***DUzy Awards for week ending May 4, 2007***

JeffR

(1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Fri May-04-07 08:12 PM
Original message

Welcome to the DUzy Awards, honoring soaring cynicism, searing snaps and seditious snideness from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The dolphin-friendly DUzies will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal.

Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

Special thanks this week to TorchesAndPitchforks, shraby, babylonsister, stellanoir, krispos42, Buzz Clik, bleever, fooj, unhappycamper, IndyOp, djmaddox1, Kurovski and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance. Simply couldn't get everything in this week, y'all, but a million thanks regardless.

On a thread by rodeodance:

Economy crawls, raising recession fears

response #3 by BlueManDude:

Whaddya mean? The Brooks Brothers suit patrol on CNBC says everything's great?
Larry Kudlow spends more on facial peels each month than most people's mortgage payment.

LBN, April 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2825834

On a thread by donsu:

      do you know of the paintings smirk hung on the oval off. wall?
"To understand how Bush justifies a torture policy that is the bane of our nation, consider the sentimental cowboy art that decks his Oval Office walls..."

response #1 by Buzz Clik:

      Interesting. I'd seen his "Study of the Three Stooges in Fingerpaints" that he did in rehab.
I had no idea of the other...

response #2 by EstimatedProphet:

      Bush's usual paintings are hung on the refrigerator, aren't they?

response #13 by Rick Myers:

      Where's the painting of the cowboy riding a golf cart while hugging a Saudi prince?
:grr:

response #20 by Joe Fields:

      What, no velvet Elvis?

response #22 by EstimatedProphet:

      Or the dogs playing poker for that matter
Or a Gigi paintin of a little child with oversized gigantic tearful eyes.

response #25 by Joe Fields:

      dogs playing poker is at the Crawford "ranch."

response #26 by Lisa:

      next to his talking Billy Bass

GD, April 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x770385

OP by solara:

A response to Rush's little 'parody'
(To the tune of "Puff the Magic Dragon")

Rush the lying racist
Stings like a bee
He thinks he is so special
But his words just help us see
That he's a clueless addict
Who's brain has turned to mush
Authentically pathetic is the
Creep we know as Rush

He says he speaks for people
Who hunger for the truth
But he's not real, he's just a fool
Who rents a broadcast booth
Oh, Rush the Right Wing Bigot
The poster child for lame
His arrogance is laughable
A loser with a name

Some say Rush can "bring it"
But all he does is scream
The media sure loves this guy
A psychopathic's dream
So when you hear his babble
Watch out and don't be fooled
Don't listen to the idiot
Who thinks his hate is cool

response #1 by texastoast:

Excellamentoprimospecialis!
If that is a word.

:toast:

GD, April 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x772950

On a thread by IanDB1:

BREAKING: Limbaugh's "Barack the Magic Negro," on-air song has workers up in arms

response #29 by MADem:

I am moved to break into song!!!
Rush the Magic Asshole,
Ran from Vietnam.
His lame excuse, the fetid juice,
From a big hole in his bum!

Little pustule Rushy,
loved himself some drugs,
he forced his maid, he made a slave,
To get them from some thugs!

Little asshole Rushbo,
Found he couldn't hear.
He made some bail, avoided jail,
and 'rehabbed' his career!

You do as I say,
That's the Rushbo saw
Not as I do, 'cause I'm no fool,
I am above the law!!

GD, April 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x772459

On a thread by brettdale:

      Hey we caught the number one Al Qaeda guy in Iraq

response #1 by SoCalDem:

      Is he the former number 7 who was elevated to number 3 after we caught a series
of number 2's, which catapulted this new guy to #1? :silly:

response #4 by ocelot:

      Is that the number one number one guy, or the number two number one guy,
and wasn't he actually killed several times?

response #5 by chimpsrsmarter:

      thank god al-qaeda issues those org charts, it really helps to keep track of their employees.

GD, April 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x773890

On a thread by Vexatious Ape:

      Utah politician says Mexicans are working for Satan.
"It's true, those hard working guys out there building our houses, picking our veggies, and pushing the lawn mowers are actually agents of Satan. This, according to Don Larsen, a Utah county District 65 Chairman..."

response #5 by southerncrone:

      Thanks, Don, that explains their "toasty-brown"skin! They're actually flame-kissed!
Hey, probably why they like that HOT food,too! :evilgrin:

Wow, it scares me that I might actually have tuned in on this crazy man's wavelength.
Yikes! :freak:

response #12 by kenny blankenship:

      Doing the jobs Satan isn't willing to do, i suppose?

response #16 by Telly Savalas:

      If we defended our borders, these jobs as Satan's minions would belong to Americans.

GD, April 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x774846

OP by ZombyWoof:

If you wrote speeches for Quayle, you'd be grumpy too
Another right-wing clone on Bill Maher: Lisa Schiffren. She has a chip on her shoulder bigger than Bush's liquor cabinet...

response #1 by Forkboy:

If I wrote speeches for Quayle he would have been funny
And I'd be on my way to Hell.

Well, faster than I already am at least. :)

GD, April 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x775243

On a thread by SoCalDem:

      Limbo may be gone, but Tenet better hope the pope does away with Hell, too

response #6 by warren pease:

      What do you mean Limbo's gone?
I spent a lot of time in Catholic school saying these little one-line prayers to reduce my Limbo sentence and now you tell me it was all a waste of time?

Fuck!

response #8 by charlie:

      Not gone
Under new management. Acquired. Spun off. Outsourced. Or something like that...

link:www.23ae.com/index.asp?post=355|Discordian Society Acquires Limbo

response #13 by warren pease:

      Well thank heavens, so to speak
I guess Limbo is by definition already off-shore, so they can't use that one. Maybe it's where all the H-1B visa holders go when corporate America uses them up and they die from overwork. They're up there now, just waiting to get admitted to capitalist nirvana, a Ken Lay Production.

response #7 by IChing:

      Have him say 3 hail marys, put his medal of freedom in the collection plate
and talk to the choir boy.

thank you Mr Tenet for your confession.

Next?

OK, Tony Soprano what is your confession.

GD, April 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x773564

On a thread by babylonsister:

      White House Excuses Partisan Briefings With False 'Clinton Did It Too' Defense

response #3 by rock:

      The Clenis casts a large shadow
It has been known to cause entire orange crops to wither.

response #12 by pacoyogi:

      Had the Clenis "done it", Starr would have wasted
another 15 million, minimum, investigating it.

No sale, assholes.....

GDP, April 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3238550

On a thread by Clarkie1:

"We campaign in poetry, but we govern in prose." Why Obama will soon be the frontrunner.
Or is he already?

I was just watching the Newshour on PBS, and Mario Cuomo's keen observation that "We campaign in poetry, but we govern in prose" entered the discussion...

response #1 by Rydz777:

If Bush campaigns in poetry,
it must be blank verse.

GDP, April 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3239310

On a thread by waiting for hope:

      I saw John Edwards in the shampoo aisle
"For the record, we didn't see John Edwards pick out any hair products in the store. He used the regular checkout lane, chose plastic over paper, and put his own cart away before leaving..."

response #5 by LibraLiz1973:

      Oh shit... he chose plastic over paper
I've got $50 on a flame war...

response #8 by Sabriel:

      And he bought an $80 bottle of shampoo, right?
I'm sure that'll be the next headline: "Edwards: How Long Will Taxpayers Bear the Burden for His 'Do?"

response #9 by ruiner4u:

      quick! what kind of lightbulbs were in his cart

response #10 by chimpsrsmarter:

      whale oil ones.

response #18 by JVS:

      No, he has the aborted dolphin filaments bulbs!

GD, April 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x774833

On a thread by mimitabby:

      if you had one chance to say something to a bunch of GOP's

response #11 by Redstone:

      I guess it would be along the lines of "bite me." I favor brevity.

response #21 by chimpsrsmarter:

      ask them how 1998 is treating them, tell them in the future they'll be wishing
Bush got a blowjob instead of starting an illegal war.

The Lounge, April 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6461036

On a thread by wuushew:

      Bush's verbal skills have sunk to an awful new low

response #4 by hippiechick:

      ... they could give him Hamlet's soliloquy and ...
... he'd still sound like a fuckin' juiced up bumpkin.

History will show him to be the only proof we need: Drugz Is Bad. :smoke:

response #12 by TheLeftyMom:

      Is this the interview where he's all slumped in the chair?
Looking like a disgruntled teen whose parents just sat him down for a chat? The cameraman had to keep adjusting because he'd sit up for a split second...then slouch back down like a 13-year-old who just got busted for hiding porn under his mattress?

response #22 by Tierra_y_Libertad:

      Just his ordinary skill at Nincompoopese.

GD, April 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x777810

On a thread by Jacobin:

      Is This What They Meant By "The XXXAdultsXXX Are in Charge?"
"... the 'DC Madam' scandal has now brought down its first big-name DC political figure: Randall Tobias, until about four o'clock this afternoon the head of the US Agency for International Development and Director of US Foreign Assistance at the State Department.

Tobias is mounting what I guess we might call the Haggard defense: no sex, just massages..."

response #2 by Beetwasher:

      It WAS A Massage!
She massaged his penis w/ her vagina.

response #4 by Jacobin:

      It all depends on the meaning of the word 'massage'!!

response #7 by upi402:

      He paid extra for the "Executive Special high speed penis massage"
:rofl:

response #11 by peekaloo:

      "Tobias is mounting "
:rofl:

response #15 by CrazyOrangeCat:

      With hair that bad . . .
. . . he's gonna have to pay for any kind of "mounting".

Mercy, what's up with Repukes?

Chimpoleon has the best hair of the lot of them, and it kinda looks like steel wool.

I think their hair is what made 'em so mean and stoopid.

That's this cat's story, anyway.

response #22 by SoCalDem:

      He can now start his new career..as Pastor of the "Massage Ministry"
ad campaign?

Laying on of hands ..in a calm, private community

These massages are so heavenly, it's little wonder why all throughout the facility one hears "OH JESUS...YES"

response #11 by peekaloo:

      "Tobias is mounting "
:rofl:

GD, April 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x776723

OP by Robb:

Hillary Clinton made my battery conk out on me.
I'm quite sure of it. It's amazing, Nader did the same thing to me a few years back. :shrug:

The Lounge, April 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6462717

OP by graywarrior:

      Is it just me, or does Hillary's voice fucking grate the soul to a bloody stump?
I have the tv on in the other room and C-Span is showing the recent debate. I want to shove forks in my ears everytime she talks.

Flame away. . . I don't give a shit.

response #10 by Oeditpus Rex:

      Yeah... but
it's not just her voice. The woman has always struck me as insincere and rather cold, like she'd eat Chelsea if it meant she'd carry Ohio.

I have no doubt she'd eat the Dawg, and just for Montana.

response #40 by graywarrior:

      Hillary and Buchanan should start a band together and hire Yoko as a backup singer.

The Lounge, April 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6464251

On a thread by radfringe:

      something HUGh this way comes.... (gut feeling)
It's that creepy gut feeling of building anticipation or dread over something you aren't sure about. Where you feel "SOMETHING" is going to happen, but don't know what...

response #3 by Algorem:

      Sanjaya is the real father of Anna Nicole's baby?
You said it has to be something that the American people think is important, right?

response #11 by sleipnir:

      I had a gut feeling someone was going to write a gut feeling post
Wow...I was right :)

GD, April 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x776406

On a thread by jmc247:

      Denmark sends special forces to Iraq

response #1 by MethuenProgressive:

      On which side?

response #20 by happygoluckytoyou:

      RELATED STORY...HUMVEES REENFORCED WITH LEGOS
President Bush questioned today on the lack of armor for the transports for the average GI Joe has decided (see reference to The Decider) that the best protection for GI Joe would be to tap on his coersion of the wily and bring in Mattel's competitor, LEGO. The Danish armor manufacturer was glad to supply the now-camouflage-colored pegs. A kit of 1000, capable of protecting a square foot of Humvee costs $50, and will only be used by the more expensive version of the GI Joe, The Blackwater Joe.
In a related story, John McCain interupted his Strange Talking Bus Tour to break into a chorus of "LEGO MY EGGO."
Condi complained, "when soldiers complain, it just fries my rice."
Dick Cheney reminisced that back when he was in VietNam, they didn't need any stupid armor for their Jeep. Dubya sent a spitball over the table, reminded "the Dick" that their trip to VietNam was in 1990, and there was no war.
All in all, the administration is proud of their troops, 150,000 underpaid americans, 120,000 overpaid mercenaries, and the 2 specialists from Denmark.

LBN, April 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2826847

On a thread by stellanoir:

      heads up folks (OBSW)
"Invoking great Light and calling upon the essence of the fire, the air, the earth, the water (you
can even add ether if you do so desire). . and calling upon the forces of
all of creation, in expression of, and with reverence for, universal love,
and truly spiritual and lasting mendings in each, and all of our lives..."

response #8 by rug:

      Invoke great light?

response #10 by stellanoir:

      "tis a fah, fah, bettah thing. . .
to light a candle than it is to curse the dahkness. . ."

translation from Bostonese: It can't hurt.

Never thought I'd EVER channel Mayor Quimby before.

GD, April 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x780497

On a thread by madinmaryland:

      Steve Forbes on Cspan just said there is unlimited oil

response #1 by CaliforniaPeggy:

      There's only one thing that there's unlimited amounts of...
And that is bullshit...

response #3 by Botany:

      Idiot son speaks
lots more of 200 million year old unicellular organisms (diatoms) and organic matter
to found .....

The term "finite resource" means nothing to him. He is an idiot jabbering in the
park about UFOs and Elvis' baby being kept alive in Norway by Free Masons.

response #7 by SoCalDem:

      In his HAIR.. n/t

response #25 by Hardrada:

      This man's only issue used to be some nonsense about a flat tax.
He is not imporant enough to be assigned more than one bad idea at a time.

GD, April 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x775708

On a thread by DeepModem Mom:

      AP asks the candidates what they'd be doing if they weren't in politics
"Politics is what these candidates do and a huge piece of who they are. But like anyone else, they have idle dreams, home tasks that need tending, TV to watch on the fly, tunes to help them through their day, and even the occasional wish to step into a whole new skin..."

response #1 by faygokid:

      McCain: Cranky gym teacher Romney: snake oil salesman Giuliani: Enron exec Thompson: bad actor
Well, Romney and Thompson did become those things, it appears.

response #2 by sellitman:

      Dubya: Prisoner # 2548255
:evilgrin:

GDP, April 29, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3241175

On a thread by Robbien:

      Convention ends with Satan and immigrants
"Don Larsen, chairman of legislative District 65 for the Utah County Republican Party, had submitted a resolution warning that Satan's minions want to eliminate national borders and do away with sovereignty.

In a speech at the convention, Larsen told those gathered that illegal immigrants "hate American people" and "are determined to destroy this country, and there is nothing they won't do." Illegal aliens are in control of the media, and working in tandem with Democrats, are trying to "destroy Christian America" and replace it with "a godless new world order -- and that is not extremism, that is fact," Larsen said..."

response #1 by IanDB1:

      Larsen forgot to mention that illegal immigrants want to steal our precious bodily fluids. n/t

response #25 by Blue_Tires:

      "I can assure you it has not happened again, IanDB1....
Mexicans sense my power and they seek the life essence...Mind you, I do not avoid Mexicans, but I do deny them my essence." :evilgrin:

response #2 by shenmue:

      He's right. It's not extremism. It's a psychotic break with reality.
:crazy: :wtf: :freak:

Dude needs some meds, and some time off...

response #10 by yibbehobba:

      Illegal immigrants control the media?
Man, the Jews are gonna be pissed when they find out.

:hide:

I really, really wish this article were satire.

response #16 by kestrel91316:

      When this country's laws start mentioning imaginary sky beings and
evil spirits, it's time for me to throw in the towel and just shoot myself. Good thing I don't own a gun or know how to use one.

Unfuckingbelievable.

response #10 by Telly Savalas:

      The problem with groups like this is that they focus on national issues
and ignore local ones.

What good does it do to protect the United States from the Satanic illegal immigrant horde if all the municipal zoning boards are still held tightly in the fist of the Dark Lord Baal?

LBN, April 29, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2827303

On a thread by WillyT:

      New Noah's Ark Ready To Sail !!!
SCHAGEN, Netherlands (AP) -- "The massive central door in the side of Noah's Ark was thrown open Saturday -- you could say it was the first time in 4,000 years -- drawing a crowd of curious pilgrims and townsfolk to behold the wonder. Of course, it's only a replica of the biblical Ark, built by Dutch creationist Johan Huibers as a testament to his faith in the literal truth of the Bible..."

response #1 by IDemo:

      getting that brontosaurus on board is going to be a bitch

response #2 by WillyT:

      Don't Talk About David Broder Like That...
:evilgrin:

response #16 by impeachdubya:

      "biblical scholars debate exactly what the wood used by Noah would have been."
Yes. And Unicorn scholars debate the precise length of the average male's horn.

GD, April 29, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x782979

OP by Botany:

Breaking NBC to have Nora O'Donnell to cover the prostitution scandals
A.P. 4/29/07 New York City, New York

President and C.E.O. of N.B.C., Jeff Zucker announced today that White House Reporter,
Nora O'Donnell will be assigned to cover the breaking story regarding DC Madam, Deborah
Jeane Palfrey and also the reported gay prostitution ring that had contacts with many of the
leading Republican Congressional figures, members of the media, and several right leaning
pundits. Sources close to the investigation say that convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff is
providing much of the information in this case.

"We feel Ms. O'Donnell is more than qualified to handle these stories because of her years of
experience being a working prostitute for the Bush administration. I am very lucky to have
a person of such a background working under me." Zucker was quoted as saying.

response #15 by The Magistrate:

Remind Me, Sir, Never To Play Cards With You....
"Satire is becoming impossible: you cannot concoct anything so outrageous you can be certain it will not appear in a newspaper headline six months down the road."

GDP, April 29, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3241298

On a thread by democratic:

Iran cracks down on offbeat Western hairdos

response #1 by flobee1:

Do they outlaw the mullet?
If so, it's a good thing

LBN, April 29, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2827346

On a thread by Julius Civitatus:

      Chris Cilizza on Reliable Sources: "Bush is relatively a very popular president"

response #1 by grytpype:

      Bush is relatively popular. Relative to syphilis.

response #24 by yibbehobba:

      I haven't had syphilis...
...but I had a nasty case of Cilizza once. I found out later that the girl who gave it to me was a Republican.

response #2 by 3waygeek:

      I.e. he's popular only among his relatives n/t

response #12 by scarface2004:

      relative to richard speck
who is only at 22%

response #22 by jmowreader:

      He's right. Relatively, he IS a very popular president
He's much more popular than Idi Amin ever was.

In the United States, he holds higher approval ratings than Pol Pot, Benito Mussolini, Kim Il Sung, Emperor Hirohito, Hitler, Mao, Stalin...come on, guys, throw in here...how many other dictators are there?

And he's VASTLY more popular than Caligula.

His popularity is approximately equal to that of AIDS, carjacking, liver and onions, the Yugo and mammograms-as-entertainment.

He is not, however, more popular than the clap, rectal itching, the heartbreak of psoriasis, ass cancer, Ishtar, in-flight missile repair school, Sanjaya and William Hung Sing The Hits, or drive-by shootings.

Let's see...more popular than Mussolini, less popular than William Hung...yeah, relatively speaking, Bush really is a popular guy.

response #32 by EstimatedProphet:

      And car crashes are a relatively popular way to die

GD, April 29, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x782101

OP by Wetzelbill:

Joe Biden is the MTP "Meet The Candidate" guest?
Gee, that's good to know. I mean nobody ever saw Joe on one of the Sunday Morning shows before. Just think about the whole new audience Joe will reach. I suspect nobody watching this morning has ever heard of him, much less saw him on tv about a million times. :sarcasm:

response #2 by Atman:

DON'T WATCH! Spend the time with your family. Or take out the garbage.
Masturbate or something. ANYTHING you do with your time will be better than watching this hour-long bullshit fest.

GD, April 29, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x782277

OP by PCIntern:

      Boston Market: "Meal Accomplished"
Their new slogan, playing the all-too-familiar music from Monday Night Football.

interesting...next they'll be on the deck of an aircraft Carrier.

response #1 by Bluebear:

      Four years later you're still hungry. nt

response #5 by MilesColtrane:

      The New Boston Combo Meal costs 500 billion dollars?
Let me guess, the serving suggestion is to forcibly break into your neighbors house, shoot his kids, eat in his living room, then steal his flat screen.

response #7 by Canuckistanian:

      They LIED about the rationale for their roast beef
And the stale bread? "Bad intelligence".

response #9 by dicksteele:

      Boston Market's Ad Agency: "Help Wanted".
If there's any damn justice, that is.

GD, April 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x792744

On a thread by babylonsister:

      Doctors: Pot triggers psychotic symptoms
"New findings on marijuana's damaging effect on the brain show the drug triggers temporary psychotic symptoms in some people, including hallucinations and paranoid delusions, doctors say.

British doctors took brain scans of 15 healthy volunteers given small doses of two of the active ingredients of cannabis, as well as a placebo..."

response #1 by Monkeyman:

      Like Wow Man
:smoke:

response #2 by Dora:

      I'm hungry.
:popcorn:

response #3 by Mojambo:

      I'm not getting that.
I need to get a new guy...

response #4 by splat:

      Is that stop sign a lollipop?

response #7 by KaryninMiami:

      Good- maybe if I smoke enough pot
I'll believe that Bush never happened. A psychotic break like that would be a welcome relief...

response #10 by La_Fourmi_Rouge:

      That's heavy, dude!
I'm like, trippin', man... I can dig it. It's like a crystal in my mind, you know, like a blue dot right between my eyebrows that glows with some weird, evanescent light that whispers the words of the wind and stars the color of desire reaching out in tendrils into the vast, indefinite cosmosphere.

response #13 by Gregorian:

      NO IT DOESN'T!......GET AWAY FROM ME!!!
It's true. I spent many years being stoned. And I was terrified that someone was out to arrest me.

:)

response #20 by mark414:

      but i LIKE the hallucinations

Other great responses in the thread, both mellow and psychotic...

GD, April 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x793853

On a thread by sabra:

      Dana Perino: "it can be very distracting when she asks questions"
"'I mean you start to answer, she just keeps talking. She talks during your answers to other people, and I think Tony has a better tolerance for it, but I get very distracted. And so I did ask her to give me some breathing space there. But,' Perino says, 'I get along with Helen really well. I respect her greatly. Obviously, she has done a ton of work, and especially for women...'"

response #12 by Roland99:

      "Like, oh my GAWD! She, like, won't let me, like, talk and stuff, ya know?"

response #13 by Buzz Clik:

      "And she's like so old! I'm all 'OK, granny, get to the point' ... and she's all 'yak yak yak'"
I find it fascinating when people admit they are unfit for the job they've been assigned. Nice work, Dana.

response #16 by myrna minx:

      "She's done tons of stuff and junk cuz she's old.
I mean we're not gonna be BFF or anything, but like omg, she like talks and stuff and like totally wants to talk *about* stuff. OMG!"

:rofl:

response #18 by Atman:

      "Like, she, y'know, never sticks to the script and stuff."
"It's sooo totally distracting! She wants real answers and junk. Yeah, as if!"

GD, April 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x789190

On a thread by Purveyor:

      Bush In Talks To Prevent Collapse Of Iraqi Coalition

response #1 by Old Crusoe:

      Thank Jesus we have Condi Rice as Sec. of State -- someone who can
roll up her sleeves and get a negotiating environment goin'.

That Condi. Quite a gal, isn't she?

And she plays the piano, too.

response #9 by Thor_MN:

      Condi couldn't broker a deal between
a Muslim with a Ham sandwich and peanut allergic Atheist with a PBJ....

LBN, April 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2828603

OP by CatWoman:

It all makes perfect sense now
Republicans (men) don't hate sex, they just hate having it with their wives.

GD, April 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x792103

On a thread by matcom:

Father Wants To Have 12 Year Old Son Circumcised
Cross-posted

<snip>

"A former Medford man who converted to Judaism wants his 12-year-old son to do the same. That requires circumcision -- something the mother adamantly opposes..."

response #2 by Touchdown:

You shouldn't use "snip" in a post like this.
:P

{center]GD, April 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x791009

On a thread by LynneSin:

      Rick Santorum to start Web site with 'thought-provoking' videos

response #2 by ComerPerro:

      twominuteshate.net?

response #3 by LynneSin:

      www.whatIsawWhile PeakingThruYourBedroom Windows.net
:eyes:

response #4 by wienerdoggie:

      Can't wait for that "Man-On-Dog" video. Now THAT would be thought-provoking.

response #9 by Sentinel Chicken:

      Let me guess, lots and lots of flag burning from around the world.
:eyes:

response #10 by dicksteele:

      He should start with that vid of Fonzie and the motorboat. You know the one I mean.

GD, May 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x795844

On a thread by Thankfully_in_Britain:

Blair quit plans due 'next week'
"Tony Blair will say 'something definitive' next week about his plans to step down as prime minister.
He has already said he will leave No 10 by September, but there has been speculation about the precise timings...

response #1 by maddezmom:

he's worse than McCain
announcing that he'll announce when he going to announce his announcement about announcing for running for pres. :D

LBN, May 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2829523

OP by BOSSHOG:

      Isn't this the anniversary of some brilliant conservative military strategic victory?
As I recall Genghis Bush got on his chariot and proclaimed that the republican party had saved the universe for christianity and all the poor, unwashed ignorant trash rose up in one voice and spat upon liberals. He stood so tall and erect with the lemmings blowing up his ego and the PNACers and right wing talkers babbling on as if drunk on ignorance. Whatever happened to that moment? Aren't there parades around the country sponsored by proud conservatives proclaiming to evil liberals "we told you so?" Could it be that one who was so vehemently shouted at five years ago is reveling in the reality of the real world that conservatism has wrought?

response #2 by Juniperx:

      Cod pieces don't lie... n/t

response #3 by dsweet:

      The good ones do. n/t

GDP, May 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3244206

OP by chimpsrsmarter:

      Glorious leader on teevee, victorious victory getting closer.
all applause lines so far have failed--oh the irony.

response #4 by rasputin1952:

      I saw/heard that too...crickets!
The guy is getting NO respect at all...It's quiet enough to hear a spider fart!

response #17 by youthere:

      Tactics and Strategy! Tactics and Strategy! We'll combine them...
and call it Tragedy!

response #45 by youthere:

      A "Cauldron of Chaos"? Who the hell made that up? $5 says that phrase..
shows up on FR by the end of the week.

response #50 by chimpsrsmarter:

      yup, i like "vat of viciousness" myself.

response #50 by chimpsrsmarter:

      youthere
It beats "saucepan of snippiness"

response #84 by youthere:

      "Casserole of Confusion!"

response #90 by youthere:

      "Crock Pot of Clamor!"

unnumbered response by dicksteele:

      An "E-Z Bake Oven of EVIL"!

response #104 by EnviroBat:

      toaster of terrah!

response #106 by ourbluenation:

      a frypan of fubar more like it

response #113 by krispos42:

      Tranq gun
"We have to fight them over there so we don't have to fight them over here! CAN'T YOU FUCKWADS UNDERSTAND THAT? I'M TRYING TO SAVE THE <pfffft!> COUNTRY FROM THE DANGERS OF RADICAL ISLAM AND CLEAR THE WAY for radical Christianity to ^{take over the country and impose some real morals and values on this sad sack of unwashed liberals that infest... infest..."}

<thud>

:boring:

response #107 by symbolman:

      Well
he could always get a job cleaning the inside of aquariums, like one of those snails, with that mouth.. always disturbs me to see those strange lips, pooching out around his ugly little chicken teeth..

I guess I can put the brick down, the TV is safe again today :)

response #114 by Hubert Flottz:

      Back to the Cauldron of Call Girls daytime drama!
PoontangGate trumps Mission Improbable and I like it!

GD, May 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x796411

On a thread by babylonsister:

CNN's McIntyre: Bush "can't sign" war funding bill Congress sent him

response #8 by necso:

Then he can just make his mark,
like other illiterates.

GD, May 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x798832

On a thread by sabra:

      Interior official quits ahead of hearing
"An Interior Department official accused of pressuring government scientists to make their research fit her policy goals has resigned.

Julie MacDonald, deputy assistant secretary for fish, wildlife and parks, submitted her resignation letter to Interior Secretary Dirk Kempthorne, a department spokesman said Tuesday..."

response #5 by IanDB1:

      Julie MacDonald has resigned to spend more time forcing her family to alter scientific findings n/t

response #12 by Peace Patriot:

      What she going to be up to? She's writing a book.
Title: "A Convenient Truth."

LBN, May 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2830322

OP title by originalpckelly:

If Fidel Castro doesn't show at the May Day parade, does that mean six weeks more of capitalism?

GD, May 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x795709

On a thread by madokie:

      What happened to the news about the smoke rising from the green zone yesterday?

response #1 by C_U_L8R:

      is there a new pope?
oh sorry, wrong smoke

response #8 by Bornaginhooligan:

      It was a freedom-que.
The liberated Iraqis were enjoying their new found libery by having a pork roast. Now shut up and support America.

response #9 by Philosoraptor:

      That was just liberated Iraqis bbq'ing pork chops.

Responses 8 & 9 were posted simultaneously, so they each get half a DUzy.

GD, May 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x795797

On a thread by underpants:

*IS* Bush ever going to veto this thing or not

response #2 by BOSSHOG:

He's going to parachute onto the White House Lawn
in full battle gear with his big old manhood looking right at the cameras, whip out his awesome pen and accomplish yet another mission of not supporting the troops by vetoing the bill which would provide the troops with the money he says they so desperately need. Then he will get on his trusted steed and gallop off to the capitol to challenge Nancy Pelosi to a duel. Not that it will be political theatre or anything, we all know only democrats do that.

GDP, May 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3244241

On a thread by jeme:

      Ugh ... Bush on American Idol?

response #1 by jgraz:

      Cool! Can we vote him off?

response #8 by tanyev:

      You could try, but they'd just rig the count.

response #9 by Skip Intro:

      oh no, how effin idiotic can they get? It wasn't in a flight suit, was it?
maybe if we just crown him the king of myspace he'll go away...

hey rove, you guys are looking really desperate...

response #8 by cat_girl25:

      If so, it should be renamed "American Idiot"
:)

GD, May 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x801844

On a thread by underpants:

      BREAKING! The Baby has landed
"Larry Birkhead is back on U.S. soil with his daughter, Dannielynn.

Birkhead just landed in Louisville, Kentucky via private jet. We're told Birkhead will spend time with his family, but will eventually return to Los Angeles..."

response #2 by meegbear:

      Shouldn't this be in LBN?

response #21 by underpants:

      Oh don't you think that I didn't wrestle with this decision
:bounce:

response #8 by shenmue:

      I thought someone was flying a baby
Sorry.

:shrug:

:dunce:

response #17 by EnviroBat:

      I thought a baby landed a plane! Now THAT'S NEWS!

response #25 by Kurovski:

      And I thought underpants HAD a baby today.
At any rate, what does Britney Spears say about L'il George the pres'dent these days? Why aren't the important things EVER discussed?

response #12 by Frank Cannon:

      Thank GOD Elian is back in the US!!!
Oops. You were talking about that Playboy model's kid. My bad.

response #30 by Kurovski:

      Wouldn't it be weird if Birkhead married Britney Spears?
On an aircraft carrier?

response #31 by EnviroBat:

      With a giant codpiece...

response #37 by Kurovski:

      And a banner that reads...
"Oops, I Did It Again."

GD, May 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x796729

On a thread by DeepModem Mom:

      Second in AP series of personal questions: What do the candidates like to cook?
"Republican presidential candidates are literally red-meat conservatives. So it seemed when The Associated Press asked presidential hopefuls from both parties what they like to cook. Democrats appear more diverse in the food they most like to prepare...."

response #1 by John Q. Citizen:

      None of them mentioned crack cocaine or intelligence, so I'm figuring they all
passed that test....

response #7 by wienerdoggie:

      Apparently Republican men are afraid of disappointing their
base by saying they like to cook something OTHER than hunks of meat--on the grill. Anything else might send metrosexual or gay vibes.

GDP, May 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3244591

On a thread by babylonsister:

State Dept: Iraq Has Been ‘Good For The Effort To Reduce Terrorism’

response #1 by xultar:

Yeah, and rubbin my ass with sandpaper makes it smooth.

GDP, May 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3244224

On a thread by blogslut:

      Bwahahaha! Guess who went to high school with George Tenet?

Porn star Ron Jeremy.

response #1 by Greyskye:

      so they both chose the same career?
:evilgrin:

response #3 by Horse with no Name:

      Yeah only Ron Jeremy fucks one person at a time
Tenet fucked the entire country.

response #9 by karlrschneider:

      So Ron is known for his autofellation ability. Wow.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ron_Jeremy

response #15 by supernova:

      Well, thanks for that
:wow:

I managed to get through all this time and not know why exactly Ron Jeremy is famous. :P

response #17 by karlrschneider:

      Hey, if I were gonna be famous, I wouldn't mind it being for that...
:D

response #18 by supernova:

      It occurs to me
that if most men had this ability, nothing would ever get done.

Least of all, us women.

response #16 by lynyrd_skynyrd:

      Does that make one gay?
I have always wondered at the kind of sexual orientation one must have in order to autofellate. Does it not matter that it's your own penis?

response #24 by wtmusic:

      Then masturbation would make one gay
and not that I DO, but I have er, a friend who does, and he's certainly not gay.

response #30 by TahitiNut:

      Ah-hah ... now I understand what twisted Tenet so badly.
Sharing a boys' shower with Ron Jeremy. Tenet has been overcompensating ever since.

response #22 by WilliamPitt:

      Hedgehog!!!!!!!
Slam dunk indeed. :P

GD, May 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x799296

On a thread by karlrschneider:

      Cafferty has an interesting question for this hour:
"What SHOULD the banner on the carrier have said?"

response #1 by AllegroRondo:

      "We're with Stupid"

response #15 by mdmc:

      We've only planned this far!

GD, May 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x798861

On a thread by lynyrd_skynyrd:

Either we'll succeed, or we won't succeed - Bush
I just heard him say that...

response #2 by Atman:

We'll you gotta admit, he nailed it!
:rofl:

Even a flaming bag of dog turds is, uh...well, I don't really have an apt metaphor, I just wanted to equate Bush with a flaming bag of dog turds.

GD, May 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x805600

OP by Phoebe Loosinhouse:

      Clearly insurmountable front-runner from Republican debate
Reagan. Has anyone told them that he's dead?

response #1 by lonestarnot:

      Only good thing about him was you only had to hide his Easter eggs once.

response #15 by rurallib:

      But his views have not changed.
Besides, if Reagan did run few would notice any difference from his last run.

GD, May 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x818100

On a thread by samplegirl:

I'm not sure where Air Force 1 fits into this
whole Republican debate...

response #3 by BOSSHOG:

Republicans require large, inanimate phallic symbols
I suggest they display some pictures of slaughtered nonwhite priests and nuns and children from central America if they really want to excite the base.

GD, May 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x813899

OP by Virginia Dare:

      Rudy sez "I hate abortion"...
Strawman sez, really Rudy, because I think it's kewl! :freak:

Man, the Strawman must be totally exhausted today, he took a real beating!

response #1 by Morrisons Ghost:

      Are there people
Who actually enjoy having abortions? I assume most people use it as a last option. :wtf:

response #2 by Virginia Dare:

      According to the Repubs, you'd think people are using it like a spa treatment..
WTF indeed. This campaign is going to be SOOOO exhausting.

response #3 by Solly Mack:

      Yeah well abortion loves Rudy and is terribly sorry to have missed him

response #12 by Mend:

      has he polled all his wives and girlfriends? Statistically, at least one
could have had one at some point...hope they come out and tell how rudy paid for it with a cancelled check that they kept as a keepsake of their loving relationship.

GD, May 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x820953

OP by CBHagman:

      Things you will never hear during GOP candidates' debate!
"Okay, ladies, when I'm president, it's Coat Hanger City!"

"That Ronald Reagan -- jeesh, by '86 the mind was kaputt, just totally gone."

"Frankly, I don't get to church often. Generally I just play golf on Sundays."

"I can't do a damn thing with my kids."

"My wife's just staying with me so she can pick out the next White House china."

"We Republicans talk big, but we couldn't balance the budget to save our lives."

"Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do think Paris Hilton deserves a tax cut."

"We're going to screw up fiscally and internationally, and leave the next generation to clean things up. Ha! Ha!"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do want to be king."

Feel free to add your own!

response #6 by Buzz Clik:

      "I've always felt this way."

response #9 by cooolandrew:

      "peace and love man"

response #20 by Gidney N Cloyd:

      Not everything is Bill Clinton's fault. nt

response #24 by NewJeffCT:

      "There is no God but Allah, and Muhammed is his prophet"
I'm sure that would play well with Falwell, Robertson, Dobson, Donohue, etc.

GD, May 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x822504

OP by EarlG:

EarlG's Post-Debate Post-Mortem

Won't repost this one here. Click the link below, if you've just been taken out of cryogenic suspension or been otherwise unable to read it already. It's brilliant, it's funny, and it's preternaturally accurate on all counts. Note to lurking freepers: "preternaturally" is a real word. Ask an adult, if you know any. And no, your parents don't count; if they did, you wouldn't be a freeper.

GDP, May 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3249805

And finally, on a sad and frightening note::

The Academy received a threatening notice today, concerning the inclusion of a particular post this week. The message reads in part: "JeffR, I swear to Eleanor Roosevelt I'll kill yer ass cold if you don't put this in." The link is below, but, despite the veneration I hold for the sainted Mrs. Roosevelt and my fear of the evidently unhinged person who made this threat, I strongly urge you not to click on it. Please turn off your computer at once and go do the dishes or something.

GD, May 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x795278