It is all I can do not to cry while reading this

[dsc]

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2010/3/7/843901/-Returning-the-carmy-emotional-breakdown%28s%29

My best friend Dena and I left for North Carolina right around midnight on Saturday morning. We were returning my nephew's car to his parents at their request. I know many here suggested we just leave it somewhere, but we couldn't do that. As far as my sister and her husband knew, we still thought we were picking up some of my nephew's belongings as well. The drive was long, and Dena did most of the drive so I could sleep.

We arrived in less than 11 hours. When I pulled up in front of the house, the circular driveway was full of cars. Upon entering the house, I encountered my despondent sister and her husband. With them were several couples from their church, and a few from their neighborhood. My sister immediately ran to me and hugged me and just burst into tears. She said, "How could this happen to our family?" Several ladies in the room helped me calm her down.

Just by doing a quick look around the first floor of their house, I noticed their oldest son's pictures were nowhere to be found with one exception. His senior picture was sitting on a table by itself with a candle beside it. If I didn't know better, I would've thought he had died in a tragic accident. My sister and her husband are obviously hurt, but their actions were more of grieving for a deceased child as opposed to finding out their child was gay.

I didn't want to walk in and immediately ask about my nephew's possessions, so Dena and I sat with the family and friends for a while. One of the people from their church suggested that homosexuality could be caused by mental illness, or a chemical imbalance. There are apparently places where people can be treated for their homosexuality and one man suggested they send him there. His next door neighbor had been cured at one of these places after all.

Another theory was that he was just acting out and pretending to be gay to spite his parents. After all, my nephew is handsome and athletic. He's dated so many girls, so certainly he isn't really gay. The man who said these things also pointed out that even if he was gay, as long as he "never acts on it" then that is ok. He then lamented that he had already acted on it by talking to someone online and sending them pictures. It was to late he imagined.

end of quote lots more at link

I am so sick of reading stories such as this about so called parents who are no better than wolves, actually that is an insult to wolves. I know what it is like to hate yourself for being gay but I honestly can't imagine any senario where I would do to my kid what they did to theirs.

[Mira]

1. So damn sad, and so damn laughable.

I'm in NC, and I took in a guy like that after his family threw him out. He was 18.
His burly, half drunk, ex convict Dad, in a beat up decrepit truck, would cruise my house and curse me loud, or call me at midnight and curse me louder.
I know the sadness of this.

You know what to do - and how to handle every one of those people. I hope you will be able to help them.

[pamela]

2. I think we should invite him here.

I've been following this whole thing and my heart aches for this young man. I don't have an account on Kos but if anyone does, please tell him about DU. His Aunt said he is going to post a diary on Kos later this week. It's not that I don't think he will receive a lot of support from the wonderful folks at Kos-I'm sure he will. I just wish he would post here, too. I think the format here, with the variety of subjects and different groups, might be helpful to him.

If he does join DU someone PM me and I will donate for him to get a star so he can participate in the groups. I'm donating soon anyway because my star just expired-I'd be happy to get him one, too.

[BR_Parkway]

11. In all honesty, I would not invite him here. While many here are welcoming

of GLBT - there are frequently some things posted that are both ignorant and hurtful to the GLBT community here, if it gets complained about, there are always a few replies along the lines of "oh, you're just being sensitive, get over it".

That's not what Matt needs now (yes, I'm one of the 100's there that have emailed him directly with my own story to let him know that he will recover from losing everything he had in a matter of days over this). What he needs is support and love and acceptance.

At some point in the future, this may be a place for him - but further down the road when he's ready to see that sometimes even those who claim to be allies can be hurtful - that's too close to finding out just how cruel his parents can actually be.

[cali]

14. the vast majority of DUers are completely supportive

of the struggles of our GLBT brothers and sisters. And I mean vast majority. there are always a few assholes in the mix wherever you go.

[Warpy]

3. I don't know why religion seems to turn ordinary people into monsters

but I've seen its capacity to do so in action, too. I think it's one reason that's kept me from trusting churchy people at all, ever.

It's really a shame because my head can see that some of them got the point. It's my heart that knows what their brethren are capable of that makes me keep them at a distance.

I have a feeling Mom might come around eventually, but she'll have to sneak around to do it because the punishment from Dad will be severe if he finds out.

[Maru Kitteh]

7. In one couple in our family it's Mom who's afraid of SATAN. Dad could give a crap.

Dad spends his Sundays at home with Bud Light and a set of socket wrenches.

I find it very, very odd when people automatically assume a person's worth depending on what faith they follow - or don't follow. I never assume a Baptist is a fire-breathing zealot. I never assume a Jewish person is a financial whiz. I never assume that a Catholic thinks the Pope should rule the world. I never assume an atheist is a raging hemorrhoid just because I've met a few who are.


Discrimination robs one of an open mind.

[Warpy]

17. I have an intense, visceral mistrust of anyone who spouts religion

at me nonstop. I've been able to take a mental step back and realize some of them are good people. I just can't trust them.

[Maru Kitteh]

23. Oh. I make it a habit not to trust anyone who spouts *anything* at me non-stop.

Fanatics of any variety from Amway to Zoroastrainism are usually not stable folks. I guess I make a distinction between people who are a little "churchy" as you put it and utter loons. I don't trust any of the loons, religion or no.

[LooseWilly]

4. It's jaw dropping to me every time I hear stories like this.

I just... can't get my head around it.

I can't even imagine a metaphor that could illustrate the complete incomprehensibility of it. I mean, I could even maybe cope if my son became an evangelical... or an evangelical cop...

Mind boggling.

[Tsiyu]

5. Goddess bless his aunt

She is offering great family caring; best wishes to her and her nephew.

He's going to stand a much better chance of being okay having her concern and support.

:kick: and a Big Ole R

[riderinthestorm]

6. Oh god. Just horrible. Hugs all around.

To the family at daily kos, and everyone else whose been touched this way.

[Lindsey]

8. Are you kidding me? As I was reading the story, I thought the

young man died. Is what you're saying is that he was completely disowned because he was gay? That is the most disgusting thing I've ever, ever heard.

[dsc]

9. yep that is what happened

[BR_Parkway]

12. His parents even boxed up all of his possesions and gave them to

charity - because allowing him to have them would be "rewarding his sin". The same with not allowing his 15 yo brother to speak to him on the phone. They're in punishment mode because he's "defying" them.

Sadly, this in not at all an uncommon occurrence within the GLBT community. I've seen different studies suggesting that somewhere between 20-40% of GLBT community have gone through similar when they came out. And in this young man's case, he hadn't even made that choice, he was outted by someone else at school who spent a few months toying with him behind a fake Facebook account.

[Dappleganger]

18. Those parents are just sick, sick, sick.

How can someone deny their own flesh and blood? They must not be human.

[seabeyond]

10. isnt it something. i want to be the one to sit and chat with this mother

not these supposed friends of hers.

[cali]

13. I'm crying right now

thank goodness he has his aunt.

[Mari333]

15. you know, I have actually HAD a young son pass on, so when I read this

at first, it sounded like the day my child passed. people in the house, trauma, i was insane with grief...

and when I realized what I was reading in THIS story, after what I have actually BEEN thru with my own son who actually DID pass away..


IT PISSES ME OFF.


How DARE anyone pretend they are grieving the loss of their child because he is gay!!

you impotent religious sucking assholes...you have no idea what it is like to actually find your son has passed away, actually stopped BREATHING

you idiots!!! you should be dancing for JOY THAT YOUR SON IS BREATHING, WHETHER HE IS GAY OR STRAIGHT OR BI OR ANYTHING

God help me, if I met people like this, they would get such a slapdown they would never forget it.


I hope I Never run into people like this, whining insufferable assholes.

their child is better off without them.

[Brickbat]

19. While I have not experienced such a loss, the same thought occurred to me.

You're in my thoughts.

[glitch]

24. +infinity.

:hug:

[Berry Cool]

16. It's hard to read this story and believe it's taking place in modern-day America

rather than 100 years ago, or in some country run by Muslim extremists.

But there you have it.

I hope this young man is surrounded by love and support in his new life without his family. He will need it.

Oh, and I am so glad his brother found neighbors willing to let him use their cell phone to call him. At least he has that connection left. I'm just worried about what happens if his parents ever find out.

[BlueIris]

20. That is cry-worthy.

Why are homophobes so damn stupid?

[Taverner]

21. Yes, wolves actually love their children

[StarlightGold]

22. I don't understand

how a parent can put their religion ahead of their own child. Whether it's honor killings or making your child miserable by "praying away the gay". If push ever came to shove and my religion pitted me against my kids, I start shopping around for another religion.

I sure hope that guy finds a safe place to be himself and to be welcomed. Here would be a great start!