The Onion gets a Boehner

[Danascot]

My Constituents Care Way More About Political Gamesmanship Than Jobs, Health Care, And The Economy
By House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-OH)

It is my responsibility as an elected official to look out for the people back home, the voters who sent me to Washington. So, after 20 years representing Ohio's 8th District, I know what the good citizens of Montgomery, Preble, and Butler counties really want: someone who engages in the kind of calculated political gamesmanship that increases his standing in the Republican party while simultaneously hindering our country's legislative process at every conceivable turn.

I assure you, the last thing my voters need is some well intended, do-all-I-possibly-can-to-help-the-little-guy congressman running around Washington, working across the aisle, and fighting tooth and nail for jobs, health care, and financial reform to ensure their tax dollars never end up in the hands of banks capable of holding our entire economy hostage.

No, sir. My constituents deserve better.

They deserve a leader willing to roll up his sleeves and play the types of twisted, greedy political games that, by their very nature, tear apart the fabric of our democracy for the sake of assuring reelection. They deserve someone on their side who will ask the tough questions, such as how will painting Democrats as radical ideologues play in, say, Arkansas? Can we vote "no" on the health care bill and still make it look like we give two craps about the welfare of ordinary Americans? How can we twist positive news about the GDP into a negative for the Obama administration?

more: http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/my_constituents_care_way_more

[Edweird]

1. Damn, I love The Onion.

[gateley]

2. It's almost not even funny -- it's too painfully true. It must be hard to satirize

such a tragic reality. But as always, the Onion is right on!

[progressoid]

3. That's too often true with the Onion.

It's hard to parody when the real thing is already a joke.

A sad joke.

[Swamp Rat]

4. Perfect!

[Blue Owl]

5. trying to figure out how exactly this is fake

and I'm comin' up empty!

[krispos42]

6. They often hit the nail on the head, don't they?