Beck and Limbaugh Are Just Too Good! There Is Nowhere to Turn.

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Mon May-17-10 06:31 PM
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Beck and Limbaugh Are Just Too Good! There Is Nowhere to Turn.

It’s hard enough to be a liberal, Nazi, progressive, communist, but with Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh uncovering your every devious plan, it’s damn near impossible. Every time my friends and I design an intricate, multi-faceted plot to take down America – one of those two is there. Shining sunlight on what should have forever remained in darkness.

We thought life would be easy after we elected a Muslim terrorist from Kenya. Especially after Our Socialist continued many of the same programs initiated under the Bush administration. But no, Beck and Limbaugh just doubled down on their investigative sleuthing. They left no stone unturned.

One of Limbaugh’s biggest coups was figuring out how my friends and I sabotaged the Deepwater Horizon in the Gulf of Mexico. My wife and I were sitting in a drum circle with another couple pounding our bongos made of hemp and talking about how we need to ‘outlaw’ the feeling of being superior – when it hit us. Design and build a new kind of submarine that can go to the bottom of the ocean undetected, and blow up an oil rig. That would teach people that oil and water don’t mix. “There must be someone out there who doesn’t know this yet,” said Flower, Granola’s wife. Our plan was foolproof! But somehow, Limbaugh caught on and told the whole world, the rig was blown up by "hardcore environmentalist wackos." Now our plan is doubly ruined because Limbaugh is letting everyone in on the secret, oil is natural and won’t hurt anything. All that work for nothing!

And how were we found out, anyway?

This followed an entire year of Beck telling our biggest secrets. For the greater part of the century we were able to hide from everyone the true meanings of the words, ‘progressive’ and ‘Nazi.’ Liberals/progressives used to think that just because the people who identified themselves as either Nazi or progressive, thought their ideologies were diametrically opposed - and that the dictionary also said they are opposing philosophies - and that all educated people also agreed that the two philosophies were at opposite ends of the spectrum – that we were safe from anyone uncovering the true meanings of the words. Then Beck came along and uncovered our Uber-Super- Secret Dictionary/Encyclopedia. (That’s its real title.) He told the world that Progressives are Nazis and Nazis are Progressives. Now everyone knows that when someone says they want to help someone less fortunate, they really mean they want to put them into death camps. It makes it so much harder when people know your plans in advance.

We also used to believe that having scientists helping your side was a bonus. We figured out a way make the United States spend trillions and trillions of dollars and get nothing in return. We called it Global Warming. Another perfect plan - or so we thought. Then Glenn Beck noticed it was cold last winter and that some scientists argue. The jig was up! When we thought we had people convinced society was based on laws and improved with technology, Limbaugh found the true basis for society – plastic shopping bags.

Of course Beck and Limbaugh have some help. All of Fox News, Michael Savage and Hugh Hewitt to name a few. They help get the word out. But these two are the Kings of Truth. One thing after another has been uncovered by these two intrepid wonder boys, and if they don’t rest I don’t know how our side is going to destroy America and make it a tax and spend paradise. Where no one will be allowed to work, and the only people given a voice are gay, Muslim, illegal aliens who hate God and want America to fail.

One can dream.