Hope I can get some DU help-Looking for free Aspergers help for my brother in MA

[Robyn66]

This is the Bizzarro world we live in.

My 37 year old Brother has Aspergers. He is not officially diagnosed, WHICH I was told by the Aspergers Association of New England is a GOOD thing because if he were, he would be completely ineligible for state services because he could not be deemed incapacitated even though....

He lives with my father because he so under employed he cant support himself.

Cant pay his own bills for himself-my father does that.

He lives in this basement apartment which is a total disaster, he cant pick up after himself, has no organizational skills and cant throw anything away. Not quite a hoarder but pretty damn close.

Is completely irresponsible with money-put himself in huge credit card debt and has had collection agencies after him. His pay is being garnished he has been to court over his debt to make agreements. When he gets money he spends it on things he collects.

He looks like he lives under a bridge because his touch sensitivity makes using shaving cream and general grooming very difficult.

BUT he is an extremely kind funny and brilliant man who is in an impossible situation. He has only been diagnosed with ADD and major depression.

His therapist is a whore for the insurance company. He has been seeing him for almost 10 years and has not done one bit of good. He refuses to acknowledge that my brother is on the spectrum so he is no better today than he was when he started.

My brother needs a new therapist along with a social worker, a psychiatrist a speech therapist and a coach according to the AANE to be able to learn to function in the world. But his insurance will not cover these things and he has no money.

I can't believe there aren't adults out there in my brother's position and groups of good people willing to help them. I just need to find them to help my brother.

My father is not going to live forever, and even though he is a real bastard most of the time, he has been at least decent about this. But I know when he dies his wife will kick my brother out of the house before the funeral is over. My father tells me he is going to change is will to leave my brother everything (my other brother and I agree completely) not that there is much but our brother needs everything possible. But no matter what is left, he is either going to have to have someone help him learn how to care for himself or he is going to need a guardian.

So I am hoping someone out there can give me some place to turn.

[leftofcool]

1. This really sucks but what you might have to do is

get him an appointed state guardian. I would think that by doing that, he would get state help although I am not sure. You might check into it for later on. It is possible that he may do well in a group home similar to those with Downs and other disabilities who live on their own in a group setting. He may also be able to live at home with a state guardian. Best of luck.

[Robyn66]

2. I don't think I could do that

He is essentially a fully functioning person. Just a bit quirky. He drives fine, he works, he is great. Its just these personal and social things he has major problems with. I have been told I need to find a way to have him diagnosed with a severe mental illness in order to get him help, but this ass-clown therapist of his probably won't cooperate because it may mean my brother would move on to a real therapist.

That's the main problem. He isn't impaired ENOUGH in most things but he is TOO impaired in others.

[Dappleganger]

7. Unfortunately people like this fall between the cracks.

Our prison system is FULL of them. :(

However, as people age their mental condition tend to worsen and there's a good chance that your brother could very well be diagnosed at that time. IMO you should get him a different doctor who specialises in Autism and Aspy's w/adults. It is NOT easy to get services for high-funcitoning autistics or Aspy's at ANY age--just wanted to warn warn you.

You do need to strongly consider being a type of guardian (which your father does now), but from a distance and what will allow your brother his independence. We've had to do this with my own father, unfortunately it's been rather unsuccessful for a number of reasons but we have at least *tried.*

The biggest thing for your brother is to make sure he is safe, getting whatever help he needs to be as independent as possible if that is the case, as well as protect him from the wolves in society. And the wolves are out in droves, targeting people like this to clean them out of house and home. I know this because my father has been a victim and unfortunately his perpetrator will be getting out of prison the end of this year. Not sure what we're going to do then.

[Robyn66]

10. Oh I hear you!

My other brother and I are committed to making sure he is safe above all no matter what. I just know through my daughter how well you can do with the right support. She is incredibly high functioning and is most likely going to be able to go off to college on her own, which was an impossible dream a few years ago.

:)

[sailor65]

3. These guys have helped in the past

http://www.nami.org/

On another note, I know what it's like having Asperger's under your roof. If your Father is doing those things, then he likely deserves to be characterized better than I see here.

[Robyn66]

5. Thanks for the info-and you don't know my father

My father is being decent to my brother and I am thankful for that, but he is an alcoholic cop who used to kick my door in when I was 16 and shoot blanks at me when he was mad at me and I was dragged into the kitchen by my hair and had a gun waived in my face when he didn't like my boyfriend. I could tell you a million incidents like that from my child hood and adult hood but suffice it to say I have a right to be bitter.

[Dappleganger]

4. My prayers are with you and your brother. My nephew is an Aspy

He's the same age as our youngest son and was diagnosed formally in 2nd grade, although they knew something was wrong way before then. He's in two different types of therapies along with meds for OCD and anxiety (they only put him on that last year). He must be homeschooled beause classrooms are hell for him and the school could not (or would not) accomodate his needs. I love him to death but am very concerned about his future. Everything they do for Ryan is centered on helping him to be able to cope on his own, but at times I wonder if it's just not a waste of time. He's 13 right now and the hormones are making things worse (anger issues). No child in his neighborhood will play w/him and their parents are largely to blame. He's been subjected to a lot of bullying because of his inability to cope socially with others.

I also have an uncle who is in his late 60's with bipolar. He was never able to hold down a job or pay his bills. My dad found someone in his church to look out for him, then set up my uncle's money with an attorney to make sure that nobody takes advantage of Billy. He does have a tiny apt. which is a giant trash heap but can make his own meals and does a little cleaning every now and then. They set up auto-pay for all of his utilities (he has no phone) to come out of his monthly disability check. He's supposed to take meds but as we know unless someone is there to see it go down, it doesn't happen. Billy enjoys doing odd jobs for the elderly and it allows him to do something different every day. All in all, I think he gets on pretty well considering the totality of his challenges.

Your brother is very lucky to have someone who cares for him so much. I'm sure you understand there's a good possibility that you'll be left caring for him. It may make sense to move him out into a tiny apartment nearby so you can keep an eye on him. It's also a very good idea to pursue being his guardian. IF he is considered legally fit then you can have an attorney set up papers now to get medical power of attorney and be his proxy, then when or if he is deemed unfit (ordered by a judge) you can petition to be his guardian where you'll make all of his decisions (care, financial, living) for him. You can set this up so he can be as independent as possible while you pay the bills, make sure he gets to his doctor appts. and make sure he stays safe. The best way to get this process started is to contact an attorney to go over what needs to be done. Until your father passes away, it looks as if your dad is the one but if it was me I'd be in a heavy conversation about your dad in letting him know what you want to do. That would be a HUGE burden off your father's back.

[Robyn66]

6. My daughter has Aspergers too

Well I figure what is going to happen is we will have to use part of what my father leaves him to build an in law apartment on our house. His job is over the internet so that shouldn't be a problem if he still has it. I just want him to be as independant as possible for his own self esteem.

[Dappleganger]

9. That's a great idea!

It's good that he's able to work, too. When they are able to have those kinds of accomplishments it really helps their own self-esteem and reduces frustration to a degree.

My heart goes out to parents who have challenged children--you guys work so much HARDER and carry such a huge burden. My sister's older son has CP as well, so having two challenged kids just wears her out on a weekly basis. Spending time on insurance issues is a huge mess as well.

I respect the hell out of people like you.



:hug:

[mn9driver]

8. Call these people:

http://www.grasp.org/res_di.htm

[lumberjack_jeff]

11. Try the local chapter of the Arc

http://www.thearc.org/NetCommunity/Page.aspx?pid=183

You'll get better advice than you'll find here.