Becoming a bionic man today -- wish me luck

Fly by night

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Wed May-26-10 07:11 AM
Original message

Becoming a bionic man today -- wish me luck

Edited on Wed May-26-10 07:24 AM by Fly by night

Good morning, all y'all. I'm about to dash out of the house to make the trip to Nashville to get a new hip. For years, the degenerative joint disease in my left hip (and elsewhere) has worn down the joint so it is now bone-on-bone. My medical cannabis use over the years helped control the pain and likely slowed the progression of the disease. But the five years I was randomly drug-tested as part of my federal probation sentence disrupted that personal regimen, and now there is nothing left in that hip socket ... but pain.

I have had no health insurance since the raid on my farm eight years ago and so was resigned to the pain and to walking like Popeye. However, with the help (and persistence) of my physician, we have convinced St. Thomas Hospital to donate their costs for the surgery and an orthopedic surgeon to donate his time also. So, in only a few hours, I go under the knife for the first time in my (60 year) life.

There is so much I am leaving undone, but isn't that always the case. However, before leaving, I wanted to thank this DU community for all your good thoughts and good vibes over the past few years. It has meant a lot and has helped me get through everything so far. With your thoughts, vibes and prayers; I will get through this surgery also.

As a token of my gratitude, I have copied below a poem I wrote for all y'all a few days after my federal probation sentence was ended (two years early) back in 2007 Its title says it all.

My best to everyone. And now to town.

FBN
----

No matter where I was, you were there

No matter where I went, from the moment my life changed, from the uncertainty to the sentence,
from the farm, to the “house” that was no home, for a minute and then back, alone
you were there.

No matter how I was, sorrowful or silent, dutiful or drifting, engaged or floating endlessly,
expectant or resigned, a stronger body wrapped around a still-too-restless mind,
you were there.

No matter when I jumped, no longer able to hold up or hold on, when it looked like hope was gone,
no longer able to withstand great force, no longer able to chart my course,
you were there.

No matter where I landed, in hushed and crowded courtrooms, in concrete and concertina wire,
in rows of strangers feigning sleep, in quiet woodlands one mile deep,
you were there.

No matter how I felt, fearful, forceful, fawning, futile, forced to dance to silent tunes,
you were there.

No matter why I knelt, for quiet heart (calmer mind), to ask for strength (for silence),
you were there.

No matter how endlessly unsettled, surrounded by the energies of sixty shifting souls,
you were there.

No matter how momentarily serene, in long and steamy showers, silent walks to work,
you were there.

When days were bright & busy, when days were dark & slow, endless & the same -
you were there.

When the night was never-ending, muted lights, un-muffled breaths, plastic pillow –
you were there.

When a “minute” was not sixty seconds, but the time between then & now,
you were there.

When a “second” was the space that filled the time between clean sets of sheets,
you were there.

When my life was a breathless story, when it was a strained refrain, of what it had once been like,
what had happened and now what each new & knowing moment means to me,
you are here.

Yes. Right now. Right this very minute. Wrapped within this mindful moment.
You are here.

When I feel a soothing sun, see damp & rain-bowed fields, dogs ahead, my bed behind,
you are here.

When I hear the singing waters & the soft sounds of almost silent breeze,
you are here.

When I know that everything that came before me brought me where I’m meant to be,
you are here.

When I dream and all your faces (real and fancied) float before me, timeless & so dear,
you are here.

You who are so many. You who are so different. All my teachers, team- & touch-mates.
You are here.

No matter where I am, you are here. And I can hear you, I can feel you, you are never far away.
In this now. In this forever. In what we have – this perfect day.