Betty Bowers: Are you doing your part to pretend to care about the US Constitution?

[progressoid]

TO: Furious Teabaggers Throughout America

FROM: Mrs. Betty Bowers, America’s Best Christian

RE: Are you doing your part to pretend to care about the US Constitution?

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Q Why pretend to care about that Constitution all of a sudden?

Because yelling, "I'm fixing to fire off a few rounds 'cause a damned Colored is in the White House!" lacks a certain charm and seems to rile the Socialists® who care about other people's feelings in the Lamestream™ media. HELPFUL HINT: Also sidestep expressly mentioning sedition, regicide or anything involving live ammunition, as these more candid remarks may result in your family’s Christian prayers for the violent deaths of Democrats being rudely interrupted by the busybodies at the Secret Service.


Q Does pretending to care about the Constitution entitle me to do more fun, Timothy-McVeigh-style antics than when I pretend to care about other stuff like, say, our troops -- or reality?

I'm glad you asked! The Constitution is as close to the Bible as the secular world gets: Full of persnickety rules, but without the gusty encouragements to murder people. As such, any time you purport to protect the Constitution, even your most crass, selfish remark is miraculously cloaked in civic selflessness. As any Christian (or Muslim) fundamentalists can tell you: The higher the calling you can claim, the lower the tactics you can use! Telling people you are compelled by the Constitution (or the Fatherland or the one True Faith®), leaves you free to ignore laws that get in your way -- or pesky elections that didn’t go your way! Glory!


Q Which parts of the Constitution should I pretend to care about most?

Frankly, the very question reeks of Intellectual Elite™ curiosity and its nefarious liberal-lovin’ cousin: facts. Let’s just say this: not the parts George W. Bush violated for 8 years (e.g., Search and Seizure, Fourth Amendment, and Habeas Corpus, Article One, Section 9) without even a decaf chamomile teabag being flung. If pressed, simply employ a time-tested GOP response to any inconvenient inquiry: Obfuscation by accusation! Try this: “You’re not familiar enough with the Constitution to IMMEDIATELY know what dang parts I’m out here screeching about instead of more candidly (and pettily) carping about losing an election? You ain’t no Real American™ -- libtard!” Pepper the sky with spittle bullets if the nosy liberal dares to ask a follow-up question.


Q Which parts of the Constitution should I not bother pretending to care about?

Ignoring articles and amendments to the Constitution is an enormous time-saver to the teabagger on the go! Since most Americans have never read the document (and most often confuse it with the Declaration of Independence or any number of bromides slapped on bumpers or needlepointed on pillows), you will enjoy great leeway in this regard. But every Sarah-Palin-loving, catchphrase-spouting True Christian™ will want to make a point of ignoring these really inconvenient parts:

Establishment Clause of the First Amendment...

more... http://www.bettybowers.com/nl_april2010.html




:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[LibertyLover]

1. Where would we be without Betty?

:evilgrin:

[progressoid]

3. I can never live up to her standards.

But then, Jesus can't live up to them either. :eyes:

[katandmoon]

2. K&R for brilliance

[stevedeshazer]

4. Betty is the best. I love her.

:)