I have been diagnosed with Palinitus by my doctor

[Ichingcarpenter]

Hearing Disorder Named After Sarah Palin
Feb 9th, 2010 by dhoyl


WASHINGTON, DC — Researchers at the Washington Hearing Affliction Testing (WHAT) center today announced that a new hearing disorder, “palinitus,” has been named after conservative political figure Sarah Palin.


More than 50 million Americans are now believed to suffer from palinitus, which is somewhat similar to tinnitus, but is generally much more severe. Palinitus may be an intermittent sound or an annoying continuous sound in one or both ears. Its pitch can go from a low roar to a high squeal or whine.

What Causes Palinitus?



Please...make it stop...

Most palinitus comes from damage to the microscopic endings of the hearing nerve in the inner ear, and is caused by repeated exposure to the loud, desperate bleatings of failed political candidates. The health of these nerve endings is important for acute hearing, and injury to them brings on hearing loss and often palinitus.


Where's the Off button on this thing?


If you are a conservative who frequently watches Fox news or television coverage of Tea Party conventions, you will likely suffer a certain amount of hearing nerve impairment and palinitus. Even for moderates and liberals, exposure to loud political noise is probably the leading cause of palinitus, and often damages hearing and destroys brain cells.

How is Palinitus Treated?

At least for now, there appears to be no cure for palinitus. It may simply go away on its own, or it may be a permanent disability that palinitus sufferers will have to “live with.” Doctors recommend the following measures to reduce the intensity of palinitus:

Avoid watching television, or at least Fox news.
Utilize masking noise. Palinitus is usually more bothersome when the surroundings are quiet, especially when you are in bed. A competing sound such as a ticking clock, a radio, or a Tea Party convention attended by loud, raving lunatics may help mask palinitus.
Wear ear plugs, earmuffs, or silly colonial wigs to help reduce noise.


God Help me........


http://blog.davidhoyle.com/

[RUMMYisFROSTED]

1. First symptom: Exploding eardrums

Cure: Wads of cotton


Second symptom: Clawing at your eyeballs
Cure: N/A


Third symptom: Dysphasia
Cure: Fetal position

[Ichingcarpenter]

5. You bet cha

Lol!!!

[hlthe2b]

2. Her screeching voice makes me want to kill something or someone...

For the safety of all concerned, I tune her out.

Bachman has a better speaking voice, but her incredible idiocy likewise has me wanting to kill something or someone. For the safety of all concerned, I likewise tune her out. ;)

[RUMMYisFROSTED]

3. Too many choices. :-(

[mrfocus]

4. Treatment

Apply liberal doses of equal parts
- Rachelorum Maddowensis
- Keithensis Olbermannin

...regularly, twice a day, to both ears.

Rinse, repeat for three-four months or until acute Palinitis has subsided.

[DJ13]

6. What a wasted opportunity

It should have been either a mental health issue, or a rectal issue.

[polichick]

7. Her voice alone is unbearable - I turn off any show that covers her. k&r

[dixiegrrrrl]

8. Sadly, insurance companies refuse to cover this pre-existing condition.

[damntexdem]

9. It may go away on its own -- quitting half-way through.

But unfortunately it always comes back.

[elfin]

10. Fingernails on a chalk board (remember chalk boards?

And when I returned home today and collected my mail, I saw my neighbor across the street doing yard work.

Was going to say hello, until I heard "that voice" spewing from some speakers so the neighbor could do her work while becoming more indoctrinated. Rushed inside to escape.

I HATE Palin and what she is doing to otherwise nice people, who used to be "regular" Republicans in the Jerry Ford/Rockefeller tradition.

[malaise]

11. ROFL

I love this thread :rofl: