My story of abuse. Going public so others know one thing.

[SalmonChantedEvening]

There is a way back. And out.

I was in 9th grade, back when it was still part of Junior High. I had been in a fight with someone, and rather than take the bus home anymore, I began walking. A good 3 miles to the house from school. One day I figured the thumb would be easier than walking. Within a week, he was there.

Just rides home at first. Then conversation. I could vent. He seemed to be a nice person. I was halfway to 14, and nobody to relate to. He earned my confidence. My trust. The rides became something to look forward to. He seemed eager to hear what happened in my day. We talked and talk and became what I thought to be, friends.

One ride home, it all changed. He had magazines he wanted to show me. No need to desribe the subject matter. We went passed where he usually dropped me off, and got to the end of my street. Wherever the alarm bells came from, they came a hellin'. I grabbed the door handle and hurled myself from the car, his No Wait No's reaching for my ears, calling to that Trust. I was scared, and there was a rule I was taught as a baby that SCREAMED at me: Run for home boy, and run loud.

I got away, and home safe. I was a fortunate child. There are too many who were not so fortunate. That trust, that friend, that person they took their troubles to did far worse than my reluctance to trust or let people close. The scars are only there when we show them. And I can only imagine with horror what the scars of others are like.

They killed childhoods. They took souls away from children, they took years of living a normal life away. Somehow, on the news someone was evil enough to call these horrors gossip. Talking heads came to it's defense, or it's deflection. I am aghast at what wheels turn against a child to save an institution. There is such a rage in me, knowing those who suffered more than I did have been treated far worse.

White hot. That 14 year old boy now safe, screaming HOW COULD YOU to those who protect this, and profit from it.

Run screaming. Do it LOUD. Everybody has a camera these days. Run at the crowd if you can't run home. Just run Loud, and never believe for a moment hat this is Your Doing. Run. Run. Run. Scream.

[Brickbat]

1. The subject matter fills me with rage, but the writing is beautiful.

Thank you for posting this -- it is righteous. I'm so sorry he did that to you, and glad you are telling the story.

[ThatsMyBarack]

29. What Brickbat said!

Thank you for sharing.

[Jackpine Radical]

2. Thank you for speaking out.

There is no telling how many lives you may touch with your message. Good on ya, Salmon.

[pnwmom]

3. Thanks for sharing. Glad you escaped when you did. I understand what

a shock and a breach of trust that must have been; and how it must stay with you.

[SalmonChantedEvening]

14. I still live where I grew up.

Most days, you think nothing of where you are. Those other days, when there are new stories of horrors perpetrated on the innocent, I know my good fortune.

Those not so lucky... :cry: :grr:

[blaze]

4. Run Loud!!

Not sure why this struck me so hard...

But that advice hit me like a ton of bricks.

[annabanana]

5. Lord, Lord, SCE

I am so glad that your "run home and run loud" instincts kicked in. I too am horrified by the apologists who must have NO IDEA of what that kind of betrayal can do to the spirit of a child.

[secondwind]

6. I am so glad you got away. When my daughter was in 7th or 8th grade, she told

me that an orange volkswagen began to follow her as she walked to school, and at one point, the man tried to talk to her, but she ran away.

Both you and my daughter were very very fortunate.

[SalmonChantedEvening]

13. We were. I weep when I see stories like this. He comes back to me again..

Hugs to your daughter.

[myrna minx]

7. .

:hug:

[SeattleGirl]

8. I am so glad you got away from that guy, but I know that it

scared the hell out of you! Thank you for sharing your story. Running LOUD is great advice.

:hug:

[Shell Beau]

9. Wow. That is a terrible but beautiful story. I am happy your

instincts took over you. The breaking of trust is one of the hardest things to ever overcome. Because it isn't just the trust of that person, it is the trust in people all together, and the fear that it instills even if it is something much more minor that this. There is nothing worse than hurting a child. Nothing. Innocence can never be regained.

:hug:

[Odin2005]

10. K&R

[BootinUp]

11. Sounds like he didn't have much power

over you really. One of the plays abusers use is to threaten you or others you know or are related to. I am sorry if that sounds like I am minimizing your experience. I am sure it was terrifying.

[SalmonChantedEvening]

15. No it doesn't minimize it.

It hadn't gotten that deep. Those who had threats made against them knew I terror I daren't dream of.

[sarge43]

12. You're a brave man, SCE.

I know it wasn't easy to tell about that ghastly experience. :hug:

How could anyone turn their backs on those children? Monstrous.

[yellerpup]

16. This is the greatest, most useful advice and all children should be taught

this method. My grandma used to tell me, "If Uncle * asks you if you want to go for a ride, you say no and run home to me as fast as you can. Just yell, "Grandma!" and I'll run to meet you. If Uncle * says come with me, I want to show you something, you say no and run to me. If Uncle * picks you up, you scream! Show me how you'd scream! And at four I relished the exercise of screaming and everyone in the family knew what the exercise was about and encouraged its energetic rehearsal. No one scared me and I learned the same way you did. Run and scream! Your writing is very moving. :kick: & R

[kiva]

17. I'm so glad you could run loud, SCE

:hug: and am sorry for those who cannot. :cry:

[Stinky The Clown]

18. This belongs at the top of the Greatest page.

Excellent, SCE, excellent.

[CoffeeCat]

19. Thanks for sharing your story...

Salmon, and for understanding and validating the pain of children
who endure abuse.

This perpetrator was clearly grooming you and was obviously a
serial pedophile. He knew what he was doing, and he was doing
it systematically--sidling up to a vulnerable child by
befriending, listening and gaining trust. Typical molester modus
operandi.

What I like best about your story is that you got away. What I like
second best is that you showed this predator that children do not
want this and that his actions were wrong. He may have been able to
groom other more vulnerable children and victimize them--but you
reminded this man that he was a monster who should be run from.

Most perpetrators never experience that realization. They live in
denial about themselves and about their behavior.

My perpetrators denied me any sort of accountability. When I finally
demanded accountability--after five years of therapy when I was 38--
all of the abuse was denied and I was accused of being a crazy liar.

These people are insidious. They become more bold as they get
away with their crimes. It's entirely possible that you slowed
this person down and made him afraid of being caught. If nothing, he
knows that a child ran from him--and he'll always know that.

I'm so glad that you are ok and how courageous and compassionate of
you to share your story. :)

[Iwillnevergiveup]

20. Run loud

indeed. Thank you, Salmon.

K&R

[renate]

21. thank goodness your instincts kept you safe, and I hope your story keeps other kids safe

:hug:

I know the perpetrators of these crimes are damaged themselves... but I don't really care what their excuse is, because preying on the innocent is inutterably evil. And they should know that better than anyone.

I'm glad you were safe. I wish that everybody could be safe. Thank you for sharing your story. :hug:

[chowder66]

22. Important story for those of us....

that didn't get so lucky and whose friends and family REFUSED to believe us. Thank you. Thank you for putting the words down.

[handmade34]

23. thanks for posting

I am so glad that you had the strength to run and I know your story is for all of us that didn't... such a need to teach our children well, and expose the adults that would prey on them

[lillypaddle]

24. I too am filled with rage

at those who would protect these molesters. Oh my god, and a religious institution at that.

Thanks for sharing SCE.

[rhett o rick]

25. What is worse than the church sacrificing children to save the institution?

Parishioners living in denial and putting their children and the children of others at horrible risk.

How can anyone be associated with a institution that proclaims to be close to God, yet is willing to sacrifice children to maintain their lofty "Godly" status? IMO you dont have to belong to any religious organization to be close to God, but especially that organization.

[lunatica]

26. Thank you

I was one of those that didn't get away until later. It took my psyche into very dark places for decades. The day I started to heal was the day I brought it out and uttered the unspeakable. I was in my late 30s and fractured. I've come a long way since then and can attest to the fact that people really can heal themselves but it takes a rock solid determination to love yourself.

[eagertolearn]

43. Glad you healed. My brother never did and died of alcoholism at age 44.

I didn't get away either but have never told anyone about that...I was only 6 years old and it wasn't family. I have watched my 3 kids like a hawk and have told them over and over again it is okay to be rude to adults..if something doesn't feel right in a situation listen to your intuition and get out of there and be rude!

[DaveJ]

27. Yeah my running instinct isn't the best

I've seemed to wander into about every abuse scenario imaginable, like I've been a magnet for slimebags all my life. I'm just an incorrigible doormat. Many have told me here at the DU I bring it on myself and thus apparently deserve it.

[Demoiselle]

28. They are Soul Murderers. Thank you for this, Salmon.

I'm glad you got away and I'm glad you've written about your experience. Most of all, I'm so glad I know you. You are a good and thoughtful man.

[rhett o rick]

30. Thank you for the post. It is good that people know that they are not alone. This subject needs to

be discussed repeatedly.

[Lerkfish]

31. 40 years ago, I was almost a victim, too

back then, no one warned kids about "stranger danger".

I was a 10 year old boy, and there was a man involved in the youth program at our church... not a church employee, just someone that always volunteered to chaperone and organize activities for the youth. I should mention this was a methodist church, not a catholic church.

He sent out permission slips to some kids for parents to allow us to go to a roller skating party (both girls and boys).

Looking back now, I can see all the signs. but back THEN, I was clueless.

The party was fine, because there were a lot of witnesses so everything was on the up and up. Then, he invited a handful of us young boys(only) to go out for ice cream. Of course, cool! ice cream! == keep in mind my parents approved of this guy so I thought nothing of it.
After picking up ice cream at the parlor, we went back to his apartment. Even though I knew nothing about pedophiles, having never been told about them, I started to get uncomfortable but I didn't know why.
Things started getting odd. There were two or three of the boys that were reall "chummy" with the guy... sitting close next to him on the couch and doing a lot of what seemed to be innocent touching -- arms on shoulders, lightly punching each other in the arm, etc.
The guy started focusing on me. I was waiting for my parents to come pick me up, and I was one of the last ones, besides his posse. He started saying things about how neat it would be to hang out with him and his buds, just us and something special. It would mean I would prefential treatments at his events and get invited to a lot more "activities".

His buds looked at me in a strange way -- kind of conspiratorial is the best way to put it. But the whole thing was very subtle... enough to make me uncomfortable but not enought to realize why.

I said I'd think about it and then my parents came. I never got close to the guy again after that, nor told my parents (keep in mind this was in the '60s") and I never thought about it again for a long while.

Only after I went to college and someone told me how he had gotten abused, did I start to add things up and realize how close I came to being in the same situation.
I know that sounds now like I"m an idiot, not picking up on exactly what was going on, but you have to realize that back then, NO ONE TALKED about pedophiles. I never even knew there was a possibility.

Even now I think back on that and shudder. I also realize that other kids must have gotten hurt... and my memory is still hazy. I don't even remember what the guy looked like or his name.

Maybe I'm blocking that out, I don't know.

anyways, I hated having to have to tell my son about stranger danger, but I was happy we at least do this now. IF someone had told me about it back then, I would have alerted the authorities and got this guy out of circulation.

[earcandle]

32. Good instincts! Glad you got away.

My mother warned me at an early age to be aware, being the
only girl of four boys.
She gave me all kinds of warnings. 

[kpete]

33. scars

yes...
thanks for the post, kp

[redqueen]

34. All I can say is K&R

[WillyT]

35. Thank You For Sharing, Salmon !!! - You Indeed Are Brave, And It Is Very Important Advice !!!

:pals:

:grouphug:

:hi:

K & R !!!

[janet118]

36. a similar thing happened to me as a child . . .

I was walking to a friend's house. I had really bad eyesight as a kid and had no idea that I didn't see as well as others until a screening at school in the sixth grade. A car pulled up and the man inside asked me where I was going and if I wanted a ride. I thought he was the neighbor who lived with his mother about a block from my house. He looked like him and, anyway, why would someone I didn't know offer me a ride.

I knew something was wrong as soon as I got in the car. He asked me my name and where I lived. I had a sick feeling in my stomach and remembered all those scary films about strangers but I didn't freak out because the car was moving. Now he was asking me if I wanted to go get pizza or go to the beach. I tried to act "normal" and kept waiting for him to slow down. When we got to the center of town, he had to slow down in front of the fire station. I opened the door and said that I was going to scream if he didn't stop. He did. I hid in the post office for about a half an hour before continuing my walk to my friend's house. As I turned down a side road, a car slowed down behind me. It was him again. I ran up the driveway of the nearest house.

These predators are sick and sneaky and persistent. How sad that so few can taint the childhoods of so many.

[Arugula Latte]

37. Salmon ...

:hug:

[garthranzz]

38. How does one mark a thread for permanent recall?

This and the responses need to be on a permanent sidebar, or link, or somehow easily accessible. It's too important a reference, too well told, to be lost in the maze of an archive.

[Shining Jack]

39. K&R

Thank you for telling your story.

[Viva_La_Revolution]

40. You speak for many

including one 11 year old girl.
Thanks.

:hug:

[Liberal_in_LA]

41. K&R thanks for sharing this

[blondeatlast]

42. I was stalked at the age of 12; the local police wouldn't

do anything because the guy wasn't (at that time) committing any crime. We moved from the small town; I wonder what would have happened if we hadn't? He never got close enough to touch me, but he followed me home from school in his purple Mustang and never took his eyes off of me as I walked home from school. It was just creepy and I knew it was wrong, but he didn't "do anything" wrong, so the cops couldn't do anything (this was before stalking laws existed).

I'd all but forgotten it, but your recount touched something I repressed as well.

If you don't mind, I'm going to share this with my son, whose dad is out of his life and is desperate for a male role model. If there's one thing I encourage him to do, it is NOT to be silent.

Kicking and recommending isn't quite enough, but it is all I can do. Thanks for making it--and sharing your story.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

44. I was expecting the worst. Greatly relieved you got away. You were very lucky...

...the fucker didn't manage to convince you he had authority over the destiny of your immortal soul. Escaping would have been quite harder.

[roguevalley]

45. Oh, salmon. You are my hero. I wish I could hug you, honey. HUGS

and HUGS and HUGS anyway.

[malaise]

46. A truly beautiful post

Sad but important :grouphug:

[Greyhound]

47. Thank you. That was hard to do.

:kick: & R