The Rude One explains How Jed Clampett dealt with financial fraud.

[kpete]

The Rude Pundit

4/22/2010
If the Beverly Hillbillies Had Invested in a Fraudulent CDO:

Mr. Drysdale knew he wouldn't make it through the night. Cowering, sweating, and pissing himself in the panic room of his mansion, he watched on the monitors as what seemed like every Clampett under the redneck sun, if not the entire town of Bug Tussle, looted and wrecked his mansion where he had lived, if not quite peacefully, then at least continuously next to the proud hillbillies. Now, he wept as he saw Jethro Bodine stare straight into one of the security cameras and say, "When I find you, Mr. Drysdale, I'm gonna fuck ya like a mule." Drysdale clutched at the packet of cyanide capsules, his last resort should he face fire or fucking. Across the room, the corpse of Miss Hathaway mocked him, its slit throat like a cruel second smile.

Things were so much easier when the Glass-Steagall Act was in effect. The Commerce Bank was a wealthy entity unto itself, with Mr. Drysdale acting not just as President, but as concierge to the whims of the rich, even the piggish nouveau riche like the Clampetts. He got Jed to trust him, so much so that, without a question, if Mr. Drysdale suggested it, Jed would invest in it. But then, in about 2000, Commerce got greedier because, well, shit, because it could, getting into mortgage-backed securities, collateralized debt obligations, and other multi-worded terms that Jed couldn't comprehend. On her deathbed, Granny told Jed, "Don't you listen to that bastard. He's a-gonna steal your money like a backwoods whiskey runner."

But Jed thought that this was the future and, indeed, he trusted Mr. Drysdale. That trust was repaid by the Commerce Bank of Beverly Hills, after receiving a large bailout from the government, getting involved in putting together a deal whereby it bought an investment firm as a way of providing a front company for the fact that, indirectly, it was getting some of its clients to invest in housing market-based securities as part of a CDO while all the time working with a hedge fund to profit off the built-in failure of the CDO. It was a fixed version of the poker game "Fuck Your Buddy," where the house splits the pot.

The meeting went well where he tried to explain to Jed why he had squandered the entire Clampett fortune betting on the failing housing market. Jed didn't understand any of it. He sighed, put on his hat, and thanked Drysdale for helping them all these years.

more:
http://rudepundit.blogspot.com/2010/04/if-beverly-hillbillies-had-invested-in.html

[mikita]

1. if only :>) k&r

[tularetom]

2. LOLOL - rudie got it right again.

I'd give anything to see some genius make this into a BH episode.

[Democrats_win]

3. Nice story, great ending. But it isn't true: the Clampetts were good through-and-through.

The actual (fictional) Clampetts saw their millions as a burden, but someone had to suffer for it so it might as well be them. They might draw their guns to defend their family, but never money. In fact they were quite generous. They never cared about the millions (billions if you factor in inflation). In the many cases where someone did try to rip them off, fate would step in and protect the innocent.

In the banking crisis, the bankers thought that the pensioners who they stole from were in fact exactly like Jed Clampett. They thought that this money was given to the pensioners by some lucky shot. In fact, the pensioners worked hours and hours and took the humiliation dolled out by their MBA managers for this money. You know, the actual money that Fraud Street stole. The pensioners are as salt-of-the-earth as the Clampetts. But this theft is not about the money, it's the dignity that the money meant to the pensioners. The Clampetts would have their family and other hillbillies to rely on after Drysdale's crime. But the pensioners gave up big families and good communities so that they could help businesses prosper through their work. Now pensioners will be out in the street without anything. That's why people have a right to be mad enough to take actual physical revenge against Fraud Street. It's not just anger, it's justice.