People w/o mothers - or orphans now - or estranged - we need ideas for celebrating the day

[2Design]

Your mother may be dead or dead to you - so how do we celebrate a day that might be full of sadness or happy memories

I am an orphan now - I was thinking the day is so loaded with hallmark card moments and what if it isn't

I was thinking of flowers for myself
Or a special outing
Or something she might have enjoyed

Or something because I never had kids and missed that ticking clock

I would love a day with a good kid for mother's day

[TwilightGardener]

1. Plant a tree or rose bush in remembrance of your mother. Or adopt a pet

from a shelter--one less orphan in the world. Spend the day with nephews or nieces. Don't let the sappy Hallmark stuff get you down--lots of people are in your shoes.

[Lorien]

2. Sign up for Big brothers/ Big sisters?

On days that don't include me-like Valentines day or, frankly, nearly every other Holiday-I just ignore it. I just go to work as usual and to me nothing is different (helps that I work out of my home). Turn off the TV for that week and focus on other matters. Works for me, anyhow.

[kiva]

3. The first couple of years after my mom died,

Mother's Day was tough - all of the commercials, cards in the stores, notices about Mother's Day specials in the restaurants. It got easier as I got used to the idea that she was gone, and now (5 years later) it doesn't hit a nerve.

You have some interesting ideas. As a non-mother I am turned off by the commercial suggestions that you should buy every female of your acquaintance (aunts! sisters! your mother's friends!) a gift, but I agree that it would be a nice idea to treat ourselves to flowers or some other special treat.

[kestrel91316]

4. I have a mom, but she's in hospice, severely demented, and doesn't know

one person from another, plus she lives 2000 miles away. I haven't "celebrated" Mother's Day in decades, largely because for decades before she was where she is now, she was batshit insane.

:shrug:

[Skidmore]

5. Volunteer some time at a local nursing home.

My mother has been dead now for 15 years. I still miss her terribly. There are plenty of older women, perhaps even in your neighborhood, who are alone and would welcome connecting with a younger woman and making a family bond. Or become a mentor to a girl or boy who needs one. It is the relationship that is important and not the claptrap of a specific day.

[Baalath]

6. Be your own parent

My parents are both alive, but absent. I sometimes try and think what a parent should do for me and sometimes I try and do that for myself.

We can step back and see ourselves from a little distance and give ourselves the love and support we need. I like your idea of flowers for yourself. It's a good time of year to plant something bright and tend it all summer.

We are all so hard on ourselves sometimes, I think those of us without parental encouragement need to practice self encouragement.

hugs!

Happy Mothering Day to you!

[SemiCharmedQuark]

7. Well, sort of on the same note, on Father's day I spend the day with my mom

Since she was the only parent I ever really had.

If you had a good relationship with your mom, you might try giving back as Lorien suggested with something like Big Brothers/Big Sisters. Or you might do something like reflect while doing something you both would have enjoyed. The idea of spending some time at a nursing home is a really great one. I worked at a nursing home and some wonderful people sometimes have some not-so-wonderful kids. They get very sad and depressed with nobody to visit them.

I'm sorry for your loss.

[SheilaT]

8. Somehow I find it quite easy

to ignore all the hype. My own mother died eleven years ago. I have two grown sons who apparently don't pay a lot of attention to the hype either and don't often call me or send me anything on Mother's Day. But rather than feeling sorry for myself about that, I always remember that they are great young men and I love them a lot. Sending me flowers or cards on one particular day of the year isn't the entire meaning of our relationship.

One Mother's Day, when they were quite young and I was feeling overwhelmed by parenthood, I spent the day by myself, deliberately. And it was one of the best things I've ever done for myself. I thought through why I was feeling overwhelmed and made the decision to enroll in a creative writing class that was coming up at my local University. It got me back to remembering that I was a lot more than a mother to two young children, and in the end made me a better mom.

[Missy Vixen]

9. Do something nice for yourself

My mom has been gone for nineteen years now. I don't make plans with my husband's family on Mother's Day; it's too painful. I also don't care to celebrate with my MIL.

Spend the day doing something for yourself you don't typically do.

:hug:

[northernlights]

10. I do something for furfamily and myself

:hug: