I give up, I became a conservative republican today...

[AnArmyVeteran]

I give up, I've had enough, I can't take it any more. After years of fighting for progressive causes and trying to do what was right for my country, I've decided to become a republican. Not just any republican, but a conservative republican, a far right wing extremist.

After a lifetime of pounding my head against the wall trying to promote progressive values I finally asked myself 'why?'. It hasn't gotten me anywhere and I haven't made any impact on society or made it better. I've just been hurting myself.

It takes far too much energy and mental exercise to be a liberal, a democrat or a progressive. Being a liberal means I have to think intelligently using entire paragraphs and think rationally. I have to inform myself by reading hundreds of sources for information to make sure I found the truth. But I've become tired of immersing myself in the sea of knowledge and now I just want to crawl to the nearest shore and rest.

So it is with great pleasure that today I am announcing I have become a conservative republican. I've officially changed my party status and I am no longer affiliated in any way with anything that hints of left wing ideals. I have finally swam ashore and I feel very safe and secure on my small right wing island where I no longer have to process information or to try to seek the truth.

From this point forward I am only going to listen to talk radio and Fox News all day long for all of my information. It's going to be so much easier than using all my energy with thought and research. I'm hereby going to stop thinking, and instead, just absorb everything I hear from my new right wing sources. I give up being a functioning human being and a responsible, informed citizen, and from now on I will just mindlessly sit in front of my television or radio and let right wing hosts do my thinking for me. I will faithfully repeat only what I hear from them, never doubting anything I hear. I'm looking forward to just regurgitating buzzwords instead of using complete sentences or paragraphs.

To ensure I remain a conservative republican in good standing I have scheduled appointments to have 95% of my brain and 100% of my heart removed. As a right wing extremist I know I will no longer need them because I don't need to think, and I certainly will never need to have compassion or empathy for any other human being. I now believe in the right wing philosophy of a dog-eat-dog world where only the strongest should survive and the rich should own everything and control our country.

I'm going to like living my life selfishly, without any regard for anyone else. If I see someone who is poor or down on their luck I will now feel they deserve their fate instead of reaching out my hand to them. If I see someone who is vulnerable I will try to exploit them. I will now prey on others instead of praying for them. And I will support my new conservative philosophy which favors the lazy and opportunistic rich over the hardworking poor. I know only those who are rich have any true value while people of modest means have zero worth.

Capitalism is my new god are CEOs are my god's disciples. I now consider Limaugh, Hannity, Beck, OReilly and so many others to be the missionaries who believe unregulated capitalism is a divine force in which we shall all bow to and worship. I vow to always pray to the god of the almighty dollar and condemn those who do not share my newfound greed.

I was so excited yesterday when I received my conservative republican welcoming package in the mail. Contained within it was an 8 x 10 glossy photo of Michelle Bachman and Sarah Palin. When I was still a thinking and responsible liberal such a picture would have ended up in the fire, but now I am proudly displaying that photo above my fireplace in a place of great reverence.

I have officially gone over to the other side. I urge everyone who was as tired as I became to follow me and to have your minds and hearts purged from your lives. I'm learning how truly blissful it can be to be totally ignorant.

Signed,
A former educated, informed liberal who is tired of using my brain and my heart...

[hobbit709]

1. The scary thing is I know someone who used that exact same reasoning.

He is now a teabagger.

[comtec]

90. After reading the anti-men threads, I am starting to wonder why I'm a liberal as well

but then I wake up and look at reality.

the number of virilent "I hate all men" omen out there are a minority.

Most feminists are reasonable, accept that there are things that require equal responsibility, and that it does in fact, take two to tango.

Myself, i've decided I prefer the company of men.
I'm outing myself as BI (and i suppose in my case, it is a choice)

But the reality of left v right... is compassion.

I'm compassionate towards people who need it.
People out of work need a net - if only for the selfish reason of saving the economy.
There are also people who should simply be taken out of the rat race.
that too is good for the economy. let the truly un-employable collect a small stipend.
they are contributing to the economy, and not bringing down the work force (a very real, yet brutal reality many liberals hate to accept)

Not everyone is employable, not everyone can handle college.

we need to pay teachers more, and bring back trade schools.

If you can't or won't graduate HS you should be given a choice - the dole, or trade school and work.

I think most people would choose the later - we are a prideful people, who honor a honest day's work.

bring back the factory jobs, and that will grow ten fold.

[Poll_Blind]

2. So true. I know a couple of people who have basically picked their ideology...

...by how little thinking it requires. Same with religion. Not switching, though. I think we're just stamped to be who we'll be by life. Because if I had a choice, if I could look in the mirror without puking, I'd probably make your hypothetical switch too. SO much fucking easier.

Except for our consciences and compassion. Those are always stronger than our desire to, as you put it, rest.

It all depends on what you wanna get out of the ride and what you can live with yourself for doing, or not doing.

PB

[HillWilliam]

51. But when we DO decide to rest

we can safely put head to pillow. I have no idea how nutwingers can stand it. That much evil couldn't possibly sleep.

[Poll_Blind]

52. I agree with ya there. I don't know how the more intolerant ones can stand themselves...

...and they probably can't- which is why they seem to get up to so much fucked-up shenanigans.

PB

[LiberalLoner]

3. Yikes! I'm glad I know you well enough to know you are just making a point and not being serious...

[AnArmyVeteran]

35. I can have doubt about a lot of things in life, but not about this...

I know I would NEVER become a right winger. There are very few things in life a person can be absolutely sure of and this is one of them for me. Yes, you do know me well enough to know I'd NEVER cross over to the dark side! I have to live with myself and if I became one of 'them' that would be impossible to do. It makes my skin crawl just thinking about it!

Have a wonderful day!!!

yasbtm!

[old mark]

4. I think I have been a progressive before I ever understood the word "politics"...

I remember watching the McCarthy hearings on TV as a little kid and KNOWING they were lying...I remember seeing Nixon running for VP and instinctively not trusting or liking him...he made me nervous when I was in grade school!!!

It has nothing to do with process or logic or reasoning for me - it's just who I am.

Maybe you can get a job on FOX-if they ever want someone smart...
(Can you get Palin's autograph?)
mark

[hobbit709]

7. You've heard the joke about why Fox newscasters always come in threes?

One can read, the other can write and the third one keeps their eyes on the two intellectuals.

[donal dubh]

29. ha ha ha...

excellent.

[Anakin Skywalker]

89. Hey, That's a Good One!

I'll pass it around. Ha ha!

[Monique1]

8. No one will ever change my mind

on being a progressive but I find myself doing things to reach the Dem party. I don't understand when a Dem in my state gets on radio saying that Dems need to be careful what they say and cannot stand up for the truth.

[liberation]

60. Because the GOP and the Dem party are for the most part different variations of a similar theme

Ideologically, the majority of the Dem establishment is closer to the GOP platform, that they are to anything liberal (even in a remote sense).

When was the last time the Dems fleeted a progressive platform? My parents weren't even dating when McGovern was nominated, which is about the last time the Dem party offered a lefty candidate.

It is time for progressives to ask some very serious questions regarding the pattern of lack of support and representation by the Dem party.

[tavalon]

9. Nature versus nurture

I was raised in too many houses, some of which were rabidly right wing and some dixiecrat and here I am, a bleeding heart socialist, liberal to my very core.

[AnArmyVeteran]

76. I'm glad you survived your experience. That took strength and thought.

[XanaDUer]

50. Me too, old mark!

I'm 44- but I remember being icked out when Ronnie Raygun took office, and at 14 knew that his busting of the union was NOT good for me when I got to be an adult.

Nixon- yup, another creey-crawly.

Kids know.

[disillusioned73]

69. Same here, only a different generation...

I knew there was something wrong with Raygun. He just rubbed me the wrong way when I was a 10 yr. old, and now 25+ years later I know why... I guess some of us are born with a natural BS radar..

In reagards to the op, I appreciate the point being made and the effort put into it. But, I gotta disagree to a certain extent. I tend to think that most people are naturally liberal and it takes work to be a CONservative... of coarse that excludes the completely ignorant - which is probably what the op is shooting for anyway, so nevermind

[HughMoran]

5. Very well done.

Excellent post - K&R

[tavalon]

6. They won't accept you, even if they miss that you are mocking them which they likely will

They won't accept you because you're too educated and spell big words correctly. It is unlikely at this late stage that you will be able to tone that down enough to be just one of the guys. Sorry.

[Aristus]

58. Yeah, EPIC FAIL!

Far too much of the OP was spelled correctly for you to be a right-winger.

So, yeah, good luck over there...

;-)

[blm]

10. heh....unfortunately most Republicans are impervious to even the sharpest points.

.

[LargeGreenSpider]

11. This is how Cowboys fans are born, too

[Ishoutandscream2]

48. Pardon me?

That came out of nowhere. You do realize that there are people on this board who are Cowboy fans.

[awoke_in_2003]

82. "who are Cowboy fans"

they have my sympathies :)

[madinmaryland]

55. I see teh stupid is erupting here. What a dumb thing to say.

Douche!

[lunatica]

12. You don't have enough misspelled words. FAIL!

And complete sentences?! Thought out rational reasoning?!

Honey, you have a loooong way to go...

[DevonRex]

22. It takes time to unlearn good habits, you know.

:rofl:

[AnArmyVeteran]

79. Me well werk hardar et beeng uh dummass!

Es dat bettr? :)

Me saiid me hav en apoimtmant too hav 95% of me braen removedd soo ewe kneed too bee paintient. Itt tackes timee too bee stuppeed! Mee amm tryin da bestt dat me kan!!!

[janet118]

13. You must report to a right wing think tank right away . . .

for de-programming and shock therapy. "How many fingers am I holding up?" "Eleven." "He is ready now."

[AnArmyVeteran]

32. Their 'think tank' is as deep as the water in a mirage on a highway on a hot day.

If I jumped head first into their think tank I'd surely break my neck. I'd rather get struck my lightning than be electroshocked into becoming a right winger! Yes, I do see 11 fingers!

[janet118]

40. Shallowness is deep . . .

War is peace.

Greed is good.

[AnArmyVeteran]

43. Yes it is, and so is the shit they are mired in.

I am you, you are me, together we are three.

[glinda]

14. Very good but would appreciate a "sarcasm" symbol added.

[elias7]

71. You really think it's needed?

A little thinking and a little homework goes a long way. I wish there was a symbol for being literal but you'll just have to figure that out yourself.

[AnArmyVeteran]

81. Sorry, I just learned how to do that today. Good point!

[Warren Stupidity]

15. The modern day gender neutral equivalent of the stepford wife.

welcome!

[NJmaverick]

16. BRAVO! Well done! That is a work of art

:applause:

[Historic NY]

17. conservative republican welcoming package ...they must have hit you up for a donation.

[SunsetDreams]

18. Nice K&R

[yellerpup]

19. Bliss isn't all it's cracked up to be. n/t

[Cha]

20. Sorry we lost you, AAV..you were such a sane voice for Democracy.

:evilgrin:

[JohnnyLib2]

21. I think we've met!

Maybe I was protesting McConnell, or Rand Paul. Were you wearing U.S. flag top and shorts? Carrying the sign that said "Palin 2012?"

LOL, great OP. K & R

[AnArmyVeteran]

46. Yeah, that was me :)

Why in the world would you ever protest such a nice man like McConnell? LOL I hope you guys can ditch Mitch. What a parasite. Hell, he doesn't even look human.

[treestar]

23. Good one!

:kick:

[Urban Prairie]

24. No conservative household is complete

Without neatly arranged stacks of barely read books on their coffee tables by Sarah Palin, Ann Coulter, Jonathan Krohn, Jonah Goldberg, Mark Levin, Michelle Malkin, ect...to impress guests and as conversation starters.

[reformist2]

25. Upgrade to Elite status and you'll get an 8x10 glossy of Ayn Rand

[Initech]

26. Platinum elite gets you into town hall meetings, and you get s Bush-autographed American flag

[raouldukelives]

27. Why not become a Conservative Christian while your at it?

Just do the exact same thing only apply it to your faith. It's a charmed life they lead.

[donal dubh]

28. good luck...

from what I read you are doomed. Your head is too far advanced. Maybe something less strenuous? How about dabbling in Libertarianism?

[KansDem]

30. "I have scheduled appointments to have 95% of my brain...removed"

Wait! Can you rent it out? You might be able to make some pretty good coin!
;)

[MikeMc]

31. 'how truly blissful it can be'

Like falling asleep in a snow drift.

[Duval]

33. Hey, I like your style!

Superb writing skills striking to the heart of so many issues. Really well done!:thumbsup: :hi: :kick:

[AikidoSoul]

34. Snort!!!

Perfect!


:yourock:

[True_Blue]

36. You had me!

I just had to read this post after seeing the headline. Good one! Rec!

[blueworld]

37. LOL. I understand the sentiment BUT....

I think being a true right-wingnut requires a genetic deformity you obviously don't have. You can try all y'like, but you are obviously too intelligent & compassionate. You're cursed:) And I, as many others, are grateful.

However, a wicked sense of humor is a great help. Here in Falwell-fundie-land, I often (too often) get "folks" ringing my doorbell with ridiculous causes, running for office, selling chickens - whatevah. I heard a comic years ago recommend outlining a body on the front porch in reflective tape, like they do in crime scenes. I'm picking up the tape this weekend so I can get some serious writing done:)

Use your funny bone & best wishes:)

[oldironside]

38. I've heard Americans don't do irony.

Well, I thought that was a rather good example. Maybe you just have to be world weary for it to kick in.

[Roy Rolling]

39. Well, it's about time . . .

Well, it's about time. I was trying to conversate that to my lame-ass son-in-law-to-be myself to get him to refudiate his evil ways.---Sarah Palin

[earth mom]

41. Rethugs are heartless and ignorant-been saying that for years now. nt.

[Permanut]

42. Nicely done...k&r

but if you're going over to the dark side, you must start using Freerepublic to check your spelling and syntax. For example, where you have "control our country", it should be, "control are country".

[alfredo]

44. Come back------ we have cookies.

[chillspike]

45. I'm here for the long haul myself

I will be a liberal now and beyond the grave.

[RagAss]

47. Take a deep breath...and then come back and help us try...

to figure out how to get legislation for mandatory Thorazine in all red states !

[county worker]

49. You left out that liberals or progressives have to spell correctly and

use a bicycle.

[eleny]

53. thank goodness you're not serious

[mikeSchmuckabee]

54. Good luck in your new location!

Say "hi" to the emperor and your dad, Lord Vader, for me.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

56. After the brain and heart---will you have your nose removed next?

:D



Great essay!!
Heh, once I get around to getting ink for my printer, I'd like to give this to a few people!!!!!!!! :evilgrin:

[deacon_sephiroth]

57. Should have gone Teabagger instead

I heard THIER welcoming package gets the same photos but they also send you some guns, a captain america costume, prefabricated protest signs, a how-to guide to getting your "grass roots movement" sponsored by Rupert Murdoch and a pop-up bible.

[liberation]

59. I think it may be real fun if liberals started to pretend to be conservatives....

... just like the "new" batch of conservatives playing to be progressives. The likes of which are very well represented in this site.

Why should reactionaries have all the fun, right?


Also the problem is that politics in America are fairly dysfunctional. See, the "left" in this country is technically represented by the Dems who have been through most of their history a political party with an ideological platform based around the center and center-right for the most part. So, for all intents and purposes the left is pretty much notrepresented at all.

What is happening is that liberals are a square peg, and we keep bagging our head trying to fit through the round hole which is the Dem party.

[onestepforward]

61. LOL! K&R

[eagertolearn]

62. OMG...Listening to those guys on the right ATC would be the worst form of torture!

[RedCloud]

63. I will forward this to two turncoats I know!

[spicegal]

64. It does get exhausting trying to fight for what's right against

a bunch of people who act like spoiled brats having a non-stop temper tantrum. You forgot to mention the environment. As a right winger, you can have completely disregard for protecting and preserving our planet because pollution doesn't matter. Global warming doesn't matter. And we certainly wouldn't want to impose any legislation that might cut into those profits for rich folks.

[SlingBlade]

65. You could just as easily decided to become a full fledged

member of the "New Left", the "Third Way" the DLC inspired "New Democrats" and a devoted " Bla, Bla" when you said, and I quote, ......

" I am no longer affiliated in any way with anything that hints of left wing ideals "

Seriously. I agree with your frustration. But allow me to once again remind all parties concerned
that this is NOT ABOUT Republicans, Conservative or otherwise.

Unfortunately Democratic Underground has forgotten that it is the DEMOCRATS who control the Congress and the White House. It is the Democrats who are in control and the Republicans who control nothing
other than what the Democrats allow them to control.

That's also an intellectual stretch but one well worth considering as opposed to sitting in the corner and whimpering about those mean old Republicans whilst Democrats hit their knees and become slack jawed at the very mention of Beck, FoxNews or other such Good Cop Bad Cop nonsense.

My heartfelt suggestion to all involved.......

Either get off your knees and speak truth to power or get out of the way and allow those with the
fortitude, guts and love of country to do it for you and stop this infernal whimpering for Gods sake.
Either learn to fight for what you believe in , YES, even against those who happen to wear the same
label as you but have obviously sold out and perverted what it means to be a Democrat

OR

Shut the fuck up !



Now back to your regularly scheduled apologist bullshit show

Those "Evil Republicans, Those poor defenseless Democrats"

[Hubert Flottz]

66. Did you have to grease your head much when you stuck it that

far up your ass? Can you see out your mouth yet?

[AnArmyVeteran]

77. LOL! I live near the Gulf so I have plenty of right wing lubricant floating around :)

Thanks so much for your genuine concern. I greatly appreciate it.

[Hubert Flottz]

78. The republicans would bitch if somebody shit in their mess-kit...

First they Bitch because America don't have enough oil...now they bitch because America has so much oil they don't know what to do with it. I think the entire GOP caught Spuffit's Disease from Bush!

[AnArmyVeteran]

80. I don't know if they have a disease or if they are a different species :)

[Hubert Flottz]

83. Spuffit's Disease.

Their face looks so much like their ass that they don't know which way to turn. Bush was eat up with it!

[Billsmile]

67. Now When You Protest...

You'll actually get to be on TV! You'll be in the paper, maybe even the front page. And talk radio from coast to coast will echo your sentiments.

[Delphinus]

68. Once one has seen the light and the truth,

there is no going back, no matter how hard you try.

Drugs and alcohol may help you, but you'll not be able to go to "the other side".

[A wise Man]

70. I pledge to carry my rifle daily...

shoot myself in the foot once a year...blame it on liberals and to flap my bottom lip to make flapping sounds to attract airplanes.

[meowomon]

72. I think I'll litter today too. What the hell, Jesus is coming back soon.

Why bother picking up the trash if His Highness is coming soon and gonna beam all the righteous right wing Christians up to heaven?

[AnArmyVeteran]

84. Whatever direction 'they' go, I want to go in the other direction!

Spending an eternity with right wingers would be total hell. Can you imagine waking up and finding yourself floating on a cloud with Dick Cheney, Pat Robertson, George Bush and Rush Limbaugh, all who have claimed to be 'Christians'? No loving god would force a person to spend an eternity with those evil people.

[h9socialist]

73. Why don't you take up ballet instead???

[Javaman]

74. You should post this in freeper land and see what their reaction would be.

since they are sarcastically challenged, it would be amusing.

[AnArmyVeteran]

85. I've posted similar ones on RW sites, half were clueless, half were mad.

I read a poll where at least 25-40 percent of right wingers who watch The Colbert Report believe he's one of them. You are right about freepers being sarcastically challenged. Hell, they are challenged in so many ways I don't understand how they can dress themselves.

[Roland99]

75. I feel almost as if you took the words from right out of my mouth.

It's like trying to run at full-speed on ice, uphill, into a driving wind.

[Curmudgeoness]

86. Go for it, honey. Beat your head against the wall for the RW loonies

instead. Either way, you will still have a headache. But you are right about this being easier---your mentors on talk radio and FOX will tell you how to think.

[USA_1]

87. To Make the Picture Complete ...

... you need to:

reside in your mom's basement

live off food stamps & get freebies at the local food bank

drive a worn out pick up truck

drink Pabst Blue Ribbon beer

get your clothes, radio, and TV from the Salvation Army

use the local library for daily internet service

steal cans, bottles, and plastic containers from recycle bins & pawn them at recycle centers for $


All hallmarks of the Christian professing holier-than-thou-and-better-than-you-can-ever-hope-to-be rightwing Republicans.

[Anakin Skywalker]

88. Sounds Like This Confused Guy In My Town!

He is broke as hell and drives a really beat up old car to the local public library everyday. One the roof of his car is a gigantic cross (almost as long as the car's length itself!) with messages condemning "sinners". During the 2008 election, he modified some of the messages to say that if McCain didn't win, America is DOOMED!

Whenever I see his car, it saddens me that some people whose economic status is mocked, ridiculed and looked upon with contempt by the Sharon Angle RepubliCONs of the world would be so gung-ho to vote for them. :-(

[AnArmyVeteran]

92. They claim to be Christians but hate all of Jesus' teachings. Go figure...

[AnArmyVeteran]

91. LOL!

[USA_1]

94. Bonus Points

The picture would not be complete without bonus points. Here's how to accumulate a few:

have Mommy do your laundry every week

have an unkempt girl friend who outweighs you by about 40 pounds

give her a Dixie Flag t-shirt as a birthday gift

frequently use public restrooms and write racist comments on the bathroom walls

use web forums to blame minorities for every problem since human creation

display racist placards at Tea Bagger rallies

demand more wars but refuse to pay taxes in order to finance them

use bumper stickers that say GOD IS A REPUBLICAN!!

[The Wizard]

93. "dog-eat-dog world where only the strongest should survive"

This sounds so Darwinian, and we all know how the right wing detests science and education.