Idle chit chat can make you unhappy

[undeterred]

Having a profound conversation can boost happiness levels, but trivial chatter can be depressing, scientists say. Psychologists investigated whether happy and unhappy people differed because of the types of conversations they engaged in.

Volunteers wore an unobtrusive recording device to monitor conversations with friends and colleagues for four days. Researchers then listened to the recordings and identified them as trivial small talk or substantive discussions. In addition, the volunteers completed personality and wellbeing assessments. Reporting the findings in the journal Psychological Science, the researchers said the recordings revealed some startling findings.

Greater wellbeing was related to spending less time alone and more time talking to others. The happiest participants spent 25 per cent less time alone and 70 per cent more time talking than the unhappiest. But the researchers were surprised to discover that the type of conversations people took part in also affected their happiness levels. The happiest participants had twice as many deep and meaningful conversations and one third as much small talk as the unhappiest.

Matthias Mehl, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Arizona, said: "These findings suggest that the happy life is social and conversationally deep rather than solitary and superficial."

The researchers conclude that profound conversations may have the potential to make people happier. They said: "Just as self-disclosure can instill a sense of intimacy in a relationship, deep conversations may instill a sense of meaning in interaction with partners."

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/science-news/7379561/Idle-chit-chat-can-make-you-unhappy.html

:shrug:

[DJ13]

1. Reading that made me unhappy

:argh:

:hi:

[treestar]

2. Where are these deep people?

Most of the people I know talk while I listen.

I need to meet more intelligent people! Too bad that's hard to do in America today.

[Fumesucker]

4. My thoughts exactly..

It's my experience that most Americans are terrified of getting into deep subjects and avoid it at almost any cost.

[canetoad]

5. Meh, it's all subjective treestar

I bet the inmates of FR or the audience at a Joe the Plumber think they are having deep and meaningfuls with each other :shrug:

[treestar]

14. Yeah, you're right caneload

It's perception of the person. Those freepers think they are pretty deep! They are great intellectuals who listen to Rush Limpbaugh!

[lunatica]

16. Then they should be happier no?

How deep a conversation can you have when your entire reference to anything is sound bites?

[canetoad]

3. Knew there was a reason

I don't spend time in the Lounge :evilgrin:

[Bigmack]

6. Facebook makes me depressed...

With good reason, it appears.

I'm glad I don't Twitter... I'd be suicidal if I did!

[nickinSTL]

10. doesn't have to...

depends on how you use it

Meaning FB - don't know how one would make Twitter meaningful :eyes:

I've had a number of meaningful exchanges with a friend from college using FB - not so much on the "walls" or "status updates", but using the messaging and chat.

We had a great chat earlier this week through FB - and I did feel happier afterwards :)

For now, online is the only contact we have (we live about a 5 hour drive apart), and FB has been useful for keeping in touch.

[PatSeg]

15. Same here

I've had some great conversations over at Facebook with people I know from DU using their instant chat and private messaging. I've also reconnected with old friends there. I'm not that into the "status updates", as they tend to be trivial as a rule.

[Odin2005]

36. I'm addicted to the Facebook Group message boards.

[tridim]

12. FB is a wash for me. Keeping my "friends" list small helps.

In the past 6 months my friends have only disappointed me about 4 or 5 times, which is about equal to my real life disappointments.

[patrice]

19. FaceBook, I agree. Twitter, I'm starting to understand better: I think it depends upon

word choices heavily, because of the very limited size of tweets, and how you include key words that others tweet about and words that others would use for Twitter search terms.

[Mari333]

7. that is why I prefer my dogs.

[canetoad]

9. Yep

Dogs are great value.

[tridim]

You don't chit-chat with your dog?

I sure do. :)

My cat even talks back.

[HughMoran]

8. I could not agree more

Idle chit-chat is boring and depressing.

[KittyWampus]

11. People who are alone more often, have fewer good friends and thus shallower conversations?

I would also be interested in how people scored on introvert/extrovert scale.

[Kablooie]

13. But what about a profound conversation about the effects of idle chit chat. Is that Okay?

[lunatica]

17. They don't define 'profound conversation'

I've found that wit is very satisfying. Especially off the cuff wit with someone who does the same. Just the memory of some of my exchanges with witty people makes me feel of surge of happiness. Even years after the exchange.

[PatSeg]

18. I've always hated small talk

and have found I'm not very good at it. Just can't get the words out of my mouth it seems. It is almost suffocating to say irrelevant, mindless words. I've had jobs where I had to do it though. I'd get creative, so I wouldn't sound trivial and redundant.

I'd rather be silent than talk and say nothing. Now I know it probably makes me happier.

[patrice]

22. I have trouble with the fact that people can tell that I don't like small talk, even when I'm trying

hard to get along and do it "right".

It is as though they can pick up that there's something else going on in my head after each little phatic bon mot and then I can tell that they can tell and that makes me uncomfortable, so they pick up on that, and then I know that they know that I know that they know and . . . . and it's just a disaster.

I guess the trick is just to keep your head empty.

[PatSeg]

25. I know the feeling all too well

People would often think I was being a snob when I didn't talk, but I really had nothing to contribute.

Over the years I did learn to adjust and as Ratty pointed out in the post after yours, I learned to use small talk to make a connection with other people. Often it produced some great conversations and I was surprised how many other people wanted more in depth conversations, but didn't know how to initiate them.

So I learned to talk about the weather, adding humor and personal observations to draw other people out of their habitual responses. It took years of conscious effort and now I can do it without the effort. I've even engaged in some substantial conversations with Jehovah's Witnesses with them knowing there was no way they would convert me.

[patrice]

28. Oh, indeed yes, many many people really DO want to talk.

Going there, as you describe, from the point of small talk to opening the conversation up is a blessing to all, even when it produces (respectful, non-violent) Clash. It's something we have lost or never had, but we need it badly right now.

[PatSeg]

30. I think something has been lost

I used to engage in spirited debates with people and even if the conversation became heated, there was still mutual respect. The political changes over the past decade has often stifled real debate and conversation. I am amazed at how angry and defensive people have become. It used to be stimulating and informative, now it is often emotionally exhausting.

I learned debate in high school and one week we were assigned one side of an argument and the next week we had to debate the other side. It was very enlightening. I think it is a lost art.

[patrice]

32. I debated in high school too. It was a real eye-opener. I regard debate as Fun; it appears now that

it is mostly regarded as mean and hateful. That's sad.

[PatSeg]

33. That was what I was thinking too

A spirited debate is FUN, like exercise for the brain. Those skills I learned in high school stayed with me for the rest of my life. Whenever I get all passionate about a topic, I often stop to look at the other side.

A few good teachers had a profound effect on my life.

[Ratty]

23. Not me. I've learned to embrace it

I used to feel my conversations should be more profound. I had a data entry job and we used to talk about what we had to eat the night before, what was on TV, etc. For some reason I would sometimes feel vaguely ashamed - chattering to no purpose, just to hear oneself talk. I decided though it's all about connecting with people, sharing a mood and a common experience. It's also surprising how often idle chit chat can turn serious, when you have a connection, when you learn to listen. Nugget os import turn up when you least expect them. Sometimes people just need a while to feel relaxed and confident is all. I'm sort of the opposite of you. I don't think of myself as unintelligent, yet used to feel self-conscious when conversation turned profound. Once I realized I didn't *have* to contribute anything, that I could just listen and learn and speak when I was comfortable I began to enjoy experience more.

[PatSeg]

26. When I was young

redundant niceties drove me nuts. I hated that people asked me, "How are you?" without needing or wanting a response. Like you, I learned to embrace some small talk to connect with people, though it took years to perfect it. There still are circumstances where I'll be quiet and listen, as I really like to be an observer. If the conversation becomes hateful or malicious, then I'll find a way to escape.

I learned that profound conversations generally don't just happen, so we often need to start them and using some small talk can be the ice breaker.

[TalkingDog]

20. FINALLY! Oh MY GOD...I want to kiss Matthias Mehl

and possibly bear his children.

Vindication is AWESOME.

[daleo]

21. You probably have more profound conversations with people you like

And shallow conversations with people you don't like or are indifferent to. That might well affect happiness. I wonder if the study controlled for this.

[pnwmom]

24. Very good point. n/t

[surrealAmerican]

27. It might also be the other way around.

People who are unhappy are less likely to engage in meaningful conversation. They tend to think they would be "burdening" others with their thoughts, that nobody would be interested in what they have to say.

[patrice]

29. Absolutely! I think there is a great deal that can be described by means of "self fulfilling"

,circular, dynamics.

[Mike 03]

31. Fascinating. Kick and Rec. Does it help to disgorge your innermost secrets

to strangers? I have, but I usually feel very embarrassed afterwards.

[pipi_k]

34. Wow...I always just thought it was me...

I HATE idle chitchat.

I call it "cocktail party" talk. I'm no good at it. By the time I've thought of something to say I think might be witty, the moment has passed and the subject is changed and I'm standing there feeling like a doofus.


That right there is depressing as hell.

[Odin2005]

35. Trivial small talk certainly makes us autistic folks unhappy.

No, I don't want to talk about the latest gossip, I want to talk about long term pattern in world history, or the historical development of languages, or about Buddhist ideas about suffering.

[undeterred]

37. Agree.

But there are some people who only want to gossip or talk about unimportant things.