Anyone bored enough to critique my LTTE?

[notadmblnd]

Are we missing an opportunity by not thinking bigger in regards to the oil currently flowing out of the gulf? Recently I’ve been reading up on possible solutions for dealing with the current catastrophe in the Gulf of Mexico. I’m sure we’ve all read the stories about people packing nylons with human hair and using them as booms to contain the oil. We’re also aware of the dispersant currently being used by BP. What we aren’t aware of is the safety of those chemicals currently being dumped in the ocean and how effective they will be. We’re also not aware of other possible solutions . One is Eco-friendly, floats and draws the oil to it. It can then be netted or scooped up and be used to provide energy for producing electricity or recycled for some other use. What is this solution you ask? It’s grasses, I’m talking about hay or straw (I know works for sure) and possibly other grasses that grow abundantly in this and other countries. Oh, I didn’t discover this. I viewed a video where a couple of ordinary people demonstrate how their solution works. (http://www.wimp.com/solutionoil).

I also had the opportunity to view a demonstration of another possible solution produced by a now defunct company by the name of Sustainable Technologies Corporation out of Lewisburg Ohio (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRvOOHxusrg) whose product named Aerohaz, actually solidifies the spill and enables it to be picked up. The company may be out of business, but the technology still exists! I’m now seeing that we have the ability of using multiple technologies to clean this mess up, but it's all practically being ignored by MSM and the government.

Now, I'm asking myself; self, why are these cheap and easy solutions being ignored while the process currently employed may be doing more damage than good? Who is benefiting by allowing these solutions to be ignored and the tragedy being allowed to grow by the hour? Why is a questionable product being employed to disperse the oil? Could it be because BP is making even more money (they do have a vested interest in the company that is providing the dispersant currently in use) by allowing this disaster to grow with no end in sight?

I'm getting very frustrated at the lack of progress corporate America and the US government is making in handling this spill while yet another commission gathers to wring their hands over what to do.

We need to consider the possibility of implementing these other solutions (along with what is currently being done) I can see these solutions opening up huge opportunity here. I see these other processes going a long way in relieving many of the economic hardships the people have endured over the past few years.

To me, it's an opportunity to employ many people. From unskilled labor- to farmers- to the shrimp
boat operators- to small and large business people. This cleanup is going to take a while so these will be long term jobs, not the temporary jobs like the census workers (although I do see it as a small step in what this country needs to regain economic health). I think the government is wasting a huge opportunity here on many levels for the administration. Job creation would be a huge plus for the president. So will getting on top of this mess and cleaning it up before the republicans hang it around his neck in 2012 and finally, getting something back from these greedy corporations.

Perhaps I've become cynical, but I don't understand why our government isn't mobilizing and extending these opportunities to get on top of this catastrophe and using it to the benefit of many. Instead I see them allowing BP to do exactly what they want; point fingers and delay while they continue to make
money using dispersant (that could be even more toxic than the oil spilling from the ocean floor) from a corporation they have a vested interest in. It makes me wonder just what their agenda is?

I feel that the government needs to step in, put a lien against BP and their cohorts (to ensure payment for the cleanup) and do the job ourselves. We have the technology, we have the resources and we have the labor pool. BP needs to concentrate on stopping the flow of oil coming out of the ocean floor.

Let something good can come out of this disaster, lets make BP outsource the cleanup to the government.

[MrModerate]

1. Reasonably cogent case, but it'll never be printed . . .

Because it's too long. Get your crucial points across in about 1/5 the space, and you might have a chance.

[notadmblnd]

3. How's this?

Are we missing an opportunity by not thinking bigger in regards to the oil currently flowing out of the gulf? Recently I’ve been reading up on possible solutions for dealing with the current catastrophe in the Gulf of Mexico. I’m sure we’ve all read the stories about people packing nylons with human hair and using them as booms to contain the oil. We’re also aware of the dispersant currently being used by BP. What we aren’t aware of is the safety of those chemicals currently being dumped in the ocean and how effective they will be. We’re also not aware of other possible solutions . One is Eco-friendly, floats and draws the oil to it. It can then be netted or scooped up and be used to provide energy for producing electricity or recycled for some other use. What is this solution you ask? It’s grasses, I’m talking about hay or straw (I know works for sure) and possibly other grasses that grow abundantly in this and other countries. Oh, I didn’t discover this. I viewed a video where a couple of ordinary people demonstrate how their solution works. (http://www.wimp.com/solutionoil ).

I also had the opportunity to view a demonstration of another possible solution produced by a now defunct company by the name of Sustainable Technologies Corporation out of Lewisburg Ohio (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRvOOHxusrg ) whose product named Aerohaz, actually solidifies the spill and enables it to be picked up. The company may be out of business, but the technology still exists!

I'm getting very frustrated at the lack of progress corporate America and the US government is making in handling this spill while yet another commission gathers to wring their hands over what to do.

We need to consider the possibility of implementing these other solutions (along with what is currently being done) I can see these solutions opening up huge opportunity here. I see these other processes going a long way in relieving many of the economic hardships the people have endured over the past few years.

To me, it's an opportunity to employ many people. From unskilled labor- to farmers- to the shrimp
boat operators- to small and large business people. This cleanup is going to take a while so these will be long term jobs, not the temporary jobs like the census workers (although I do see it as a small step in what this country needs to regain economic health). I think the government is wasting a huge opportunity here on many levels for the administration. Job creation would be a huge plus for the president. So will getting on top of this mess and cleaning it up before the republicans hang it around his neck in 2012 and finally, getting something back from these greedy corporations.

I feel that the government needs to step in, put a lien against BP and their cohorts (to ensure payment for the cleanup) and do the job ourselves. We have the technology, we have the resources and we have the labor pool. BP needs to concentrate on stopping the flow of oil coming out of the ocean floor.

Let something good can come out of this disaster, lets make BP outsource the cleanup to the government.

[Drunken Irishman]

5. Still too long.

Even if you cut it by half, it'll still be too long. Generally, get it down to 200 words or less.

[Orrex]

6. I concur

I was going to say 300 words, but 200 is probably a better target.


Incidentally, you use the word "currently" four times in this brief piece, when I don't think you actually need it at all.

[notadmblnd]

7. I don't think I can do it in two hundred words

[Drunken Irishman]

8. That's why it's hard to write LTTE.

Especially in a very deep topic.

[notadmblnd]

9. maybe I'll just send it to congress critters?

how is it for that purpose?

[Orrex]

10. I have it down to 278. Give me a few minutes to get it below 200.

[notadmblnd]

16. ok. you guys are having fun with this.

[Orrex]

18. Yes, but not maliciously

You asked for feedback, and some of us really enjoy the challenge of editing with a specific word-count in mind.

The trick is in expressing the essential sentiment in as concise a manner as possible.


Incidentally, your closing line was terrific--it really represents the heart of the piece.

[notadmblnd]

19. I know, I was having fun too.

[MrModerate]

11. I'm an editor by trade, so here' s my five-minute fix.

Are we missing an opportunity by not thinking bigger to solve the gulf oil spill? One mitigation measure (which doesn’t involve potentially dangerous dispersants) is eco-friendly, floats, and draws oil to it: grasses, which grow abundantly everywhere. Check out this site: (http://www.wimp.com/solutionoil ).

Another potential solution is called “Aerohaz,” which solidifies spills and enables them to be picked up for disposal. The company that makes it is out of business, but the technology still exists.

Another benefit of such solutions is that they would employ thousands, from farmers to shrimp boat operators, to laid-off business people.

The government is wasting a huge opportunity here. We have the technology, we have the resources, and we have the labor pool. BP needs to concentrate on stopping the flow of oil and we need to ensure something good comes out of this disaster by making BP outsource the cleanup (paid for by BP, of course) — to the government.

[Orrex]

12. Nice

:thumbsup:

[lonestarnot]

13. Nice job axe.

:D

[notadmblnd]

15. That sounds good. Thanks!

[grasswire]

20. lucky you -- real editors to help with your LTTE

I would have chimed in too -- I also get paid to edit -- but Mr. Moderate did such a clean job that there was nothing for the rest of us to sweep up.

Your writing style is very conversational; I can almost hear you talking. That's not always a bad thing. It just doesn't fit the space limitations of newspaper opinion pages.

Keep us posted.

[ashling]

17. Your paper most likely has their length

requirement on the op ed page or web page...usually 100 - 150 words max.

[grasswire]

2. short and pithy will get you ink

Wordy won't. Condense, friend.

[notadmblnd]

4. I edited and reposted, if its still too long

I see where I can delete more. Feel free is you see something I can delete also. I'm going to work on it more tomorrow. I'm tired.

[lonestarnot]

14. You are doing a great job.

:applause: