How to deal with evangelists at your door----dial up warning

[IChing]

[hobbit709]

1. OOH!!

don't tempt me.:rofl:

[IChing]

5. I normally get them on Saturday even though we have a No Soliciting ordinance

Posted at my Condo

more at the site:http://russellsteapot.com/comics/2007/always-check-their-credentials.html

[MADem]

7. Do they give you the "Oh, we're not soliciting?" line of shit?

My response was "Honey, get the Chief of Police on the phone!!! We've got some assholes here soliciting who claim that's not what they're doing!"

They hustled their asses off my porch, the one with the "no soliciting" sign posted plainly by the doorbell!!

I'll tell ya, they've screwed with the wrong person when they get my tired old ass out of bed for that shit. It is NOT appreciated.

[IChing]

9. Me too..........I don't care what they're pushing

Being Magazines or religion.


I think I will try this one the cartoonist did.
I usually tell them I'm a devote NP Christian. They don't get the NP part.

Here is another cartoon I like:
http://russellsteapot.com/comics/2007/untitled.html

[Mabus]

15. I call the cops on them all the time

One dispatcher told me that they weren't violating the solicitation law since they weren't selling something or trying to exchange something of value. I told her that they were trying to sell me their religion and that they believed my soul was endanger. In other words, their intent was what was paramount and their intent was to sell me their religion and in exchange for my soul. She sent the cops right out.

Anymore they just leave their literature on the front porch and run. When I catch them doing it, I will run down the street telling them (and this is the cleaned up version) to put it where the sun doesn't shine and to go fornicate with themselves. The first time I did it I think my husband was a little embarrassed that I would actually chase people down the street yelling such things but I'm not going to let them get away with littering my property. Besides that, I asked them to "shake the dust off" their feet when it comes to my house. I figured if I talked to them in language they could understand it might help but they didn't understand the reference. :eyes: I'm not a Christian but I've grown up around them and if they don't understand the concept of shaking the dust off their feet then they shouldn't be out there talking about a religion they evidently know nothing about.

fwiw, I also have my own "No soliciting or proselytizing" (I don't go to your house to discuss my god, please don't stop here to tell me about yours) sign on my door.

[coznfx]

68. Damn lot of effort. I just answer the door naked.

Works every time. Not because I'm particularly gruesome, you understand.

[Mabus]

73. I work out of the house

so I consider the time I spend persecuting Christians (they've accused me of it) something to break up my day.

[Retrograde]

110. best response I know!

2nd place goes to an acquaintance of my late father. Said acquaintance was a big, burly longshoreman, about six-foot-forty with proportional build. When door-to-door religion solicitors would ask him if he believed in Jesus Christ, he would smile sweetly and say, "Of course. I am Jesus Christ". Word got around quickly.

I have no respect for people who try to impose their beliefs on others. I do have respect for real Christians - and others - who spend their time visiting the sick and shut-ins and doing other work for their communities. These guys never call attention to themselves.

[FloridaJudy]

118. I have no patience with these people any more.

The last time they visited, I refused to open the door. They shoved a bunch of literature telling me I was going to hell under my sill, and tore up my Tibetan prayer flags. It's no more Ms. Nice Buddhist. The next time they show up, I'm calling the cops.

I don't rip the crosses off of their front doors. If they're going to behave like vandals, then they'll be treated as such.

[DURHAM D]

13. I usually tell them (mostly I get Southern Baptists)

that I am a Charismatic Agnostic.

I smile sweetly and close the door. Then I watch as they stand outside and try to figure out what I just said. Sometimes they get out their cell phones and call someone. I guess they are trying to figure out what what it means and a different approach.

I usually tell the JWs that I am an Evangelical Druid.

[karlrschneider]

2. Heh heh heh

:evilgrin:

[rasputin1952]

3. That is just funny as hell...I get these people occasionally...

and I thought my idea of asking them to come in and sit down while I finished off a sacrificial chicken was good...:D

[Jade Fox]

4. Dang, that's good!

I was just thinking yesterday that being a preacher is the only occupation which requires no testing of competence that is reality based. All that is required is that you feel you have a "calling". I say we start initiating the biblical tests mentioned in this cartoon!

[AlCzervik]

6. lol. I had the Jehovah's witnesses a few weeks ago at my door and like an idiot

after i looked through the peek hole i go to my kitchen and i yell--"I'm not home" and my daughter says "Real smooth Mom". I'm not home-what a moran.

[cain_7777]

8. I got the sweet'ol lady tactic

One of my neighbors, a sweet old lady, came by with a fruit pie to welcome us to the neighborhood and then went on and on about her Baptist church. Usually I have zero tolerance for this crap and give them a brief history lesson on the evolution of religion but she was too sweet and old. I just smiled and danced around every offer to attend service on Sundays with her. She probably would have dropped dead if she knew I was an atheist. Old people get a free pass but anyone under the age of 65 is free game.

[AlCzervik]

11. she brought pie, i would have given her a pass as well.

[mwb970]

98. At least she brought a pie!

Last summer, a local Christian group mowed my lawn for me when I wasn't home and left a little note about their mission and community service. That was a lot better (and more persuasive) than the sermon-on-the-doorstep approach!

[Whoa_Nelly]

10. I just have this posted at my front door

:evilgrin:

[MADem]

12. Wow, I'll bet you don't get awakened like I do!!

That's classic!

[Whoa_Nelly]

14. Designed that sign several years ago

It works...at least they don't knock or ring the doorbell, but for some reason they think it's their right to at least leave their literature on my doorstep. Apparently, I need saving :rofl:

[MADem]

17. Well, I'd save the crap they left for you--right into the recycle bin!! NT

[Mabus]

19. Now I know why my sign doesn't work

It doesn't have pictures. I think I've been overestimating their ability to read plain English.

LOL. They leave stuff on my porch but it has been cut way down. I've called the church and asked why they feel compelled to litter my property. When I see them in the neighborhood I return the literature to them with some not-so-kind words. In fact, I have yelled at them enough that they are just targeting my husband now. They actually sent him letters (two or three hand-written letters!) urging him to attend their church a while back.

Last year, one of my step-daughter's fundie classmates came by and prayed on our sidewalk while another one tried to perform an exorcism on the house and/or me. I think it pissed them off (at the very least he was visibly irritated) when I called a friend to join on the front porch to watch them. She brought beer and I provided chips. :evilgrin:

[atommom]

96. Maybe next time we can have a meetup so we can all watch the exorcism!

:rofl:

Seriously, though, I'm jealous. No one has tried to exorcise me yet. :evilfrown:

[Mabus]

105. And people think Kansas is boring.

It's happened more than once too. My stepdaughter is bipolar with psychotic episodes. She's tried to exorcise me & the house and she's tried to cast spells on me to get rid of me. Ah, good times, good times.

And people wonder why I don't leave the house very often. Heck, this stuff happens when I'm at home. Imagine what would happen if I actually got out more. . . I'd end up with TBN broadcasting across the street.

And now you know why my moniker I use is another name for the anti-Christ.

[No DUplicitous DUpe]

21. Now that door sign says it all. Nice!

I'm still laughing...

[Hubert Flottz]

16. Hubert's law

The bigger the dog, the fewer the preachers.

[rasputin1952]

20. LOL...I have an American Pit Bull, she's as nice as a dog can

be, but she has a whopper of a bark and some hellacious teeth...:D

[me b zola]

81. lol

When I was a child my grandmother used to yell at the JWs, "if you don't get out of here I'm going to let the dog out on you!" Our dog was a protective German Shepard who would be at her side showing teeth & growling. They always left quickly. :rofl:

[drm604]

18. Great Site.

I wonder if they're a DUer?

[burythehatchet]

22. I tell them they can have as much time as they need

and then they will need to listen to me read them the Bhagavad Gita.

[nevergiveup]

23. I tell them they

are treating Jesus as if he was a vacuum cleaner. I wait for their mouths to drop open and then I wish them a happy day and close the door. In the old days door to door vacuum cleaner salesmen were quite common. I don't suspect most of these folks even know what I am making reference to but they sure seem astonished when I say it.

[Clark2008]

24. Why the ire?

Just tell them you're not interested and close the door.

I don't understand why everyone on this board gets so fucking bent out of shape when someone comes to the door to preach. The Bible tells Christians to spread the "good news" and they're just doing that.

If you don't want to hear it - and you have every right not to - just tell them you don't and close the door.

If they begin harassing you at that point, THEN get angry. But I don't understand the initial hatred of all things Christian by so many members of this board. You guys must have so very high blood pressures and short triggers if something this ordinary pisses you off so easily.

[mitchtv]

25. I am Gay, I consider them enemies( and I'm 99% right)

Besides Matthew says If you want to pray : go in a closet and close the door behind you. Bible quotes are like polls and statistics, you can always find one that supports your POV
Behold: Christians in action
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=221x51847

[Clark2008]

32. That's still no reason to be rude and pissed off.

Just shut the door. No sense in your behaving like them.

[Solon]

37. Unless he is going door to door trying to spread his "gayness"...

He ISN'T acting like them.

[Clark2008]

41. Yes he is.

His hatred of them is as bigoted as he claims they are.

I'm a Christian and I don't hate gay people; therefore, his stereotyping is incorrect as it relates to me and my family.

My point is that he shouldn't get bent out of shape from someone coming to his door - tell them to leave and be done with it. Should we ban candidate volunteers from going door-to-door to spread news about their candidate, too? It's all part of the same thing - getting out information. Nothing more.

And, as I said, no one has to listen to it if they don't want. Close the door. If the person persists, which they rarely ever do, then call the police on them for trespassing. No. Big. Deal.

It's the IRE I'm seeing - not the comic or the funny things someone could say. Hell, I've done that. I ran off some Southern Baptist by introducing my son with the Muslim name, my husband with the Jewish name and whilst holding my rosary. I'm sure we confused them. But we weren't rude.

[Duncan Grant]

52. You weren't rude but you sure were passive.

I ran off some Southern Baptist by introducing my son with the Muslim name, my husband with the Jewish name and whilst holding my rosary. I'm sure we confused them. But we weren't rude.

This is very telling. Just sayin'...

[smoogatz]

95. I work at home. If somebody knocks on my door during the day

it had better be the FedEx guy with my new wah-wah pedal, or the mailman with a check from my agent. If it's religious proselytizers of any stripe, I do, in fact, become annoyed. One wants to drop water balloons on them from the upstairs windows, if not boiling oil. Here's why door-to-door proselytizing sucks: first, it's based on the incredibly arrogant assumption that what they believe is better than what I believe, and I need to hear about it (it isn't, and I don't). I understand that the Bible tells them so, but the weird thing about that is that it only tells some Christians to go to people's houses and interrupt them while they're trying to make a living; other Christians who allegedly have the same faith are content not to do so. Second, I have yet to meet a door-to-door proselytizer who's willing to give me his/her home address, so I can come to his/her house with a few friends and discuss the ways in which his/her personal belief system is full of shit. Weirdly, some Christians seem to take offense at the idea of groups of three or four atheists showing up at their door periodically to inform them that the Bible is historically and scientifically incorrect, and that their beliefs are preposterous--if not dangerous. Go figure.

[mitchtv]

40. Rude? is it rude to tell them i was raised Catholic

and We consider them Heretics? ( actually I am now an Apostate, but the label system works well for my purpose). I find it hard to not tell them nicely. Another thing : I never knock on Christian's door to tell them that they wouldn't recognize Christ if he came up and bit them. Today's So=called good Christians have no one but themselves to blame for the bad reception the get from folks . They, like Muslims, Have allowed the irresponsible extremists to take over the pulpits with nary a whisper of protest or moderation, Now that their "religion" has achieved disrepute, some wish to say "Oh not us" Sorry, to little too late.

[Clark2008]

42. No - actually, that's fine.

I'm Catholic too and tell them so.

And then I close the door.

[Duncan Grant]

50. Your point about irresponsible extremists is well taken.

The complicity of moderate Christians in this regard is tragic. My feelings are similar to yours regarding the "Oh, not us" position.

[in_cog_ni_to]

51. They're the RUDE ones. They have no right to come to my door to proselytize.

NONE. Not unless I invite them to do so. It's called TRESPASSING.

In law, trespass can be:# the criminal act of going into somebody else's land or property without permission; # it is also a civil law tort that may be a valid cause of action to seek judicial relief and possibly damages through a lawsuit.

[mcg]

82. It's not a simple as that.

For example, consider this..

Church's door-to-door solicitation case comes calling at high court
http://www.freedomforum.org/templates/document.asp?documentID=15785

I'm rarely bothered by door-to-door solicitors. Usually the ones that
come to my door are progressives, and I want to talk to them. The
last time I was solicited door-to door by someone from a church was
many years ago. I was recently proselytized by an ex-coworker, who
turned out to be a bushbot. What annoyed me about him was that he
wasn't upfront about where he was coming from, he was being sneeky
about it.

It's telemarketing phone calls that bug me, but I've learned to simply
hang up once I extract from them who they are/why they are calling.
I can be rude as a want to be with them but most of the time I don't
want to bother, it takes too much energy. If they don't come out quick
with who they are/why they are calling then I might let them have it.

[smoogatz]

103. Get caller ID.

Seriously--we finally broke down and got the super-deluxe phone package (cost about $2 a month more than our former service), and I haven't been bothered by a phone solicitor since. We're on both the state and federal do-not-call lists, but that doesn't stop the unscrupulous phone-scammers, or the incredibly persistent (and often quite rude) outsourced "non-profits," like the so-called "State Troopers Association" and "Homeless Veterans," etc.--all of which come from the same calling center, and all of which are scams. They used to enrage me, but no more. We also found out we could get an upgrade in our DSL service for LESS than we were paying for our old service. Amazing.

[mcg]

104. I should consider that, thanks. nt

[in_cog_ni_to]

117. Well, I guess I'll just have to put up a NO TRESPASSING/NO SOLICITING/NO PROSELYTIZING sign.

For the telemarketers, I use my caller ID to screen calls. They're usually 800 numbers and I just don't answer them. When they don't leave a message on the answering machine, I know for certain it's a telemarketer. Yeah...they're annoying as hell, but the religious nuts knocking on my door to harass me pisses ME off more. My home is my sanctuary. They have no freakin' right, IMCPO...to invade my space by trespassing and trying to proselytize. It's RUDE and ARROGANT to think everyone in this world is a Christian who wants to listen to YOUR preaching.:grr:

[hobbit709]

26. Religion should be a private thing

between you and your god or gods. What someone believes should be their business. I do not go to others' doors to give them my beliefs and I expect the same. If I have a sign on my door saying go away and you insist on preaching after being warned then as far as I am concerned it's Wabbit Season.

[Ghost in the Machine]

29. The Bible tells Christians to spread the "good news" and they're just doing that.

In a different part of the Bible, it tells them to "go into your closets and pray, for what you do in private will be rewarded 10 fold in public. Those who pray in public, on the street corners, in the synagogues have already gotten their rewards. They have been given up to reprobate minds"

The bible is full of contradictions, falsehoods and fairy tales. The same fairy tales that some parents tell their children about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy.. yada yada yada... it's ALL LIES!

[Clark2008]

33. Well, I don't consider it a lie and I think you're dead wrong.

And, if you came to my door spouting that shit, I'd tell you to leave and close the door.

I still wouldn't start a thread telling others how to cuss you out and call the police on you - unless you kept hanging around - then you'd be trespassing.

[Ghost in the Machine]

39. If I *am* wrong, I won't know about it until I'm dead, and it'll be too late

to worry about it then. If I'm *not* wrong, I won't know about it at all, and I'll die believing I was right. Either way, I'm not going to live my life in fear of what may or may not happen to me after I die. I'll be dead and I won't care.

I'd never begrudge anyone else's right to believe anything they want. Whatever makes your existence on this old rock more peaceful and comfortable for YOU is just fine with me.

[Clark2008]

43. And, that's fine, too.

I'm just trying to understand why there is so much ANGER about people coming to the door.

If it was a drug dealer or a gang member with intent on harming you, yes, I can see that - but a little blue-haired lady or some teenager who is only doing this because his parents (and their religion) are making him do it? Why get mad a that person?

Just scoot them on their way and laugh behind their backs. That's what hubby and I do (we get them from time to time).

I think it all goes back to tolerance - and I think as good liberals, we should show tolerance to those we don't agree with as long as they aren't intent on physically harming us: lead by example (Jesus' example - He was pretty damned tolerant!)

[Ghost in the Machine]

48. I agree with you on the tolerance. I never condoned the tactics of the OP either..

I was just pointing out the contradictions in the Bible between spreading the word vs. go into your closets and pray.

I thought tolerance was the whole point of liberalism. Maybe I was wrong? :shrug:

[mitchtv]

56. Yup, wrong

I feel no need to tolerate someone coming to my door , telling me my life is wrong.I am extremely tolerant, being a minority. They are the intolerant party here, confront them whenever possible.They unamerican,, hell, the JWs don't even vote, which I consider a citizen's resposiblity.

[mitchtv]

53. Anger? at Christians? pray tell

why would anyone be angry at such nice, kind, well meaning souls, who would never think of putting you in jail, or taking away your rights, life and liberty????? i'm shocked, I tell you, shocked!!!!!
BTW, Jesus has nothing to do with Christianity; He was , as you say tolerant, they on the other hand, are the antithesis of tolerant. withness: Pope RatsoI

[in_cog_ni_to]

55. Jesus was a Jew.

Just clarifying.;)

[mitchtv]

57. Maybe that's why he thought for himself

a quality not widespread among his followers

[in_cog_ni_to]

59. Maybe!

:7

[mikelewis]

64. Are you sure? I always thought that the crucifixion was sort of his official excommunication.

[spoony]

61. The funny thing is that you paint with as broad a brush as the people you hate

whom you think hate you.

[mitchtv]

67. No ones fault but those who permitted

the haters from taking over the microphones and meekly allowed their so called religions to be taken over by heretics,totaly divorced from Jesus, nd his golden rule.
(all hiding behind the same cross)

[Duncan Grant]

94. These door to door grifters "hate" anyone who isn't buying into their version of reality.

Please don't try to turn this on those of us who resist unwelcomed proselytizing. I'm not disrespectful of my neighbors and friends. I'm not going door to door insulting and intruding into other people's lives - uninvited.

And on the most fundamental level -- it's just bad manners to go door to door selling salvation.

[davekriss]

102. Why generalize about a small subset

of Christians? Did you forget that Christianity brought us Liberation Theology which stirred the progressive movements in Central America in the seventies and eighties before they were brutally crushed by SOA-trained client dictators and thugs working for the US of A? What about Father Berigan and his work against the Vietnam War, or Reverend Martin Luther King and the role of the church in the civil rights movement? They were Christian, all.

Applying a broad brush to Christians is just as bigoted as applying a hateful brush to any other cultural sub-group as a whole.

Now, if we were saying we hated it when Dominionists and Christian Reconstructionists came to our door, then I could understand. But Christians? As a group? No, that is niave and hateful, not progressive thinking at all.

[Gelliebeans]

77. You want know why it is a big deal?

I have a sign next to my door saying no solicitors/no proselytizing because I have arthritis and by the time I get up (stiff with pain) to find out that some idiot can't or won't read my sign that specifically states I am not interested in Jesus they deserve my wrath.

Same goes for the dunderheads that litter my doorstep with their crap. I call them on it every time and explain that I don't have a relationship with your company and because your employees won't read/can't read my sign tells me that I will never ever do business with you because you have demonstrated that you do not care about violating my rights to privacy. Am I pissed about this? You bet.

[IChing]

78. I pointed that out too.(arthritis)..... but while I'm at the door

I'm gonna remember to bring the draino the next time
to make it worth my while..:)

I have friendly neighbors that knock on my door to
check to see how I am, or to tell me their problems.

I would rather get solicited by a hooker at my door
than the other types of solicitation.

Might even buy something from that kind of merchant.

[Gelliebeans]

79. lol

;)

[Manifestor_of_Light]

87. Let me tell you how UNSAFE it is to answer the door.

I worked at the courthouse for many years and saw many a trial, both civil and criminal.

I saw more than one trial where a girl living in an apartment would have a young man bang on her door, impersonating the maintenance man, or something similar.

Then he would come in and rape her.

I also took down a case where a young man in a nice neighborhood knocked on a woman's door who was a nurse and a nursing teacher, and he said he wanted to talk to her, like he had a personal problem he needed to discuss.

She let him in. He strangled her with her own nurses' uniform pants, and then tried to rape her after he was dead. I think he got 60 years for first degree murder. She had long fake nails and apparently clawed him quite effectively, so his blood was on the sheets, which could be tested for blood factors, and when they picked him up he said he had "fallen into a sticker bush".

This was in the 80s, so it's not like this is a recent phenomenon.

This was the trial where the prosecutor was trying to go around the confession, which was not admitted, by asking the police officer who took the confession about what it contained.

The prosecutor asked the cop if the confession contained anything about "non-consensual sexual intercourse after death". Later we took a break, and I told the prosecutor, "Ma,am, do you realize what you said on direct exam?" and I told her that, and she said, "I DID???".

Now you know why I went crazy and ran off screaming from that courthouse job.

I have a camera at the front door and the back door, with motion detector lights, and don't answer if it's someone I don't recognize, except for the UPS guy or mailman in a uniform.
Most salespeople can't read and don't know what "No Soliciting" because they're illiterate. If you confront them they deny it.

Men can be attacked by a stranger as well, of course. Not all men are big enough or strong enough to deal with an intruder. I was once married to a guy when I was almost out of college who weighed about 115 . I was stronger than he was and I was four years older than he was, and I weighed about 130 at the time. Neither one of us was a real jock.

[SemperEadem]

99. but you will participate in a thread judging others' behavior

and telling them how you think they should behave... instead of ignoring the thread because your beliefs are not impacted because someone else chooses to take porch-preachers to task.

[mikelewis]

63. Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus...

Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except what they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men’s or children’s, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The external light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies. You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if you did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived could tear apart. Only faith, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.
http://beebo.org/smackerels/yes-virginia.html


Say what you like about Jesus Christ... he can take it... but back the fuck off Santa or I'll beat your ass with my Bible.

[Ghost in the Machine]

65. "but back the fuck off Santa or I'll beat your ass with my Bible."

Heh... I'd like to see the day *that* tries to happen... and BTW, is that how *you* were indoctrinated?

[mikelewis]

75. Yes, that is how I was indoctrinated into my belief in Santa Claus... all non-believers are to be...

...beaten with Bibles. We could use a Koran or a hard bound copy of the Upanishads if you have some sort of religious reason for not wanting to be beaten with a Bible. And I'm not really sure that you would like to see the day you were beaten with a Bible for lack of faith in Santa Claus. That would be a surreal day and those mostly suck... though the stories are awesome. "Like this one day, I was calling all these Christians assholes and trashing on Santa Claus and one of them "Christians" just beat me with his Bible... Like who would Jesus beat, man... I tell you... it was so surreal." That'd be a good story to tell someone... so in that respect it may be worth it.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

89. Hey there! You could be dyslexic??

You obviously sold your soul to Santa instead of Satan!!! Good for you!!

:evilgrin:

[Ghost in the Machine]

114. Is that where the term "bible belt" originated from? I'll have to think that over.

In the meantime, I think I'm going to look up the Super Stars of the C.L.W.F. (Christian Lion Wrestling Federation). That was a sport that went away way before it's time. Hell, I'd get Pay-Per-View just to watch Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson tag team against Siegfried & Roy's lions and tigers. Jim & Tammy Faye Bakker can join in the fun too! Jimmy Swaggart... come on down!... you're the next contestant on "Prove Your Faith"!... Oral Roberts ( let's call you "Blowjob Bobs", just because it's funnier).... Ted Haggard....

All Hail Satan Claus! :hi:

[mikelewis]

125. Maybe we could even dig up Martin Luther King Jr. and throw his corpse in there too...

...that would be fun. And maybe we could all piss on it just for good measure; nothing is too rotten to do to a Christian. I hear JFK was a catholic... that piece of shit... can we throw him to the lions as well? What about the millions of people in this world who rely on faith as their only remaining hope? Can we feed them to the lions too? What about those assholes at the food banks and the outreach centers; what about the ones that visit the elderly or go to prisons and try to change lives... we should condemn them too. We should make... oh noooo... John Edwards is a Christian.... ohhhh shit... do we gotta feed him to the lions too? How much would you pay to see John Edwards fed to the lions?

Falwell and Robertson are politicians running a political organization whose members believe God is a little glowing box in their living room. If that's what you think Christianity is then you are a fool. I know I'm supposed to give a shit if you get "saved" but frankly, I figure your life is your own problem. You can hate all Christians because of the actions of some... just as you can hate all blacks due to the actions of some... or all Jews... or all Muslim... or all Americans... Hate don't need a reason, baby... go dig in... but I assure you that's a dead end road. Hate will eat up you alive and leave you empty... no matter how tough you think you are, hate will beat you. Don't believe me? Just think... it even killed Santa and turned him into the Devil in your mind.

[dogday]

101. Actually Jesus instructed his Disciples to go unto the world

and deliver the message and they asked, well what if someone turns us away and does not want to hear the word, and Jesus said then turn your backs to that city and continue on... He did not say bug the heck out of people till they say anything, he said turn your back on them if they don't want to hear the word...

[Ghost in the Machine]

106. 101 Contradictions of the Bible (here's 28 of them)

101 Contradictions In The Bible

1.Who incited David to count the fighting men of Israel?
(a) God did (2 Samuel 24: 1)
(b) Satan did (I Chronicles 2 1:1)

2.In that count how many fighting men were found in Israel?
(a) Eight hundred thousand - 2 Samuel 24: 9
(b) One million, one hundred thousand - I Chronicles 21: 5

3. How many fighting men were found in Judah?
(a) Five hundred thousand 2 Samuel 24: 9
(b) Four hundred and seventy thousand I Chronicles 21: 5

4.God sent his prophet to threaten David with how many years of famine?
(a) Seven 2 Samuel 24: 13
(b) Three I Chronicles 21: 12

5.How old was Ahaziah when he began to rule over Jerusalem?
(a) Twenty-two 2 Kings 8: 26
(b) Forty-two 2 Chronicles 22: 2

6.How old was Jehoiachin when he became king of Jerusalem?
(a) Eighteen 2 Kings 24: 8
(b) Eight 2 Chronicles 36: 9

7.How long did he rule over Jerusalem?
(a) Three months 2 Kings 24: 8
(b) Three months and ten days 2 Chronicles 36: 9

8.The chief of the mighty men of David lifted up his spear and killed how many men at one time?
(a) Eight hundred (2 Samuel 23:8)
(b) Three hundred (I Chronicles 11: 11)

9.When did David bring the Ark of the Covenant to Jerusalem? Before defeating the Philistines or after?
(a) After (2 Samuel 5 and 6)
(b) Before (I Chronicles 13 and 14)

10.How many pairs of clean animals did God tell Noah to take into the Ark?
(a) Two (Genesis 6:19, 20)
(b) Seven (Genesis 7:2). But despite this last instruction only two pairs went into the ark (Genesis 7:8-9)

11.When David defeated the King of Zobah, how many horsemen did he capture?
(a) One thousand and seven hundred (2 Samuel 8:4)
(b) Seven thousand (I Chronicles 18:4)

12.How many stalls for horses did Solomon have?
(a) Forty thousand (I Kings 4:26)
(b) Four thousand (2 chronicles 9:25)

13.In what year of King Asa's reign did Baasha, King of Israel die?
(a) Twenty-sixth year (I Kings 15:33 - 16:8)
(b) Still alive in the thirty-sixth year (2 Chronicles 16:1)

14.How many overseers did Solomon appoint for the work of building the temple?
(a) Three thousand six hundred (2 Chronicles 2:2)
(b) Three thousand three hundred (I Kings 5:16)

15.Solomon built a facility containing how many baths?
(a) Two thousand (1 Kings 7:26)
(b) Over three thousand (2 Chronicles 4:5)

16.Of the Israelites who were freed from the Babylonian captivity, how many were the children of Pahrath-Moab?
(a) Two thousand eight hundred and twelve (Ezra 2:6)
(b) Two thousand eight hundred and eighteen (Nehemiah 7:11)

17.How many were the children of Zattu?
(a) Nine hundred and forty-five (Ezra 2:8)
(b) Eight hundred and forty-five (Nehemiah 7:13)

18.How many were the children of Azgad?
(a) One thousand two hundred and twenty-two (Ezra 2:12)
(b) Two thousand three hundred and twenty-two (Nehemiah 7:17)

19.How many were the children of Adin?
(a) Four hundred and fifty-four (Ezra 2:15)
(b) Six hundred and fifty-five (Nehemiah 7:20)

20.How many were the children of Hashum?
(a) Two hundred and twenty-three (Ezra 2:19)
(b) Three hundred and twenty-eight (Nehemiah 7:22)

21.How many were the children of Bethel and Ai?
(a) Two hundred and twenty-three (Ezra 2:28)
(b) One hundred and twenty-three (Nehemiah 7:32)

22.Ezra 2:64 and Nehemiah 7:66 agree that the total number of the whole assembly was 42,360. Yet the numbers do not add up to anything close. The totals obtained from each book is as follows:
(a) 29,818 (Ezra)
(b) 31,089 (Nehemiah)

23.How many singers accompanied the assembly?
(a) Two hundred (Ezra 2:65)
(b) Two hundred and forty-five (Nehemiah 7:67)

24.What was the name of King Abijah’s mother?
(a) Michaiah, daughter of Uriel of Gibeah (2 Chronicles 13:2)
(b) Maachah, daughter of Absalom (2 Chronicles 11:20) But Absalom had only one daughter whose name was Tamar (2 Samuel 14:27)

25.Did Joshua and the Israelites capture Jerusalem?
(a) Yes (Joshua 10:23, 40)
(b) No (Joshua 15:63)

26.Who was the father of Joseph, husband of Mary?
(a) Jacob (Matthew 1:16)
(b) Hell (Luke 3:23)

27.Jesus descended from which son of David?
(a) Solomon (Matthew 1:6)
(b) Nathan (Luke3: 31)

Buy the books to read more... http://www.midnitecallers.com/wicca.html

If you'd care to refute these contradictions with supporting scripture or evidence please feel free to do so. Until then, I will continue to view the bible along the same lines as Aesop's Fables and Mother Goose.

PEACE!

Ghost

edited: to remove #@%&*(*^(^&% smilies from verse numbers

[siligut]

111. Great stuff, thank you.

This is a find, thank you! I know what to say to one group that sends out people to indoctrinate them and any hapless person who answers the bell in a moment of weakness, but the other cult, who say they are bible focused and then pick at it in an assigned manner. . . well, I just wasn’t able to be as concise. Now, these 27 contradictions offer a real solution.

I will just keep 3 copies, 2 to hand out to enlightenment-starved souls on the porch and 1 to make more copies from.

Organized religion is a huge and unforgivable farce imposed upon sleeping minds and it is inhuman not to inform the ones who present themselves on my porch. However, I have found that with the one cult, future purveyors of the falsehoods treat my door like the gates of hell after I have had access to a couple of them, so I may just need the first 2 copies when the second groups start making rounds again.

[Ghost in the Machine]

112. Here's a few more....

41.Did Herod think that Jesus was John the Baptist?
(a) Yes (Matthew 14:2; Mark 6:16)
(b) No (Luke 9:9)

42.Did John the Baptist recognize Jesus before his baptism?
(a) Yes (Matthew 3:13-14)
(b) No (John 1:32,33)

43.Did John the Baptist recognize Jesus after his baptism?
(a) Yes (John 1:32, 33)
(b) No (Matthew 11:2)

44.According to the Gospel of John, what did Jesus say about bearing his own witness?
(a) “If I bear witness to myself, my testimony is not true” (John 5:3 1)
(b) “Even if I do bear witness to myself, my testimony is true” (John 8:14)

45.When Jesus entered Jerusalem did he cleanse the temple that same day?
(a) Yes (Matthew 21:12)
(b) No. He went into the temple and looked around, but since it was very late he did nothing. Instead, he went to Bethany to spend the night and returned the next morning to cleanse the temple (Mark I 1:1-17).

46.The Gospels say that Jesus cursed a fig tree. Did the tree wither at once?
(a) Yes. (Matthew 21:19)
(b) No. It withered overnight (Mark II: 20)

52.Where was Jesus at the sixth hour on the day of the crucifixion?
(a) On the cross (Mark 15:23)
(b) In Pilate’s court (John 19:14)

53.The gospels say that two thieves were crucified along with Jesus. Did both thieves mock Jesus?
(a) Yes (Mark 15:32)
(b) No. One of them mocked Jesus, the other defended Jesus (Luke 23:43)

54.Did Jesus ascend to Paradise the same day of the crucifixion?
(a) Yes. He said to the thief who defended him, “Today you will be with me in Paradise” (Luke 23:43)
(b) No. He said to Mary Magdelene two days later, “I have not yet ascended to the Father” (John 20:17)

55.When Paul was on the road to Damascus he saw a light and heard a voice. Did those who were with
him hear the voice?
(a) Yes (Acts9: 7)
(b) No (Acts22: 9)

56.When Paul saw the light he fell to the ground. Did his traveling companions also fall to the ground?
(a) Yes (Acts 26:14)
(b) No (Acts 9:7)

57.Did the voice spell out on the spot what Paul’s duties were to be?
(a) Yes (Acts 26:16-18)
(b) No. The voice commanded Paul to go into the city of Damascus and there he will be told what he must do. (Acts9: 7; 22: 10)

58.When the Israelites dwelt in Shittin they committed adultery with the daughters of Moab. God struck
them with a plague. How many people died in that plague?
(a) Twenty-four thousand (Numbers 25:1 and 9)
(b) Twenty-three thousand (I Corinthians 10:8)

59.How many members of the house of Jacob came to Egypt?
(a) Seventy souls (Genesis 4&27)
(b) Seventy-five souls (Acts 7:14)

60.What did Judas do with the blood money he received for betraying Jesus?
(a) He bought a field (Acts 1: 18)
(b) He threw all of it into the temple and went away. The priests could not put the blood money into the temple treasury, so they used it to buy a field to bury strangers (Matthew 27:5)

61.How did Judas die?
(a) After he threw the money into the temple he went away and hanged himself (Matthew 27:5)
(b) After he bought the field with the price of his evil deed he fell headlong and burst open in the middle and all his bowels gushed out (Acts 1:18)

****WARNING: USE THESE WITH CAUTION AS THEY MAY CAUSE A FUNDIE'S HEAD TO EXPLODE****

[siligut]

115. Errors in translation? Failure to proof read?

I'm thinking the contradictions are probably because the bible is just a hodgepodge of preceding religions, no real thread of thought. Thanks again, I have to wonder if the contradictory elements are what cause the breakdown of critical thinking.

I am surprised fundie heads haven’t already imploded, all the reasoning has been sucked out.

[Duncan Grant]

30. Because it takes a hell of a lot of arrogance to assume people need salvation.

How about some simple humility? The idea that someone else would make assumptions about my immortal soul is so intrusive. That these same people would then proscribe a system of behaviors and beliefs that I should live by is -- by my standards -- appalling.

Let's tell the truth about it: proselytizing is annoying. Why should I be asked to accommodate it? Why can't the "Christians" just mind their own business and leave the rest of us alone?

[Clark2008]

38. Sure it's annoying, but you're missing my point.

It's not annoying if you don't let yourself get bent out of shape about it.

Tell them to leave. That was my WHOLE point. That's not accommodating it. That's telling them to move on or they will be considered trespassers. What is the big f'ing deal?

BTW, I thought the OP comic was funny - it was the subsequent rancorous comments that made me wonder about the collective blood pressure in the room. Just blow it off, for Pete's sake!

Oh - and Christians will mind their own business when you do. Did you go door to door for a candidate? If you did, then you were guilty of the same transgression that these people are: hoping to talk to people about something they may or may not want to talk about.

Think of that next time you canvas for a candidate (which I don't begrudge, either. If I don't like the candidate, I tell them to leave.)

P.S. And, for the record, I've never, in my life gone out to preach door-to-door. I just simply don't understand why all the volatility about this subject. It seems as though some people here are just as bigoted against Christians as they claim Christians are against them for their opinion, sexuality, belief system, etc.

[Solon]

44. That is a ridiculous argument...

It seems as though some people here are just as bigoted against Christians as they claim Christians are against them for their opinion, sexuality, belief system, etc.

Until Christians have to fear for their lives and safety due to their beliefs in this country, this is a bullshit argument. Christians are the fucking MAJORITY in this country, a whole 75% of the country are Christians, stop with this persecution complex you guys have. Until you are a religious or sexual minority in this country, you really have no fucking idea. I hope 2042 will arrive soon.

[Duncan Grant]

45. No, you were chastising people for getting "fucking bent out of shape" by proselytizing bigots.

You said: I don't understand why everyone on this board gets so fucking bent out of shape when someone comes to the door to preach. The Bible tells Christians to spread the "good news" and they're just doing that.

You seem to be making a lot of assumptions about everyone else's collective blood pressure, too. Maybe you're the one who's taking this too personally? And, for what it's worth, it seems to be quite a stretch to compare precinct canvassing to evangelism. Those of us who've been exploited by fundamentalism KNOW the difference.

[Greyskye]

46. That's what I do

We only get them a couple times a year. I always spot the bibles or pamphlets in their hands, and don't even let them finish getting through there opening spiel. I gently interrupt them with a smile, and say "I'm sorry, we're not interested. Have a nice day!", and gently but firmly shut the door. Keeps my blood pressure low, shows the 'saved' folks that the unsaved can be nice as well, and let's all of us get on with our days.

Now if they keep trying to 'educate' or 'convert' me, Mr. Nice can start making the transition over to Mr. Combative in fairly good order. :evilgrin: And he's more than happy to verbally tangle if I don't have anything better to do.

[in_cog_ni_to]

54. Going door to door politicking IS NOT the same as proselytizing. The GOVERNMENT is NOT the same as a

Church. The Government encompasses ALL it's citizens. A church encompasses a FEW. That's just silly. No one is saying they shouldn't practice their faith. NO ONE. They just need to keep it in their church, where it belongs and not at my front door. Not wanting proselytizing at my front door is NOT being bigoted. It's wanting my privacy on my private property and their religion left in their church. That is not being bigoted.

[IChing]

31. "spread the "good news" and they're just doing that"....No they are not.

So they should break our "no soliciting laws?
I have severe arthritis and have to get up
to go to the door to find out who is there.

So while I am there I will play with them and I'm going
use this cartoon example the next time and give them
"good news" from their own book.

[Clark2008]

34. Yes - they are.

Don't answer the door.

I'm 8 months pregnant and can't get up and down the stairs with winding myself and getting staunch Charley horses. I just wouldn't get up. No big deal.

BTW, not every city has anti-soliciting laws and those that do don't include those spreading religious views. That's not soliciting. You can aruge that it is, but it's still exempt in most areas because they've made an argument - as stated above - that it's not because no goods or services are being traded.

Sorry you all are so bent out of shape from a rap on the door. My God, do any of you live in a city? Where people knock on your door frequently?

You guys really are missing the point. I simply don't get why all the hatred for someone knocking on the damn door. Tell them to go away and be done with it.

Geesch.

(Oh, and for you uneducated, the "Gospel" means "the Good News." That's why I used that terminology. :eyes: )

[Gormy Cuss]

47. "I simply don't get why all the hatred for someone knocking on the damn door."

Are you getting a little annoyed? Perhaps now you understand why some (not EVERYONE, as you stated earlier) are so angry about having people proselytize on their doorstep.

Some people aren't pleased to have the doorbell ring at 8 AM on Saturday morning by anyone selling anything from Girl Scout cookies to the New Testament.

Some people don't like the impertinence of people who assume that whatever brand of faith the occupants already have is false. It's especially vexing when the proselytizer has a weak understanding of the very gospel he or she is trying to spread.

Some people don't like it when a polite "no thanks" elicits a response of "your soul is at peril!"

Some people don't like it when every other month members of the same church knock on the door, even though each and every time they have been told not to return.


I'm always polite to those who knock on my door but I understand the frustration (not hatred) displayed so comically in the OP cartoon.

[Solon]

36. Uhm, because they are salesman, even worse, they are solicitors...

and NOT in the British sense. I frankly don't care who is selling what, but waking MY ass up early on a weekend will ensure that I am in a bad mood. They are on the same level as telemarketers, who are also annoying, and, in some cases, the religious types are persistent, and don't even follow the law, like soliciting me at work, while I was working security of all things! Of course, the military tried the same thing, and I treated them the same as the JWs, I kicked them out too.

Besides that, only two groups of Christians around here are THAT annoying, the Mormons and the JWs. I remember one day I was watching my nephew in the backyard, we were playing with plastic baseball, he was about 2 at the time. Anyways, I have to watch him like a hawk, he's a two year old boy after all. So anyways, to guys in suits, something you don't see around here, walk up past the side of the house to the fence and try to tell me the values of Mormonism. What they didn't know was that my best friend WAS Mormon and is also Lesbian, so let's just say she's an EX-Mormon.

I told them, twice, that I wasn't interested, then my nephew decided to run up the hill chasing one of my cats, and I had to chase after him, and do they leave, NO of course not. So I said I'll call the cops if they don't leave.

[in_cog_ni_to]

58. GOOD FOR YOU! "I'll call the cops if you don't leave."

They ARE persistant and don't take a simple "NO" or "I'm not interested" for an answer.

[in_cog_ni_to]

49. It's my door, my house, my property they're trespassing on to proselytize and

they have no right to do that. I didn't INVITE them to my door. It's RUDE and presumptuous to think people sitting in their home, enjoying the peace and quiet and PRIVACY that home provides, want to have someone else's religion shoved down their throat from their front door. IF I wanted to learn about THEIR religion, I'd go to their CHURCH...which is exactly where they need to keep their freakin' religion.

[spoony]

62. Deal with a Christian maturely? How dare you suggest such a thing.

I mean what are some people here supposed to do if they stop swooning with outrage every time they see anything related to religion? Get a life or something? :D

[mitchtv]

66. I think "Keep moving"

is quite mature ( what I told the last two Mormons)I have got a life they were intruding, and it is also mature to vent my feelings about so called Christians on the internets. You want I should lie so they won't feel persecuted? Believe me they will always feel persecuted, part of the game.

[Duncan Grant]

90. Why do religious people rationalize their immature proselytizing?

When "Christians" begin to behave maturely we won't have this conversation.

And...when "Christians" stop swooning over the personal lives of others (i.e. GLBT people) perhaps they will get a life. Or something.

[sandnsea]

70. It's rude, presumptive, intrusive

and if nothing else, trespassing. Every person in America knows where a church is. I don't know why these people feel the need to invade the SANCTITY of someone's home to shove their particular brand of so-called holiness which is always just another form of hypocrisy in disguise. It would be nice to think you could be free from the piety police in your own home, if not anywhere else in the damned country.

[IndyOp]

71. I have ire because they aren't spreading good news - they are being freakin' judgmental

and communicating with their "good news" spreading that I am unacceptable to them unless I believe what they believe.

I experience some of the same ire when environmental groups and other civic groups approach me with an attitude that indicates that I should feel guilty if I am not doing as much for their cause as they are. I believe that we should all be involved in making our communities and our world a better place and that I, personally, can't be deeply involved in 12 different issues at the same time.

I believe that groups grow in size best via ATTRACTION, NOT PROMOTION.

I don't like JUDGMENTAL attitudes!

And, yes, I have gone out into the community door-to-door and by phone to ask for support for various causes, I just try to do it with a light touch.

[tavalon]

86. They're irritating because they often show up on a weekend and early

before many people have much interest in interacting with anyone, especially deluded proselytizers. My high priest used to love to have them come by. He would invite them in to debate the finer points of their religion. Needless to say, he could talk circles around them about their own religion because most of these folks are just parroting talking points without really understanding what they are spouting off about. I watched him do it once and it started at the beginning like a cat playing with a mouse but morphed into a teacher teaching students. It was really amusing.

[Warren DeMontague]

91. I don't want anyone ringing my doorbell trying to sell me something I don't want.

Whether it's aluminum siding or a belief system.

That's why I have a BIG "no solicitors" sign--- AND one of these:



When people, either willfully or due to what I can only imagine is a mind-boggling level of inability to comprehend the obvious, ignore them and STILL ring my doorbell (waking my kid from his nap, for instance) ...then you're damn right, it pisses me off.

[SemperEadem]

however, those same people who

'spread the word' are also governed by and subject to the laws of the community in which they live; their bible says so implicitly--and if the law says it's a crime to tresspass, solicit and litter and they do it anyway because they believe they have some sort of divine mandate which elevates them above the law, then that pisses off those who do not wish to be the subject of their flagrant disregard for the laws of the community.

They have no *right* to spread the news, just as they have no right to tresspass on private property.

[Ilsa]

108. This kind of anger and pain that comes from being victimized by people

like this, the church that talked your dad into giving them your lunch money, preached against your lifestyle to demonize you for political purposes, choices you make for your own well-being, etc. I remember PAt Robertson criticized people for getting hypnosis as part of their psychological counselling for PTSD. Having benfitted from it, it kinda pissed me off. This anger towards folks trying to tell you how to live usually comes from some tough memories.

Personally, I either lie to them or tell them I have a church and don't have time to visit with them. That usually sends them on their way without too many "but, but..."

[Ikonoklast]

109. I worked night shift for four years

8PM to 8AM, six days a week. Try it sometime, and see how 'bent out of shape' you get.

Even though I had posted a No Solicitation No Trespassing sign, I would still get JW and Mormon missionaries banging on my damn door when I was trying to get some sleep.

I finally resorted to posting a sign that said, "If you value your life as much as I value my sleep, DON'T KNOCK ON THIS DOOR."

Then they said they were trying to save my life. I asked them if my house was on fire.

They just didn't give a shit if they woke me up or not. Very 'Christian' thing to do.

They are only spreading the 'good news' by trespassing on my property, invading my privacy, and soliciting without a permit in my city.

They got the cops called on them every time. They almost never had a permit for door-to-door solicitation, an ordinance that was was passed after people posing as solicitors were actually casing houses to rob.

The local gendarmerie takes it very seriously.

[FloridaJudy]

121. When I worked night shift

I had a sign on my front door that said "Night Nurse Sleeping. Do Not Disturb". It had absolutely no effect on the religious solicitors. Neither did the "Baby Sleeping" sign I put up when my son was an infant. The Mormons actually showed up with an entire van full of AV equipment because they thought "A new mother should know about our family-friendly program". I lost it and screamed at them "Family-friendly means not waking up the teething kid I just spent two hours soothing to sleep".

They never brought the damn van back, but they didn't stop ringing the doorbell either.

[Zhade]

119. Ah, you're so wrong you can't even see it.

It's not "all things Christian" - what a load of utter HORSESHIT that is - it's a hatred of the arrogance of those who proselytize.

As if their "news" is good, original, or important. It's not, and anyone wanting to learn about it can simply turn on their tv to the myriad of religious programming infesting the networks and cable.

The message is bunk, the deliverers are assholes for thinking they have the right to bother anyone with it.

THERE'S your hatred: hatred of the bizarre notion that anybody cares about what the proselytizers are selling.

[LuckyLib]

27. Anti-solicitor fatigue comes from living in an area constantly inundated with folks peddling

for money or for Jesus. Our door sign says "No solicitors. Religious or otherwise. We are happy just the way we are. If that changes, we will call you."

And the Mormons STILL ring the doorbell. That's what raises my blood pressure!

[Cleita]

28. We have barking dogs at the gates whenever strangers approach.

It usually works unless the dogs are napping.

[Duncan Grant]

35. I love satire.

"By their deeds you shall know them" to be annoying spiritually-narcissistic bores. :)

[Zhade]

60. Awesome!

NT!

[dave_p]

69. Love it

... and thanks for the reminder - I hadn't visited the teapot in a while. Recommended for all atheists or those who can chuckle at faith's absurdities.

[Glenda]

72. LOL!! That's hilarious!!

:rofl: :spray:

[DarkTirade]

74. I have a few favorates that have happened in real life...

for instance, in my old house back when I still lived with my parents, we had a big window next to the front door. When we saw some of those people going door-to-door, my step-dad dug up a book entitled: How to deal with Fakes at your door. He just placed it in the window.
They never even rang our doorbell.
Then there's my favorate... something a friend of mine did. Now, this friend of mine is someone who worked the night shift with me. He is a rather large, imposing guy. A few teeth missing, tattoos everywhere, and a few inches bigger than me in just about every dimension. (And on top of that, his father was a cop and a black belt in a few martial arts, and he'd taught a bit of it to his son. All in all, one guy even I would be afraid to start a fight with. :) )Anyhow... after a long night of work, a door-to-door evangalist decided to knock on his door early saturday morning.
Before I go on, I should mention this: My friend is both shameless, and has no problem doing strange and unexpected things to screw with people's heads.
So my friend comes out on the front porch in nothing but his whitey-tighteys. And partway into the guy's speil, he decides to turn around and... well, the best phrase I can think of to describe it is 'water the plants.' When the guy made a rather startled/indignant noise, my friend just replied that the first thing he does in the morning is go to the bathroom... if he's gonna get woken up by somebody at the front door then he's gonna have to do his business there at the front door.
Needless to say, the door-to-door evangalist has not been heard from again.

[Individualist]

76. I have a Bad Cat (page a day) calendar

For later this month, there's a picture of two cats with the caption "Get off our goddamn property and take your flyers with you". I'm thinking about clipping that out at the end of the month and putting it on my door.

[aspencer]

80. LOL!

[AtomicKitten]

83. My son just tells 'em we worship Satan ... n/t

[Solly Mack]

84. hehehehehe

I'm ever so grateful for living in a community where door to door soul jockeys can't bother you

[mcg]

85. Regarding those passages,

the response you might get is that they are to be interpreted symbolically.

[Vickers]

88. I always ask if they will annoint my feet with oil.

They never agree to that.

:(

[Warren DeMontague]

92. Just get one of these:

http://www.northernsun.com/n/s/2218.html

[Swamp Rat]

93. LOL!!!!!!!

:rofl:

:applause:

[Thothmes]

97. Evangilists at your door.

Here in the Tidewater area of Virginia, most of the door to door evangilists are African American. I anwere the door and tell them I am Catholic. They thank me and leave.

[momster]

100. Soul-shilling door to door

We don't get too many in this neighborhood but I've lived other places where door-to-door soul savers were common as house cats. The problem with polite refusal is that the salesmen seem to take this as a sign that your soul is not irredeemable and they keep coming back. Being nice only means you'll get interrupted more.

San Diego's the only place I've ever lived where the *Buddhists* went door to door. I was polite to them because they'll come back in every life, not just this one.

So -- because I'm terribly inhibited by an unbringing that frowned on little girls being rude -- I let my husband answer the door, keeping an imperiled grip on a twisting dog that looks and sounds like he's been waiting all week for a snack of evangelical or JW. Not only is it really, really difficult to preach over a hysterically baying hound but just try to concentrate on life after death when barking death is breathing salmon-scented dog food in your face. Mind you, the dog's just eager to get loose and smell their shoes but they don't know that!

[GliderGuider]

107. My wee sainted mother invited a couple of JWs inside

She said, "I'm very interested in different religions. I'd love to read your pamphlets. Here, you give me yours, and I'll give you some of mine in return." She then held out a handful of Unitarian literature. They saw what it was and wouldn't even touch it. They actually put their hands behind their backs and backed up against the wall as they said, "Oh no! We've heard about you people!" Mother smiled sweetly and ushered them back out the door.

[flyarm]

113. i yell through the door ..get the f out of my yard!!..eom

[mloutre]

116. Actually, I always just tell them that I am a Druid and I have been washed in the blood of a tree.

Then I ask them to come on inside and have some mandrake-root tea while I show them my grimoires.

Works every time.

<bigwickedgrin>

[Manifestor_of_Light]

120. Got any gargoyles? (Thinking of that screaming "God Warrior" woman)

Only she called 'em "evil SAA-TAAAN-IC Gar-GILES".

Hell, on last week's wife swap (the one on Fox) one wife used part of the $50K for a Buddha statue for the other family's backyard, and Mr. Hard Driving Executive said, "That is not acceptable. We live in Suburbia. We live in Orange County."

<sigh>

[mloutre]

122. I did have a pair of gargyles once...

...but one of them got lost in the dryer and the other one got a hole in it.

Darn that pesky sock, anyway.

Ahem.

[Forkboy]

123. I'd invite them in for some music.

[Fridays Child]

124. I'm printing this and putting it by the front door.

:D