GOP Presidential Hopefuls Withdraw, Endorse Dead Reagan for President

[bigtree]

May 4, 2007

{Satire}



Republican presidential hopefuls used their debate Thursday to announce the end of their own campaigns and to endorse the candidacy of former President Ronald Reagan, despite the fact that he's been dead and buried for years.

Spurred on by the decision of the MSNBC political unit to highlight Reagan's career as a backdrop to the republican debate, each candidate took turns posing with the former first lady, Nancy and asked her permission to dig up the Gipper and carry his remains around the country on a campaign which would resemble the 'Dead Reagan Tour' republicans took his body on immediately following his death.

One of the strangest endorsements of the Gipper came from Sen. John McCain who likened Congress to inebriated seamen. "Ronald Reagan used to say, we spend money like a drunken sailor," said McCain. " "I never knew a sailor, drunk or sober, with the imagination of the Congress."

McCain was reminded that, although complaining about money spent for projects and initiatives here in the U.S., he had, in fact, endorsed the idea of unlimited spending on war, saying, "The public and the men and women they elect to serve them must share a resolve to see this war through, whatever the costs incurred."

"Reagan was a president of strength," said former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney. He continued, "The specter of Reagan would be the strongest defense against the specter of bin-Laden we've been using to promote the war on terror."

Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani said of the late president: "They looked in Ronald Reagan's eyes, and two minutes later they released the hostages." Asked how our nation's enemies would be able to look into the dead Reagan's eyes, Guliani explained that plans were underway to construct a robot Reagan, complete with unblinkable eyes to stare down our adversaries with the same blank look that Rudy thought was intimidating, but most recognized as the onset of Alzheimer's.

Tommy Thompson, the former governor of Wisconsin, said, "Ronald Reagan had an optimism and a belief that America could be stronger and better tomorrow than it is today."

"I'm optimistic," Thompson said, that a dead Reagan would attract hordes of the GOP faithful because, as the New Testament says in Matthew 24:28, "Wherever the corpse is, there the vultures will gather."



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[bryant69]

1. Reagan would certainly be better than Bush

and probably better than most of their candidates. But I guess that's not saying much.

Bryant
Check it out --> http://politicalcomment.blogspot.com

[bigtree]

5. certainly a dead Reagan would do

[dave_p]

8. ... a better job than in the 80s

I might even vote for him! Who'll be veep? Hoover?

[bigtree]

9. Hoover sounds about right

or Tricky Dick

[demnan]

2. Ronald Reagan was an ass

controlled by the same forces who now have total control.

[no_hypocrisy]

3. Getting Reagan elected under those circumstances reminds me of the

quote by Dorothy Parker when told of the death of Calvin Coolidge: "How can they tell?"

[gordianot]

4. Guess there must be a lot of drunk Republican spenders after Clinton.

Republican neo cons define big spending.

[UTUSN]

6. K&R for they might as well. n/t

[MadBadger]

7. Lewis Black I believe said that this would happen.