Satan: " Falwell Rejected From Hell-We have Standards Here"

[JunkYardDogg]

From Junk Yard Dogg News Service
I have just returned from the Bowels of Hell with this exclusive interview with Satan
JYD: Satan, so when does Falwell get here and what kind of party will you throw for him?
Satan: Well, to be honest with you, JYD, and honesty is not a virtue here,
Jerry Falwell is just too despicable for Hell. We have certain standards here and our other residents have complained that they would move if he came here.
JYD: So, is it because Falwell was a man of God ?
Satan: No, actually anybody who is a man of the regular God, would be automatically disqualified-it is that the God Falwell created is far more Evil than anything me, Satan, could ever conjure up.
JYD: Satan, are you telling me that there would be too much Evil competition between you and Falwell's God?
Satan: Yup, Evilwise, I couldn't hold a candle to Falwell's God-pure puss in the Heart Evil
JYD: But, Satan Sir, don't you take into account all the wonderful acts of Evil that Falwell accomplished
and perpetrated during his blessed life? Evil acts like promoting hatred, prejudice, bigotry, intolerance,
street sweeping with homosexuals and minorities tied to pick up truck rear bumpers, eradication of a secular United States, overthrowing the Constitution, installing and controlling a Meatbrained idiot as President of the United States, getting God to unleash Tidal Waves, Hurricanes, Volcanoes, Fire and Pestilence killing thousands of Heathen Sinners and Fornicators? You mean this doesn't meet Satan's proudly crafted Evil Standards?
Satan: Well, I have to admit, these were Acts of Evil to make Satan proud, but ya know, that son of a bitch Falwell gave all the credit to his Evil God- What's Satan gotta do to get some respect?
JYD: Yea, no props, no admittance So, are you saying Falwell poached your best moves?
Satan: Bet your ass he did
JYD: Hmmm, I starting to get your point, so, Falwell was rejected from Hell 'cause there couldn't be 2 Evil
Deities in Hell?
Satan: That's part of it- but he was beyond Evil, his wretched puss and bile filled soul would have contaminated Hell's environmental standards- if Falwell was allowed into Hell, Hell would have been put on the Superfund Cleanup List. Then who would move here?
JYD: Location, location, location
Satan: I gotta good bridge to sell you, interested Dogg?
JYD: I'll pass, but I know this Homosexual Tweaker Evangelical Preacher in Colorado Springs, I'll let him know
Satan: Know the Dude, myself
JYD: Satan, since Falwell can't get into Hell, where do you think he will end up?
Satan: Got me by the balls on that one
JYD: Word on the street is that he's starting his own Hell, heard that it is called "Liberty University",
is that goin' to be too much competition for you?
Satan: Nah, it is only limited to meatbots who worship Falwell's own God of Evil. Plenty left over for me.
JYD: Well, folks, there you go, straight from Satan's mouth himself, Falwell is just too Evil for Hell.

[Blashyrkh]

1. *rolls eyes* . Need a whack off much?