So, my brother is going to Iraq (again) ahead of schedule...

[MLFerrell]

He's leaving in two weeks, instead of late June as he had previously been told. Oh, and I found out what he's going to be doing, and where he's going to be...

Defusing IEDs. In Ramadi.

I think that I'm going to go insane. I just got off the phone with him about ten minutes ago. I asked him if he called Mom on Mother's Day, and he said that he did, which I found surprising (you'd have to know him to understand). But then he dropped the bombshell.

We were supposed to go to one last Pirate game (Pittsburgh) at the beginning of June. That's not going to happen. And I can tell you what... I'll be having nightmares about for the next fifteen months: him dying in Bush's private little hellhole.

I no longer have the capacity to deal with this shit. So I thought that I'd share, in the probably vain hope of achieving some sort of catharsis.

I have nothing more to say... Words cannot express how I feel right now. I can tell you this, though. If he dies over there, I am going out in a literal blaze of glory. You can interpret that how you wish. I know what *I'm* going to do if that terrible day ever comes. And no, it doesn't involve violence toward the innocent. Nor does it involve violence directed toward the unarguably guilty. You know who I mean...

I just hope and pray that it never comes to pass. But I will live in mortal terror, every single day that he is over there, that that abominable moment will come. I fear that my faith is insufficient to prevent the all-but-inevitable.

Suggestions for coping with this utter insanity, this madness? 'Cause I could really use some...

[sanskritwarrior]

1. Man those EOD techs

get tasked more than we do. I have until December til I go back. My advice to you drop what you are doing and go visit him now before he leaves.......

[MLFerrell]

4. "...drop what you are doing and go visit him now before he leaves..."

I'm going to.

And by the way, he's not an EOD specialist. He's a combat engineer. The dumbass volunteered for EOD duty for his unit. And THIS is where that remarkably poor decision landed him.

Stay safe, brother or sister. I don't want you to be in harm's way any more than I want my brother, or anyone else to be. Someone needs to put an abrupt stop to this insane "course". And it's become all too clear that the Congressional Democrats (with a few exceptions) are utterly unwilling to do so.

Stay safe when you are over there. I mean that.

[Monkeyman]

2. You Tell Him To Keep His Head On 360

His Ammo Dry And Get Home To Us in sound mind and body. Tell Him That Is A ORDER. Sorry kiddo I know it hurts and you are scared. We Are Here For You

[MLFerrell]

6. Thank you, Monkeyman.

You do the same, capice?

"We Are Here For You."

I know, and for that, I can't thank you (ALL of you) enough. Should the worst case scenario come to pass, just wait until you see what I mean by "blaze of glory". 'Twill be spectacular, I promise you that. I just pray that I'll never have to exercise that option...

But I fear that I will, and all too soon.

[sanskritwarrior]

8. Actually we are doing 450 now (15 months)

2 Christmas holidays in Iraq.......JOY. If I didn't love the Army so much I would have left long ago.

[MLFerrell]

16. That;s what this deployment is for...

15 months, and from what he tells me, 18 is more like it.

"If I didn't love the Army so much I would have left long ago."

You and he both. My bro seems to feel like it's the only positive thing that he's got going for him. Fucking retard... He just got engaged three months ago. How's that for a kick in the ass?

Stay safe. I truly mean that. I've had enough friends come back all fucked up, in both body and mind. And one didn't come back. 'Nuff said.

You stay safe. Come back to us. And if you ever meet a Sgt. Ryan Ferrell, you tell him his brother said "Hi!", would you?

[sanskritwarrior]

19. I will definitely say hello if I see your bro

I have enough investments and rental properties that I could retire tommorrow and live a comfortable life. But there is something about being in the field with the gear on doing a job that few people can do that keeps me coming back for more. I have lost several good friends and had a few close calls myself but I can't seem to pull myself away from it. There is something about life on the edge of a knife point, it's terrifying and yet I never feel as alive as when I am in Iraq.

[nadinbrzezinski]

21. As somebody who was an adrenaline junkie

I understand

Stay safe

:-)

[MLFerrell]

22. "I never feel as alive as when I am in Iraq."

Yeah, that's what he says too.

And I quote: "Life back here... It's fucking boring! But over there, you've always got to be on your toes! It's awesome!"

Awesome? He and I REALLY have to sit down and hash out our respective conception of "awesome", but I digress...

At some level, you guys are crazy, you know that? I respect the hell out of your sacrifice, but don't you think that it's a bit gratuitous, a bit unnecessary? What is there to enjoy about the specter of death constantly leaning over your shoulder?

I don't know what it's like whilst you are over there. But personally, I cannot understand how anyone can glean a positive element out of a tour (or three) in Iraq... More power to you, brother. Just come back in one piece, huh?

[Marrah_G]

23. Just stay safe, I would miss your posts.

[MLFerrell]

24. One more, and you hit a thousand posts, Marrah_G.

Make it a good one.

[Marrah_G]

25. Heh I didn't notice..... not being one for drama this is it. :)

For my thousandth post I'll just send a big ass HUGGGGG to all our DU servicemen.women and thier families.

:hug:
:hug:
:hug:

[Name removed]

31. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Marrah_G]

32. That's really uncalled for

He never said he felt alive when he killed someone. It's the adrenaline of always being on guard. If you haven't been there then you just don't know. Be thankful for the Liberal soldiers, without them the only soldiers would be the Bushbots. Support them by working to bring them home, don't slam them because they are on our side. They didn't start this fucking war.

[karlrschneider]

36. I quote the poster (as if it were necessary)

"
I have enough investments and rental properties that I could retire tommorrow and live a comfortable life. But there is something about being in the field with the gear on doing a job that few people can do that keeps me coming back for more. I have lost several good friends and had a few close calls myself but I can't seem to pull myself away from it. There is something about life on the edge of a knife point, it's terrifying and yet I never feel as alive as when I am in Iraq."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If that isn't a totally sick fucking idea, I've never heard one.

:puke: :puke:

[Marrah_G]

41. He's being honest

And frankly if the shit ever hit the fan I would rather have one of these guys watching my back then anyone else.

[karlrschneider]

44. Honest people can be assholes. In case you hadn't noticed.

:grr:

[Marrah_G]

47. I only see one of those here.

[uppityperson]

48. and people can post all sorts of stuff, whether it is real or not.

[Marrah_G]

52. His words are not unlike things i've heard others say when they get home

It's hard as hell to adjust from being on a near constant adrenaline rush to sitting down to sunday dinner chatting about everyday life.

[uppityperson]

55. Yes, that can be true, is true, for people in life/death jobs/situations.

It is hard to adjust. People say nurses have black humor, so do police, fire fighters, military, etc. Dealing with life/death situations you end up being adrenaline junkie and looking at things differently.

[sanskritwarrior]

56. Dude chill out

I don't know you from Adam, I love the Army, I love serving my country, I get an adrenaline rush from being in Iraq.......

For the 10,000th time people wonder why there is a fairly large percentage of the military that doesn't exactly rush out to vote democrat..........Attacks like yours Karl might just be one reason why. I don't know you, I never commented on killing anyone and you started the flamefest for a reason that is a mystery to me.......

I do my job, I do my duty, I bring my men home, anything that happens outside those parameters is not in my hands.....

[sanskritwarrior]

I'm still looking for the sick idea.

Could someone please point it out for me.

[lynnertic]

70. You don't understand, or you do and are incapable of empathy.

It's hard to imagine the hell that these people go through from the comfort and warmth of your own desk.

On one hand, your life isn't your own and you're sent into danger against your will. On the other hand, you're holding a deadly weapon and fighting your way out of danger, which is one hell of a rush when you actually survive unharmed.

Instead of typing out pukey emoticons, take a minute to see things a different way. I think that if more people reached out instead of snapping from their hermit-holes, we wouldn't be at war, and the folks you condemn would have to take up something like rock-climbing or windsurfing to get their kicks.

[MLFerrell]

37. "They didn't start this fucking war."

Nor do they perpetuate it, at least in my experience.

[sanskritwarrior]

33. Only the ones that try and kill me first

and I call them the enemy not ragheads........ :D

[Name removed]

38. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Marrah_G]

45. You don't know him

He is being honest and he has probably lost more in this war then most of us here have. Attacking him for that is just really wrong.

[karlrschneider]

50. Yeah, no shit. Nobody here knows anybody else.

Which proves..................................................not one fucking thing.

Sorry, I'm just pissed off when I see our troops being slaughtered (and kidnapped) halfway around the world in a place we have no fucking business being there in the first place.
:grr:

[Marrah_G]

54. Yeah well it pisses me off too

I tense up everytime the god-damn phone rings. Please just remember that these guys are our guys. Not bush-bots wanting to rule the world. They are doing the job they have trained for and they do it better then anyone else.

[MLFerrell]

64. Dude, get off my thread...

You're not helping anyone. Just stop it.

It's not an American soldier's fault that * is a 'tard, OK?

Just lay off the rhetoric for a minute. huh?

[sanskritwarrior]

51. It's ok Marrah

that was sarcasm for Karl's Junior...........

[uppityperson]

53. How do you know? Historically speaking, past posts, has been interesting.

While Karl is being a big abrupt, past history of posters postings has been questionable. How do you know he is being honest about anything? Searching and reading other posts can be instructive.

[Marrah_G]

57. I've not seen anything to make me think he is not a soldier

[sanskritwarrior]

59. I don't ask anyone to believe me

but I can be found on AKO Army Knowledge Online the Army email tool for starters. I feel no need to prove myself, if you don't believe me that's fine, but find some evidence please and don't insinuate. You uppityperson have a beef with me from another thread, I haven't forgotten, but I had thought we had agreed to disagree.

Namaste

[uppityperson]

62. Yup. So we disagree, I agree.

It is difficult to discuss very emotional issues non-emotionally. So, here we are.

[Marrah_G]

66. Riamh nár dhruid ó spairn lann

[sanskritwarrior]

68. Thank you Marrah

Neart, Grá agus Onóir

[MLFerrell]

42. ..."I call them the enemy not ragheads..."

Indeed.

A man (or woman) who is trying to kill you IS your enemy, philosophical considerations aside. Those come later...

[MLFerrell]

58. What the hell is your problem?

Dude apparently has the same disdain for the carnage in Iraq as all of us... Difference is that he actually goes to war, unlike you or I.

What's with the unwarranted hostility?

[sanskritwarrior]

69. IS MLFerrell's brother an asshole as well

he feels the same way I do about what we do........

I consider him an American of the highest caliber and someone I would be honored to serve with.......What is he to you?

[uppityperson]

40. delete, wrong place

[uppityperson]

43. I thought you were in Hawaii?

Are you back in Iraq now?

[sanskritwarrior]

49. Not yet

December.......Still in the land of Aloha....

[uppityperson]

60. maybe it will be over by then.

one could wish. One could also wish for really boring times there.

[sanskritwarrior]

61. Don't get me wrong

I'm not itching for combat, I'm not itching to pull a trigger, but while out on a patrol you almost wish something would happen to offset the montony and boredom that comes with no contact. But of course, if something does happen you might die or your friends might die, so it's a damned if you do damned if you don't kind of thing.

[Marrah_G]

63. I really hope it is

My bother's 6th child is due in July. Would be really nice for him not to miss his/her's first Christmas. Somehow I don't think that's gonna happen though. Well unless something really major changes 16 votes in the Senate.....

[sanskritwarrior]

65. I'm pretty resigned to just going

However I do expect this to be my last tour as I believe the war will end soon after that. I expect Bush to pull a "we're bringing the troops home" stunt to influence the election in late 2008.........

[uppityperson]

67. Hard to say what they future will bring. Best wishes to all trying to make it brighter.

and bah to those who aren't.

[IChing]

3. I can't give you sanity unless he leaves this country.

The troops, if they don't like it
need to stand up
for their freedoms
and not this criminal government.


Sorry I'm pissed,

There are alternatives to one's existence
vs following the dogs of war.

[Viva_La_Revolution]

5. no words...

:hug:

[Erika]

7. My Marine nephew is on his third deployment

He's Camp Pendleton based, he emailed his Mom from Singapore last night that Iraq was the destination.

Romneys boys? No, they don't do defense of country just like W and Cheney. They have "other" priorities.

[nadinbrzezinski]

9. Ok they have given you what you tell your brother

here is my list

1.- Go see him

2.- FIND A SUPPORT GROUP where you live, and GO to meetings

3.- FIND SOMETHING TO KEEP YOU OCCUPIED. I cannot stress this enough... write a book, read a book, keep your head off it. The planning for the game I released was done during my husband's last deployment.

As a wife of a servicemenber who retired in 2004 I too dreaded that knock on the door... and the worst that I could do was to fixate on it.

Oh and my sentiments exactly about doing ahem somethign if the knock came

And I will tell you what my husband told me, we aer the ones with the time to worry, they mostly don't, mostly no time

As to what to tell him... he's been in the hell hole, so keeping head down, and ammo dry goes without saying. What you can do to help him while o'ver there is get that APO and send a letter a week, and there are some of us who send packages to troops who are relatives of perfect stranges, so let me know over PM if you want that... and if you, will need an email.

Oh and Sankit, the short rotations are endemic across the services, regardless of promises made... but you alraedy knew that

;-)

[lynnertic]

10. xo pal, and 4th of 5 rec's

may your brother be bored beyond belief over there in Iraq.

[nadinbrzezinski]

11. Welcome to DU and I agree

[LearnedHand]

12. OMFG! The fucking insanity of this fucking stupid war ...

brought to you by fucktards of the highest order. I can't imagine how you're coping even right this second!

Have you ever read anything about mindfulness philosophy? It's based in Buddhism (which I've read about but don't practice), and basically says that we neither "have" the past (it's already gone) nor the future (which hasn't arrived yet). This moment -- and this moment and this moment -- are all there are. "This is it," is the mindfulness "mantra."

I ask this because when I was facing the most painful relationship breakup you could ever imagine, I practiced mindfulness constantly to help me through the grief and loss. This is nothing like what you're facing, of course, but the idea that might help you a little right now is this strategy: Be aware when you're spinning off into the future (losing your brother, having to wreak vengence) and PHYSICALLY bring your mind back into the present ("This hasn't happened. The future isn't here yet. This is it, right now.")

Believe me, I know the hate, anger, helplessness, and everything else you must be feeling, but you don't want to let it eat you from the inside out for the next 18 months. And concentrating on the anger and hatred will only poison your life and possibly the lives of those around you. If you can use a little mindfulness to relieve the stressful emotions for 15 or 30 seconds at a time, you might be able to piece together enough peacefulness to make it through the next 18 months and come out relatively peaceful at the end.

It's not much, I know. If you're interested in reading about mindfulness, you can try "Nothing Special" (Charlotte Joko-Beck), "Wherever You Go, There You Are" (John Kabot-Zinn), and "The Wisdom of No Escape" (Pema Chodron). None of these are too "religious" about Buddhist practice, and they have some very practical advice and techniques for making it through the next 15-minute spell of terror.

Many warm wishes for safety to your brother.

(edited spelling)

[FloridaJudy]

13. Nothing I can say can make it better

All I can do is send you a cyber-hug.
:hug:
And add you and your brother to my prayers.

May you both be safe.
May you both be healthy.
May you both be happy.
May you both grow in understanding.

[JVS]

14. Oh jesus! I feel for you.

If something happens, don't do the blaze of glory thing. Think of your family

[Marrah_G]

15. All I can tell you is what I do

Remember to breathe, even when the news say X# dead today. When it gets to hard force it out of your mind. Watch something completely brainless on tv. Just get through each day. Try not to watch the news to much. Find a friend to cry with and to laugh with. Be there for your Mother. Remember that even though your friends may not understand, there are alot of us out here with brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, etc in harms way. We need to lean on each other. I'll light a candle for your brother, just as I do my own.

My PMs are always open if you need somneone to vent to.

[nadinbrzezinski]

17. So are mine to you

and Ferrell

[Name removed]

18. Deleted sub-thread

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[goclark]

20. No words can describe my hurt and anger

at this EVIL administration.

My prayers go out to your family.

My 32 year old cousin is scheduled to return to Iraq in August.
He just came home last month.

[MLFerrell]

26. Well, folks, I'm off to bed.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your encouragement and support.

I needed that. :)

See you tomorrow morn, OK?

[progressoid]

27. Damn. I couldn't sleep, so I log on and this is one of the first posts I read.

If I were in your shoes, I'd have to drink myself to sleep (bad advice - don't do that).

We're all here for ya.

[MLFerrell]

28. "I'd have to drink myself to sleep"

Yea I'm trying to, and thus far it won't take. Go figure...

I suppose that I'll stay up until Mr. Sandman brings me a dream. I don't expect it to be any time soon. Even rest has forsaken me... I hope and pray that none of you ever have to deal with this shit. It's decidedly not cool...

I can't begin to imagine what it must be like for the guys that are actually in the thick of *'s insane misadventure.

What have we become as a nation?

[Marrah_G]

30. On bad nights I pop a few tylenol PM, seems to do the trick.

[uppityperson]

46. tylenol and benadryl, that's the stuff to sleep on

diphenhydramine is benadryl, can usually find generic cheaper and it works to get you a bit sleepy, but it really helps you stay asleep. People usually rouse every 3 hours and this can help you stay asleep/return to sleep without fully waking.

[uppityperson]

29. A friend's son left this morning for 3rd tour in Iraq.

She said she finally came to something in herself to be able to stand it, else she go totally nuts. She said she knows she will feel very sad and angry, but had to make some sort of "switch" inside her mind to be able to tolerate it. She's making up first package to send him now, avoiding news, has a short trip planned to a fun place even though it won't be fun but to have something positive to look forward to.

Find a support group, do what you need to do, beware focusing on all the negative stuff and I hope your brother has a very boring tour, comes home safe and sane. Hugs to you and best wishes.

Edited to add, benadryl (generic is fine), basic anti-histamine, is what used to be in OTC sleep aids. I cannot prescribe, but it helped me get back to sleep after a family trauma, and wasn't as nasty the next day as alcohol, not as expensive or foggy headed as Rx sleeping pills.

[ellisonz]

34. War is hell.

[MLFerrell]

35. Well, this time I'm off to bed (hopefully) until tomorrow...

See ya then, DU. And thank you kindly for the support, again.

[Breeze54]

39. My heart is breaking..........

:hug: :hug: :hug:

:cry:


BRING THEM ALL HOME..........NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:cry:

[Marrah_G]

71. After reading this thread I really think we need a new group

One for Military and Military families.

[MLFerrell]

77. That is an excellent idea.

Oh, that I could K & R a reply... Marrah_G, you should think about starting a post on that topic. A military/military family group would be nice to have. I'd wager that there are dozens of us at least, maybe hundreds or thousands. It would be a great resource for dealing with this madness, no?

[Marrah_G]

79. I'll try to come up with a post over lunch.

[MLFerrell]

80. Thanks!

:hi:

[Marrah_G]

81. Done: Keeps falling off the page though.

[uppityperson]

83. that is a really good idea, I'd vote for having one also.

The vet group doesn't quite do it for active military and I think it would be really good for families and people involved with military at present to be able to have a place to go, talk, support each other, without having to go through everyone's emotional stuff about the occupation.

[Marrah_G]

84. Here is a link to the thread. Fallwell posts keep pushing it off

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x888603

[uppityperson]

85. thanks. top=pop-culture icon dies!!!!!!! off to kick.

[shenmue]

72. I'm sorry

:cry:

[TexasLady]

73. I wanted to add here that Im in a similiar boat too

My nephews are going back..one of them lived with me for a good while after his first deployment in 04. I remember picking him up, and we took him out for dinner. He started getting a really bad panic attack, and had to go outside. He was a mess.

Anyways, he refused to go back to post for a while. I even looked for advice here about how to get him to show up for duty. He would just drink and drink and drink. I was at my wit's end. Here was my nephew, like a son to me, drunk every day, sitting around my house, and not dealing with his issues at ALL. Finally, with help from family members, and good advice from here as well, we got him to turn himself in. He had been technically awol for a couple months. He got slapped with a fine, and a drop in rank. Thank God that was all.

He was also told he could get out, and part of him wanted to. Now, last I heard, he and his brother will be going back, although Im not sure when. He was told, maybe he could get out sometime in 08. I wonder if there will BE an 08 for him!

I kind of figured that this would happen, since so many others were going back with ptsd, injuries and all. He says that there's no way he can let his own brother go, without being there to watch out for him. His brother is married with a child now and has coped quite well, considering.

He's just a big ol kid at heart. He's 22, my son's age. They grew up together more or less.

God, I hate this war.

Im praying for both your brother and my nephews. Hell, I don't know what else we CAN do!

This sux so bad, doesnt it?

[Marrah_G]

75. All we can do is help each other through

Put on a smiling face for the loved ones leaving, make plans for something special when they get home.

Yes, it does suck.

[MLFerrell]

76. Thanks, TexasLady...

Your nephews will be in my thoughts and prayers.

"He would just drink and drink and drink..."

Ryan was the same way. It's taken him three years to get back on his feet, he got a good job about six months ago, and just got engaged... Now this shit happens. To some degree, it's his own goddamn fault. His original enlistment was up in February, but the Army waved that big signing bonus at him, and well, 30k can be a strong attractor.

Plus, like sanskritwarrior said, he, for some insane reason that I'll never understand, loves being in Iraq. Must be the constant specter of demise, methinks.

I just hope that he's going to come home in one piece. But then I think about where he's going, and what he'll be doing, and any smile pasted on my visage evaporates in a hurry, let me tell you...

It's going to be a long 15-18 months.

[bdamomma]

74. I hate this war, and what it is doing to so many young good people.

I give your brother my deepest and most sincerest thanks.

[GreenPartyVoter]

78. I hope that he will return safely

:hug:

[Zywiec]

82. I hope he's able to safely find and difuse a bunch of IED's

that would otherwise kill our troops. It's people like him that are an inspiration to others and make us feel proud of the work most do in the military.

God Speed!