An open letter to the Tea Party activists

[jmowreader]

Dear Tea Party Activists:

As a political observer I am aware the Tea Party is against wasteful government spending and excessive deficits. I therefore propose this Ten Point Plan to solve America's wasteful government spending and excessive deficit problems. You should like all of these programs.

1. Abolish the Marine Corps.
The Marines' mission can be accomplished by the Army. Since the Marines are simply a duplication of effort, they should be eliminated at once. The Marines' historical artifacts will be turned over to the Smithsonian Institution for safekeeping, their bases will be closed and all their personnel will be released. The best Marines may find suitable employment in the remaining branches of service, and the rest will be forced to seek gainful private employment.

2. Give Marijuana the same legal status as Alcohol.
Marijuana is a relatively harmless drug. By legalizing it and releasing all the pot offenders currently rotting in jail, we can save a lot in law enforcement costs. By giving it the same status as booze, millions of private sector jobs will be created. Home Depot and Walmart will make billions selling bedding plants and special marijuana fertilizers, Philip Morris will be able to sell prerolled marijuana cigarettes, Anheuser-Busch will sell bags of weed next to the beer, and millions of smoke shops will open nationwide.

3. End the Iraq War.
Even Republicans are now saying going to war in Iraq was a bad idea. Since Republicans and Democrats agree it's a bad idea, and it costs a billion a day for no good reason, let's end it.

4. Drill Here, Drill Now.
You guys really want to drill for oil in the United States. I agree with you, we should drill in the United States. In fact, I notice by looking at this map there's a nice deposit of oil right under your toilet. Oh...I also checked your deed; you don't own the mineral rights, so no one's going to pay you for the oil well we're going to drill through your bathroom floor. Too bad.

5. Get rid of the Office of Faith Based National Initiatives

6. Eliminate tax deductions for charitable giving.
Almost all charitable giving is to churches. Most of that money is used to support the church itself; relatively little is used to support any outreach work. This makes churches similar to organizations like country clubs, which are joined for pleasurable purposes. The Internal Revenue Code does not allow people to deduct their golfing and drinking, so we have decided to also eliminate the deduction for praying.

7. Eliminate private military contractors by increasing the size of the Army
During the Vietnam War and Operation Desert Storm, the military's combat service support functions were handled by soldiers. In the Iraq and Afghanistan Wars, those same functions are handled by civilians that cost us twice as much as soldiers would have. By requiring those contractors to enlist in the Army and accept a standard military paycheck, we can save a LOT of money.

8. Privatize the roads and sell "Road Subscriptions."

Each driver will be required to pay a monthly "Road Subscription" fee to a Road Subscription Fee Authority. Any driver caught without a Road Subscription box will have his car confiscated and sold. Roads will be maintained by private companies, who will receive the road subscription revenues with the knowledge failing to maintain the roads in a condition acceptable to the government will result in prosecutions and jail time.

9. Take "Corporate Personhood" all the way
The Supreme Court says corporations have the same rights as individuals. Okay, that's fine...but as an individual I can't carry forward tax loss, stay out of prison if something I make kills someone, or rent a mailbox in Nassau to avoid paying income tax.

10. Eliminate tax deductions for churches
Since we eliminated the tax deduction for money given to your church, we also decided to eliminate your church's ability to announce it was exempt from taxes.

I am certain all of these simple suggestions will be pleasing to you.

Regards, a concerned Democrat.

[Rabrrrrrr]

1. Totally privatized pay-for-use firemen and policemen, too!

Maybe your house was the only one that burned this month, so your bill to put it out will have to cover the entire month's payroll and equipment cost to the Fire Control Corporation. But, hey, you should have been responsible enough to not have a fire, or buy the $1500 a month Fire Protection Insurance that would have covered your bill. Moron. It's not our fault you didn't think ahead. Because as a shareholder in Fire Control Corporation, you can be goddamn sure that I'm not offering you a freebie and I'll litigate your ass until you pay your bill, slacker. You want to sue us? Good luck. We have 100 lawyers in our corporate office. Oh, and our corporate office is in Dubai. You want to sue us, you come here. Oh, and the judges are our employees.

[zbdent]

4. had to laugh listening to a caller on Thom Hartmann yesterday ...

When Hartmann asked him if he would refuse the local fire department's help, he said his local fire department wasn't "socialist" ... it was all "volunteer" ...

Thom pointed out that an all-volunteer fire department was "MEGA-socialism" ... truly hilarious ...

[unpossibles]

5. right. And don't forget the Fire/Police hotline

where you call another country and have to go through ten minutes of automated options before you can explain the your complaint to a human.

For all of the people who assume that everything should be privatized and that it would be inherently more efficient, I have to wonder what planet they live on, and where they've managed to find such spectacular customer service. And why they never seem to remember how those mercenaries/contractors fighting our wars always cost more for crappier service.

[jmowreader]

6. I posit the private sector is FAR less efficient than the government

Properly managed, a government agency can be VERY efficient. See, the government doesn't worry about profit and loss. so they can take care of their customers properly without a manager running around trying to squeeze every last nickel out of everything. Okay, that seldom happens, but it can.

Contrast that to the "efficient private sector business" Home Depot I tried to buy a lathe at. Went in to buy lathe...

"I want one of these lathes. Can you get it for me?" (They had the fucking thing on display with "in stock" written on the sign, so it's logical to think there's one in the overhead.) We don't stock this.
"Can you order one for me?" No. It's not a special order item and we'd have to go through corporate to increase our permissible on-hands to accept one.
"Can you go through corporate?" Only if you want to buy 12 of them. (If I wanted to spend $3600 on lathes I'd get a $3600 lathe!)
"Is there another store in the region that has one?" They called around and found ONE store that stocked them. Out of fifteen in the region.
"Can you transfer one in for me?" Yes, we can do that, come back Tuesday and pick it up.
"Can I pay for it now?" No, only when you come to get it.

Tuesday comes...

"I'm here to get my lathe." What lathe?
"The lathe that was transferred in for me." Was one transferred in for you?
"Yes, you put in the transfer request yourself." Let me check the hardware department.
"What did they say?" They said they sold the lathe ten minutes after it arrived.
"Can you transfer me in another one and have my name put on it?" They did that.

After waiting the necessary time...

"I'm here to pick up my lathe." Just one second.
"Is there a problem?" No, they sold that one to someone else too.

Worse: go to Walmart. Go to Target. Go to any retailer. Go to a tire store and ask for something besides the number-one-selling size. Go to a record store and try to buy your favorite band's third album, assuming they've put out more than four. Private industry is not efficient and I wish people would quit saying they are.

[unpossibles]

9. I agree

Also, having worked both types of jobs, I've seen staggering inefficiency at big private companies, as well as wasteful spending in order to keep budgets in line or to show a creative loss, etc.

[BrklynLiberal]

2. Better rewrite it if you expect them to read it. Use the following alphabet, writing utensils, and

and use monosyllabic words only.


http://thumb15.shutterstock.com.edgesuite.net/display_pic_with_logo/68500/68500,1166558329,1/stock-photo-the-alphabet-written-in-crayon-2350760.jpg

[OnionPatch]

3. I would add

If you don't want taxes to go for social services, you better start doing something to make sure that everyone who works a full-time job receives enough pay so that they can purchase things like medical care and education for their children without any help. I notice you Republicans are big on fair pay for working people....not.

As long as you expect working people to live in poverty, and make no effort to change things, you will pay more taxes. We may not get fair pay, but we still have our vote.

[jmowreader]

7. Republicans love social Darwinism

Survival of the fittest and all that.

You'll love this one...one of my customers told me all about the house his brother built out of scrap materials. This man didn't put one "new" product into the home. He got windows from the Restore Warehouse, pieces of wiring from construction sites (you know, like if there's five feet of wire left in the box the electrician would give him the piece), hunks of pipe...he made a real nice house.

"How's the house now?"
'It burned down. Electrical fire.'

And now you know why we have building codes!

[HippieCowgirl]

8. It's too long, they'll never read it.

Remember you have to write it on the level of "My Pet Goat."