I was once a male victim (among many) of sexual harrassment by a superior

[Lerkfish]

And I can well tell you there is nothing funny about it. It is disturbing and threatening.
Implicit in the harrassment is the danger of losing your job.

This happened nearly 20 years ago, when a male coming forward on this type of thing was unheard of, and, I did not come forward for that reason.
At that time, they were BARELY taking sexual harrassment against women seriously, much less if the victim was a man.

I just wanted to post this because I"m appalled a the attitude I see that it is point of humor. It's not.

at this place of employment, this supervisor was second in command of the entire large department. She would call in men she found attractive (though, why me, I have no idea, I'm pretty ordinary), close her office door and chit chat about nothing while staring at your crotch and make comments like about how large your package might be. Every comment (behind closed doors) was related back to sex.

I was married, as were a lot of the men she did this to.

I was luckier than some, she didn't grab me in that "special place". But the looks she gave me were beyond creepy. And she would engineer things to have to "slide" past you making body contact.

one of my coworkers was particularly singled out (also married). He had to go on a business trip with her, and when they arrive, she's arranged to have one room with one bed. She told him "well, I guess we get to sleep together" and he turned around and slept in his car. She went out of her way after that to make his work life miserable.


sorry but I have to say that sexual harrassment is wrong, it isn't funny, no matter who is doing it or who is the victim. Gender or orientation doesn't matter...ITS WRONG.

[rurallib]

1. was she ever found out or punished?

[Lerkfish]

4. ironically, several years later SHE filed a sexual discrimination suit

for not being promoted. and won, as I understand. I was long gone by then.


but you have to understand, this was back in the mid-eighties. If you tried to tell someone they would just laugh and tell you how lucky you were. A male being harrassed was not even considered possible. They didn't understand.
Also, it was very embarassing as the victim. In every case it was a "he said, she said" and remember, she could fire us at will and claim we were harrassing her.

She held the power and she knew it.

[rurallib]

10. oh boy do I believe you. I was molested by a priest in the early sixties

and when I did say something to my parents etc. I got crushed. The priest and the church had the power.

[Lerkfish]

14. man, that truly sucks. I'm sorry that happened to you

but you get the whole powerless to do anything situation I"m talking about.

[Moosepoop]

2. Agree 100%!!!

K & R!

[lunatica]

3. A lot of we older women went through all that groping crap

When I was young it was almost a ritual or a right of passage because it was so common. At least it's become against the law even though I remember the fights people used to have over what constituted sexual harassment and why women should just shut up about it. Same old, same old.

Things are better now though. But it's been only because the harassed fought back.

[Lerkfish]

6. my heart goes out to you.

like I said, the women were not being taken seriously, either. the men even less so, though, because everyone acted like we should be grateful. (come to think of it, that was how you guys were treated too.)

like I said, its just plain wrong.

[tblue37]

19. That "You should be grateful" crap is exactly what some clueless people say about

adolescent boys who are sexually molested by their female teachers--especially when the teacher is a fairly attractive young woman. They just don't understand what it means for someone, regardless of gender, to be put in such a vulnerable position and to have the boundaries of their physical privacy violated like that.

[seabeyond]

20. exactly. from the thread yesterday, listening to this poster and having talked with 15 yr old son

this morning about that thread yesterday....

they are all merging to

disgust

[PCIntern]

5. I'm with you...

it's all so weird...for all the kidding around that I do with my staff, I never ever get into discussions about their social lives, their looks, their dress, etc. Ever. I'm such a flaming extrovert that it could easily slip into a 'charged' discussion. So I walk away from any and all discussions.

this does NOT stop the older lady patients from every so often running their hands all over me while I'm trying to fix their teeth however...lots o' stories about that stuff. I gently dissuade them from ever doing that again...

[seabeyond]

18. no way.... lol no way. that is just WRONG. really?

wow. to the old women touching you. gosh....

sad

15 yr old son and i sittin at high school waiting time out this morning.... talking about trash and crass vs class

[PCIntern]

28. Oh yeah...I have one great story

I'll post someday...

unbelievable...

[seabeyond]

30. i just... i just... you know. fuck the people that behave this way, either gender

that feel they have the right, that it is cute, that it hurts no one, or if it does, fuck em.

i have never been the type of person that did not consider the other person and this behavior truly blows my mind. being female, and especially young, i was grossed out when old men did this with me. but it is just worse, (and shouldnt be), when an old woman does it with a man. maybe it is simply more visibly pathetic seeing an old woman do it, more obvious, cause we are so accepting of old men doing it (biological, privilige, gotta do it kinda attitude)

but anyway, as i said to another poster down below, to hear other peoples perspective is excellent for me in seeing outside the box and understanding more.

thanks

[Fleshdancer]

7. I don't find it funny, just gross

I don't understand why some people do this to their employees. I assume it's a twisted power thing, but I still don't understand it. Sorry you had to deal with this asshole btw. She obviously has issues.

[Love Bug]

8. I'm sorry you had to go through that

I've been lucky enough to have avoided it, but believe me, I have lots of friends who did not.

I'm not surprised some on DU laugh at this. Some here think prison rape is funny, too, and sexism is pretty common.

[Celebration]

9. Sooooo recommended

And I am very sorry that this happened to you. So disturbing. This type of thing may not happen as much with the ready availability of IPhones to record all this crap. Let's hope!

[Name removed]

11. Deleted message

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[yellerpup]

12. Sexual harassment is never funny

Others may think it is until it happens to them. :kick:

[H2O Man]

13. Recommended.

I had a similar experience, about 25 years ago. I had a supervisor who I considered to be a friend. I used to put in long hours, and one evening, when we were the only two in the building, she came into my office. I thought it was odd that she closed the door, and she was acting a bit strange. She invaded my space, though there was no physical contact. Then, she asked, "Do you want to have some wild sex or what?"

I said, "Or what."

She said, "What?" I quickly moved around her, and got out the door.

I quickly went from enjoying my job, and being treated respectfully, to being treated like shit.

[Lerkfish]

15. yeah, it really is a creepy situation when it actually happens to you

on another topic, how are you doing? I hope well, I heard some health problems. My thoughts are with you on that.

[seabeyond]

16. i hear men so easily dismiss groping, verbal harrassment, the "look" as their privilige or at least

biological, boys being boys.... and it is always viewed by these males from their perspective as their right to ownership and possessiveness of the females boobs..... never about how the female feels, how she looks at the male with disgust, contempt, trash

this is how a woman/girl feels with so much of that projection that women/girls feel continously and when we say anything, we are told.... hey, dont give a shit, gonna keep on doing.... as if it is the mans boobs and not the woman/girls body and her right to it

with that

that you so much for saying what you did. and so clearly. and articulately. maybe a guy or two will THINK about it. god forbid

[dustbunnie]

17. It's more than just wrong. Repugnant, disgusting, filthy... come to mind immediately.

It's demeaning and stressful to slog the distance to work every day wondering if some horrible boss will try something, or if you haven't responded, fire you later that day. It happened at my first two jobs and couldn't see myself going through that for another 10 or 15 years. I got involved in my own business instead, and no one around here would EVER dare take advantage of an employee. Once you know how it feels you don't want that poison atmosphere anywhere near you.

[Gman2]

21. I was almost blackballed in my industry, cuz I almost had to testify against

A shop owner that grabbed a guys shorts, three times creating a torsion hernia, and ripping the crotch out. I was persona non grata. He was deemed crazy, and later jumped from the Coronado bridge.

[Lerkfish]

22. the abuser jumped, or the victim?

it was hard to tell .

but, back to your post.. are you kidding me? ripped the crotch out? wow. that's disgusting.

[Gman2]

23. Victim. Owners are doing fine. Way it goes.

[Fleshdancer]

25. WTF??!?!

That's sadistic and scary. :scared:

[Gman2]

26. He came to my house freaking. I think he was screwed out of unemp as well.

[sybylla]

24. Thank you for saying this.

You're right about people even taking sexual harassment against women seriously. It's terrible no matter who it happens to, now or twenty years ago.

I was harassed by a co-worker who on certain days of the week was my supervisor. Bad situation for a 17-year-old to find herself in. Especially when my mother had no idea how bad it was and just kept telling me in a very well-meaning way that I should just be a good girl and try to get along before I lose my job (in an era of 10% unemployment).

Fortunately for me, once I found out that the schedule had been arranged so that we would be "closing" the store together one day a week, I went to the manager who took my complaint very seriously. He got unbelievably angry that this had happened and made sure we never worked alone again - after having a chat with said employee.

I'm absolutely flabbergasted that anyone on the left could make a joke about this or think it's not serious in this day and age.

[Hatchling]

27. Recced in solidarity.

In the mid 80's I worked in a Dept. that was primarily composed of women and all the supervisor's were women. No one really understood what compromised sexual harassment then, but one of the supervisors was a bit militant and (I have to say insecure and threatened by anyone who was truly competent especially men.She later took credit for a project I had done and won a cruise I should have gotten). We had one lone male in the Department who was young, smart and attractive. All of us older women flirted innocently with him,(we thought) and he good naturedly flirted back (in self defense?).

The supervisor wrote HIM up for sexual harassment although it was probably the rest of us who should have gotten the write up. It just never occurred to us that a man could be sexually harassed. The whole department was resentful, because we couldn't flirt anymore or we would get him in trouble and we knew he was innocent, but we didn't have the access to go to higher ups to express it.

One day he was subbing for the receptionist for her lunch time and when she returned she came on to him strongly and was actually imposing physical contact on him. Not knowing what to do, he didn't fend her off, but wasn't reciprocating, just trying to get out of there. The Supervisor, came upon the scene, didn't ask questions, and fired him. The receptionist of course upheld the supervisor's version of things so as not to get in trouble. That was the beginning of my being aware that men were in even more danger in the work place, because no one would believe THEY weren't the sex crazed loonies. :(

I have regretted my part in this ever since.

[seabeyond]

29. excellent story. this is why i like to listen to people on du. get a whole different

perspective on things.

thanks.

conditioning of male and female in so many angles with this story. if only we allowed ourselves to become aware of them. easier for all of us.