Guests gripe about destination weddings

[Liberal_in_LA]

http://www.cnn.com/2010/TRAVEL/04/30/destination.weddings.dilemma/index.html?hpt=C2

Guests gripe about destination weddings

Her best friend from high school chose the lovely wine region to get married last spring, and when the invitation arrived, Hare reluctantly began the calculations.

She figured it would cost her $1,500 for the flight to Europe and a room at the chateau where the wedding party was staying.

"At first, I was not going to go, which made me sad," said Hare, 27, of Atlanta, Georgia. "Just looking at all the expenses, I couldn't do it."

But after talking to her parents and the bride -- who made her feel a little guilty, Hare said -- she decided to skip going out with friends and eating at restaurants for a frustrating few months to save up the money.

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Barkley, the owner of Honeymoons and Get-A-Ways in suburban Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, said she feels "like a priest" sometimes as guests secretly vent to her about having to attend a destination wedding.

" 'I can't believe they chose that hotel. It's so expensive. What are they thinking?' " Barkley said.

[zappaman]

1. It is a good way

to invite people you really don't want to attend but have to invite for some reason.
"Oh, so sorry you can't make it!"
:applause:

[Maru Kitteh]

51. Why bother?

Most people are going to have better things to do with their money (feeding children, paying bills) and precious vacation time than spending them on your destination of choice just to witness an exercise in pecuniary gluttony and self-congratulations.

[Oregone]

2. Its just insane

We knew someone who wanted to get married in the Bahamas. If all the guests stayed at the club, the wedding ceremony was going to be free for them.

Yeah, that didn't fly so well. Eventually, everyone refused to go

[goldcanyonaz]

3. If you want a destination wedding, ELOPE!

Or pay for your guests to attend. Some people are being classless.

[seabeyond]

4. no... is really easy for me to say. not only are these wedding bankrupting the young couple

now a days. they are trying to bring friends and family into the added expenses, lol. who would dare. wow.

[havocmom]

9. and people that self-centered and clueless are probably bad marriage risks

Honestly, it's a social contract, not the ascension to some throne, but you wouldn't think so the way some fools carry on.

[zappaman]

11. I know a couple

who got married at the Vatican.
They had to lie and say they were virgins.
Yes, he is a douchebag and she is clueless.

[Liberal_in_LA]

16. I best most in the Vatican aren't virgins

[zappaman]

18. good one!

n/t

[Missy Vixen]

5. This makes me crazy

You know what? If you want to get married somewhere it's going to cost your guests a small fortune to attend, you'd better accept the idea that most of your loved ones and friends won't be able to go.

The young lady I used to babysit got married on Maui a few years ago. She invited less than 20 people to the wedding, but she still expected expen$ive gifts from those who weren't invited.

It's unfair to expect anyone to shell out a small fortune to attend "your day". IMHO, YMMV.

[SoCalDem]

That's when you send a "lovely card" and a gift card for dinner-out

when they return from their honeymoon:evilgrin:

[LuckyLib]

26. at McDonald's.

[CreekDog]

25. expected gifts from "not invited" or gifts from people who couldn't afford to attend?

still...

[dipsydoodle]

6. I think such things

are just plain selfish.

[KansDem]

7. Can't they do the same thing with video conferencing?

Maybe a webinar?

Seems like it would cost a lot less...

[AwakeAtLast]

52. A Skype wedding!!!

Brilliant!

Gifts still expected, I'm sure.......

[CBR]

8. I am watching that "Say Yes To The Dress" show and these

brides are spending an insane amount. My Mother-in-Law made my dress for $125.

[Liberal_in_LA]

10. I've seen 200K and up weddings on reality TV. amazing

[Tailormyst]

24. First time around mine was 200 and my one bridesmaids was 125

This time my dress will probably be close to the same, but a glamorous colorful evening gown instead of the traditional sort. I want something I can go play roulette or blackjack or maybe see Circ De Soliel in afterwards!

[CTyankee]

42. My daughter made her sister's wedding dress and it was incredibly lovely.

When someone asked if her wedding dress was expensive, I told her it was "priceless." Which it was, in my book...

[EFerrari]

57. This isn't even the same planet I got married on.

I made my dress and hubby's shirt. My mother in law made his suit and our son's suit out of uncut cream colored corduroy. We all stayed up doing the flowers and cooking. His band and some friends played at the wedding. He went to a gig that night and the next day, we went away for a tourist week in Hawaii. Zero debt and a family party. I guess that was before we all expected to live on credit.

[spinbaby]

12. We're going on a cruise-ship wedding

If it were anyone not my offspring, I wouldn't go.

[Liberal_in_LA]

13. that sounds kinda fun...if you get a few days of cruising, not just the wedding

[Gaedel]

27. Yes, cruise ship

One of my granddaughters is getting married on a cruise ship at the end of June. Probably cost me less to go on that (I can drive to the port) than to fly up to where she lives, rent a car, and stay in a hotel. She is 29 and can pretty much do as she pleases. He, she, and his family are all paying their own way. Grandma and I only have to shell out for two one week cruise fares and 360 miles round trip worth of gas.

That will be three granddaughters married. I still have my grandson (the slacker) who has difficulty supporting himself and three teen age grandkids.

[dorkulon]

14. I hate this too, and it's really annoying when the couple gets divorced 2 years later.

As is the norm these days.

[bigwillq]

15. I am going to one next year

but I can drive to it. It's in Delaware. I live in CT. The couple lives in Maryland. I wouldn't go if I had to fly. Too expensive. If you want to have your wedding at a far away destination, fine. Just pay for all the guests.

[Cali_Democrat]

17. My sister had a destination wedding in Puerta Vallarta recently...

My cousin also had one in Florida recently.

Now another cousin of mine is having one in the Bahamas late summer.

I'm already out THOUSANDS of dollars! x(

[tammywammy]

32. Why not skip them then?

If you can't afford it then don't go.

[DailyGrind51]

19. I hate when they send you the invitation, knowing you will not be able to go, but still expecting

a $$$ gift!

[goldcanyonaz]

20. Just going should be gift enough. Class is obviously a thing of the past.

[JackintheGreen]

21. Wasn't the expectation in the past

that young newly weds starting out got wedding gifts TO START OUT? You know, the toaster and coffee maker and dishes and punch bowl that never gets used? That's how mine was.

So lemme reframe your post:

Shouldn't the gift be enough (if it's a first wedding for a young couple)? Otherwise, hang 'em both, the gifting and the going.


(My father in law recently got remarried. The man is in his mid-50s. That type does NOT get a wedding gift. YEesh.)

[goldcanyonaz]

30. Ermm, the subject is destination weddings not weddings. YEesh.

[DailyGrind51]

31. My cousin's son and bride decided to hold their wedding in Italy,

because HER grandparents still had property there. Most of HIS family are regular working stiffs who are struggling just to pay the bills, yet we ALL received invitations. Other than my cousin and her husband, no one from our family could make the trip.

[goldcanyonaz]

35. What nerve. Are these people selfish or what?

[DailyGrind51]

37. HER parents are rich and HE is a stockbroker, what can you expect?

[Raineyb]

44. I'd expect THEM to pay for the working stiffs if they expect their attendance.

Since they ought to know what the family can actually afford.

[fishwax]

56. that's a lot of money to spend to play a supporting role in someone else's fantasy

That doesn't sound like a vacation. :shrug:

Although, I confess, I did once travel to Mexico once for a wedding--it wasn't really a "destination" wedding, as it was in the bride's hometown, but it was still a hit on the budget. But we did have a great time :D

[depakid]

33. Would you rather not be invited?

A considerable amount of grief goes into sending out invitations- sometimes to people who the bride or groom would just as soon not attend, but feel obligated to invite.

[wolfgangmo]

40. Expectation on their part

Does not constitute an expectation on your part.

[Xithras]

22. At one time there was an expectation....

...that if you were going to have a destination wedding, you would be shouldering part, or even all, of the financial load associated with getting the guests there. It was a gift to the guests. When my dad married his second wife on a beautiful Baja beach back in 1981, he rented out an half of a small hotel for the parents, immediate family, and wedding party. They covered all of the airline and transportation costs for the parents, and half of the transportation costs for everyone else.

And, yes, it took them several YEARS to pay off the wedding debt. My stepmom, to this day, will tell you that it was worth it though.

That was just the way it was done back then. You certainly didn't say "I'm getting married a thousand miles away in a $500 a night hotel. I expect to see you there!"

[SoCalDem]

28. WE rented hotel rooms & paid airfares for our son's wedding

for the people who could not afford to come here for it. Luckily it was only for another son who's unemployed, and an old friend who could not afford the trip here.
If you invite someone, you should be willing to pay their way,..

[Liberal_in_LA]

36. that was thoughtful of you!

[Tailormyst]

23. I am eloping to Las Vegas

About 6 friends and family jumped at the chance to go (lol- I didn't even invite them), but mostly because it was a good excuse to go to Vegas! I personally think we will all have a far better time then at some stuffy wedding with all the frills. It's also the second time around for us both and our kids are almost grown.

Expensive destinations and inviting people expecting them to shell out big bucks is really tacky.

[Book Lover]

48. How is it eloping if everyone knows you're going to do it? (nm)

[ejpoeta]

29. do't blame them. bad enough for bridal party to have to buy their dresses or tuxes etc!!!

or to buy a gift. my wedding was so simple we had it at the family reunion and since it was a 60s theme my hubby wore a tye dye tshirt and jean shorts, i wore a cute shirt and skirt with a ring of flowers my sister made and my daughter had a matching ring of flowers and this cut 60s style dress with flowers on it. i loved it and bob got to play with fireworks.

[realisticphish]

34. Maybe it's just me, but, uh no

Peer pressure be damned. I've had to refuse quite a few cool vacations with my friends because I didn't have 500 bucks to shell out, plus the loss in pay. They were cool about it, I was cool about it, everyone moved on. Two of my friends are probably getting married in Italy (they currently live in the UK). I might go to that, but only because I would be planning a general Europe-trip anyway. If I said I couldn't go, they would be cool with it (and ARE cool with it, since I've already told them probably not)

[Dorian Gray]

38. I don't know...

if people really want to get married somewhere special for them, they have to realize it will be a hardship for people to come. As long as they don't guilt trip people into it, I have no problem with it. I've been to a few destination weddings, and I love them because the festivities go on for the whole trip. One of my favorites was in Zihuatanejo, Mexico. 6 nights of fun in the sun!

[Indenturedebtor]

39. We got married on St. Thomas almost 3 years ago

It was cheaper for us and our immediate families than getting married in Tucson! The plane fares were cheaper, hotels were cheaper, food was cheaper, booze was cheaper... and it was a hell of a lot more fun than it would have been getting married here. so... :shrug:

[Matariki]

41. when you consider the fact that most people will probably divorce within 7 years

Weddings are pretty much an exercise in selfishness and narcissism. Not to mention a giant money hole.

[fortyfeetunder]

43. I am very cautious about destination weddings

I went to a family destination wedding out of the country.
Though I had a great time once I finally got there -- It was travel hell for me (spent 2 of the 7 days in an airport)
If it's family, I'll plan for it.
If it's a friend...depends on the friend.

I have a family destination wedding coming up this year, doing the financial sacrifices now....

[Raine]

45. My cousin got married in England

her husband is from there. Only her parents and sisters and brothers went over there. They hadn't send out invitations only an announcement about the marriage. A few months later they had a reception locally and invited all the rest of the family and friends. I think the way they did it was a nice compromise for everyone. They got their "destination wedding", a celebration with extended famly later without putting a big expense on others.

[NotThisTime]

50. That's how I think destination weddings should be done personally...

[Withywindle]

46. Personally, if I were getting married...

having my family and friends there would be more important to me than a scenic backdrop.


edit: BUT. Nowadays, most people don't marry someone from the same home town. Almost all weddings are a "destination wedding" for someone. My last serious SO: my parents live in Virginia and his in Toronto. He has extended family all over the midwest of both the US and Canada; mine is largely on the East Coast...of both North and South America.

The one before that; he was from Massachusetts but his sister lived in LA; we were in Chicago.


I'm far from atypical. So I can see one advantage of "destination weddings" being fair to everyone, because *everyone* has to travel.

[pipi_k]

47. The Las Vegas wedding...

Last September my youngest stepdaughter got married in Las Vegas. Some of her mom's side of the family went, as well as her two sisters and the groom's parents and a few of his relatives.

Mr P and I are on a fixed income and could not go.

What happened instead...In October we had a second ceremony here at the house...just close family.

Everybody was happy.

:)

[BlooInBloo]

49. Bridezillas really suck.

[pipi_k]

53. They really do...if they put as much thought

into the actual marriage as they do into the wedding, they'd be a whole lot better off.

For many of them, it seems to be all about the show.

Which isn't to say that grooms don't have to try as well.

But really...who the fuck will care in ten years that the little pink roses on top of the wedding cake didn't exactly match the pink of the bridesmaids' dresses...

[tammywammy]

54. But I love watching that show

Those women are crazy!

[WolverineDG]

55. A friend of mine married her girlfriend in Cancun

She let everyone know more than a year in advance so we could start saving up for it. I had a blast & the wedding was simple, but nice. No $50K wedding cake or gold-plated guest favors, but we did have a nice dinner & some dancing.

and an update: I've already let my friends & family know I'm planning to take a cruise for my 50th birthday in a few years & I'd like them to join me for it, so they should start planning now. I pretty much already know who's coming & who's not. No biggie.

dg

[fishwax]

58. I guess it can be handy if bride and groom are from different places or if families are dispersed

I went to Las Vegas for a wedding ten years ago or so--one set of parents lived in Texas and the other in Minnesota, so either way one of the parents would have to travel. And if they'd had it in the bride's hometown, there would have been familial pressure to have a big wedding, which neither of them wanted. So they invited immediate family, a couple of aunts and uncles, and my wife and I (matron of honor and best man) and got a package in Vegas.

They were considerate enough to ask us long in advance, and they would have understood if we couldn't make it, I'm sure, but for us it was a fun vacation. Back then flights to Vegas were very, very cheap and they planned it at a time they knew we'd be able to get away. We wound up having a great time :)

I can also see the reason for it if families are very spread out. If everyone will likely have to travel anyway, then why not make it to someplace great?

[WorseBeforeBetter]

60. That sort of travel is not unreasonable.

But when a friend, for example, in Connecticut invites family and friends (mostly along the East coast) to her wedding in NEW ZEALAND, that's a bit unreasonable. Travel from NC to CT is one thing, but New Zealand? That's a huge expense and would involve quite a bit of vacation time. Tack on two other friends who had weddings in St. Lucia around that same time, and cha-ching...

[fishwax]

62. yeah, that's a bit ridiculous

That's a big expense--if I'm spending that kind of time and money it'll be for a proper vacation :)

[Cid_B]

59. Getting married in a few months in Germany...

Future wife is from there and has some elderly parents so we are having it near her home town. Keeping the guest list small( parents, 2 of 3 grandmothers, sister and kids).

They are paying for their tickets and we are paying for rental house and cars.

Seemed like a happy medium...

[pipoman]

61. We told people our plan

to be married in Nassau about 1 month out to try to keep people from coming. It worked, our two 8 yo sons were our photographers..we had a great 8 day family vacation with a 3 hour wedding and no guests to worry about.


Our wedding picture