, the young woman took it. I looked back at the woman standing behind me and she just shook her head and said, "Wow."

[tammywammy]

95. When I worked at Starbucks

We'd have a few customers every now and then that would be too busy with their phone conversation to place their order. This was during the morning rush, when we'd have lines to the door. If someone was too busy, and you can see them coming up in line, we'd just move on to the next person. When the person we skipped would give us that "how dare you look" I'd just say "I didn't want to disturb your important phone call and we have other customer's waiting." They'd get the point. :)

[undeterred]

96. Nothing like taking a walk alone in the woods

and you cross paths with another person walking alone who is deep in conversation on a cell phone. They don't see other people or the woods.

[schmuls]

202. How sad. They go for a walk in nature and then ignore it.

[Foo Fighter]

100. Oh gawd. They're the worst.

A few years ago, I went to a store to look for shoes. Unfortunately for me and everyone else looking for shoes in that same aisle that day, there was one lady whose main objective was to stand there and block the middle of the aisle while jabbering on the phone.
Very occasionally, she would look at a shoe or two but her main purpose of being there was to yak on the phone. In the meantime, all of us that wanted to look at anything in that aisle were SOl. (She was a rather large woman and, as such, blocked any chance of getting down the aisle.)

But the kicker for me was when I had to use a bathroom at a store and the person in the next stall was, you guessed it, on the phone just jabbering away. Good gawd, nothing can be THAT important. Then again, with the advent of Twitter, apparently every single miniscule thing that goes on in anybody's and everybody's life is life-altering. Who knew? And how did we ever get by without it?

Disclaimer: I have never used Twitter and can never imagine a valid reason to do so.

[bullwinkle428]

136. Regarding bathroom cell-phone use, the bar was set for me

not too long ago, when some guy was using his phone in the stall, AND "TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS" AT THE VERY SAME MOMENT!

You could actually hear the grunts and strained breathing we all associate with that particular activity interspersed within the conversation he was having! :rofl:

[Foo Fighter]

236. Oh man, did you burst out laughing? I would have.

I'm sure the person on the other end of the phone was delighted to be subjected to those, er, sound effects. Heh, I wonder if he was talking to his boss. :crazy:

[vduhr]

218. I like Facebook, but...

I use it to post something only once in a while, like a funny story or saying. My adult son does that also. But, my nieces, who are adults, will post every little thing they are doing at the moment, or from minute to minute. I like to hear about what people have done that day that is of interest, not what they are doing that very minute, i.e. buying a cup of coffee or having dinner! Sometimes I imagine that when people are posting such tivial things, they are sitting there with a smart phone, tapping away at the keys while having dinner in a restaurant, etc. Kind of a funny thought, but is that what they are actually doing? Makes one wonder.

[DesertFlower]

242. i had a facebook friend like that.

it would start with her in the am complaining that she was at work. by noon she would post how many hours she had left. then when she got home, we'd hear from her again. and then bedtime. i said to her "i'm waiting for you to tell us when you go to the bathroom."

[marzipanni]

106. Damn. I was just thinking of getting a fake bluetooth earpiece

so when I walk around talking to myself people might not think I'm crazy.

[CrispyQ]

159. I guess they think they are so important that we all want to hear their conversation.

:eyes:

I was in the library one day & a young woman walked in talking loudly on her cell phone. The librarian told her that she would have to take her conversation outside. The young woman was outraged. She started yelling loudly at whomever she was talking to, "They're fucking making me go outside! Can you fucking believe that? I have to go outside to talk on my fucking phone!" There were children all around, but this grown up brat didn't care. :grr:

[BumRushDaShow]

23. OMG I am not the only one!!!!

I can list off dozens of other examples including pedestrians who will walk behind a car that is being backed into a parking space, etc. You wrote my thoughts and experiences exactly, although I hadn't actually considered calling them "bubble people". But I rant every day when I'm at work about how many people are completely oblivious to their surroundings (and this is not even talking about those who may be texting while walking or listening to a portable music player or even talking loudly on a cell phone). I have watched people stand at the corner when the light was green for them and then once it turned red, they start walking across just as the cars start moving... And then rather than back up and go back onto the curb, they continue on and try to run the rest of the way to get to the other side.

I assumed that I was perhaps "hyper-aware" or hyper-sensitive to this and I even tried looking up whether there was such a thing...

Wish I had a recommendation. :(

[MineralMan]

31. No, you're not the only one, by any means.

I've exchanged rolled eyes with many others at the supermarket who are also frustrated with the apparent complete inattention of some.

[timeforpeace]

24. Maybe it boils down to antipathy vs empathy? People may not be happy with their lives.

[Warpy]

28. No, they're not antipathetic. They're totally oblivious

and want to stay that way. That's why they insult people who intrude into their solitary, perfect worlds. Being reminded that they're not the center of the universe is terribly annoying. Being reminded that other people also have rights is infuriating.

[timeforpeace]

45. Not talking about them.

[MineralMan]

30. Some probably fit that category.

[KT2000]

29. think about driving

it wasn't until I gave up having a car for a couple years that I realized how cars reinforce our bubbles. While driving, many people adopt an attitude of annoyance over the very existence of other cars being on the road. Everything becomes an impediment to the need to get wherever as fast as possible.
When I turned to walking I realized there was a real world that existed outside the car windows and I was actually part of it! I also learned that our air stinks when walking in traffic - I felt sorry for dogs who breathe that air all the time.

Computers and iphone type gadgets reinforce our mobile bubble even more. Is it any wonder that people are becoming more selfish.

[emmadoggy]

32. I love your post. I have noticed this stuff more and more over the years and

have talked to people about it. I haven't used the term "bubble people", but basically just called it a withering away of manners, politeness and common courtesy. I think it is also compounded by the fact that there are simply so many more of us on the planet now, as well. The technological age has worsened it also.

Overall, I think there are many contributing factors, but I can say that I really hate the way society is becoming. People behave atrociously. Heck, look at all the reality shows and how people behave on them. In fact, I think the very essence of the reality shows encourages that behavior. And more and more, it is rubbing off on regular people in day-to-day life. It's all about "me, me, me and FU".

It's very, very sad and extremely frustrating.

[MineralMan]

36. You're too kind. The only thing I know to do is to try as

hard as I can to not do what I'm complaining about, and to acknowledge others who do the same. I don't think that will affect the bubble people, of course, but maybe it will help keep some from becoming that.

[Mopar151]

33. They are trusting souls

Who don't know it, or don't care.

They depend, FOR THEIR VERY LIVES, on the vigilance and courtesy of others. Ego, self-absortion, whatever you call it, it's evil!

You notice, when "Road Rage" is reported, you very rarely hear about the incedent that set it off. Wonder why that is?

[Dappleganger]

34. Something my mother drilled into us...

"We don't make more work for other people."

We've tried to pass it down to our kids, but of course we fail at times. As a mom I've always made them go in front or behind the cart instead of to the side (but when they were little they had to touch the cart or me for safety). Hold doors open for everyone, not just ladies and the elderly. Look UP and OUT instead of keeping your head down. They know how irritated I become w/people squawking on their cell phones while shopping, driving, in the theater, etc. Hopefully they'll learn something.

[MineralMan]

37. Your mother had it right, and I think I remember mine saying

much the same thing. You don't throw trash on the ground, block the way of others, etc. It was how I was raised, and the lesson got taught a lot when we were kids. I guess that early training stuck.

[justabob]

35. more than politeness/manners it is a safety issue

Thanks for this post, I have tried to write about this, but couldn't get it out at all, let alone as well as you did.

The lack of situational awareness is a wonder to behold in matters large and small. I work in a restaurant and some days all you can do is shake your head... with staff AND especially the customers. It makes me crazy.

The driving thing you mentioned? Pulling aside to let the on-coming car go by? I live on one of those streets. The thing I have had happen lately is pulling over to let the on-coming car go through first only to have some jackass behind me pass ME which causes a mini traffic jam because there is no way for two cars to pass safely and no convenient driveways or gaps in the parked cars. Unbelievable. Nevermind the people that swerve across three lanes of traffic for the turn/exit ramp they (almost) missed.... cell phones.... suburbans that can't or won't stay in their lanes.... the list is endless.

I wish I knew what the answer was. Everyone has their moments, but it has gotten to be almost unbearable. Thanks again for writing so eloquently about this.

[MineralMan]

38. It truly is a safety issue a lot of times.

You're welcome.

[JerseygirlCT]

63. How about the parents of young kids in a restaurant

who don't think they or their children need to pay any attention to the rest of the place? The ones who think nothing of letting their little ones run around the serving area, for instance. We watched one night, truly scared for the 2-3 yos whose parents seemed to have no problem with that. Besides teaching their kids bad manners, it was just plain dangerous. I had the feeling the same parents would be screaming loudly had hot food or plates landed on their kids' heads.

[justabob]

69. I know, it is nuts

I deal with that all the time. I talk to the little ones and tell them... loud enough so mom or dad can hear... "Little one, you're going to get squished if you play right here", or something similar. We have a 6 top right by our service area/window. Invariably, the kids at that table are always in the path right there. I can't believe we haven't had a serious problem with someone getting hurt. That passageway is chaotic even for the staff and with the kiddos being so short it is very very easy to literally trample right over them. Never mind the ones that climb on the wine cubbies, or run up and down the narrow slits we call aisles. Oh and how about the two top of moms with infants who are both screaming bloody murder but the moms carry on as though nothing was happening.....and on the flip side... the waiter who doesn't recognize that a parent with a screaming child is desperate to get out, but hasn't received their check yet... and might want some boxes to take their uneaten food home or wherever they are going.... very frustrating.

[JerseygirlCT]

72. You're right - both ways

What is it with wait people who are all sorts of attentive (sometimes overly so) during the meal and then either totally disappear at check time, or drop the check and then can't be found so you can pay and leave? Especially when there are cranky kids involved. Just give me the check (or my change) and I'll be most happy to get out of the way for everyone else's sake!

I've been out to dinner with parents who seem to think they're not just paying for dinner, but entertainment or babysitting or something... kids are just left to wander on their own. It can be hard to have to be the parent who explains to her child that no, you can't do that, even if the other kids are doing that.

It all just comes down to thinking about other people, as the OP points out, doesn't it?

[justabob]

76. yes, but I'd say it isn't even a matter of "thinking of" other people

just recognizing that other people are present would be a big first step... that what they are doing might possibly affect others is the next step. If we can bridge *that* gap we'd all be a lot better off.

I don't have an answer for the vanishing act that happens. I run into that every day as well, as a patron and as a waitress. Customers waving their check presenter with cc sticking out... can't find the wretched waiter anywhere. I always take the customers cc and get a manager to run it or find the waiter so at least the customer knows someone is working on it and their needs were acknowledged. Such a simple thing.... no real effort on my part, just a few steps out of my way, but if I was that customer waving my money I would appreciate it. Half the people I work with would look right at that customer and go for a smoke... or something. Makes me want to pull my hair out.

[JerseygirlCT]

78. yeah, I'm just not made that way, either

If I'm doing a job, I need to do it to the best of my abilities. So in customer service, that means communication and attention.

[hfojvt]

41. sometimes a game of Trivial Pursuit will puncture their bubble

especially when they learn that the Moops invaded Spain.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOcFdS_ALMw

But that's the trouble with urban areas, there are always people in your way or vice versa.

[Ezlivin]

42. Wait 'til you check out the wheelchair parking spaces

I've rolled down the window and called to people who'd just parked in a wheelchair parking space and received the reply, "I'll only be there for a few minutes."

And I can't count the number of times I've returned to my van only to find that someone has parked me in, choosing to slot their car into the space clearly marked with dozens of diagonal yellow stripes.

Sometimes you wonder why the hell you ever left your house...

[MineralMan]

56. Oh, I'm aware. I carry little, printed 3x5 cards to put under windshield

wipers on cars that part in handicapped zones with no placard or license plate.

[Dulcinea]

90. Call the cops on them.

There's a BIG fine for people who park in handicapped spaces that don't belong there.

There's a woman at my kids' school who thinks nothing of parking in the fire lane or parking other people in. There's nothing wrong with her, except that she can't be bothered to park her car in an actual space!

[treestar]

44. "A Nation of Strangers"

That was a good book. It's been going on for a long time.

You can live in a huge city and be lonely.

[gleaner]

46. I've noticed this too...

I have MS and sometimes a public place is an obstacle course. My balance is not so good and I have to watch very carefully where I walk. I try to move to the side with the fewest amount of people and stay out of their way as I try to avoid inanimate objects. People step in front of me without any kind of warning causing me to stumble or even trip over them. When I do, I usually apologize and get some kind of snarl in response. I finally decided to tell them that I have MS and don't walk so well. It is not immediately obvious that people have it unless the gait disturbance is visible or you are in a wheelchair. I have at times, experienced both things. People act the same way. They leave things in front of the wheelchair so I had to wheel around them or assume I'm drunk if I'm limping.

So when I am doing better and just walking very slowly without visible impairment, I tell them that I'm sorry to slow them down but I have MS. It would be nice to say that they change their demeanor and show some concern but they don't. They give me a look as if I were a bug and move away as fast as they can. Not to make it easier, but like they are afraid they will somehow catch it. It does leave me a little walking room until the next person comes up, but that is about it.

I don't expect to bond in friendship with everyone I see, but I do smile, greet and try not to get in anyone's way. It is as you say though. They are in small impenetrable spaces that do not allow anyone in and they don't want to look out. I had thought for a long, long time that it was just me, but that is kind of unreasonable. When I think about it, most people are equally rude to everyone.

[Threedifferentones]

49. You're right.

People tend to focus only on what they care about, without regard to others' priorities. Another sign is that I am reading more and more self-righteous and mostly pointless posts on internet discussion forums...

[SeattleGirl]

58. I enounter that kind of behavior far more than I like. It seems

to be the norm anymore, and people who ARE aware of their surroundings are the exception.

[Phentex]

59. It's all true. *sigh* Sometimes I am a bumper...

at the grocery store but usually if the cart gets abandoned or the person refuses to move to one side after I've said excuse me.

Living in a bubble is a good way to put it. Every once in a while, I pull out a pin.

[Roland99]

60. Ran into similar behavior at a Super Target today. As I was checking out...

I was still putting items from my cart onto the conveyor belt and the woman behind me puts the little plastic piece down that separates orders and starts putting her items up there.

I had to slide the piece back twice in order to fit my items on the belt.

Then I put the cart at the end of the aisle for my daughter to start putting bags into the cart and go back to the cashier so I can swipe my card. I can't get to the card machine. Why? Because the woman behind me has her cart in the way and she was busy texting away on her cell phone. Obviously, she was texting launch codes or something important like that.

Civility, manners, whatever you call it.

Society has been moving away from it for a long time.

Technology is, imho, at the heart of it.

I'm not saying technology and the gadgets we have available are inherently bad. Rather, it has enabled the human race to become more self-centered and ignorant or uncaring of others.


Sad.

[JerseygirlCT]

62. Chompers and gum snappers

Drive me nuts. I don't want to hear what's in your mouth, thank you very much. So keep the lips zipped when there's anything in there, and take the damned gum out of your mouth if you cannot chew it discretely.

[GoCubsGo]

82. People who chew ice disgust me, as well.

Where I used to work, we had weekly seminars, with refreshments. There was always someone chomping on the ice from their drinks. I can't stand to hear people chomping on any sort of food. The "Twix" commercial that's running these days makes me ill, as did the revolting "Grape Nuts" commercial where the guy eating his Grape Nuts didn't hear the bear approaching his campsite because his chomping was so loud.

[Pithlet]

103. The Kit Kat commercial.

Where they're crunching to the tune of the jingle. I have to make a mad dash for the mute button every time it comes on. I can't stand it either. Why do food companies make commercials like that? Vlasic is another repeat offender. I can't stand it when people crunch their ice, either.

[Dulcinea]

92. +100000000000000000

I HATE, LOATHE, and DETEST gum! I'd rather share space with smokers. Smoking doesn't make obnoxious noises, and smokers are usually cool people. When did it become acceptable to crack gum in public like trailer trash? And when did it become acceptable to spit chewed gum on the sidewalk for people to step in?

[JerseygirlCT]

209. Watch Britney Spears (if you can stand it)

sometime... there's the perfect example, speaking of trailer trash. Gum smacking - while she's supposedly speaking or performing. I mean, who advises her?

[shanti]

105. that is the WORST!

gum popping drives me insane, especially in an enclosed place where i cannot escape from it. the people who do this (mostly young women) seem to take a perverse pleasure in annoying the hell out of people by doing so. i ride the train daily and understand why so many are plugged into their ipods.

[GoCubsGo]

141. That's how I survived sharing an office with an annoying whacko for years

This woman was an incessant yakker/piss-and-moaner, who, on occasion, would also have phone sex with her boyfriend--in front of anyone who was around. She ate baby carrots for lunch every day, and drank her beverage out of an old plastic soft drink bottle that clicked and clacked as she drank. Head phones saved me from a murder rap.

[slipslidingaway]

64. knr - teach your children, your nieces, nephews well. n/t

[blues90]

65. There IS nothing anyone can do .

In my 61 years it's been like this only now it is worse mainly because there are many more people in some areas than there were before and a lot more distractions and denile. Mind you none of this offers up an excuse for the sort of behavior you described.

Today for example I went to a rite aid drugs right near me just to get a few items on sale. Before I tell the short story I am a white Male 61 years old 5'10" at 152 pounds med longish hair 50% gray. I saw three white males maybe 20's talking by a nice newer car as I went in , as I came out they were still there and one was looking at me and he suddenly yells out there is one of those old damn hippy freaks all I said in return was gee's you really hurt my feelings man . the other two laughted at his comment. No reason for it really.

I long ago gave up yelling at cars in traffic does no good. Cell phones in stores and in check out lines. By the way a month ago I was in the post office and one young lady in her 20's was on a cell phone and the postal worker told her she had to be off the phone or could not be waited on , she called the clerk a bitch and then went to the next one and was told the same , then she goes off asking everyone in line have you ever heard of such a thing , I just pointed to the rather large signs by each window stating end you phone calls before coming to the counter.

I find many people don't care and see only themselves.

I just do what I can and not be rude. If I see someone in need of help I will help and then get by now letting it go . I can't change it and now have no desire to.

I have stood for hours with a dead battery holding jumper cables in store parking lots. People are willing to fight for the first place in check out lines or block driveways or doorways and never think past this point.

[Joe Fields]

67. My take? The 50% divorce rate in this country, and parents

not teaching their children the simple acts of respect and kindness toward other people.

[JHB]

139. Add to that:...

(none of these are inherently bad, but unless you think to counter the effects, they add to the problem)

Air conditioning and television: two things that encouraged people to retreat into their "lairs" in uncomfortable weather, rather than going somewhere which would require them to be sociable;

Excessive casualness: I may be an atheist now, but when I was a kid having to dress up in "Sunday best" signaled a different (stricter) set of rules were going into effect, whether the place we were going was church or a restaurant, some ceremony, or whatever. It doesn't quite have the same "red flag" quality if you wear the same sort of clothes every day of the week.

Doubtless, there are more...

[PatrynXX]

70. Think they already have this covered

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfDUv3ZjH2k



my favourite is waiting in line at Aldi's and leaving the kids in the cart and line while one goes thru the freezer aisle. :(

[AngryAmish]

71. Ever think this is merely a feature of the way our bodies are made?

We pretend that we are aware of our worlds - actually it is not pretending, it is a feature of consciousness. We get most of our information from our eyes, but we cannot focus on more than what is directly in front of us. try looking at the word on the left side of this reply - you cannot read a word on the right side of this post. It is not you, we only have two little spots in our eyes that get enough information for us to read. If we do not concentrate at a spot all we detect is movement or light change. We just assume that the rest of the world does not change when we are not looking at it.

What I am saying (and poorly at that) is we only have so much RAM type memory/consciousness of our surroundings. Some people have more than others but once there is too much input we get crabby and start making bad decisions and forget things.

[bertman]

80. No, AngryAmish, I never thought that, and I disagree that what you describe is the problem.

[sam sarrha]

144. see post # 142.......

[Mopar151]

239. What you are talking about is a defect in POV synthesis

On a CRT screen, there are only a few spots illuminated at any given instant - but it scans the whold screen pretty quickly, so our mind converts that visual input into a complete picture.
Former racing driver and broadcaster Ned Jarret observed, during the development of the in-car broadcast camera, that the point of view that seemed most realitic to him was the one from the center of the roof's leading edge. And that's true for many situations - our point of view is not only that which is in front of our eyes at that instant, but a way of summarizing all the inputs we receive. It's how mothers have "eyes in the back of their heads".
There are a number of reasons this is compromised - lack of processing speed, deficency in various inputs, and deficencies in self-awareness, i.e."My mind was somewhere else".
In the case of the bubble people, I'm afraid the problem is a little uglier - that they either do not wish to acknowledge our presence, or beleive that it is their perogative to ignore us, and our duty to get out of their way.

[Lorien]

73. Your movie theater description made me recall a run in with a woman and her

husband/ boyfriend. A friend and I had tickets to a sold out show, and the only two seats left were on either side of a very wealthy looking couple in their 30's or early 40's. They had their possessions in the seats beside them. I asked "excuse me, are you saving those seats for someone?" "No." the woman said and stared straight ahead. "Then, would you mind if my friend and I take those seats?" "Yes, I would. And I wish that people would stop asking me about them. I don't like it when people sit next to me, so you'll have to look for other seats."

I went to the theater manager and he came over and had to explain to her that she only bought tickets for two seats, not four. She was a very angry bubble girl.

[schmuls]

207. I hear you. Being an avid movie goer, I always get there early.

I had sat down in my chair, got my popcorn and was ready to enjoy the movie. A couple sat down one seat away from me. Another couple came in and sat down in front of them. Just before the movie started, the young woman asked the woman in front of her to move over, in essence sitting in front of me. The woman saw me in back, and looked really embarrassed. She asked her husband what to do. I didn't hear what he said. So she sat down. A little ways into the movie, I turned to the young woman and said, "Well, you do have nuts, I guess I have to give you credit for that". Her jaw dropped and she was speechless. I don't think she said another word throughout the movie!

[Skittles]

75. look at it from my point of view

I donate platelets (a blood product) every two weeks - average time with a needle in my arm: 85 minutes. I've never known anyone who needed platelets. I've sent dozens of care packages to Iraq and Afganistan, and over 1000 postcards to people I do not know and will never meet. I could go on and on. So the AVERAGE person comes off as lame to me, let alone the rude, inconsiderate fucks I encounter on a daily basis.

[northofdenali]

81. I am amazed that others are amazed with simple politenesses.

I live in a very cold climate. Pumping your gas into your car/truck is literally a pain in winter. Our gas prices are still very high (over $3.20/gal in Fairbanks) so no one is EVER happy pulling into the local stations.

One station that offers a discount with their "store card" is very popular, easy to get into and out of, and offers the best prices in the area. It is ALWAYS (even at 2 AM) crowded with lines waiting. I happened to be behind one customer just fininshing up when the pump in front of him also came free. Although I'd been in line for the "center" pump, I waiting for the "front" pump and pulled all the way forward to get my gas.

After prepaying (no credit card or debit card), I came out to my l'il Jeep to climb in and boogie. It was only about 22 below, so I wasn't rushing. A gentleman who had been waiting behind me came up and said "That was SO considerate, you waiting a few seconds and pulling forward. I'd have had to wait 5 minutes or longer if you hadn't."

I was flabbergasted, because this is very normal behavior in my house. Both my husband and I let folks with just a few groceries go in front of our "monthly load". We help little old ladies load their purchases, "short folks" (shorter than us) reach items on high shelves...........

What is so damn difficult about shedding grace on others?

Terrific post.

[bertman]

83. I'm happy to report that here in the sunny (well, snowy now) South this problem is not

nearly as bad as it is in other places. Maybe it's the fabled Southern hospitality, but in most towns around here you get eye contact and even a "hello" or "good morning" if you make eye contact with a smile on your face. Of course, that's not always true, but it is the majority of the time, and I'm talking about with people of every race and social status; although, the muslim-looking folks are not nearly as outgoing as the rest--wonder why that is. :eyes:

Walmart does kind of skew the scale toward oblivious, but even there most folks will respond to politeness and a greeting. Of course, I try to never darken their doors so I've limited my exposure dramatically over the last four or five years.

I live in an area where there are a lot of damn yankees (yankees are people who come to the South to visit. damn yankees are people who come to the South and stay) and I have to say that they have brought a lot of the "bubble" crap with them. No eye contact. Always in a gigantic hurry. Terse. Pushy. Act like you're a pervert if you smile and say "hi". Not all of them act that way, but a LOT do. I think it's a holdover from the big city eye-contact-avoidance-self-defense-syndrome.

My mother used to say "courtesy doesn't cost you a penny, so use it every chance you get". That's a great sentiment that I have tried to remember to live by.

Here's something I saw in a supermarket that made a big impression. There was a mother shopping in the store with a three-or-so year old in the shopping cart seat. The kid was screaming her lungs out and the mother was just ignoring her and going about her merry little way while the rest of us were thinking murderous thoughts. I saw a matronly lady come around the corner very purposefully. She was a blue-haired, nicely-dressed 70-year old is my guess. This little old lady walked straight over to where the screaming child was and stood right beside the shopping cart as the mother was putting groceries into it and said directly to the child in a very firm but pleasant voice "Is there something the matter?" The child stopped wailing and looked straight at this woman who was only about three feet away from her. The kids eyes were kind of wide but she wasn't scared, just kind of taken aback. The little old lady said again, firmly but politely "Is there anything the matter?" The little girl very sheepishly shook her head "no" but didn't say a word. The lady then said "Very good. Then there's no reason for you to be crying is there?" Then she smiled at the little girl and her mother and walked off. The kid never said another word. Everyone nearby in the store broke into a big grin.

Because I was raised to be polite and courteous, I always try to be that way whether it's while driving or standing in a grocery or movie line. Once in a while I'll get so absorbed in whatever is on my mind that I will do some kind of stupid, inconsiderate thing without even realizing it. When I see the look on the other person's face I feel really bad and try to apologize, but sometimes it's just too late, so they never know that I'm not really an asshole bubble person even though I unintentionally acted like one toward them.

There are a lot of people around who were never TAUGHT to use good manners and to be aware of their surroundings. I have a nephew like that. He is clueless and will obstruct a grocery store aisle with his shopping cart until someone bumps into him or asks him to move. I'm not sure if he will ever learn despite the fact that I and my wife are constantly trying to help him be aware and be thoughtful of others.

Great post, MineralMan. Recommend highly.

[Pithlet]

104. I think that is a big old myth.

People are just as rude down here as anywhere else.

[GoCubsGo]

150. It IS a big, old myth

In fact, a lot of what is supposedly "politeness" is actually underhanded nastiness. When someone says to you, "Why, bless your heart!", they are really insulting you, under the pretense of not being rude.

[bertman]

158. You've been watching too much TeeVee and reading too many Oprah books. The South

isn't perfect by any means, but it's nowhere near as impersonal as the parts of the North and Florida that I am familiar with.

[GoCubsGo]

181. I live in the South

I have lived in South Carolina for 22 years. For three years before that, I lived in Georgia. I know what I am talking about. My southern-born friends will happily back me up. Who do you think clued me in to the fact that "bless your heart" is an underhanded insult?

[bertman]

224. "Bless your heart" is no more an insult than "Isn't that sweet?". It's all in how it's used.

Yes, it can be wielded as an insult or a sarcastic jibe just like almost any phrase can when the appropriate inflection or the right tone of voice is used. Many southerners still use the phrase in its original form when they want to give a compliment to someone who has done something nice or said something nice.

The attempt to make "Bless your heart" an insult is the result of some folks trying to twist all things Southern into something stupid or offensive. These are the same people who want us to believe that every woman from the South is a Scarlet O'Hara simply because she talks with a Southern drawl or use Southern colloquialisms.

You've lived in the South for 25 years. I've lived in the South for over 60 years.

[GoCubsGo]

233. I don't care if you lived here a thousand years.

As I said, it was Southerners, all of them women, BTW, who pointed out to me that it's often used as an insult. Are you saying my friends are liars?

[Name removed]

234. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Lance_Boyle]

245. You and the person to whom you responded should research the origin of 'southern hospitality.'

It ain't what most folks think it is.

When the phrase was coined by French diplomats shortly after the Revolutionary War it meant that political leaders in Charleston, SC were on time for their appointments with visiting diplomats, and political leaders in the North were not. It has since been co-opted as a sort of tourism-marketing gimmick. The meaning since that point has never really been true.

[raccoon]

About the muslim-looking folks, my guess would be they've had enough

of mean-spirited and abusive remarks from ignorant, dumbass rednecks, that they have come to be apprehensive about that sort of thing.

[bertman]

160. Absolutely right, raccoon. I've never seen any overt hostility toward women wearing

a headscarf, but they do not receive the kind of warm fuzzies that others get. However, I must say that they do tend to avoid eye contact, which may be part of their religious upbringing or it may be a result of their fear of being treated badly.

[Pithlet]

216. I have.

I witnessed two women being followed around a store by two others who kept asking them if they were going to bomb the store. I went and got security to put a stop to it.

[bertman]

225. Good for you, Pithlet. Those women needed an attitude adjustment. nt

[raccoon]

125. duplicate nt

[zenprole]

84. 20x Zoom Out , please

This is perfect - emblematic of the entire nation. We're 5% of the world population and practice identical rudeness on the world stage. Why would it be any different here at home?

[varelse]

85. That is the most perfect and appropriate ON-TOPIC reply I have ever seen here

I feel like framing this or... something.

[CrispyQ]

176. An excellent observation!

The United States of America - the two year old brat of the world. Makes you wonder how long the rest of the world will put up with us & our 'might makes right' foot stomping.

Welcome to DU, zenprole! :hi:

[zenprole]

230. Thx @ you and varelse

What I really wanted to write was "How come it's 84 posts in and no one has noticed this?" Snarky doesn't play well, so I left that part out...honey flies better than vinegar, or something like that.

So where's the thread about the guy who went postal in a movie theater? Apparently it involved $12 tickets and someone else's iCrackPipe.

[donheld]

86. I've seen those examples and many more

People only think of themselves.

[djp2]

87. I do parking lot duty at my school and

you wouldn't believe the drivers dropping off their kids in the morning. We try to get 6-7 cars at a time in the drop off lane, but the number of cars that will pull up to the gate opening and stop, not pulling forward the extra 2 spaces, is amazing. Not a thought for the 15 other cars behind waiting, even though that person also waited, and got to the drop off faster than they would have, than if everyone had acted like them....or the line jumpers who cut ahead of the waiting cars to an empty spot forcing all the cars that had already dropped off their kids to wait until their little darling has taken 5 minutes to get out of the car!
Or the parents who refuse to take direction at the crosswalk, where we are looking after thier kids and other kids safety. I've had parents swear at me for asking them to wait until all the cars clear the lane and the others have pulled forward...

[Fire_Medic_Dave]

89. The woman may have had dementia. The guy was probably a jerk.

Although you can fit like 6 people side by side through the automatic doors here so maybe he thought he wasn't blocking anyone.

[lunasun]

93. At a kids movie

today ...family of 4 all with their winter coats draped on the back of the seat in front of them....ugh
As far as what you said >" But politely asking people to behave as though they were not the only person on the planet often brings an imprecation rather than an "Excuse me." What can we do?"

Regarding the imprecation you experienced,
I think they do not want to hear it =don't burst their bubble.
I am teaching my kid to just stay clear of these rude jerks or maneuver around them because this species often has a lower tolerance for violence too

[tammywammy]

94. On my drive to work I'm always watching for people that do not yield

I make a right turn and I cross over a lane that has a clearly marked yield. I always have my turn signal on. I know people aren't paying attention, I've stopped before while those cars don't yield so I can make my turn. I'm always surprised on the mornings when someone else is coming and they do yield.

What I try to do is always say thank you. Someone holds the door open for me "thank you." Let me cross the parking lot into the store hand wave thank you. Someone lets me over in backed up traffic? Hand wave. Anytime there's a showing of courtesy, say thank you. I try to be sure to always do these, what should be, common courtesies for other people too.

[Hawkowl]

99. Glad I'm not the only one

I had been wondering the past couple of years if perhaps I'd momentarily become invisible! I'm a pretty big guy and I've literally had people walk into me and fall down because they didn't see me?

The bubble theory is a good theory. I really don't see how a lot of people are able to function on a daily basis being so oblivious and discourteous.

[Foo Fighter]

101. Supermarkets are the worst.

"Today, the woman who parked her cart in the middle of the aisle and then wandered off to go to another aisle to find something, was an example. Another was the family of five who were shopping together and walking abreast through the entire store. I had to avoid them three times on this trip alone. Then, there's the guy who was entering the store just ahead of me who stopped just inside the automatic door to pull out his shopping list and study it, completely blocking the entrance. My "Excuse me, please..." got a glaring look from this one."

When I grocery shop, I have a list and know exactly where I need to go to get the items I need. Unfortunately, the gawkers and aisle-blockers end up turning what should be an enjoyable task (I love shopping for groceries and hand-selecting produce, etc.) into a friging navigational nightmare. The "blockers" royally tick me off. These are the people that once they have entered the store, feel they have accomplished their main objective and then stand there at the entryway not moving, thus blocking everyone behind him/her from actually getting into the store Cherrist, move to the side and let the rest of us in. Good gawd, does the automatic door opener purge your brain of any and all common sense?

And then there are the aisle-blockers. Like the door-blockers, they are completely oblivious to the fact that anyone else exists. Everything revolves around them. Try an aisle from one direction. Nope. Blocked. Go around and try from the other end. Blocked again. Park your cart off to the side of the end aisle and try to get down the aisle. Good luck. They're oblivious. Give up and go back to your cart only to discover it's not there anymore as apparently someone has decided to claim it as their own. So, the 15 or so items that you managed to navigate the crowd to find and have checked off your grocery list are now in someone else's hands (along with the cloth bag you had thrown in your cart) so you're back to square one. Without a bag.

I love grocery shopping. But some days it can be total hell. And there's no reason it has to be like that. A little common courtesy goes a long way.

[dkf]

102. Sounds like your main problem is it's just too crowded.

Its a mess out there.

[marzipanni]

108. Yep,

what scares me is that it got so much worse in the last 20 years, especially noticable when driving! In unfamiliar places I have to plan way ahead what lane I need to be in to turn because the traffic lanes are packed around me and only rarely will someone allow a car with a turn signal on to move into their lane. Because of experiencing this so much, I purposely leave space ahead of me not just because I don't want to tailgate, but for people to move into my lane if they need to.
Highways lanes are added, soon those lanes fill up.

[dkf]

110. I stay in the right lane. All my passengers hate it but tough luck.

[woo me with science]

140. Agree. We moved from a fairly large city to a huge city,

and the difference is striking. The biggest shock I had was how people literally ignore each other in public places here.

[hgovernick]

107. Please don't pop my bubble...

Interesting article... I can relate to every one of the bubble-heads described in the article, plus others we all see in people who don't use turn signals, etc.

I'm just wondering if any of the bubble-heads out there are aware of their bubble-headedness? They may read this article and respond with, "Yeah! All those dumb bubble-heads making life miserable for the rest of us!!", not believing it is they who are the subject of the discussion.

And then my greatest fear: As much as I agree with the premise of this article, having had the same thoughts for years, observing bubble-heads everywhere, how do I know I'm not one of the bubble-heads? Perhaps everyone else in the world is as irritated with my personal living habits as I am with theirs, and I just don't know about it.

Maybe in this materialistic, media-driven, mad-rush-to-nowhere, rats-in-a-maze, desensitized macro-bubble we live in, hating each other has become so much the norm we only recognize it in others.

[LibDemAlways]

109. I decided this Christmas that I have bubble people family and

friends. I have received no acknowledgement whatsoever of gifts sent to a cousin, her daughter, and other people I considered good enough friends to purchase presents for. I suppose they think Santa brought them and no "thanks" are necessary.

I also wrote a brief note a month ago to the sister of a good friend explaining that my husband was about to be laid off and asking politely if her husband could possibly contact him regarding any job opportunites at the large company for which he works. The guy is a manager who has been there forever and has loads of contacts. The company is in my husband's field and would be a perfect match. I didn't suggest that anyone give my husband any preferential treatment -only asked if her husband could touch base concerning the current job situation there. Never received any kind of response. They just ignored us.

Selfish behavior on the part of strangers is bad enough. When it comes from supposed family and friends it's inexcusable.

[secondwind]

111. Tis better not to dwell on all of this. I figured out a long time ago, that it is

almost impossible to expect a large mass of people to all be "alert" and in sync at the same time.........every once in a while, I find myself doing stupid shit also.


Look for the humor in all of this, so you are a happy camper when you're 60!

[MineralMan]

119. Too late. I'm almost 65 already...

Still, I find humor in almost everything. Keeps my blood pressure down.

[FlaGranny]

112. Bubble stories.

In a supermarket I hear two men yelling at each other and see other people moving away from them. I overheard the argument. One of the men had been on a cellphone and ran his cart into another man's cart. It was almost to the point blows between them. Little old me (68 at the time) walked up to them and said - "Behave yourselves, you are acting like 2-year-olds." At that point they separated and went their own ways. True story.

As for cellphones in supermarkets, I have a theory about some men using them there. Their wives sent them shopping and you KNOW how men are :). They like to pretend they can't do stuff like shopping. Yesterday in the market there were two different men on cellphones. One is saying "I'm in the cat food department now." The other one was explaining - "Okay, now I'm in the detergent aisle. Both were oblivious. Most people, though, are just bullshitting about absolutely nothing.

[GeorgeGist]

114. Individualists ...

are all about Me, in a society of socialists.

[a la izquierda]

115. My mom taught me the courtesy basics-

in the grocery store, pull the damn cart all the way over to the side and MOVE if you're in someone's way. Walk down the lane as if you're driving a car...stay right, pass left. Put the cart in the carrel when you're done-do you want your own car scratched up?
If someone bids you good day, you do the same. Be polite-you don't have to give someone your life story (I actually cannot stand when the cashiers do that), but for the love of pete, does it hurt to say hello? These lessons came from a woman who spent her whole life in the rude northeast. I live in the southern plains now-things are only marginally better; the people are more polite, but no less clueless.

I'm a grad student and am on campus all day-I notice the bubble with students. They walk from class to class with their headphones on or on their phones-like their afraid to be alone with their own thoughts. It's very bizarre.

[Phoebe Loosinhouse]

116. Supermarket 101

No, you don't park your cart next to the meat case so that people who want to buy chicken can't get to it because your cart is in front of the chicken while you stand in front of the beef, picking up and scowling at each and every package for 10 minutes. One person has effectively blocked everyone else in the store from getting to both the chicken and the beef.

Not just meat, every case. Find some unobtrusive place to park your cart while you browse the cases. I wish they had parking police issuing tickets to carts!

[MineralMan]

122. I've started using the self-checkout aisle almost exclusively

these days. The market where I shop has a collection of clerks who are completely oblivious. I tried for a long time to be pleasant, say Hello, and smile, but got nothing but sullen silence from them. While I realize that the self-checkouts are cutting into jobs at places like supermarkets, the remaining clerks don't seem to understand that being pleasant would help them keep those jobs.

The worst situation I ever encountered at that store was when I was checking out in the Express lane with my six items and the clerk scanned the first item, then turned to have a conversation with another clerk who was on her break. The subject? Where they were going to go to eat lunch. It went on for almost a minute, while customers were lined up behind me.

Maybe that wasn't the worst. Another time, the clerk who was waiting on me stopped to talk with her sister, who had come into the store with a baby. The clerk took the baby and hugged it. The baby barfed on the clerk, with some landing on her hands. She handed the baby back to mom, then wiped her hands on her uniform, then started scanning my items. I told her to just stop right there and that I wouldn't be paying for the stuff she had handled with vomit residue on her hands. She just shrugged. Uff da!

[CrispyQ]

178. "...like their afraid to be alone with their own thoughts."

I'm LMAO here, cuz that is almost exactly what one young woman said!

A couple of years ago, a local high school teacher asked his students to go without any electronics for a 24 hour period. The local news picked up the story & interviewed some of the kids. Every single one of them felt lost without their cell/Ipods/etc. One young girl stated, "It was weird being alone with your thoughts." One young man said he tried to read a book, but "I just couldn't do it - it was so boring."

Regarding cashiers - am I the only one who has noticed how "Have a good one" has replaced "Thank you" at the end of the order? I always respond with "Thank you" & then I think, "Why am I thanking them? I'm the customer!"

I sound like an old fart & when I go out & deal with the world, I feel like an old fart. It's disturbing how acceptable rudeness is in our society.

[a la izquierda]

222. Ack, I had such a glaring grammatical error

oops ;)
There are a few times when I want to be alone when I'm out in public...so I go to the grocery store at midnight. Then, I can ignore everything and not be a rude a-hole.

Speaking of rudeness, I almost got my car totaled today by an inconsiderate jerk with the following stickers on his car: OBAMA-One Big Ass Mistake America, and a rebel flag. Typical.

[Toots]

117. Surprised you said nothing about smokers or at least those that smoke in public.

They could care less what others think about their actions, and in fact many are deliberate in their actions..We live in a society that has most definitely been in the reverse mode for some time now. Manners are no longer taught and parents don't know about them as they have not been taught either..

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

120. I think it's a sympton of something larger...

Remember back in 1980 when Ronald Reagan asked, "Are you better off today than you were four years ago?" I think that was a watershed moment in our culture because we've always been the type of people who looked out for one another. We formed civic associations, built trade unions, and we generally had each others' back. Not that we don't anymore -- disasters like Hurrice Katrina still bring out the better angels of our nature -- it's just that on a day-to-day basis, we're wrapped up in ourselves.

Are you better off today than you were four years ago? That's a hell of a question for a public servant to ask. You mean, Mr. Reagan, that government ISN'T supposed to be about what's best for us? That my litmus test for good government is whether it's of a direct benefit to me? Personally? Not my neighbors down the street? No the people two states over? Just me? I can't begin to grasp how a representative democracy is supposed to work when our representatives have no collective constituency.

Because it's all about me.

In my neighborhood we have people who refuse -- under any circumstances -- to vote for school levies because, as one person actually told me, "My kids are graduated now and so I don't need the schools any more. What should I pay for something I'm not using?" Seriously. The most nefarious, most corrosive aspect of conservative ideology is that it's made a virtue out of naked self-interest. The kids next door need new equipment in the school chemistry lab? Meh. Not my problem, Bub!

To Grover Norquist's credit, that philosphy has made collective action particularly difficult -- except for invading smaller and comparatively helpless third-world nations. That's still on the table. But government acting to shore up the banking system? Not with MY MONEY!! Government creating a jobs program to put people back to work? Not with MY MONEY!! It's as though every taxpayer now thinks he/she has some priviate veto and should be allowed to reject spending based on the fact that it's MY MONEY.

It isn't all about you.

From the Mayflower Compact...

By these presents solemnly and mutually, in the presence of God, and one of another, covenant and combine our selves together into a civil body politic, for our better ordering and preservation and furtherance of the ends aforesaid

To the comments of Ben Franklin upon signing the Declaration of Independence...

We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately.

To the Preamble of the United States Constitution...

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

We've NEVER been the kind of country the conservatives would like to create.

[SweepPicker]

126. Common Sense

is also lacking in many of these people. We see it all the time in our daily activities.

[Phentex]

155. excellent post!

so well said.

[CanonRay]

121. I've noticed this a million times

and my comment is always: it's like they're the only one on the planet. Really annoying

[eagertolearn]

123. It starts with parents wanting to be their own kids best friend and at

some point they stop reprimanding them. This happens about middle school when the parents will stop parenting so their kids will still "like" them and the kids only learn to walk all over them and by graduation the parents are wondering how they raised such spoiled non-polite kids who are about to go off into the world and do what you just said. It is sad.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

124. Great essay, MM

I think about this issue a lot.....

Wish I had time to reflect and type on this a little, but I have to runnnnnnnn!!! Arrg, DU always does this to me!!

[gtar100]

128. I can relate to what you're saying, but keep in mind the "walk a mile in their shoes" too

Not everyone who is oblivious to their surroundings is just being a selfish jerk. Never know what news they've got going through their mind. Obviously there are the jerks, and there are the jerks who are obvious, but there are also those with some serious issues on their mind. People deal with things differently. Best not to jump to conclusions with being clear about the circumstances.

[unpossibles]

134. I tried to walk a mile in another man's shoe's this morning

but the bastard caught me despite being barefoot!

[gtar100]

238. LOL

:)

[Mopar151]

240. I like you! - But stay the hell out of my shoes,OK? n/t

[uponit7771]

130. "Greed is good" was taught during the 80s

[N_E_1 for Tennis]

131. Fight back with kindness and ....

respect for others. One act of kindness can change a persons day or even maybe their life.
Workers in stores wear name tags, acknowledge them by name when you thank them for being there to help.
Smile at people, smiles go a long way, they just make people feel good, maybe they will pass it on.
This is something we can change. Don't expect a response, do it just because it is the right thing to do.
Their response may not be to you, it may come later when they have had time to process what happened.
Maybe they will be a little nicer to their kids, spouses, associates that day.
After doing this a while you will see a profound change in your life also.
Instead of actively looking for instances to be positive, they will just "happen". Your life will change.
You will see that we are all in this together, we are one. It's the "Butterfly Effect" your change will change others.
Positive things will happen to you during your day, people you have been nice to will remember you, that kindness
will be returned.

Mean it, really sincerely mean it when you tell people to "Have a Good Day". If they say that to you, tell them
"I'm am having a great day, I hope you are too"

For inspiration visit this site:

http://www.soulbiographies.com/

And have a Great Day, Enjoy the life you have, Enjoy the day with all its wonders. Please, SMILE!

[MineralMan]

143. Excellent reply. That's pretty much what I do, probably 99% of the

time. In fact, when I was temporarily depressed for a few months, years ago, one of the things I did was go to the local supermarket or drugstore and shop a bit, then buy a candy bar or something. Since I was taught as a child to always smile and be friendly in public places, it forced me to do that, and that always made me feel better for a while.

[N_E_1 for Tennis]

157. Great! Just keep it up ...

and in a while you will feel good more and longer.

[eagertolearn]

244. This reminds me of where I live. Everyone is smiling and saying hi.

It takes a couple of hours each time I shop because of this. Same with stopping at the stop sign...no one goes because everyone is waving the other to go first. There are some good things about small town living...but bad too.

[TwentyFive]

132. Bubble People = Children who don't know any better. Here are 3 responses that I use.

Thanks for bringing this issue up. Here are my three responses. I try to use them in this order if possible.

1. AVOID. Sometimes it is just not worth getting worked up over it. Discounting them as a boorish lout will put the issue in perspective. Argue with them and they will pull you down to their level, then beat you with experience...lol Also, if the person is acting out of control, then leave the scene. Game over.

2. CONFRONT. Call out their bad behavior. Take control. Request that they stop or correct the bad behavior. Treat them like an out of order child. For example, I was waiting in line, when the person in back of me was coughing and sneezing without covering their mouth. I turned around to them and said that even a five year old child knows to cover their mouth. I told them to stand back at least 5 feet, cover their mouth, and try not to face anybody. Remember...they don't have the basic etiquette of a child, so why treat them as an adult? They don't deserve it.

3. REVENGE. I don't advocate breaking laws, but sometimes a well placed insult or calling them a swear word can help you vent frustration.

[MineralMan]

152. While I agree with your first response, I can't agree with

your other two. Instead of confronting, I prefer to use polite requests. Telling people what to do rarely produces good results. Asking them politely usually gets results, even if the person resents the request.

Revenge is rarely an appropriate response to careless inattention on the part of others, I think. Insults and swearing do not help solve the problem, but only aggravate it.

[bread_and_roses]

133. Since "we" can't control the behavior of others

I don't see that "we" can do anything. Not to mention that I would bet that every one of us has, occasionally, been inconsiderate ourselves. I can recall stopping in a supermarket doorway just as you described, when, walking in, I suddenly remembered too late (after 5:00pm) that I had neglected to do something that it was absolutely essential I do by that date. I stopped because the realization hit me like a punch to the stomach and I half-doubled over - for a few moments I was simply blind to anyone around me, where I was, etc. I'm sure I annoyed someone. I'm sure something similar happens a million times a day to someone.

"We" - being the general hoi polloi population - are under incredible stress in our daily lives. Capitalism has destroyed our livelihoods and our communities, and we live in an atomized society that values only monetary success or fame, out of reach for most.

There is nothing much we can do about the behavior of others. All we can do is our best to work for a more humane, just, equitable, sustainable society and world. People are creatures of their social system. If individuals are rude, oblivious, self-absorbed, or simply too stressed to take note of others, look to the society they live in.

[MineralMan]

149. Not everything has a political cause or solution.

Really.

[bread_and_roses]

162. Capitalism is not a "political cause"

- at least, in theory, though our electeds have obviously made it THEIR political cause. And the only blame I laid in that post was on capitalism, not politics.

As for solutions, I don't think politics has the solution for much of anything under advanced capitalism, since the electeds are owned by the corporations.

and if you can think of a non-violent, non-authoritarian manner of altering people's behavior other than altering the social/economic/environmental paradigms that shape that behavior, I'd be interested. And I mean that, it's not snark.

[MrsBrady]

138. it's possible that they don't know what

"imprecation" means. That could be part of the problem?

****

I know sometimes I find myself in the middle of the grocery isle, when there is no one else there. Sometimes I reading a label intently or figuring the price, etc...
I don't notice another customer show up while I'm reading...
Sometimes I look up and people are just standing there looking at me. Why don't THEY say something?
I do move over and say excuse me. Often people don't say anything and walk on by without even looking at me. It's just weird.

Just as often people smile or say "thank you" or "no problem".
But it is strange when they just stand there.

I embarrass my husband because I call people out all the time.
I don't put up with much, but I do cut people slack when its obvious they need help...or people with young children and the elderly.
My husband is very tall and many times he's helped people that can't reach things on the shelf.
My husband was three isles over and I walked passed a woman needing something on the top shelf.
I went out of my way to go get him to tell him that this lady needed help. Here he comes and gets it down for her. You can't believe how surprised people are when you try to help them.

[MineralMan]

145. I help people get things from top shelves all the time.

Pretty much every time I'm in the supermarket, I see an older woman who is looking at something on the top shelf, and I just ask if I can get something for her. There are a lot of older, retired folks in the area, so it's a frequent thing.

Just a neighborly thing to do. I pick up heavy stuff and put it in their carts, too. I'm not that busy.

[Phentex]

167. I'm not old, I'm short!

I need one of those claw things to get stuff down. Many people are quick to help me. Sometimes I have to jump up and down to see if an item is on the shelf in the back like a little dog trying to peek out a window. :D

[MineralMan]

169. So, can I help get something for you, short stuff?

I. Just. Couldn't. Resist. :hide:

[Mopar151]

241. Yep.

I'm 6'7" - happens a lot. "Would you like me to get that? They put the stuff I want on the bottom shelf!"

[sam sarrha]

142. there is some new research using brain scans that explanes a lot of what you are saying, i see it

too all the time, i was a research biologist..i am also not Neurologically Traditional.. so i tend to see things others get lost in.

i think it is because of mind control on TV, after watching Fox, and the others aren't any better.. the brain's dominant regions are deliberately re-configured. this resets the perceptual format of reality. i have been reading Andrew Newberg M.D. books on brain dominance. they have discovered that the brain is really pliable and fairly easily manipulated.

this book isnt actually about religion, he talks a lot about how meditation fixes the brainit's how ideologys effect the physical structure of the brain which alters perception..
https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=How+God+Changes+Your+Brain&x=16&y=22

and http://www.amazon.com/Change-Your-Brain-Life-Obsessiveness/dp/0812929985/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1265036896&sr=8-1

this apparently all started in an annual round table discussion of scientists with the Dali Lama,
http://www.amazon.com/Destructive-Emotions-Scientific-Dialogue-Dalai/dp/0553381059/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1265037051&sr=1-1

when some neurologists realized there really had never been any "Control Subjects" the research. they started doing brain scans on monks who had 3-6 years of meditation retreats.. isolated meditation 24/7/365 after 6 years of training in the monastery. it really opened their eyes.

people like Rush, O'liely and Dr Wienner:AKA Dr Savage, etc modify the dominate regions of peoples brains over time and lock them in an Apriori Bubble of ineffective and inappropriate reasoning where everything is "Framed" in cynicism, anger and hate and it's always other people fault nothing works out for them..and its always those rat bastard liberals.. it can take years to get out of that mind set even when they decide it is a serious problem. Meditation is the fastest and most effective treatment, it seems to be like the 'Reset Default' button on a computer. art,learning to play an instrument with a teacher, regular extended repetitious exercise also helps.. not much else seems to be effective.

[MineralMan]

146. Interesting stuff. Thanks.

[reflection]

147. Proud to be the 100th rec on this one. Spot on. n/t

[redqueen]

151. deleted

[MineralMan]

153. I think there were far more positive and helpful replies than

the other kind.

[redqueen]

154. deleted

[ourbluenation]

163. My elderly mom is one of those who leave their cart in the middle of the isle...

she seems to have lost her ability to sense her surroundings that way. Never used to do that. We walked out of Target a few months ago and she stood right in the middle of the parking lane while trying to remember where her car was, holding up all the cars trying to get in. You and I would have stood over to the side.

Point being, not everyone knows they're in a bubble.

[MineralMan]

171. Well, a lot of elderly people are in a bubble, but it's not their fault.

I give old people a great deal of deference. I'm not really talking about them here. I go out of my way to try to help old people who are having some difficulty, and I excuse them automatically. This thread isn't about old people.

[ourbluenation]

172. Glad to hear it. I guess those in the bubble are in their bubble's when they shoot mom the evil eye.

jerks.

[MineralMan]

173. Yes, people who don't defer to old people are dicks.

At age 64, I'm getting there. I'm still pretty darned spry, but that will change, no doubt. My mother-in-law walks with a cane, and my parents are both 85 and quite slow moving around, too. I just act like all the older people I encounter are my parents or m-i-l. Works a treat.

[bikebloke]

164. The culture of selfishness.

It's never so stark as going out of the country then returning.

I sometimes wonder if the bubble people are emulating their plutocrat masters. You know, they're all going to win the lottery any day now and be a plutocrat themselves. And who cares about the little people. Civility is for "loosers".:sarcasm:

[ecstatic]

165. What can we do? Nothing, I know someone like that and he's perfectly aware of his actions

When I call him out about certain things his response is usually "who cares if I inconvenienced someone." I think it's a matter of upbringing. My parents raised me to be polite and to think about the consequences of my actions on others. And of course, when on the road, I tend to remember that my own life and the lives of others are in my hands so I pay special attention when approaching merges, etc. but some people just don't think that far ahead or they just don't realize (or acknowledge) the significance of what they're doing.

[CrispyQ]

174. We live in a society that values hyper-individualism over community.

Our here-&-now communities are breaking down. As we continue to fragment as a society, our lack of civility will only get worse. The only way to make contact with the bubble people is to change our society - not an easy task.

We have tech toys that allow us to interact virtually with people who are nowhere near us, as we ignore those who surround us. Our airwaves are polluted with reality shows & sport events where bad behavior is encouraged & applauded. Many parents no longer teach their children courtesy, & even if they do, if the parent behaves badly, that's likely the behavior the child will adopt.

Micheal Moore summed it up perfectly in "Sicko" when he stated we are a nation of ME, not WE.

Until we, as a society, start valuing community, equally with individualism, we'll continue down this path.

on edit: I wanted to add that I think a lot of people feel powerless in their personal lives, so being a dick to someone else gives them that sense of power. Another thing I've noticed over the past several years, is how much more prevalent it is to build oneself up by tearing another down. It's a very sad situation. I'm more of a pessimist than an optimist & I don't think it's going to get better.

[LatteLibertine]

175. I agree compeletly

Empathy is rather low among many folks. I've find it strange many people have zero interest in investing in their own communities in any fashion.

You're going to have a hard time reaching a person if they were raised without being taught; conscience, empathy and impulse control early. In fact, you may be dealing with a sociopath.

Our society strongly advocates mindless consumerism. We are constantly being conditioning to feel inadequate and incomplete. My point is through this folks are taught life is not about what you become or personal progression and rather only about what you have. This dehumanizing approach also has an impact on the issue you are discussing.

The best thing we can do is live by example and if afforded the opportunity encourage others to consider shifting their focus and the meaning they assign to said focus. Encourage people to raise their standards.

[handmade34]

210. love your response

The change in technology, media and economy (since Reagan) has seriously altered how communities work. I am almost 60 and it is distinct. Empathy is key to this issue and you are correct in that it is lacking in many people. There are no easy answers because of the alienation that so many feel. The dehumanizing is taking place through marketing and an unregulated finacial system in an overcrowded system. Yes, we can help, by example and encouragement (especially with younger kids). I am never rude, but always make comment or act, when appropriate, in ways that allow people I come in contact with to alter a behavior if they are so inclined.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

223. People are pushed beyond their breaking points.

Thanks to greedy exploitation of labor by bosses. People are overworked, exhausted, can't concentrate, afraid of losing their jobs, probably either chewed somebody out at work or were chewed out by a boss, and distracted. Their brains are fried. They are trying to do too many things at once, like driving and yakking, or shopping and yakking, and can accomplish neither.

The amount of sleep people are expected to get by on is criminal. Lack of sleep can ruin your health and kill people.

Two examples of uncaring idiots who should know better, making people VERY SICK by their thoughtlessness:
My hubby was working at the VA hospital, which had a medical school dept. in geriatrics there. OK, lots of old people with compromised immune systems, right?

At this medical school department, his boss comes to work with the horking virus from hell. Recto-boss had gone to the doctor, and the doctor had TOLD him to stay home. Recto-boss had a Ph.D. that didn't give him any sense, obviously.

What does Rectoboss do? He goes to work, hangs over hubby, coughs all over him, when he KNOWS he should have stayed home.

Hubby gets sick about a week later. Then I get sick with the virus from hell. Then my daughter gets sick with it. We all feel like Keebler Elves are skiing down our throats on sandpaper skis. And who knows how many people this uncaring bastard infected at the VA hospital. That happened in 2000, and hubby has had to use nasal spray ever since then, TEN YEARS of spending money on nasal spray.

After that I wanted to kill the bastard or at least castrate him. He is an example of someone who is in the medical field for the money, not because he gives a damn about relieving suffering.

Also, another high muckety muck, same medical school, same geriatric dept. in the VA, went to see an elderly lady who was a painter, took his secretary along who was barely alive, with the flu, for no good reason. This secretary infected the elderly 90 something year old lady, and she died of pneumonia a few weeks later.

Neither of these recta gave a damn about infecting others, and one of them killed an old lady by his insistence on bringing his sick secretary along.

:wtf: :banghead: :grr: :banghead: :wtf: :grr:

[MineralMan]

177. A tale from a sporting goods store.

Last year, I was at a local sporting goods store, buying some fishing tackle, as usual. Also in the store was a Hmong man, somewhere around 40 years old. I noticed that he was looking around like he was trying to get someone's attention. There were store employees all over the place, but none of them came to assist the man.

What the heck, I thought. So, I asked the man if I could help him find something. Big smile from the guy. "Do you work here?" I told him that I didn't but I'd still be glad to help another angler find something.

Turns out that he wanted to start fishing, since a lot of his friends were anglers. So, he basically knew nothing. After some questions about what kind of fishing he wanted to do and a getting a general idea of his budget, I spent about an hour with him, helping him to choose a couple of rods and reels, lures, line, and more, including a book on basic angling. I wasn't busy, and I love fishing. In the process, we talked about fishing, and I helped him figure out what he needed from the huge selection in the store. I learned something about his family here and just generally helped a new angler get started with what he needed and within his budget.

The stuff he bought added up to almost $500 (I was keeping a running tally in my head so we didn't exceed what he said he wanted to spend) and he rolled his shopping cart up to the register. In all that time, not a single employee showed up and offered any help or advice.

I shop at another sporting goods store, now, since that one apparently doesn't like Hmong people. What morons! This guy was friendly and I enjoyed the time spent helping him get started with his angling. The store rejected him. How sad!

[geardaddy]

180. I believe that's what we call ...

"Minnesota nice"

:puke:

[femrap]

182. Lots of that behavior is what

I refer to as "Too bad you think you didn't get enough attention as a child....you're an adult now, get over it."

And when did 'stay to the right' stop??? Is everyone from England now?

People leaving carts in the middle of the aisle....move them. If he/she gets pissed, I ask them, 'Who are you...Mr./Ms. Kroger/Safeway?'

I guess I can't help myself...I feel I need to teach these people. As the saying goes, 'I do better once I know better.'

Of course, since I live in a state with Concealed Weapon Laws, I'll probably get shot someday....hope it's in the back and I go straight to the crematorium.

Movie theaters...it has gotten to the point that I have to loudly state 'Hey, this isn't your living room...I'm hear to listen to the movie, not you.'

[Pithlet]

221. You bring up a good point. I think this is the perfect thread to bookmark

and show to everyone who supports conceal and carry. Yeah. It's a great idea for everyone to arm themselves these days. In fact, two fine pillar of the community upstanding law abiding citizens with no criminal records recently got into a fight over a parking space recently in my neighborhood and one who held a conceal and carry license pulled out his gun and shot the other dead. Bet he wishes he hadn't had his gun on him that day.

[femrap]

237. Our culture is so sick these days....

I just finished reading 'Illusions of Empire' and realized that people are going to be doing a lot of crazy things.

I just want to be a hermit and hang out with animals.

[Patsy Stone]

183. I always say something to them

Usually, "That's okay, I can wait. We're all just here for you, man."

[shadowknows69]

188. Best OP I've read in a while MM. K+R.

[EFerrari]

189. I heard a psychologist talking about this. She wrote a book about

how a whole generation of kids was brought up to believe they were "special". Iirc, she ran down all the kids' shows that used some variation of this idea. The result seems to be a generation of people who behave like narcissists a style of chiildrearing that is ongoing. I'm sorry, I can't remember the book title at the moment but it's probably in the CSPAN archives because she was on BookTv.

Edit: Here's an article about Generation Me.

http://www2.canada.com/calgaryherald/news/reallife/story.html?id=68d5e05e-75a9-4f85-bcb2-fb1e738a1409

[The Doctor.]

190. I throw driver's manuals at people.

Usually, it's the asshole in the Cadillac that thinks his green left arrow gives him permission to turn across all four lanes into the right lane I'm in. In one case, a guy did that and started honking furiously at me. I literally threw a driver's manual through his open window and shouted, "Page 46, asshole!".

I'll have my signal on for several seconds, then slowly change lanes. The moron I pull in front of invariably starts honking, even though I'm moving faster and caused no actual inconvenience.

Ever notice how, when you put your signal on, some jerk accelerates to close the gap you're about to occupy?


People take out their frustration and exorcise their impotence on the road. They must have very shitty lives to feel the need to do that.

[Liberal_in_LA]

191. Guy making left turn in front of me. Doesn't pull into intersection until just before light changes

Preventing me (2nd car) from making the left turn also. grrrrrrrrrrr

[schmuls]

196. How about the driver behind me at a Chicago tollway who honked

at me when I didn't throw in my coins fast enough? Well excuse me...I just dropped a coin and was delayed a microsecond. I gave it back to him though; I hesitated before I drove away! Maybe I shouldn't have taken the low road? No pun intended.

[schmuls]

197. Here in Milwaukee people drive through red lights!!!

[AllyCat]

198. Makes me nuts, and yet I catch myself doing these things some times

When I do, I try to apologize to those around me. I feel a little overwhelmed in crowded stores. I'm watching my kids constantly, can't keep my mother ADD under control long enough to just get the stuff on my list, all while trying to figure out the best deals.

To that end, I tend to shop for groceries at farmers markets and our local co-op where it's not so crowded. However, I don't mean to do it. Try to remember not everyone is an asshole.

I'm not sure how to break through to people. Polite requests usually do it for me. No need to be nasty. Just start with basic "excuse me. Hi, how are you today" or something. That will probably separate the jerks from the people who are just spacing out.

[schmuls]

201. Years ago on a country back road, some prick started passing

5 cars ahead of him toward us, I know if I had't pulled over onto the shoulder he would have killed a whole lot of people.

[theFrankFactor]

203. Where's your action plan?

I kid, I kid!

See?

I get you 100% man. And that is what I'M TRYING TO DO TOO!

I'm a hot head some times. I apologize for the bristly response on the other thread but that "Obama basher" bullshit wears me out.

[closeupready]

205. Or neighbors who need to be reminded THREE TIMES by law enforcement officers that their music is too

loud, and is disturbing their neighbors. :mad: K&R

[Liberal_in_LA]

226. Police were called to apt. adjacent, music was so loud police had to knock with their sticks to get

attention of occupents

[closeupready]

235. Ooooooo, that pisses me off!

:nuke: :mad:

[schmuls]

206. Another one that blows my mind, and I hope I don't offend anyone

I was in a ladies room a few years ago. It was crowded with women of all ages. A few young teenagers came in and one yelled out "It smells like pussy in here"! It never occurred to them that a remark like that might offend someone. Especially the elderly women who had to hear that. I don't think that when they were young, a word like that wasn't used in polite society, let alone shouting anything out at all. Certainly security would have been called. Hey, I'm 58 and I thought I'd heard everything. Even I was offended. I pity our society when people like these teenagers grow up.

[Liberal_in_LA]

228. few days ago, teen comes in with parents... loudly "IT SMELLS LIKE BUTTHOLE IN HERE"

She said it several times...Parents didn't react.

[Stargazer99]

211. the results of conservatives values

I've got mine, to hell with you if you can't make it.

[handmade34]

212. your title is spot on

I think key here is "...no way to live" - for the one in the bubble. Most individuals that I am aware of that are in a bubble are not happy, are not living. They make encounters (with them) uncomfortable for us, but we also know that they are not content.

[Courtesy Flush]

213. I'm torn on the gas pump thing

When I pull up to the pump I'm not sure which is better. If I stop at the first pump I'm making things easier for the guy whose gas cap is on the opposite side from mine, and will need to approach the other pump from the opposite direction. But you can bet, whichever person you're trying to accommodate, won't show up, and you'll mess someone else up.

[CrispyQ]

217. +1

LOL! Your post put a smile on my face!

:hi:

[NICO9000]

219. I used to actively engage these types of people

In a very negative, angry way. I had a bad anger problem for years that, thankfully, meds and seven years of therapy basically cured. My nature was to always be a kind and courteous person, the way my parents taught me to be, but after being in the world for a while, the rudeness of people really got to me. Hence, my 20s through early-40s were a time where any perceived slight resulted in me acting like a nut and usually scaring the other person. I'm not a huge guy (5'10", about 200 lbs), but I have a bad Italian temper and I quickly learned that most of the rude people were basically a bunch of pussies once confronted.

All this began to cause marital problems and in 2002, my wife gave me an ultimatum and I'm really glad she did. After a couple of years, my anger began to subside significantly and I began to just start laughing off people who cut me off, didn't say "excuse me," had severe RW bumper stickers (they always used to get a honk and the finger from me) and all the other shit that doesn't really matter. I was able to go back to being a decent person and it really helped the old blood pressure, not to mention mental well-being.

Do I still get pissed off at things? Well, I'm here on DU, yes?:) But seriously, lots and lots of people could give a fuck about anybody else (look at how they vote, fer chrissake) and one just has to accept that and be better than them. Otherwise, you'll drive yourself crazy and take it from one who knows, these assholes just ain't worth it.

[vduhr]

220. I absolutely loved this...

I just returned from grocery shopping and I experienced every single thing that you mentioned, so it made me laugh. My son usually goes with me to help with the heavy lifting and he's not shy about letting people know when they're doing something stupid. They're either in such a bubble they don't hear him, or they ignore him. I used to live in California, then moved to another State (won't say the name of the State as I might offend someone), and have found that the people here are either dumb as dirt, or live in a bubble caused by the State having been a more sparsley populated state in the recent past, so they haven't learned how to maneuver through traffic or crowds. Although, sometimes I swear they ARE dumb because, when driving on the freeway, they don't seem to understand the laws of physics. Example: They will try to merge onto the freeway where I am already occupying that space - they will get along side me and keep looking over like they want to move in, but they don't try to speed up or slow down so they can squeeze in front or behind me - it's very strange, like is there a magnet on the side of my car? I could mention a million extremely odd driving habits they have, but it would take too much space here.

[Mopar151]

243. A truck driver told me a story

about moving heavy equipment on the "Banzai Pipeline", aka Mass. Rt.128. "I'm 11 1/2 feet wide with a big machine on, grossed out at 120,000# (60 tons!) I got the beacons on, the flags flyin', the big Over Width signs on. And I'm goin' 80 miles an howah, just keepin' up wit' traffic. I got a solid wall 'a caas on my left, and dis broad on my right, callin' da numbah on da door to bitch at my boss for not lettin' her in!!!!!"

[Zomby Woof]

227. I'm sorry. The card says "Moops".

Bubble Boy: It doesn't matter. It's the Moors. There's no "Moops."
George: It's "Moops."
Bubble Boy: Moors.
George: "Moops!"
Bubble Boy: Moors.

[Liberal_in_LA]

229. BIG ONE - Hold the damn door for the person coming behind you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[marzipanni]

231. I like these quotes

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. - Anne Frank

Revolutionary change does not come as one cataclysmic moment...but as an endless succession of surprises, moving zigzag toward a more decent society. We don't have to engage in grand, heroic actions to participate in the process of change. Small acts, when multiplied by millions of people, can transform the world. - Howard Zinn

[Name removed]

246. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[MineralMan]

247. I'm a strong atheist. Sorry. You seem to have mistaken me

for someone else.