Bush to get etiquette tips before he receives the Queen

[deminks]

http://www.iht.com/articles/2007/05/04/america/04queen.php

WASHINGTON: How does George W. Bush, a towel-snapping Texan who puts his feet on the table, drinks water straight from the bottle, talks with food in his mouth - and once gave Chancellor Angela Merkel of Germany an impromptu shoulder massage - prepare for a state dinner with the British Queen? With tips from an etiquette guide, of course - and a little gentle prodding from his wife.

The White House is all atwitter over the visit planned for Monday by Queen Elizabeth II and her husband, Prince Philip. It is the first visit by the queen since 1991, when Bush's father was president, and White House aides say the state dinner to honor her is not only the social event of the year, but the social event of the Bush presidency.

It will also be closely watched by Washington's social elite for its clash of cultures: Texas swagger meets British prim. Dinner attire is white tie and tails - the first, and probably the only, white-tie affair of the Bush administration - and the president, not a white-tie kind of guy, was said to be none too keen on that, until Mrs. Bush put her foot down.

(snip)

And once her majesty finishes her meal, everyone's meal is finished. (Not to worry, said aides to Mr. Bush: "He's a really fast eater.") The guidebook also includes dietary restrictions; for the queen, said Anita McBride, Mrs. Bush's chief of staff, there was just one: "She doesn't like spicy food."
__________________________________________________________

Sometimes stories just write themselves.

[greatauntoftriplets]

1. No Tex-Mex, I guess.

I hope to hell he doesn't call himself "the commander guy" when he is in the queen's presence.

So, if craphead is a fast eater, does that mean he eats like a pig? Wonder if he chews with his mouth open, too?

[rasputin1952]

7. Yes, he does chew w/his mouth open, there are numerous

pics of him doing so...x(

I have very few pet peeves, but chewing w/the mouth open is far and away #1, I find it atrocious and absolutely disgusting. I've left tables where it has happened, it is one of those "nails on a chalkboard things" for me...:grr:

[greatauntoftriplets]

28. I somehow had that feeling that he was the type....

:(

[The Doctor.]

72. Same here. It shows and abject lack of class and consideration.

I didn't realize that he hadn't been conditioned against that. I assumed that his blue-blood, 'beautiful mind' mother would have done something about that... guess not.

So will he attempt to give the Queen an impromptu back massage like he did the German Chancellor?
Or will he figure the Queen is a higher rank and break out the hot oils?

[tenshi816]

86. He also picks his nose in public too,

as we know only too well. I hope he doesn't do it at the dinner table.

[Bucky]

2. It's time for them to tape that debate microphone onto his back again

"No, Mr President, do not look into her eyes and figure out if she's got a good soul. That creeps out these Europeans. Just stick to repeating the small talk we're telling you."

[Turbineguy]

3. Etiquette

is for people who already have manners.

(this is a Turbineguy Postulate):puffpiece:

[mike_c]

4. heh heh-- hey, yer majesty, pull my finger-- no really, pull my finger....

:rofl:

[GRLMGC]

5. Sadly, I can totally imagine that happening nt

[Bunny]

6. I wonder if he'll try to give her a shoulder massage, like he did Angela Merkel.

What a fucking doofus. Are we supposed to be relieved that he's a "fast eater"? As if we care that he may not get a chance to finish his meal???

[napi21]

11. That's the FIRST think I thought of too! I can read the headlines now!

Shrub starts international incident by trying to massage, errr assault the Queen!

I had to laugh at the british reporter who was covering the Queen during her visit to Va. The CNN anchor asked if anyone could shak hands with the Queen. He actualled in shock "NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! YOU NEVER TOUCH THE QUEEN!!!!!" I wonder if Shrub watched that?

[rasputin1952]

15. I am curious, just what would they do if someone did touch

the queen here in the US? Would Parliament have appoplexy or just move from aggravated to peeved?

:shrug:

[GRLMGC]

18. I thought she did shake hands

I read you could shake her hand if she offered to shake your hand first.

[napi21]

34. I think that's the key "IF she offers her hand first". The anchor I was

talking about said something like can people shake hands with the Queen as well as hand her flowers. It cam across to the Britich reporter as one of the bystanders offering THEIR hand first which is apparently a BIG NO NO!

[tenshi816]

89. She does shake hands, quite happily.

I had my own sort-of encounter with the Queen a couple of years ago. In 2005, Royal Ascot was held at York racecourse, in my part of the UK, because the course at Ascot was undergoing a massive refurbishment. I'm a keen horseracing fan and eagerly looked forward to Royal Ascot at York (as it was officially known), all the more so because a friend who works for a Middle Eastern horse breeder managed to get me an owner's badge and paddock pass, giving me admittance not only to the course, but the owners' bar and access to the inside of the paddock between races as well - most people don't get to go inside the paddock.

Before the afternoon's biggest race on the day I was there, I went into the paddock because, well, because I could. There were only about 15 other people inside the paddock with me, just milling around, and what appeared to be hundreds outside the paddock, watching the horses come out for the pre-race parade. I was nervous and not sure of exactly what I should be doing so I phoned my husband at work so I'd at least look like I was busy.

A couple of minutes into our conversation, I glanced to my left and the Queen and Prince Edward had suddenly appeared in the paddock and were passing by about four feet away from me. I was completely shocked, because there they were, completely unaccompanied by security guards, and so close to me that if I had jumped sideways suddenly, I could've poked her in the shoulder - it was all the more disconcerting because she's so short, almost exactly my height (a bit under 5'3") and she was wearing a very bright, blindingly purple suit.

Then, she and Prince Edward started going around shaking hands with all the other people in the paddock, gradually working their way back around to where I was standing. All I could think of was that the Queen would get to me, see the owner's badge I was wearing and ask which one my horse was (I hadn't a clue what "my" horse's name was since I was there under false pretences anyway, not being a real owner). I also didn't know if I was supposed to curtsey or not and since I refuse to curtsey to anyone, I didn't want to cause some kind of etiquette dilemma in the glare of telelvision cameras and the Ascot crowd. I admit it, I got cold feet and bolted out of the paddock before they got around to me.

So, yeah, the Queen definitely shakes hands. I just didn't stick around for her to shake mine.

[greatauntoftriplets]

31. I hope he slobbers food all over his white tie....

And looks like the total slob he is afterwards. Says she, who is spot cleaning a T-shirt tonight. At least I was eating in the privacy of my own home and in my own presence.

[femmedem]

70. If he's eating fast, he isn't talking.

That can only be good. :)

Oh wait, we're talking about Bush. He probably talks while he chews. :(

[The Doctor.]

73. No, it's the 'Queen of Whales'... much more important than the German Chick...

He'll break out the massage oil for this one.

"Now... how'd they get those whales t' vote fer her?"

[etherealtruth]

80. He'll break out the massage oil for this one.

:spray:
:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

8. Oh, great. Commander Guy has to be briefed on etiquette

before they'll let him have dinner with the Queen. How many other heads of state would have to be warned to behave, kind of like you'd caution a first-grader who's about to go to a nice grownup restaurant for the first time: "Don't put your elbows on the table; don't blow your nose on the napkin; don't play with your food; don't take any food off other people's plates; say please and thank you, and don't burp."

:puke:

[rasputin1952]

12. LOL...

"...caution a first-grader who's about to go to a nice grownup restaurant for the first time: "Don't put your elbows on the table; don't blow your nose on the napkin; don't play with your food; don't take any food off other people's plates; say please and thank you, and don't burp."

That is EXACTLY what they are doing...how much you want to bet it doesn't take and he'll have some remarkable gaff we'll all really laugh at...:D

[jaxx]

20. Just think what his etiquette lessons may have stopped.........

like slapping her on the ass and calling her queenie baby. ;-)

[jwirr]

29. When he accompanied poppy and babs to dinner at the palace

he asked the Queen, "Well, what's it like to be a queen?" or some-such embarrassing question. She is probably saying that she will not dine with him if he is not properly briefed. Can't say as I blame her.

[rasputin1952]

33. I'm gonna hate myself after posting this, but it is such an easy

target:

You'd think he know after the Jeff Gannon situation...OK, I'll take the flames...:D

[jwirr]

43. LOL

[spoony]

60. "Don't worry, I'm the, uh, Etiquette Guy now too..."

:P

[Buns_of_Fire]

67. I understand he's big on farts, too

Hopefully, Laura and Condi will mention to him that "Hey, who cut the cheese!" is not considered appropriate conversation with ER II.

(And obviously, neither is "Yo, Liz, catch this!" while lighting your own fart with a Presidential Bic Lighter. Although, I admit, it would have certain entertainment value to see him set his own gonads on fire.)

[formercia]

71. And the Queen says....

Excuse me!


Junior replies:" Sorry, I didn't realize it was your turn."

"Mumsy always said "Ladies first."

[Catchawave]

9. His Dad wasn't invited but Elizabeth from The View is?

Oh the humanity. :rofl:

[GRLMGC]

10. George the First might puke on her

Maybe its a good call

[Posteritatis]

68. Isn't Bush Sr. persona non grata in the current administration?

I don't recall but I thought I heard of a falling out there.

[sellitman]

13. I wanna be a fly on the wall

Oh pretty please with sugar on it!
:rofl: :rofl:

[NYC Liberal]

14. Oh no, you just KNOW he's going to do something to embarass himself and us

I'm just hoping it isn't too horrible.

I'm still remembering his shoulder massage.

[dancingme]

16. "Yo Queen!"

Remember when he ate the roll and called out "Yo Blair".

[rasputin1952]

22. I'm not sure if this story is true, but here is what I heard...

Louis Armstrong was playing a "command performance" in London at one point in his great career, and the Queen sent a msg to him requesting a certain piece. He looked to the Box she was in, and said "Queenie, this one is for you!" The story goes on to say she was smiling the whole time, and while the rest of the audience was "aghast" the Queen took it all in good humor. Somehow, I think that if that did happen, it would have worked out pretty much like that...:)

[dflprincess]

26. It was one thing for Satchmo do that

it would be quite another thing if the leader of a country treated the Queen that way.

Perhaps if he does do something tacky, the Queen could find a way to work into the conversation that she showed up for her job in the British Army during WWII (and faced more danger just by staying in London than Bush ever faced while in TANG).

[Manifestor_of_Light]

58. That's FANG.

The Fucking Air National Guard.

Hey, the Viet Cong never marched down Old Galveston Road and invaded Ellington Field, so I guess it worked!!!

[jwirr]

32. From Louis Armstrong it was a sign of respect.

[Bluebear]

17. 1. Spit out Skoal. 2. Do not say "Howdy, Queeny" 3. No chugging contests. nt

[Edweird]

19. Hey, he can break out his special boots.

In 1991, Bush famously appeared wearing cowboy boots at a White House dinner given by his father for the Queen and cheerily informed her of the inscription on the heels: "God save the Queen." A frosty frown appeared on the royal brow, an eon passed, many feet shuffled all around. Convinced that understatement or sarcasm would be lost on the man standing before her, the Queen asked bluntly: "Are you the black sheep of your family?" Bush replied in the affirmative and shot back: "Who's the black sheep in your family?"...

http://dir.salon.com/story/opinion/world_press/2003/11/25/bush_visit/index.html

[rasputin1952]

37. I can see it now..."We call these boots...

shitkickers in Texas, where you want to get kicked lady?"...:scared:

[Fridays Child]

21. Just tie him up and throw him in the basement. Pickles knows how to handle royalty...

On second thought, throw, 'em both in the basement!

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

23. Is there an "Etiquette for Dummies" book?

He's probably studying the etiquette of the great ones: Andrew Jackson, Billy Carter, Attila, Bluto Blutarski, Mongo.

Maybe queenie and Phil can take a walk around the infield at Churchill Downs. A center of etiquette if there ever was one.

:rofl:

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

25. Here you are:

http://www.amazon.com/s?search-alias=stripbooks&field-keywords=etiquette%20for%20dummies&lposid=u7-4244664-2,C,1632

Hope Larva bought one for her fuckwit husband.

[rasputin1952]

35. LOL...

:rofl:

Etiquette For Dummies (For Dummies (Psychology & Self Help)) by Sue Fox (Paperback - Jun 5, 2007)
Buy new: $21.99 $14.95

[jimshoes]

24. Hey george,

I hear the Queen really enjoys a good shoulder rub/massage. Especially when she's not expecting it. Oh, ands she loves having her head rubbed. Honest.

[hootinholler]

27. Could this evening possibly result in a duel?

I'd like to see Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh, kick george's ass.

-Hoot

[Manifestor_of_Light]

59. Hey we had Aaron Burr and Dick Cheney shooting other people.

Why don't they bring back the duel? Especially in Congress. Swords or pistols?

And why doesn't our Legislature have fist fights and furniture throwing??? It's so dull compared to places like Taiwan.

[Vincardog]

30. Speaking as a resident of the great state of TX. I am tired of the Con. Cowgirl being refered to as

TEXAN.

Note to world a drunken shuffle is not a TEXAS SWAGGER,
Nor is a brain damaged slur a Texas Drawl.

[rasputin1952]

49. If it is any consolation, I know he's not a Texan, it is all a

set-up pushed by the media. Like everything else in bush's life, it is a delusion.

I'm in Nebraska, but I was born/bred in NY, there is no way I'd call myself a Nebraskan, and there is no way any Nebraskan would accept that if I did.

bush probably believes he 'is' a Texan, but he belives that hens lay square eggs as a favor to us so they don't roll off the stove before you cook 'em...:silly:

[blondie58]

75. yeah- he is most certainly NOT a Texan

I shudder when I hear that also. I know many fine Texans- and he is a fake.

[BlueCollar]

82. Haven't been down to the stockyards lately? n/t

[Vincardog]

90. Party at Billy Bobs

[liberal N proud]

36. "The Commander Guy gooses the Queen."

Headlines following a bu$h visit with the Queen

[Lisa]

38. so he's "a really fast eater" -- Her Majesty will probably have to save him from choking

Remember, this is Bush we're talking about!

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

39. In 1991, Bush asked the Queen who the "black sheep" was in her family

According to this old article in Salon:

"...In 1991, Bush famously appeared wearing cowboy boots at a White House dinner given by his father for the Queen and cheerily informed her of the inscription on the heels: "God save the Queen." A frosty frown appeared on the royal brow, an eon passed, many feet shuffled all around. Convinced that understatement or sarcasm would be lost on the man standing before her, the Queen asked bluntly: "Are you the black sheep of your family?" Bush replied in the affirmative and shot back: "Who's the black sheep in your family?"..."

[Lisa]

91. she could say, "We've checked -- it's still you." (apparently they are 13th cousins)

According to Burke's Peerage, which has done some research on him in the meantime!

[rug]

40. He already knows how to use his pinky.

http://mccarthy.vg:8080/images.mccarthy.vg/bush-pick.jpg

[bonito]

41. They'll probably strap him in to a presidential highchair

placed on a special easy clean mat and provide a special sipee cup. By now everybody knows what their up against I would think.

[spindrifter]

42. A good dose of beano

should be part of his etiquette practice.

[murloc]

44. Thats kind of different

"And once her majesty finishes her meal, everyone's meal is finished."

That sort of rubs me the wrong way. I suppose its a hold-over from the days of when the sovereign ruled by fiat.

I'm a slow eater, so its fortunate that I don't rub elbows with Royalty I suppose.

[yvr girl]

46. The Queen always leaves something on her plate to allow others to

finish their meals. I also think the 'rule' only applies when she is hosting the dinner, not when she's a guest.

[MisterP]

45. I've had this nightmare before

no, Ruprecht, don't take the cork off

[MazeRat7]

47. Lipstick on a pig I tell ya.... -nt

[whistle]

48. If shrub squeezes Liz II's shoulders he'll be take to the Tower of London

...and will lose his head!


:hide: :yoiks: Well, one can dream can't one?

[bananarepublican]

57. Let's hope he gives her a 'titty-twisting-Texan' welcome!

FOX will spend the next several 'reporting' cycles explaining how the Queen asked 'for it', given her highly provocative, sexually irresistable, hat!!!

'Some people say' Bush is likely to be quoted saying, "Dang nabbit! This is the first frigid queen I ever done bidness with!"

[Withywindle]

50. At least her rosebushes are safe this time...

she faces the Etiquette Terrorist over here so she doesn't have to face him over there.

[mnhtnbb]

63. LOL. I read that HM the Queen was pretty pissed with 'ole Bushie boy

after that most recent visit. No wonder she wants to camp out at Blair House.

[Patsy Stone]

51. From the NYT: Pickles is using the Clinton's china!

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/05/washington/05queen.html?hp

In the West Wing on Friday, the talk was of negotiations with Syria, but in the East Wing, it was all about china — and not the country. The meal of five courses instead of the customary four will be served on gold-trimmed Lenox bought in the Clinton years.

[libnnc]

52. I thought they'd be using Chinet platters and Dixie cups n/t

[jmowreader]

77. It's worse

It seems that the Official White House China for the Bush 43 Administration, which our Fearless Leader picked out all by himself, has a bunny right in the middle of each piece. Further, it seems that there are a hell of a lot of bowls and not very many plates. And worse yet, the "official White House china" for the Bush 43 administration seems to be made from melamine.

For fear that Dipshit would feed the royal couple on plastic dishes then tell the queen she had to be able to see the bunny before she'd be allowed to leave the table, they dug out the Clinton china. Needless to say, they told Shrub it was the Reagan china instead--you know Bush can't do anything Clinton did, including eating off the same plates.

[NV Whino]

53. Grilled cheese on the menu

and what do you want to bet he wears the damned boots.

[bumblebee1]

54. His pants will be short. n/t

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

64. Will they make him sit at the card table just in case

he knocks over his sippy cup?

[Marr]

55. Odd. He seems rather well versed in Saudi etitquette.

[NV Whino]

61. Yeah. I can see it now

"Hey, Queenie. Wanna hold my hand?"

[Blue_Tires]

56. lol...

[Withywindle]

62. this whole thread is brilliant.

[philosophie_en_rose]

65. "I eatz wid me feetz."

:rofl:

King George is sure to teach that Queenie how to eat properly, like the other chimp people. :P

[yurbud]

66. when he bends to kiss his hand, he'll fart and say, "Hey! ya pult muh fanger."

[Forkboy]

69. That's ok,they had to teach the Queen how to choke down her bile.

[Matariki]

74. Oh screw this whole idea of 'royalty'.

"And once her majesty finishes her meal, everyone's meal is finished". Screw that. She's only 'more important' than anyone around her because people are willing to play make believe.

[TahitiNut]

84. Agreed. And what ever happened to "When in Rome, do as the Romans do"??

:grr:

[DRoseDARs]

76. Please, dear God, let him give her an unwelcome shoulder rub!

The Empire and her rebel colonies haven't had a good scuffle in centuries! :)

[MzNov]

83. LOL that's the first thing that came to my mind. Dear lordy the old girl

will have a royal heart attack.

[spiderpig]

78. Etiquette tip for the Queen

Please forget your 80 years of etiquette tips, and slap this goon upside the head with your ever-present handbag. Your (former) colonists will be forever grateful.

[TahitiNut]

79. Rule #1: Nobody starts eating until the Queen starts eating.

For Smirky McCodpiece, The Nose Miner, that means he can't eat his boogers until the Queen eats her own boogers.

:puke: :puke:

[etherealtruth]

81. Boris Yeltsin

I guess even Yeltsin could muster some semblence of decorum when not drunk

[Cass]

85. Well at least this is a formal state dinner in Washington and not some

hoe-down at that damn pig farm of his. For awhile there, he did all his official entertaining down at the pig farm. The White House is so beautiful and he should be using that beautiful building to entertain heads of state and other dignitaries; they shouldn't be schlepped to some pig farm in the middle of nowhere. That used to drive me bonkers!

[FloridaJudy]

88. And knowing Bush

I wouldn't put it past him to invite the Israeli and Saudi ambassadors to a barbecue on that pig farm.

At last! An issue the Arabs and the Jews can both agree on: Bush is a jerk.

[Lisa]

92. Ironically, Her Majesty is quite at home on REAL farms ...

And as for horseback riding, she could leave that fake cowboy in the dust! Remember when the Russian President was expecting to see horses at the phony ranch, and was disappointed? And the Mexican President had a horse all saddled up for Georgie's visit, only to have his offer spurned?

There are lots of pics of the Queen in an old coat and rubber boots -- she actually seems quite happy when she's seeing to her horses, or walking around in the rain. Her eldest son (Prince Charles) has an organic farm ... my boss was invited for a tour. My boss is a fervent socialist and was quite prepared to dislike the Prince of Wales, but Charles seemed quite normal and not at all snobby -- they talked about gardening, globalization, and anti-poverty issues for quite a while.

[FloridaJudy]

87. Maybe he could just watch the movie instead

Wait...I forgot it's * we're talking about here. His attention span is too short: no shoot-outs or chase scenes in that one. Besides, can you think of the social gaffes that could result? "So Queenie, what was Diana really like?"

Come to think of it, I wouldn't be terribly surprised if he asked that question anyway.